"Oikawa..." I breathed as our eyes stayed connected to each other. It's been two years since I last saw him, and even now the butterflies in my stomach are flipping and doing tricks. I had to hold back another gag as Oikawa looked behind me at the vomit splattered all over the ground.

"First match jitters? You always were one to get a little queasy before a game." He let out a small chuckle, was that an insult? How was I supposed to take that, especially from him?

I let out a nervous chuckle rubbing my upper arm feeling my face heat up. "Eh not exactly...umm..hmm.." I took my bangs down from it's small pony tail to hide my blushing cheeks.

Oikawa raised an eyebrow at my demeanor, "Then what's wrong?" A hand grabbed my wrist tightly and pulled me back, "Let's go Y/N, we need to get inside." Sugawara said pulling me to him and began to lead me and Kiyoko away from the other three males standing there.

"Wait! My bag- I forgot my bag!" I freed my wrist from Suga's grasp and hurried back to where I dropped my bag, Oikawa was standing there holding it in his hands smiling, "I'll take it to her." Kuroo said holding his hand out. Oikawa smirked giving Kuroo and Bokuto a shit eating grin, "No. I'll give it to her. I want to talk to her anyways."

I stopped walking and watched the guys closely. Kuroo was tense, it was written all over his face as he snarled at Oikawa,. Bokuto had a look of he couldn't care any less about Oikawa being there. I could even feel the tension between Oikawa and Kuroo so I decided to step in. I hurried over to them stepping in front of Kuroo and Bokuto, "Thanks. I was coming back to get my bag." I reached for it only for Oikawa to place it over my shoulder and adjust the strap across my chest. "It's no problem at all. I didn't want anyone stealing it, I was actually going to go find you later. I want to talk before the tournament begins."

I gulped loudly as Oikawa put his hand on my lower back and gently pushed me forward away from a snarling Kuroo and an annoyed Bokuto. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest as my fingers clenched around the strap of my bag. I kept my eyes down casted to the ground watching our feet as we walked.

"It's been a while hasn't it Y/N?" He asked stopping and leaning against a fence. "Yeah, two years." I need to get a grip, it's just Oikawa Tooru, he's nothing special, nothing important. Just an ex boyfriend.

And insanely good looking, and amazing at volleyball...

Shut up me!

I shifted my eyes to see Oikawa smiling at me, "Arguing with yourself again?" I groaned cutting my eyes to the left and bit the inside of my cheek. He knows me too damn well, he knows all of my weakness and quirks. He can read me like a book, one that he's read a thousand times front to back, back to front.

"Maybe. Whatever, anyways what do you want Oikawa? I have a match starting soon and I need to get in there."

"Settle down Tiger." He chuckled, "I just wanted to catch up, after our break up you did everything you could to avoid me." Oikawa put his hands in his pockets pursing his lips. He actually looked kind of upset that I avoided him like the plague. "Well why would I want to see or talk to you after what happened?"

He flinched slightly remember what he said to me back when we were 1st years.

"You shaved...your head?" Oikawa had a small look of disgust on his face. "Yeah, my brother lost all his hair because chemo and we L/N's take pride in our white hair, so I didn't want him to feel upset about losing it. What's the problem? It's just hair."

"Just hair! You look like a boy! Your hair was beautiful, it was prefect, and your trashed it!"

"For my sick brother! Ya know, you are being a huge asshole right now."

"I can't date someone who is bald, and besides on top of that, you dress like a boy, and do boy things. I want a girlfriend, not a boyfriend."

"What are you saying Tooru..?"

"I'm not dating a girl that looks like a dude."

"You said that and then walked away." I poked his chest hard, "You walked away Oikawa, not me."

"I'm sorry for what I said...if it's worth anything now, you look really pretty, I kinda like your hair on the short side." He smiled softly at me tucking some hair behind my ear, "You look so mature now. What happened?" Our eyes met again, his sparkled like it held the stars within them and my heart sped up, I could hear it in my ears, he's trying to get inside my head, I just know he is. "Heartaches do that to a person." I turned and walked to the front of the Gym trying to steady my racing heart. I need to focus on the match and nothing else, I need to get my mind right. I caught up with the rest of the team Sugawara eyed me curiously, "You good?" He asked standing next to Daichi. I smiled widely and chuckled giving him the Okay sign, "I'm good." I lied, I wasnt good. I was FAR from good, but I had to remain a rock for the team. Fake face on and empty my mind.

We all began walking to the front doors, two males from OFU were standing by the bulletin board looking at all the matches for today, "Karasuno, didn't they used to be tough?"

"Yeah a few years ago maybe. Now they suck so bad, they even got a lame nickname." The male laughed, "Oh really? What are they called?"

"The Wingless Crows, it's about how they're fallen champions." The whole team stopped behind the two OFU players, we all gave them the death glare, one of them turned around and nearly jumped out of his skin once he saw us, "Uh maybe you should keep it down." He whispered.

Tanaka slid in between them, "What did you just say?! Wingless Crows?! Well-" Daichi grabbed him by the back of the collar pulling Tanaka back, "Cut it out!" Daichi bowed to the males, "I'm really sorry." He turned with Tanaka and glared at him, "Do I need to get you a leash?"

"Uh...no..." I snickered covering my mouth to hide the sound. When Daichi returned with Tanaka we all walked into the building radiating darkness and intimidation, everyone began talking like we weren't walking by them.

"Uh.. they're kinda scary."

"That guy looks like a grown man."

"Wait?! Is that who I think it is?! Yeah! That's Asahi!"

"Wait whose that?"

"You mean you really don't know? He had his goons beat up some dudes from North High. Then he got caught selling stuff on the street. He got held back 5 years.

"Dude he's old."

"Oh no Daichi, here we go again." Suga chuckled watching Asahi fall apart at the seems at the rumors about him. I giggled using Hinata to stay up right who was also trying to hide his laughter.

"Hey check that out!" I stopped giggling and saw some guys staring at Kiyoko as she walked by them. Kiyoko news used to this kind of attention and ignored every single one of the comments made at her.

"Hey I heard that a girl snuck into the Karasuno's boys volleyball team."

"No way! For real! They let her stay on the team?!"

"Yeah! It must be so awesome. Look there she is!" I kept a resting bitch face on as I walked with my head held high.

"She's kinda hot. I'd like to play volleyball with her."

"She can spike me a few."

"She's so small it's cute."

I stopped walking at stared up at the group of different school players, "Ever had a jump serve hit you in the face?"

"Uh no?"

"Keep talking and you'll know what that feels like." Tsukishima and Kageyama both stood behind me which only made my threat spike their fear more. We walked into a huge room where many different schools were standing and sitting around talking to each other. Hinata ran off blabbing to someone and Suga had to go and Rangle in the leash child.

"You might want to add two leashes to your list."

Daichi sighed slumping his shoulders ,"Looks like it." I patted his back for comfort.

"They're here."

"Whoa they're tall."

We all turned to see Date Tech walking our way and then stop. " It's Date Tech."

The tall guy in the front scanned us all, his eyes lingered on me as I stood up straight not taking any shit from anybody. His eyes then landed on Asahi and then he pointed at him not saying anything, just pointing looking menacingly. Asahi though didn't crumble under Date Tech's gaze, he actually looked determined but also unfazed.

Noya, Captain of the Asahi Protection Squad, took a step forward, "Who the hell are you?" Asahi wanting to fight his own battles put his arm out in front of Noya to stop him as he stared the guy down. From down the hall a voice was heard as a guy was running our way, "Hey! Whoa whoa whoa dude!!" He scolded the tall guy, "Please don't do that!" The small turned to us, "I am so sorry about him everybody."

"Yeah yeah please excuse our giant friend here, he automatically seeks out the Ace on every team he sees." The two guys shoved tall ones arm down and turned the team around, "Oh by the way, I hope you're ready to lose miserably." I growled and took a step forward, "We'll see about that Date Tech."

"How cute. You guys need a girl to help you win?"

I jerked my head back and rolled up my jacket sleeve, I was ready to fight this asshole. "What the fuck did you-" a hand grabbed  the back of my jacket and pulled me back, "Make that three leashes." Daichi groaned from behind me.

"Well that was something." Sugawara stated, "I was surprised you could look him in the eye-" we all turned to Asahi who was now shook to his core.

"Aw man that was really scary.."

"How are you a badass on the court but a wimp everywhere else?"

Me and Tanaka both held shocked expressions, "Damn Noya that was cold."

I patted Asahi on his back and lead him and the rest of the team into the hallway by the gym to start getting ready to stretch. We sat our stuff down by the wall and took off our track suits wearing our uniforms underneath. I slipped on my brace and knee pad as everyone else began to stretch. I sat down by Hinata and stretched out my legs to the sides reaching to grab the bottom of my shoe, I held it for ten seconds before doing it to the other side. Ennoshita walked up to me and pushed down on my back as I stretched forward laying my chest flat on the floor.

"Wow Y/N! Can you teach me how to do that?" Hinata asked watching me in wonder. "Sure Hinata." Ennoshita moved as I scooted around in front of Hinata, "Okay so just spread your legs as wide as you can." He did as I instructed and I was quiet amazed at how wide he can he them. I placed the bottoms of my shoes flat against his and held out my hands to him, "Now take my hands and I'm gonna pull you forward. If it starts to hurt let me know and I'll let go. Okay?" Hinata nodded his head, "Okay!" He grabbed my hands holding them tightly as I began to pull back. He got half way to the floor before his face contorted in pain. "Ow ow ow!" I quickly let his hands go and he immediately placed them on his inner thighs.

"How can you do this?!" He groaned, I blankly blinked at him a few times, "Because I'm a girl? And I took dance classes for twelve years." Hinata whined but held his hands out again for me to take. "Again."

Grabbing his hands I pulled back again, "Try holding that position longer even if it hurts." He held the position for a while before I let go. "Okay no more." I laughed wiggling my fingers, "My turn." Grabbing my hands Hinata pulled back, "More Hinata." He pulled some more. "More." So he kept pulling until his back was almost touching the floor. "Good job. You can let go now."

"Alright team it's time." Daichi said walking up to us with Ukai next to him. We all stood up and huddled together in a circle putting all of our hands in the middles, "Ready?"

"KAAAARASUNOOOO!" We cheered before pulling apart and stepping into the gym. Many teams were already practicing and warming up. I stood in line to practice receives as Coach hit one to each of us. Noya did his Rolling Thunder move and we were all pretty impressed with him. I could feel many eyes on me as I stood with a boys team, I didn't want to be seen as a girl at first, but Daichi and Suga persuaded me to let the world know that a woman can play with the guys and be just a tough and talented.

We all stood at our end of the court and bowed to the team on the other side, "THANK YOU FOR THE GAME!" I jogged over to the spot were the rest of the teams that's not in the line up stands and waits. My nerves got the best of me and I became anxious, bouncing from foot to foot. Suga chuckled beside me, "The nerves finally hit ya huh?"

"Yeah. But I'll be okay, that talk with Oikawa didn't exactly help either."

He turned to me, a crease forming between his gray eyebrows, "A talk? I thought you went and got your bag?"

I nervously rubbed the side of my neck, "Well I did...but then he wanted to talk sooo we did." I pushed my two index fingers together in innocence.

"About what?"

Shrugging my shoulders I watched as Hinata scored us a point, "Nothing in particular. Just the past."

I could feel the tension fuming off of Suga so I started to fiddle with anything I could. I adjusted my knee pad and rubbed the seam on the hem of my Jersey. "Look it was nothing bad, just talked about what happened is all."

"Hmm."

I casted my eyes to the crowd in the stands catching Kuroo's eye, he was sitting with Kenma, Bokuto, and Akaashi, foot propped up on the small ledge in front of his seat. He held up two fingers and from what I'm guessing he winked at me. I pressed my lips together to conceal my smile.

"Casper!" I jerked my head to the side as Coach gestured me to 'come here.' I jogged over to him seeing Noya jogging my way a smile on his face. My heart pounded hard in my chest as we high fived switching places. Goosebumps formed on my arms as I stood in the back getting ready to serve. Peeking at Coach, he shook his head no to my silent question.

Okay so no power serves right now, got it.

I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart, I softly tossed the ball up in the air to serve, "WHAT?! Y/N?! WHERE?!" Oikawa's voice rang out in the gym. I almost missed my serve as his voice surprised me. My serve went to the middle instead of to the left where I meant for it to go. I growled in my chest "Fucking Oikawa.." I mumbled running to the center of the court ready for any ball that comes over that net.

"A BOYS TEAM?! HOW THE HE-"

"SHUT UP SHITTYKAWA!"

I rolled my eyes shaking my head drowning out those two dumbasses behind me. The ball came back to our side to the right, no one was over there so thinking quick I dashed to the right stretching my arm out as the ball hit my wrist, "Tanaka!" I stumbled a bit but catch myself spinning around, "Got it!" Tanaka hit it to Kageyama who set it to Asahi gaining us another point.

"Yes!" I cheered high fiving Tanaka, "Good job you guys!" Suga yelled from court side. As I walked to my spot to serve again I gave Coach a wide eyed pissed off look, he looked at Oikawa then back to me nodding his head. Spinning the ball in my hands I popped my neck and prepared for a jump serve. Taking some steps back I glanced at Bokuto and Kuroo who were standing up, hands tightly holding onto the ledge in anticipation. Akaashi sat straighter in his seat and Kenma was slouched in his peeking over his Nintendo Switch.

"Give 'em hell Y/N!" Noya yelled from the sidelines, ultimately being shushed by Suga.

I closed my eyes waiting to hear the whistle, and when it blew my eyes snapped open picking the location I want the ball to go. Straight in the middle, between players 1 and 6. Every feeling I've felt these last few months all came rushing forward, the loneliness at home, Daichi and Yui, Oikawa, feeling of inadequacy, and Kai's declining health.

Throw the ball up,

Prefect.

Three large leaps

Jump...

The moment my eyes locked into the ball I knew that the other team wouldn't be able to stop it. I smacked the ball with such power I imagined it flattening against my hand before shooting across the court and landed right where I wanted. I landed flat on my feet flipping my hair back and smirked at the teams Captain whose mouth hit the floor. It was silent in the gym as even my own teammates and Coach were stunned.

"WHOOO! THATS OUR BABY SISTER!" My eyes popped out of my head as Zak's loud voice carried through the gym. Whipping my head around I spotted him, Gak and Shiko all clapping and cheering as they recordee me. I smiled widely and waved at them.

"Again Casper!" Ukai yelled clapping, I steadied my breathing and did exactly what I did before but this time the other team was able to receive it. I grumbled to myself rushing to the middle left receive the ball, "Nice receive Y/N!" Hinata yelled.

"Daichi cover me!" I yelled as the ball went to far to the right where no one was standing. Daichi was quick on his feet and was able to save it, "Kageyama!"

Kageyama set it for Hinata who spiked it hard getting a point. "Yes!!" Tanaka and Asahi cheered. I continued to play libero for a few more serves, but soon my chest began to tighten up and the urge to hack up a lung burned my throat. Shaking my head to to shake off the tightness in my lungs and the dizziness in my head.  Coach called for me and Noya to switch again. I wanted to play more but I know I need to sit down and catch my breath.

I jogged over to Noya on the side of the court switching places again, "You did great out there." Ukai praised giving me a smirk. "Thanks Coach!" Kiyoko handed me my purple water bottle and a towel. I took a few gulps and wiped my face handing it all back to her. I took up my spot on the sidelines next to Yamaguchi and Ennoshita.

"That was amazing Y/N!" Yamaguchi squealed, his eyes sparkling. "Can you teach me to do that?!"

I giggled patting him on the back, "Sure Yamaguchi, we can start whenever you want." He smiled at me the excitement on his face shinning bright. Peeking over at Oikawa he was leaning against the ledge, his eyes still wide in shock that I was playing on Karasuno's Boy's Volleyball Team, and that I perfected his jump serve. I always played the weak helpless girlfriend when he was trying to 'teach me' how to serve just to fuel his ego. Plus we got to spend more time together that way so I didn't mind being seen as weak to him. Little did he know that I already learned how to do a jump serve years prior.

A proud smile on my face I straightened my back placing my hands on my hips as a sense of pride filled my chest. The feeling didn't last long as I began to cough into my hand. I turned facing away from the court pushing my way through my teammates to Kiyoko who handed me my water bottle, a worried expression on her normally stoic face. I nodded my head at her as I continued to cough.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly touching my shoulder. I waved her off as the coughing subsided and gulped down my water. I handed it back to her thanking her and walked back not daring to look at my hand as I wiped it on my shirt. The first set was over us winning by a lot, we formed a circle around Coach Ukai as he spoke about the game but I was zoned out, lost in my own head.

After this, if we win he will have to face whoever wins in Date Tech's first game.

Depending on that depends if we face against Aobo Johsai...

But after today I need to go to the hospital and see Kai and my other siblings.

After that I need to get checked-

"CASPER!"

I jerked my head up seeing a fuming Coach Ukai standing in front of me, "The hell is wrong with you? Get out there!" I looked up to see my teammates looking at me, worry written across their faces at me spaced out during a match. Slapped both of my cheeks bringing myself back to reality and jogged out onto the court. I wasn't serving yet but Noya needed a break.

I stood at the back of the court crouching slightly hands at the ready by my knees. Their serve was easy to receive, I effortlessly hit it to Daichi who hit it to Kageyama, Tanaka scoring us a point.

The other team was basically giving us the game, they seemed not really care if they win or lose this match. It doesn't sit well with me, if we win how can I enjoy it when the other team didn't even try? I was in the front, the other teams Captain in front of me.

"The hell are you doing?" I sneered glaring at him.

"Excuse me..?"

"You guys aren't even trying?!" My loud voice carried through the gym causing almost all eyes to land on me.

"How can you stand there and play like this doesn't even matter?! You can't just give us the game!" I didn't really understand why I was so mad, it's not like I'm on their team or anything. Also, what opposite team yells at the other to play better?

"Most of you are Third Years right? This is your last chance to play! Your last chance to feel the lights of the gym on your face, to hear the roar of the crowd. To have fun with your friends before life actually begins. Players would kill to be here, to stand where you are. Some people don't get a next year!"

His eyes glassed over as if he was about to cry, "So....ACT LIKE YOU WANNA BE HERE!" Tanaka had to pull me back, during my speech I had gripped the net tightly in my hands.

"Hey calm down Y/N. What's up with you?"

Coach called for a time out, I could see the steam coming from his ears as I jogged over, fists clenched tightly at my sides. "What the fuck was that?!"

I shook my head vigorously, "I don't know!" I sighed,  "I just snapped...Oikawa's gotten into my head and then there's..."

"There's what Casper?! Speak up!"

I looked down at my hands as they began to shake, "Nothing. There's nothing."

"Sit out, and cool off." I nodded my head as I slowly made my way to the bench sitting down hanging my head low as I rested my elbows on my knees. Kiyoko laid a cold damp towel over my neck and head to shield my face from the prying eyes around the gym. She sat down next to me not saying a word and I was thankful for that. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Taking small sips from my water bottle my mind began to wonder off.

Middle School:

"Tooru!" I called running down the hall zooming by other students in the hallway.

Tooru stopped talking to his friends and smiled when he saw me running to him. He held his arm out to me catching me as I jumped into them wrapping my arms around his neck. He spun us around a few times making me giggle before setting me down on the floor.

"Hey L'amour!" He exclaimed using my French nickname for love.

"We won our last match." I beamed holding onto his waist as I smiled up at him, "Thats great!" He leaned down covering my face in kisses. He turned to his friends and waved bye to them, "Later guys!" He leaced his fingers through my mine as we walked down the hall to the stairway. "How did practice go yesterday?" I asked as we sat on the steps sharing my bento. He popped a piece of pork in his mouth and shrugged, "Same as always. That little Brat Kageyama won't leave me alone. Follows me around like a lost puppy."

I giggled chewing on some egg, "It's cute though Tooru. You have an admirer, just teach him like you did me." He huffed leaning back on the steps, "It's annoying. And beisdes, I'm not teaching him, I wouldn't gain anything from it." He sat up leaning into my ear, "Unlike you L'amour." I tilted my head away from him giggling as he breath fanned over my neck. "All you get a kisses."

"It's still something."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1st year High School

I was laying on Tooru on his bed just cuddling in his warmth. His arms wrapped around me as he scrolled on his phone, his chin resting on the top of my head. Some of our nights are spent like this when possible. Just cuddling and enjoying each other's presence.

"Hey L'amour?"

"Yes Tooru?" I sighed snuggling closer to his body.

"You know I love you right?"

I sat up looking at him confused, "Okay? I love you too. What's up?"

He sat up pulling away from me and sitting on the edge of his bed, "I've just been thinking. Going to different schools is hard...I miss you everyday."

I smiled hugging him from behind and kissed his neck, "I miss you too. But we make it work, right? We still have after school and after your volleyball practice."

"Yeah. That's true." He reached over pulling me forward and covered me in kisses repeating that he loved me for ever, no matter what.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My heart beat wildly in my chest, my hand unconsciously griped my chest holding back tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. Thankfully the towel was still draped over my head so no one could see me almost falling apart over a stupid breakup from years ago.

I loved Oikawa, I loved him with everything I had, but in the end it wasn't enough. I wasnt girly enough for him. I large hand splayed on my back causing me to jolt in surprise, Suga crouched in front of me peeking under the towel, a small smile on his face, but his eyes were worried. I smiled at him lifting my head taking the towel off. The team was standing around me, wide smiles on their faces.

"We won!" Hinata yelled grabbing my hands and pulled me to my feet. "We won we won!" He cheered forcing me to jump with him. "That's great! Amazing!" I stopped jumping and bowed to Coach Ukai, "I'm so sorry for how I acted."

Turning to the team I bowed deeper, "Please forgive me. I let someone get in my head and my emotions run rampant and lost the vision we all painted."

"Y/N!" Noya cried hugging me tightly, "It's okay! We all go through it!"

Daichi stepped forward placing a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me, "We understand. It's your first game, stakes were high. You took a breather so you're good right?"

I nodded my hand placing my hand on top of his, "Right."

"Now, let's take a lunch break, and kick Date Tech's ass." His sinister smile made my own lips curl up mirroring his.

"Gladly."