Missing someone is an endless, unclear feeling. When realized it, his image was so clear. Holidays used to be the best time for me, now I feel restless, what do I want? Under those emotions, my hands had sketched him without realizing it. Even if it was just his back, I still knew what I wanted to say. That moment was like being liberated, I was filled with those unclear emotions, his face kept appearing. I laughed to myself and then like a child, laughed loudly with a smile of happiness.

I remember every moment from chatting, eyes to eyes, to just passing by. The previous times we met, when did I like you? I don't want to give my heart to someone because I'm too lonely. The memories with you before I had this feeling of love were also realized by me remembering them. I was almost face-blind, name-blind, that water bottle was also me asking one person after another your name and where you sat. Nothing has changed, it's still the same, the only thing that changed in his life was probably that one day, there was a person whose heart was stolen by Arjun.

By the way, I also want to remember November 12th, it's nothing special. Just this time seeing you at a special event. (actually everything about you are special) While waiting for the medical examination, I thought you were very beautiful, Arjun. Every side is attactive, how can no one fall in love with you? Đúng là đứa trẻ ăn cơm mẹ nấu :)) Arjun is extremely beautiful, I can't stop looking at it and never get tired of it.

Just like that, I've already drawn 2 pictures, they're so ugly... I can't make up for it, I really have no talent. (tbh I didn't remember his PE kit, I don't care abt what he was wearing, all I care is him, time stop when I look at him)

Thuy Trang such a best support in this, she really like this picture. But then she ask about his signature. YEAH I made up this lmao. So she suggested me to go to our philosophy board. We signed on it, idk maybe from y11 to y8? Cool! I can find his signature in CS lesson! It both in the 1st floor. *BOOM BOOM BASS* oh he actually also learn CS, I've never think about it, but yashhhh I can look at him by looking at Trang :D Even his hair is enough hehe.
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On the afternoon of the 16th, I decided to write down things about Arjun. In my entire life, I have never seen anyone who made me spend 24 hours and stay up all night just writing about him and drawing him. Obviously I don't like it that much, I just feel like I have to do what I can. I'm afraid of missing out on our relationship, afraid that we'll just pass by each other like strangers.

I want to give him the journey that I go through, to let him know about my feelings. Imagine when I really stop in love with him, I'd send him these words, give him my love and completely end this journey.

Thuy Trang is my bestie. She agreed to stay up until 3:30 am just to help me fix the grammar in this diary. Even though she doesn't like Arjun, she still keeps her eyes on him for me when I'm in the different class with him.
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My cupid actually just found a lot of pictures abt him on my school page. Woa... so mtf handsome bruh. 

That Saturday, we found Arjun's instagram. Should I follow straight away? Nah... I think I should follow other classmate first. So I followed few people that he also follow. And after finished the "Do you have a crush?" I FINALLY sent him request. HOLLY MOLLY Imma die:) I swear to god, Trang and I were both triggered.

17pm, 17th Nov
Arjun, Jadhav Arjun Indranil, sent me follow request. AGHahahahah my heart wanted to jump out of my chest. But I gotta calm down, cuz 1 is bcuz my parents are at home, 2 is I haven't delete my risky posts. So I deleted the whole shit abt my idol (not everything), and lastly accepted his request. LUCKILY my parents left just 5 min later. Then I literally screaming, jumping, (,dying) with my bestie, punching (on the wall cuz im so freakin happy). I really want to print that screenshot out haha. I started to stalk my lovely crush, but he post nothing :) mother f-

So I was happy, and I'll send him a gift for Monday with a "good luck" note. He has a match in Monday so...

Okay today was enough of happiness. Sad time~
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Talking to Thuy Trang actually was actually one of the promotion for me to be brave and understand myself. My ex sister made me few bad habits. I cannot tell but, maybe there are, "waiting", "stalking", "lying" and...

"Unclear feelings"

I'm not sure if my feelings for Arjun is right, or I'm just repeat what I felt regret about the last relationship. Do I like Arjun?

"You do." Trang said

If I don't like him (that much) why would I write this diary in English?

Why would I draw him, happy just because he follow me on insta, nervous when I have to talk to him, ask everyone's thoughts before ask Arjun, make myself better to look good in his eyes?

Yes...but from the beginning, just me like Arjun, follow him, bother him. Even he if reject me, I still feel thankfull for this feelings. I moved on from her, and love myself, then I like him. I wasn't lonely. It was something missing. But I found him.

And prop will try my best to forget about him before I hurt myself.