**wtf this books has 3.6k votes and 1.2k comments tysfm**

{edited}

May POV

It's Friday night.

My parents are out of town, as usual.

Also, tonight Sadie is throwing a party at the house.

Adam is visiting Parker. Ronnie is with her boyfriend and Ethan is with Jenny. That extends to all my friends. Sadie already gave me the speech about not going downstairs or leaving my room.

The music is blasting loudly and I can hear people scream and whatever they do. I also know Harry is here.

I'm under my covers and I'm holding a pillow on my lap. I made myself popcorn just in case I do get hungry. It's beside me. My eyes are on my TV and I huff. I can barely hear anything besides the shitty music downstairs.

I hear a tap on my window making me jump slightly. I slowly get out of bed and see it's Harry. I tilt my head and open my window. I let him in and I shut it behind him. "Hey." He offers.

"Hi." I murmur. "You know there is a door downstairs to get to the party." He chuckles.

"Eh, I'm not in the mood to party." He runs his hand through his hair. My eyebrows knit together. "So, what are you up too?"

"Uh watching TV, as usual." I murmur. I climb back into my bed and go back to what I was doing.

"You can't hear it though." Harry laughs as he sits beside me.

"I enjoy lip reading." I joke making him crack a smile.

"Why aren't you with Adam? Or Ronnie."

"They have plans with their boyfriends." I huff. It glance to Harry is who looking at me. My insides heat. "Anyways, you don't have to keep me company. You can go hangout with your friends or whatever downstairs."

"I'd rather be up here with you." He smiles gently. I look back to the screen and sink down in my bed until I'm laying down.

I pull my blankets to my shoulders bite my lip.

I want to be with Harry again. I'm just scared that nothing will change. I turn and face him. He looks all cuddly. His eyes look off the TV and to me. He lays down and faces me. A distance away from us.

"Whatcha thinking?" He asks me. His voice low.

"Stuff." I murmur lowly. My lip goes between my teeth and I let out a deep breath. Harry moves closer toward me.

"Is the stuff us?" Harry asks me.

"Yeah." I sigh.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks me. His eyes meeting mine.

"No, it's just my own stuff I need to think out." He nods. I bite my lip.

"If you want to talk I'm here." I nod and I lay on my back. "But, if it helps I miss you a lot." I look to him.

"That really doesn't help." Harry cracks a small smile.

"It doesn't?"

"Why would it?"

"I don't know. Maybe you think I don't miss you." He licks his lips making me stare intensely.

"No, it isn't that." I murmur. "I just don't want to hear that stuff right now."

"Stuff like I miss you?" I nod. "Why?" He asks.

"Because I don't want to hear it." I murmur. I see a smile curve on his lips.

"Is it because you miss me too?" I roll my eyes.

"You're full of yourself."

"Uhuh." Harry snickers. He moves closer toward me. He's hovering over me making my pulse quicken. "Can I kiss you?"

"Why?" I laugh.

"Maybe if we kiss, it will help make your decision." Harry says.

"I'm not falling for it."

"Falling for what?" He says with a smile.

"The whole purpose to why we should kiss."

"A quick one. It may help." I stare at him. His head slowly moves down toward mine. His lips brush over mine making my heart thump through my ears. His hands cup my cheek and he kisses me.

Fuck this isn't what I wanted to feel. I wanted to have no feelings for him. I just wanted it to feel like nothing, but of course it doesn't.

Harry pulls back and his eyes meet mine. My eyes look away from his and I sit up. He's close to me. His bottom lip is between his teeth and he runs his hand through his hair.

I take a deep breath and look to him. "Why did you have to do that?" I murmur. He keeps quiet and looks at me. "I know I still have feelings for you, but I don't want to."

"What do you mean, you don't want to?"

"I don't want to like you because all that's ever gotten me was being pushed to the side and hurt."

"I said-"

"I know you said you'll be better this time around, but will you? How will I know that? Not to mention you were perfectly fine making fun of me with your friends when we weren't together."

"You wanted to keep us a secret. I have to act like you mean nothing to me when you mean everything. I'm perfectly fine not being labelled the most popular guy of the school. I don't care about that, May."

"I didn't want you to lose all your friends because you're with me. I don't want you to go through what I go through."

"How do you know that will happen?"

"Have you seen anything that happens to me in school?" I ask him.

"I have but-"

"Do you want that? No, so that's why it was best to keep us a secret."

"Then I have to act like it. I have to laugh at whatever someone says about you even though it kills me. That's what I've been doing to keep it a secret. I don't want to laugh, it's a fake one. I don't want to hear those things, I want to defend you. But you don't want anyone to know about us."

"Maybe this is why it's best if we are just not together at all." I say, looking at him.

"That's just the easy way of saying you don't forgive me and don't want me back."

"No, it's one of the reasons why we're not good together."

"What are the other reasons?" Harry asks me.

"We argue a lot. We don't communicate what we feel--" He cuts me off.

"All of which I'm trying to fix with you. I want to be with you May. And I can't convince you to be with me again, but I am saying that I will be better."

"You say that now and-"

"And what? We're going to argue. Every couple does. We're doing to be mad at each other, we're going to say things we don't mean. But before it was different. Us arguing was because of me. Not something we both did. It was me."

"That doesn't change the fact that I don't know." I say to him. "I don't know if you'll change or if anything will."

"That's why you need to trust me." Harry says while looking at me.

"It's not that simple." I murmur.

"If you don't want anything to do with me anymore just tell me." I look at Harry.

"I don't know what I want." I admit. "I still have to think things out and you said I'm in no rush."

"There is no rush. But if you already know your answer just tell me and don't wait."

"I don't know my answer."

"Okay."

"Okay." I lean against my wall. He licks his lips and runs his hand through his hair. His phone beeps and I hear him groan. He types away on and puts it back in his jean pocket.

"If you have to go, you can."

"It's just Sadie wondering if I'm showing up."

"You can go if you want." I tell him.

"But-"

"We aren't together. You can do what you please." He bites his lip.

"That's not the point May."

"Then what is it?"

"I feel like you don't want me anymore. That you're just saying you're still thinking when you just don't want to hurt my feelings." Harry pauses. "I understand that you still need time to think out things and everything. But I'm starting to wonder if you still like me anymore." I bite my lip and tilt my head.

"I like you still. I never stopped if I'm being honest. Sorry if I'm sounding unclear."

"It's fine." Harry murmurs lowly. "I'll best be going. You look like you want to be alone." He kisses my cheek gently and slides off my bed.

A://N

I hope you liked this chapter xx

Comment goal: 15?? It would be cool if we got to that

Have a nice day :)

~Lauren