{edited}

Harry POV

I lay on my bed Monday night. My insides are weak and I genuinely hate myself.

I hate that I made the deal with Karen.

I hate that I didn't tell May sooner.

I hate that my fear of losing May is now my reality.

And it's all my fault.

I roll over to my side and sigh. It's been three days since she's found out. Within those three days I've felt dead in the inside.

I'm so used to texting her everyday. Now, I'll be lucky if she looks at me in the hallway.

I have no right to be upset. I know that, it's obvious. It's not like I can talk to Sadie about this anyways. She barely talks to me anymore.

Maybe this is what I deserve. To have no one. It isn't maybe, this is what I deserve.

May POV

These three days have felt like 3 years.

I miss Harry. I wish I didn't.

I miss his texts or his kisses. I just miss him. Thinking about him though makes me sick. I feel like it's foolish for me to even remotely think that there is a possibility that he didn't tell Karen about anything between us.

Since the beginning I always questioned him and why he was talking to me. I wish I just kept on with my gut feeling. Then again, I always do this. I also scold myself for stuff that I can't help. Like this, I didn't know. And I'm acting like I should've.

"How are ya doing?" Adam asks as I sit in his bedroom.

"Shitty." I mutter. "You?"

"Shitty because you're shitty." His head tilts. "What are you thinking about?"

"What I've been thinking about for the past days." I huff.

"Have you talked to him since he came over?"

"No." I say.

"Do you want too?"

"I don't know what I want. I don't know if I should believe him or if I should just let myself believe that everything was a lie." I groan. "What do you think?"

"I don't want to persuade you." Adam says and I narrow my eyes at him. "I think you need time to just let everything sink in."

"And?"

"And...eventually forgive him." Adam bites his lip. "He wouldn't be this sad too if it was all for a bet, May. He genuinely looks as broken as you. I think his heart was in the right place for not telling you. It wasn't because he wanted too keep playing with you. Harry didn't want to hurt you and make you like this. But at least he was going to tell you the day Karen said something." Adam finishes. "So that's my opinion. But you figure out what you want to do."

I fall back into Adam's bed. "Can I ask you something?" He asks.

"Yes."

"Do you regret losing your virginity to him?" My insides burn.

"I don't know." I say honestly. The night replays in my mind along with the day after. How we just lounged around the hotel and cuddled or fooled around.

I don't want to say I regret giving that part up to him. I'm just...shocked. I'm still just numb that all of this happened.

I look to Adam who is staring at me. "I just wished he told me sooner." My fingers fidget.

"I know. But hey, on the bright side you had sex for the first time."

"How's that something on the bright side?" I ask with humour in my voice.

"I don't know. Usually girls think they're some fucking new person." I laugh.

"No, I feel the same." I say honestly. My eyes look back to Adam. "What?"

"I'm just still shocked that you guys did it." I pick at the dead skin on my thumb. "Was it like one and done?"

I don't want to say we did it 5 times that one day at the hotel. I'll feel weird.

"Like would I do it again?" I ask. Adam nods. "Depends."

"If you decide to break up with him, and meet someone new. Would you have sex with that person?"

"Probably not." I admit.

"Interesting."

"So, how's your love life?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Dead." Adam chuckles.

"Have you heard from Todd?"

"He texts me every now and then." I see his eyes sadden a bit. "He says he misses me." Adam chuckles.

"Do you miss him?"

"Yeah. But it's whatever."

"If you miss him then be with him. He didn't cheat on you did he?"

"No. He didn't." Adam sighs. "I just didn't like that I was changing so I can be someone he likes."

"But didn't he start dating you because of you?" I point out. "If you want to try it with again, go for it. I don't want you to be all sad and shit because of me."

"But I don't want you to hate me again. I feel like we're good now."

"I'm not going to hate you. And yes, we're good now. And I want you to be happy, so be with Todd." Adam just smiles softly.

"Everything will be fine between you and Harry. I think he really does love you."

"I miss him." I say to Adam.

"I know." His hand rests on top of mine. "I bet he misses you too."

"Doubt it." Adam sighs loudly.

"What do you miss about him?"

"Everything really." I sigh. My eyes screw shut.

"Do you miss his 9 inch?" I nudge Adam harshly and shake my head with laugher. "You're not denying anything."

"I'm not commenting." His eyes narrow at me. I narrow my eyes back. Adam smiles.

"I'm taking that as a yes."

"Believe what you want to believe." I hum.

"Was it a micro penis then?"

"Micro penis?" I ask with furrowed eyebrows.

"It's more like a numb, less than an inch." I laugh. Adam smiles.

"I haven't gotten any in months." Adam sighs. I glance at him and shake my head.

~~~

I arrive home and feel tired. Usually to keep my mind off of Harry I go to bed early.

I go upstairs tiredly and close my door behind myself.

I take off my jeans and open my drawer to look for pyjama pants. I come across Harry's sweatpants making my heart ache. I push them to the side and find pants that have little butterflies on them.

I slide them up my legs and grab my phone and earbuds. I sit on my bed and lay back.

I hit shuffle on my music and lock my phone. The beginning of a certain song makes me even feel more like shit.

I feel around my bed for my phone. I don't want to listen to any of the lyrics to the song from the 1975.

Just about when he verse comes I hit skip. I get too many memories of Harry with that song. I take a deep breath and let the next song play. It's Prey by the Neighbourhood.

My fingers fidget and even with the song blasting through my ears, I still manage to think about him and what I want to do.

I unlock my phone and scroll through our messages. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself, but I am. Fuck I feel like crying.

I take out my earbuds and toss them and my phone away. I just cuddle myself into my pillow and take a deep breath.

***

I'm glad today is Friday. I can spent the weekend in bed sleeping.

I open my locker and furrow my eyebrows. Sticky stuff is on the side of the door. What the hell?

All my binders are missing as well.

I turn around and see Tara, Lisa, and their friends laughing at me.

"Hey." Adam says happily. "What the hell is that?"

"I don't know." I mutter. "Adam all my stuff is missing. All my notes and class work is gone." I panic.

He turns around and sees the growing group of people laughing. I look away and feel my heart pound against my chest.

I look back at my empty locker. I see the sticky stuff is in the back as well. Some of my notes that are ripped are sticking to it.

"I'll let you copy my notes, May. They might not be as good as yours but." Adam shrugs his shoulders and itches the back of his head.

I see Sadie walk down the hallway. The laughter stops and I close my locker. She walks over to me. "Open your locker."

"It's fine." I mutter.

"May, open your locker." Sadie's voice turns serious. I do and see Sadie's eyes darken almost. "Do you know who did it?" I remain quiet.

"Tara and her group of whores." Adam speaks up. I sigh.

"Don't do anything." I tell Sadie. "I-I don't want them to do anything else."

"Not saying anything isn't going to make them stop." Sadie says. "I'll get the janitor. But I just wanna do something first." I step away to where Adam is and see Sadie walk over to Tara and her friends.

"Tara! You had another abortion?!" Sadie says loudly making everyone stop talking. Tara's eyes widen and she tries to defend herself. "And you don't know who the father was?! Oh my god! What did your parents think?!" Sadie is talking so loud people from down the whole hallway can hear it.

"She's lying!" Tara tries to explain. Adam is laughing beside me.

"Oh my god! It was your Dad's friend?! I promise not to tell your crush, Harry!" Just in time Harry walks in. His hair is messy, but a good kind. "He's right here! He won't know about your third abortion!" I bite my lip. "Wait?! Did you just say you're in love Harry?!"

Tara's face is so red she looks like a tomato. "Sadie is doing a good job." Adam says. I don't respond. I just pick at my nails.

Soon Sadie walks away with a smug smile on her face. Tara looks like she's going to cry.

Her eyes shoot to me and she mouths 'you're dead'. I bite my lip.

"Did you see that?" I ask Adam.

"Uhuh."

Harry POV

It's lunch.

The whole day people were talking about Tara and how Sadie just totally embarrassed her by talking loudly. It's funny that they believe it's true.

I miss being with May at lunch. I'm sometimes tempted to go to where she is and just say sorry a million times.

But she doesn't want me.

"Hey Harry." A high pitched voice says. It sounds cocky. I turn around and see Heather, a girl I messed around last year for a week. Her shirt is a see through blue V neck. It's tight. So tight you can see her bra.

"Hi." I mutter. She pushes her fake blonde hair to her back and pushes her chest out more.

"So, since you're single and I'm single, I thought why don't we hook up again?" Her fingers play with my hair. I move away.

"I'm not single." I say. Until May says she doesn't want us to be together anymore, she's still my girlfriend.

Heathers eyebrows furrow. "You're with Karen again?"

"No."

"Lisa?"

"No." I answer.

"May?" She chuckles. I keep a straight face.

"Yes, May." I answer. She bats her hazel eyes at me. My eyebrows furrow.

"Well, wasn't that just some joke between you and Karen?"

"No." I say defensively.

"You must be so stressed." Heather moves closer to me. "Sexually stressed." I clear my throat. "C'mon Harry. We all know you don't actually like her."

"You're right, I don't like her. I love her, so if you'll excuse me." I close my locker and brush past Heather who is making me feel uncomfortable.

~

I sit in the library bored. I'm not hungry and I have no where else to go.

I scroll through May's and I's texts and look at the photos of her. I have them saved to my camera roll as well.

She's so beautiful. I love her smile and how even without makeup she's still perfect. My mind goes to my Christmas party and how amazing she looked in her dress. Her curves were breath taking. Everything about her that night made me even more lucky to have May. She was absolutely stunning, and still is of course.

Like today she's wearing light blue jeans that are rolled up at the bottom. She's also wearing a grey sweater that makes her look cuddly. Her hair is down and fixed nicely. Those jeans also make her butt pop, which I feel I only noticed. I don't know how someone could say she's ugly. She's so fucking beautiful it makes me wonder how she's with me. I find a girl wearing something like that way more attractive than see through leggings and low cut shirts.

I wish I told her how much she meant to me. I wish I told her how I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the school and how much I was thankful that she was mine.

I run my hand through my hair tiredly and run my hands down my face.

Fuck I miss her.

A://N

a double update was requested so

comment?

~lauren