idk if i said this before but this book takes place in 2016

and harry is 18 in this book

so, harry wasn't born in 1994 like in real life

just wanna throw that out there :)

{edited}

41

Harry POV

I sit down on the bed of green, fluffy grass and huff. I place the flowers next to the tomb stone and pick at my nails.

"Hey Lily." I sigh. "Um, I wanted to stop by and say Happy Birthday to you." I speak. "18 is pretty old and I know you would've hated being 18 because you always said being a kid is more fun than being an adult. Less responsibilities and all." I smile to myself.

"Anyways, I hope you understand why I haven't been coming to talk to you every week. I do try to come say hello to you though every month. You deserve to have alive flowers beside you."

"Speaking of flowers, they ran out of lilies at your favourite flower place, for some reason. So, I had to settle on roses. Next time I come, I'll bring lilies though, I know that you always liked them."

Lilian Cranston
Loving daughter, and friend.
1998-2013

"I still can't believe it's been three years since you've been gone." I run my hand through my hair. "I'm sorry I turned out like crap after you passed. I turned into someone you always hated. I'm trying though, to be better. You have no idea how much I regret the choices I made these past couple years.

But uh, I'm trying. I still tend to mess up things with May though. As always I fuck up. Sorry for my swear, I know you hate hearing them. You're usually good with this stuff, so I don't know who to turn to for good advice. Sadie will just say have sex with her, or something. But that isn't a resolution to me being a dic--penis. Plus, with me trying to be better, uh I'm not doing that with May. I hope you understand what that means, because I feel like it would be awkward if I said it." I pause.

"It sucks that you're no longer here. I miss you a lot. I think about you a lot, too. I hope you know that I haven't forgotten about you because I don't see you every week or because I'm with someone else.

I think you'd like her. She's really nice and caring. And everything I don't deserve..." I sigh. "It just sucks because I always mess up with her. Like last week I said something stupid because I didn't think it through and she interpreted wrong which was my fault because I wasn't clear." I huff. "Anyways, you already know I'm a fuck up if you've been watching anything I've been doing these past couple of years. I'm just really trying, like really trying to be better for May. That's her name, if you didn't know. I don't know, I should just talk less."

My phone beeps with a text from my Mom telling me dinner is ready in 10.

"I gotta go, my Mom gets mad when I don't come to dinner. I love you, and miss you always. I hope you're doing well up there, and all. I bet now you would've still be beautiful as always. Even now, I bet you're still stunning. Happy birthday Lily." I fix the flowers when I'm done talking and stand up.

I blink a few times to push back my tears, then I always away.

~

"Hey honey." My Mom's voice chirps. I smile gently.

"Hi." I murmur.

"Where were you?" She hands me the salad to put on the table. I do. "Also, your dad's friends are joining us."

"Okay. And uh just places." I murmur. Her eyebrow raises me.

"Places? Were these places your girlfriends house?"

"No, she's mad at me." My Mom sighs loudly making the hair stick up on my arm.

"Now what?"

"The usual. I keep fucking up." She hits me with the kitchen rag.

"No swears!"

"Sorry." I mutter.

"Why can't you just be nice and sweet and not a dick?"

"You just said no swears." I remark. Her eyes scowl at me.

"I don't like to hear you swear until you're not living under my roof and you have a family of your own."

"Oh, so never?"

"You're never going to move out?"

"No, I mean the family part." She hits my chest with her hand and points at me.

"Stop talking like that. I'm very proud that you came out good looking." She walks back into the kitchen and I sit down at the table.

May hasn't been talking to me all week. I've been giving her space as well, because I know she's mad at me and i deserve to be ignored. I just want to explain to her what I meant. Like clearly and not in bits.

I didn't relies it sounded like I would dump her for my friends until I saw her almost cry, and that broke my heart.

My dad and his friends sit down and start chatting. My Mom comes and puts the chicken on the table.

I pick at my food every so often. My eyes glance to my phone every minute hoping May's name will pop up. It doesn't of course.

I miss her a lot though. This week has been weird without her speaking to me, or us hanging out and stuff.

I huff and run my hand tiredly over my head. "Harry, how's school going?" My father's friend, Paul asks.

"Uh, good. I'm glad this is my last year."

"Any colleges you're looking at?"

"Washington State of course, um, maybe NYU or Pace, some schools like that."

"Have you applied to any?" He asks me.

"Uh, not yet. I have time it's only the beginning of November." Paul nods and my mother brings up how my GPA is 3.8 and shit. I don't care much about this stuff, the only reason why I'm in AP classes is to please my parents.

***

Me: on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being pissed, how mad is may at me?

Adam: lowkey 7 highkey 9

Adam: dick

Me: thanks

Adam: when ya going to talk to her

Me: i'm trying to respect her being angry at me

Me: so whenever she wants to talk to me.

Adam: she's stubborn af

Adam: so i hope you had fun w/ her bc she's not talking to your ass unless you make the first move

Me: she doesn't want to see me tho

Adam: i wouldn't either

Adam: but you guys have to talk at some point unless it's over

Me: did she say it was over?????????

Adam: wtf is with the so many ?

Adam: and no

Adam: she just said she doesn't want to forgive you bc may says and i quote "i hate that i forgive people quickly and come off as a push over" (May Evans).

Adam: give her another 4-ish days

Adam: then talk to her

Me: okay :/

Adam: harry

Me: yes?

Adam: stop

Adam: fucking

Adam: up

Adam: you

Adam: nit wit

Adam: if that's even how you spell it

Me: I'll try

Adam: ig that will do

A://N

I started school today rip so i'll be going back to how my updates were before which was usually every other day or so

comment goal: 15??

thoughts? feelings?

snapchat: jkharrystyles

~lauren