It's Laura this and Jason that
When Britain goes for gold
But woe betide a cyclist
If we meet him on the road.

We drove along a country road
And one got in the way
The words the driver yelled at him
Are far too rude to say.

It's Jason this and Laura that
Our cyclists do us proud
But as for cycling on the roads
It shouldn't be allowed.

We are not a land of cyclists
We seldom give them room
So cycling down an English road
You risk an early tomb.

We love our cyclists on the track
We cheer as they go round
But when we meet them on the road
You'll hear a different sound.

It's Jason this and Laura that
Hurray another medal!
But it's quite a different story
When on the road they pedal.

It's cyclists this and cyclists that
'They think they own the road'
Clink your medals all you like
But know the Highway Code.

We paid our tax, we know our rights
We have the right of way
So get back to the velodrome
No love for you today.

Laura Trott and Jason Kenny are the 'golden couple' at the heart of Britain's highly successful Olympic cycling team. Ironically despite our success in the velodrome Britain remains probably the least cycle friendly country in Europe. The poem also takes inspiration from Kipling's 'Tommy' about the British soldier only welcome in times of war.