Character(s) in Chapter: Kevin Barr, Nathan Kedd Goldberg, Jim Barr, Eddward Double D Rockwell, Nazz

Character Mention in Chapter: r!Plank, Rolf

Things to Know: There have been some Anon that have asked about the Child molestation and if it will be something big in the story. NO, it won't be. So please don't worry, that's not the point of this story. In chapter five there is mention of it in newspaper clippings Kevin receives from Eddy in an envelope, but that's it.

Kevin was lazing around on the couch a beer in hand, the sports channel tuned on, but he wasn't even watching. His mind was lost in what Eddy had told him, about just who had moved in across from him and what Nazz had said to him about talking to the guy and giving it another try. Which in the end had only confused him and then pissed him off to the point he broke his only working phone. Adding more stress to his already stressed life, since he had to go to the store and buy another phone for work.

That had been two days ago, two long and busy days. Courtesy of Nazz, since she was the one who had pumped his work schedule full of busy, with what seemed like a month's full of Racecar fixings. The girl was paranoid about having random people fix her babies, even people she had worked with since she had began her career were capable of fucking her over.

Her life was always in the hands of the mechanics that worked on her cars. So, they had this packed that she would gave him the money to start his shop and whenever she need him, he put everybody on the back burner to fix her babies. If she ever needed anything fixed out of her designated month, she send the car(s) over or fly Kevin to her. Both were expensive as hell, depending on if cars need new parts. But, to her money was of little concern even from the very beginning.

He had been about to change the channel when movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and he looked over to his best friend Nathan, who had this look of complete confusion and that 'I've gone and screwed up' look, as he looked over with a nervous goofy grin.

"What the hell are you looking at Nat? Where is-"

"Hey bro, have you seen Jim?"

Anger and fear moved across Kevin's gaze as he slammed the beer he was drinking down and got up. "What the fuck do you mean have I seen my son? You're supposed to be watching him, why I relax a god damn fucking minute."

Nathan was about to explain what had happened when a loud screeching of tires was heard in the front of their house fallowed by somebody shouting, before the car was heard speeding off. The two took less than a second to look at each other before they were racing out of the room and out of the house only to stop just outside the door. There in the gutter covered in dirt and oil most likely was a figured hovered over something in his arms.

Kevin just stood there, not even realizing he was holding his breath or that he was shaking with fear until a little green mop of fussy hair and a pale white face popped up over the strangers shoulder with red puffy eyes as he let out a sob that sounded like, "Ddadddy"

Letting out the breathe and dashing across the grass of his yard he was over at the strangers side taking his son from his arms. As soon as he felt the fussy green onesy he pulled the little sobbing mess to his chest, kissing his snot and tear stained face, before petting his hair. He hadn't even realized he had started crying, but he was. He had only been this scared one other time in his whole life and that had been when he thought he had lost 'him.'

"God, I'm going to kill your uncle. He's a god-damn fucking idiot. I'm so happy you're alright Jim, daddies so happy you're safe. Daddy loves his little man with all his heart. Daddy has you and daddy won't ever let you get hurt. Daddy will protect you, please don't cry, please don't cry, your safe."

After lots of sweet everything's, hugs, cuddles and kisses. Kevin finally realized he wasn't alone and he took a breather, wiping his face to clear it of tears. After he felt ok again he looked up to thank the person who had risked their life for his son. As soon as cyan greenish blue eyes met his forest green, his breathe stopped in his chest and the tears seem to dry up completely. The words lumped in his throat as he goked at the figure that looked sort of like the shadow of the guy he once new in his past.

This person being watched closely, only smirked down at him, a look he couldn't read in their eyes as they gave a warm chuckle. "Salutations Pumkin, long time, no?"

The red-head couldn't wrap what he was seeing around his poor broken mind. This person looked just like him . . . yet it wasn't him. This guy oozed bad vibes with that snarky smirk, arrogant look, the bags under his eyes that clearly indicated more than just sleep deprived and his clothes screamed jackass.

It was like looking at himself in the mirror at one point, almost . . . so if this was indeed the him; that little geeky, weak boy he'd fallen for that had left that day plastered to the back window crying . . . he might as well had died that day along with the past.

"What! Tu as perdu ta langue?"

Kevin did not reply, he simply kept staring his mouth open slightly. Even if he had understood what the hell this guy had said, his mind had forgotten how to speak.

"Tsk, whatever, I'm heading out. Party tonight, predicted to be pleasantly gratifying."

After this guy had said that, with Double D's voice, his wonderful voice he frowned, before leaning back down, his hand stretching out to touch. On nervous, or fear, or maybe so he could pray. Kevin closed his eyes and waited for the touch that part of him begged would come, but it never came. Instead, he heard his son giggle and he opened his eyes. There before him was the boy who he had fallen in love carefully ruffling his son's hair, with such a loving gesture, before brushing a thumb over his nose just under his eyes so gently you would think Jim was made of a thin sheet of glass.

"It appears your son has Atopic dermatitis, you would know it as Eczema. His seems to be a very mild case, to which can be treated with home remedies. Here are some of the ones I use, plus what not to do. At the current age in which he is, the best temper of water should by as cold as he will allow. As he gets older and the Eczema goes away or at least does not present itself he may start taking warmer and warmer showers. The best soakings for the most comfort in easing the dry skin is a lukewarm oatmeal or lukewarm bath with a bit of milk and almond oil, until fingers and feet prune then pat dry don't rub, when you get him out. As for moisturizing the dry skin, do not smother him in lotions that have perfumes. This is because they tend to contain an alcohol base that dries the skin further, instead, use creams that contain neem oil or Aloe Vera Barbadensis Miller. When picking out and dressing him the types of textures in clothes could also irritate his skin, so be careful. A couple more things; Switch from a standard diet to a wholesome diet of fresh, organically grown fruits, vegetables, and nuts, mostly in their raw form and make sure he eats fish.

As he spoke, Kevin couldn't help but smile. Sure, he didn't look like Double D or give off a dorky vibe, but he sure as hell got all happy when talking about things he know. And before Kevin know it this new Double D stood up with a smile, turning to walk away, when he stopped short, he had one more thing that surprised Kevin that day.

"Nice to finally meet you Little Jim, the cactus loving boy."

"Bro, who was that hot piece of ass and-"

"Shut the fuck up Nat."

I snapped at him as I sat on the couch barely looking at the cartoons on the telly my son was enjoying. After he had walked away, he greeted a guy around the same age as us in leather, spikes and blonde punk hair that had ridden up in a sweet Harley motorcycle. For some unknown reason a part of me dreaded what that guy meant to him, and so I hated the guy. I hated him because he might mean something I would never get a chance to mean to this new D and part of me hated him for bringing back that insanely jealous side of me, I had long ago thought died.

So picking myself and my son up, I returned inside before I could see what happened next. And once inside I had tried to keep quiet as Nathan went on and on about how fricken hot that guy was and how he could see himself in . . . god I wanted to be sick and I was raging and suddenly the mention of Nat asking me who he was I just snapped at him..

I just couldn't wrap my head around what I had just seen. It was like a nightmare that I know I couldn't just wake up from. Part of me was screaming that the idea of him dead was better then what I had just encountered out there and part of me was so happy to have even had him speak to me again. So, happy he was alive and looking as healthy as he could possibly be. The more I thought about it the hotter he seemed in his new perky beat your ass kinda way and when he went all let me tell you how to make your son feel better, I didn't see some cocky bastard trying to get in my pants. I saw Double D for the caring, loving guy he had always been.

It was like the two parts were tearing at me. One part said if he isn't exactly who he was in the past, then it wasn't worth getting to know. Then the more reasonable adult part was telling me; he grew up and changed to adapt to what you put him through. He changed that day just like everybody else and for all you know he's just as or even better then who he was before.

"Wow, man come on, don't be ignoring your best friend here. Tell me what's got your patties in a ruffle? Who is that dude? Wasn't that house, the house some dorky kid livid in?"

I hadn't even thought about moving, I just did. I never meant to hurt him. He's my best friend, but what he said had hit a nerve that was extra sensitive at the moment. I hadn't realize what I had done until my sons screams and sobs reached me. The red cleared and I had come to see that I had grabbed Nathan in my rage and beaten him. He was looking up at me through a swollen black eye, crooked smile, bruised jaw and bloody cracked lips.

"W-welcome back partner . . . glad to see you finally stopped using me as your anger management."

I balled my fist up before releasing them in defeat and bent down to place my forehead against his chest. I felt like utter shit at that moment and the world's biggest dick. "Shit, I'm fucking sorry Nat. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Sure bro, no problem, I understand. I went too far, sorry man." He patted me on the head, before I got up.

Wiping the blood off my knuckles onto my pants I carefully made my way over to my sobbing son. "Shh, little guy. I'm sorry, daddies sorry. I never meant to upset you. Daddy loves your Uncle Nathan. It was just a little argument, k. Daddy made another mistake. But, daddies so very sorry Jim."

"D-daddy . . . D-daddy sowe do jim." He spoke into my shoulder and I hugged him, making sure to wrap my arms around him, so he was warm and safe.

"Yeah, daddies sorry to Jim. Daddy is just upset and daddy did wrong by taking it out on Nat. Don't ever do that when you're older. Never take your anger out on the ones you love. You never know how long they will be in your life. Life doesn't always give you second chances, little man. Some of us are not so lucky."

Whoever said Nathan Kedd Goldberg was a big boy had never gotten to know him personally. This guy had whimpered and whined from the moment I brought him into the bathroom till now. "Dude, shut up, what are you a little girl and stop whining, I'm almost done."

"Fuck man, have you ever been on the receiving end of your fists? I think not, so don't tell me to shut up bro. Shit fucking hurts, man!"

I couldn't help but chuckle at his antics as he pushed my hand away from wrapping his bad eye. He looking like a one eyed pirate that got his ass handed to him. It was funny to think today were here sitting together like this, living under the same roof. When we first met freshman year, I wanted nothing to do with an idiot that never stopped smiling or wouldn't shut the hell up for even two seconds to save his life.

It had gotten bad between us that we ended up beating each other silly behind the bleachers in the football field. Than after we had gotten all our frustrations out, he asked me to the party that would be happening that night. At first, I wasn't sure going with a guy I just beat up, was cool, but, really what was there to lose. So, we picked up our sore and battered bodies and went to the party to drink our problems away.

It was that night we figured out we liked the same sex, well not really figure out. I knew I had been attracted, well at least to Double Dork, who is a guy. I just had never told anybody, not even Nazz. Even when she came out as a lesbian, which I was sure would break the little weasels heart. But it seemed after Edd left and I packed up too, the two had grown at the hip and she had came out to him first.

It was me that was unwilling to come out. Even Nat had said he was that way and would admit to anybody who asked. So, I told him to keep it a secret and he did despite telling me it was cool to like whoever the hell I wanted. If somebody had a say in my business, he'd help me beat them up. Even before I finally came out, it seemed all the kids in our group already know my feelings for Double D and had been waiting for me to finally admit it to myself. Let me tell you, never come out gay after spending any amount of time in jail. Despite knowing who you are they will crack jokes at your expense.

But, getting back to how we found out, I couldn't have been more oblivious when you wake up, hung over, feeling like shit, body parts hurting you never know existed to find some little fucker butt naked with his arms wrapped around your waist like your some petite girl. I'd like to say that I had planned this, but I had not. I was in complete shock and I couldn't help but stare. I didn't even dare to move afraid to wake him up or be one of those massive dicks who blames and beats everybody else for the predicament he is in now. But, after time I realized it really wasn't that it was a male who I had slept with, it was the fact I had lost my gay virginity to somebody other than the dweeb.

Yet, at least it was to somebody who gave a shit about me and not some random dude. He even played it cool and tried to get me to cheer up when he woke to me freaking the fuck out. I mean who wakes up to find a person they drunk slept with freaking out and grins like a complete moron before they get serious and ask, "So who was bitch?" Even though they know, just so you can have the opportunity to lie and it be ok.

But I didn't lie, I didn't even answer the question, because I was too busy laughing at his face expression before giving him a friendly punch. After that, we decided that the relationship was nothing more than close friends. Well I decided and told him that. I know he liked me, I could see it on his face when I told him he was like a brother to me and that waking up naked together was not cool.

Then our relationship took another sharp turn to test how strong it was. Nat's love, who always denied him the pleasure of feelings in return was killed in front of half the school and us during his act on stage. But the person to take it in the worst way possible wasn't Nat. Yes, he was crushed, he fucking hurt and he used every cheesy smile and stupid goofy grin to hid how truly derailed he really was over the matter. Even when his eyes were red, swollen and he had bags under them from nights of crying himself to sleep and his breathe smelled like liquor as each and every, "It's all good man", "Nah, bro I'm fine." was slurred to assure others not to worry.

It was I who had gone off the deep end. It was no attachment to the moody, depressive little actor, but the fact his death reminded me so much of Double D's unknown life. It's like the guys death had brought the horror of that night back all over again for me. Made me rethink how fucking horrible a guy I was for allowing Edd to go live with his mom, knowing what she had done to him. And before anyone of us could stop it I had completely changed. I picked back up on my bulling twice as bad as before, I became known as the cruel heart breaker that slept with any girl pretty enough to held my interest for more than five minutes.

When I did finally decide to date somebody, she was just an object to plug up the whole in my being. It wasn't until I had beaten the shit out of her side toy, sending me off to jail to graduate my senior year behind bars, and learning I was going to be a dad that I know I had fucked up even more and I had to change my life around.

"Yo, man, you going to answer my question, bro?"

I looked up at him confused. "Ah, sure, what was that question exactly?"

He crunched his face up in laughter and patted my head like some fricken dog and I growled out a warning.

"Down big boy." He grinned at me. "I asked again, just who that dude was."

I sighed and lowed my head knowing I had to answer sooner rather than later when it blow up in my face somehow. "To tell you the truth . . . I don't even know anymore. He looked like him and what he said was him . . . yet everything was different. He looked so lost with that smart ass little smirk like he was something superior."

He just nodded like he knew what I was talking about when his face lit up when his brain decided to help. "Dude, was that the little dorky boy you told me you were in love with?

"Shut up Nathan." I snapped and stood up stomping out and slamming the door behind me. Love . . . in love . . . were in love? Can you be in love with somebody then not anymore? Had it simply been love out of sympathy for his pain? Yeah, pity it was just pity love is all. Fuck, who the hell am I kidding. I was in love with him then and I am still in love with him now. But, can I be in love who he has become?

I hadn't meant to walk by his room and over hear the convocation to no doubt Nazz. She was the only person we spoke to about anything relating to one another. Sure, I spoke to Rolf now and then when he stopped by to visit with my son or when I walked over to the storefront corner down the street he now owned. But, we talked about anything but our problems.

"Yeah bra, the dude looked like he could take on Kevin."

I highly doubt that even him as he was now could take me on, though the idea was slightly hot. 'Shit what am I thinking?'

"No serious, I swear I ain't lying. This Double D dude was like straight out of school bully the movie. He even had that arrogant bad boy feel and the dark shadowed drug bags under his eyes. All I can say is he was fucking hot, blondie. You go-"

Ok I couldn't take this anymore I pushed open the bedroom door and Nathan turned around his mouth wide open. I growled as I held my hand out for the phone.

"S-shit women, look at the time. I got to head out . . . here's Kev."

I took the phone, watching him grab his jacket and book it out of the room. Turning my attention to my other bestfriend, I sighed. "Heya Nazz, before you say anything Nat wasn't lying. It's true . . ."

"Dude, no way, Double D a drug user? That has to be a lie. Ok, I can see him becoming a bully sort of. He had to learn to defend himself to take on high school without his companions or you."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure those bags weren't just sleep deprived alone. I've been in jail Nazz . . . I know a drug user when I see them."

I heard her suck in breathe as she was unsure of how to say what she was about to. "Kev, I know you got a kid. I understand dropping the idea of making up and having a second chance. However, think of it this way, dude. What if you were now in Double D's place and he was in yours? Do you think he'd just let you go on with your path to where we already know there is no return?"

I closed my eyes and thought a moment. "I can't say anything for sure Nazz. I can't say I will or won't stick my neck out for him again. This time it's much different, this is his decision we're both different and both chosen different paths in life."

"I'm not going to argue with you Kev, but think about your life. Think about what set you straight. Double D don't have that reality check and never will and you think that dude he was with is going to set him straight? For all you know that kid is the reason he's the way he is. What was the first song you sung on stage and who was it for, dude?"

I clenched and unclenched my fist as I looked at the wall. "I'd come for you" I whispered out, scared to say it any louder.

"Yeah and what were the words in that song, dude?"

I closed my eyes and laid down on Nats bed. "Just one moment, that's all that's needed, like wounded soldiers, in need of healing."

"And . . . sing me the song Kev, tell me how you feel."

"Time to be honest, this time I'm pleading. Please don't dwell on it, 'cause I didn't mean it.' I can't believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground, but it doesn't matter 'cause I'll make up for it, forgive me now.' Every day you spend away, my soul's inside out, gotta be some way that I can make it up to you someday, somehow."

As I trailed off, she started up the chorus bent on breaking me down to the deepest levels of my feelings. Her voice was beautiful singing those lines I had created for the dorky kid and I had to slam my fist into the wall to keep from crying. God, it hurt so much. I felt like somebody was taking the Jaws of Life to my heart area and ripping the place to shreds and before I know it and before could do anything to stop it I cried out and sobbed.