Hanging with the Griffindors was the greatest dent in Malfoy's reputation since ... well... since his father had been arrested in his last run. Things had gotten gradually worse after that. This time, he found himself back in his rooms, his stuff thrown out with his classmates yelling at him to leave.

"But we were roommates.", Draco said, not at all quoting a meme he had found in the future. He was a Slytherin. Slytherins didn't quote muggle memes.

Theo was the last person he saw, as the boy pushed Draco's bag into his arms with a hiss in his tone. "Leave."

Draco decided that it couldn't be helped. So, Draco shouldered his luggage like a muggle and made his way out of the Slytherin common room. If his own friends didn't want him there, then he wouldn't beg any of the other Slytherins to give him a place to stay. They were unlikely to come around any time soon anyway. Draco couldn't exactly sleep here, with his nightmares and all, when people might do things to him in his sleep. Like colour his hair pink. PINK. He was GRAYISH pale. Pink was the WORST colour for his complexion! It was a bitch to change the colour back to normal! Not that Draco had any experiences with that, thank you SARAH.

For a moment, Draco considered talking to Snape about it. Then, he decided against it. Snape would make him responsible for it, and he wouldn't even be wrong. And IF he decided that the other's were to blame... well. Theo and the others could apologise another time. Or never. If he never saw them again, that would be fine, too. Wouldn't be the first time he had lost them.

Draco sighed. He could use a spell, that would make the baggage easier to carry. But when Draco looked at his wand, he still felt scared to use it. It was tough enough to gloss over this fact during charms, but out here? When all he used his magic for would be his own convenience? His hands twitched, then clenched into a fist.

Instead, he walked into the corridor where he knew the room of requirements resided. Well, he did need a place to stay. What was he going to do? Switch to the Gryffindor dorms? Don't make him laugh.

The familiar place opened up to invite him like an old friend. The room was tiny, barely the size of a small living room. It had everything. A bed, a couch and cabin for his stuff. And the walls were covered with green Slytherin banners, just to accentuate where he belonged. Draco put his stuff down. He knew the room of requirements like the back of his hand. The room would change tvo his needs and store the things he wanted to keep here. Even if someone else would use the room, he'd be able to come back to this one. Provided, of course, the room wasn't currently occupied. He let himself fall on the bed and for the first time in a long time, he felt safe. It was strange, considering this was a parallel room to the one that had burst into flames when Vincent cast that fiend fire spell.

Draco shook off the thought and decided to take his sleeping draught. He was, thankfully, out before his head hit the pillow.

Draco lived inside the room of requirements for about a month when, out of nowhere, Neville invited him to the Gryffindor common room.

"I think you're insane," said Draco as Neville made him walk up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower. It were, notably, a ton of stairs. But despite Draco's undernourishment, he managed to mount the eternal steps like a professional. No wonder the Gryffindors always crashed head first into anything. Those guys had stamina!

"Harry, Ron and Hermione said it's okay."

"Well, and I say this is a suicide mission."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"It is to ME," Draco deadpanned, but followed him anyway. The Gryffindor tower was, as Draco learned, protected by an old woman in a portrait. She eyed him with suspicion as Neville nervously told her the password. For a moment it looked like Neville was fumbling over it, like he wasn't entirely sure if he remembered it correctly. And wouldn't THAT be embarrassing if Neville and Draco would both be stranded before the entrance to the Gryffindor tower?

"You're not colourblind on top of forgetful, are you?", the woman asked Neville who reddened in embarrassment.

'Public humiliation, check. This school is so healthy for children.', Draco thought and tilted his head.

"I know he's a Slytherin. I invited him. Can we come in, now?"

The woman still narrowed her eyes at Draco. But before he knew it, he found himself assaulted with an onslought of red. Sweet Salazar, he had not been prepared for this. The Gryffindor common room was so red, Draco might as well find himself in an oven. The room was filled with laughter. Unlike the Slytherin common room, which was always calm and collected, this place was pure chaos and insanity. on top of that, they were LOUD.

Draco grabbed the nearest curtain to keep himself standing upright. The last time he'd seen so much red, one of his friends had burned to ashes right in front of him. He had to steel his heart to get used to the sight. In the middle of his mental recollection, he was spotted by a few younger Gryffindors.

"What the hell is a Slytherin doing here?"

Everyone grew quiet and Draco took a moment to keep himself afloat. The silence helped. As did closing his eyes. THIS was the worst place to edge on a panic attack. Not only were the flickering firelights reminding him of Vincent's death, the curtains were nearly blood red. He had seen too much blood to not have the images pop up in his head. Of pale, bloody hands, dunging his aunts favourite plants -

Neville grabbed him by the sleeve and dragged them to a suspiciously avoided corner near a small window. The action came unexpected but not unwanted. It pulled him out of his mind. There, on the ground on dozens of pillows, sat the golden trio to study. They looked up in surprise when Neville told Draco to sit down next to him. Draco, glad to be guided, followed his gesture eagerly. On the ground, he could finally regain his breath.

"You brought him HERE?", asked Weasley.

"Jesus, Neville. The others are going to kill him!", said Hermione.

"You mean US. Katie's been trying to murder ME every night since Quidditch training began! You think she'll be happy to hear we're hanging out with the Quidditch captain of the Slytherin team?" Harry's concerns were, strangely, pretty understandable. Damn, Draco had completely forgotten how important that stupid (albeit fascinating) sport was to these teenagers.

"Oh, no. I'm not captain anymore. I stepped back. I'm not really on good terms with the other Slytherins right now," Draco had raised a hand as if in class to signal that he had something to say.

"You did WHAT?", Potter stared at him as if he wanted to dissect his brain.

"He's insane. That's not Malfoy. Someone stripped him off his skin and put it on and now runs around looking exactly like him," Weasley decided.

"I changed my mind.", said Draco. "I'm actually here to steal all your Quidditch plans and the only reason I'm pretending otherwise is because you're so easily fooled. That is, by the way, not the only plan. The other is to steal all your chocolate frog cards." Weasley's collection was rumoured to be one of the most complete sets in the entire school. A tragedy that Zabini and Theo had spent years trying to correct, and then given up once Draco had told them how stupidly childish those cards actually were. Draco had hidden his own collection ever since.

"You shouldn't joke about that.", said Potter. "Katie could hear you."

"Yeah, she'll kill you if you steal her chocolate frog cards.", Weasley nodded seriously.

Neville shook his head. "Actually, we wanted to invite you to a meeting in Hogsmead. A few people are meeting up there to ... discuss a study group."

Draco had the unpleasant feeling that he might have forgotten about Dumbledore's army being formed this year. "Ah.", he said, feigning ignorance. "And you want me to join your... study group." Internally, he was screaming. 'Fucking WHAT?' "Don't you think having me there would scare people off?"

"I mean... it's just a study group," Hermione lied. She was really bad at lying. She was fumbling with her hands and smiling too bright. "You don't have to come." Perhaps she actually had some doubts. Maybe, she had even voted against inviting him. Maybe most of them had. Draco wondered what devil had ridden them that they decided to confide in him at all. Who's idea was this? Draco had been completely content just laying in his room and staring at the ceiling for the rest of the year. He didn't want to ruin history if he could avoid it.

Well... but that's why he had asked Neville for help, wasn't it? This was Neville telling him to act up and do something about his unique position. Take action, make a change!

"Oh, no. I will absolutely join you. Can never study enough.", Draco replied uncertainly, his voice dry. Maybe this was a good idea. If he wanted to have any chances at surviving this war, he might as well join the training academy. For the first time, Draco wondered if he could face his family and friends, hurt them, kill them even. He swallowed, wishing he had brought something to drink.

"Exactly," Hermione said and sent Harry a pointed look.

"I still think it's a bad idea to invite him," said Potter, uncomfortably still in his presence. Which, to be honest, was fair in every way. He regarded Draco with distrust. His relieved outbreak of 'holy shit, Malfoy believes my story when even half my friends don't' from a month ago had completely vanished.

Draco faked a pout. If Potter wanted to be uncomfortable, he'd give him uncomfortable. "A bad idea to invite me? What the hell? I thought this was a secret scheme to ask me out on a date? Just the two of us, under the pretence of a study group? You wound me, Potter."
Potter immediately moved away, horror in his eyes once more. When the awkward glances grew worse, Draco laughed. These guys really had no humour at all. He rolled his eyes. "I was joking."

"Right," Potter cleared his throat. He didn't look entirely convinced.

Draco turned to a flabbergasted Neville. "Look at him. I told you it's hilarious."

Potter was, indeed, red in the face. Neville shook his head. "Seriously, how was I ever afraid of you?" The only one who seemed to be able to take a joke was Weasley, who was trying very hard not to laugh along. Hermione was just disappointed in all of them.

"Say, Longbottom-"

"Just call me Neville already. I've been hanging out with you for weeks," said Neville without looking at him, causing Draco to actually stumble on their way to Hogsmead. The weather was getting colder now, the days shorter and the shadows longer. A biting wind tugged at their skin and caused the fashion trend to focus more on colourful scarfs to atone the weather.

"Right. Neville." Draco huffed a breath at Neville's fast pace. "I'm serious. I've thought about it a great deal over the past few days and I don't think it's wise that you guys trust me with your secret army idea. I mean, I AM a Slytherin."

Neville skidded to a stop which then caused Draco to stop as well. "You know?" He looked alarmed, brows drawn to a frown, but not overly so. More like he was cautious.

Draco scoffed and flailed his arms about. "I told you, I'm from the future. I used to be part of Umbridge's inquisition. We tried all year to catch you guys during my fifth year. We only managed to find out where you were at the very end. Even that failed. It got Umbridge kicked out of the school though."

Neville exhaled and forced himself to relax as he took in the information. "I'm going to be honest with you. The reason you were invited was because I insisted. It took a lot of convincing on my and Hermione's part. I told them that since you're a Slytherin prefect it might help us avert some attention. I figured it would be good to figure out what you know about ... everything. We're doing this under Umbrigde's noses and if we'd fail to keep it secret, I hoped you'd warn us. You would, right?"

Draco considered that for a hot minute. "Yes. And I think I was enough of a factor back then to help you guys avoid it this time. But that doesn't mean I deserve your trust! Especially because I am a Slytherin. Do you really think the other's won't consider me a security issue?"

That made Neville smile. "You're taking this trying to be on the good side really serious, aren't you?"

Draco crossed his arms and averted his eyes. "I know what's on the line. And who is out there. Last time I wasn't strong enough to face it. I'd feel a lot better about my stupid choices if I got trained from the chosen one himself. I'm not against the idea, don't get me wrong. But this isn't just about me."

"The what now?" Neville asked perplexed at his choice words.

Draco waved it off. "It's Potter's title in the daily prophet about a year from now. That's not the point. I have made choices that may or may not have cost Potter's life back then. It was my failures and my inaction that then saved him and I don't even know how. I'm not sure when to be active and when not to be. I cannot make those decisions again, but some of them DID help.
"This army you're building, on the other hand, is going to play a vital part in the upcoming war. If I'm the reason why the other members are going to turn their back on you, then I cannot come. And they will, why would they trust me? You will need every single one of them to fight the Dark Lord. I want to be on the good side. But I am an uncertain factor, and I cannot and will not stand in your way."

Neville opened his mouth, then closed it again. "Our study group is that important?"

"More than you can imagine. This is Dumbledore's army. You guys will be the root of the rebellion! I can't mess this up with my presence and reputation." Draco felt more and more conflicted. Of course he wanted to be able to defend himself, but at what cost?

Neville nodded. "I understand. I will... I will tell the others you're sick. You can come to the ... second meeting then. As soon as everyone has settled and been convinced of the... you called it Dumbledore's army? I'm sure they will be more lenient with you joining."

"Thank you, Neville." Draco took a deep breath. With that they said their goodbyes and Draco returned back to Hogwarts. He wasn't really in the mood for Hogsmeade anyway.

Draco woke up late on the day when Umbridge's first order was nailed into the walls.

The first order was the one that forbid group meetings and clubs. He hadn't slept well the night before and therefore not really considered what that order implied. The sleeping draughts made him sleep five hours instead of three these nights, but he still felt pretty shitty, so he walked by, ignorant of any changes in mood. He didn't think the order had much to do with him anyway.

So, he walked towards the Great hall, intending to join the other's for a scarce breakfast when Ron Weasley grabbed him by the sleeve and pushed him into the nearest alcove before he even made it there. "Ou!" Draco's head hit the wall violently, shaking him instantly awake.

"I KNOW it was you!" Weasley wasn't alone. A terrifyingly enraged Hermione stood with him, crossing her arms to intimidate him. (It worked.) "I knew something was fishy when you didn't show up!"

"I'm sorry, what?," Draco muttered, his head uncomfortably hitting the stone wall behind him again, when Ron pushed him back into it. "Fuck, man, that hurts!"

"The first order, Malfoy! Our study group! You weren't actually sick, were you? You spied on us! And then -"

Draco's eyes shot open in alarm. "Hold up, Weasley, I did no such thing!"

"Oh, and why on earth would we believe you?"

Draco had to admit, that was a valid point. "If I wanted to gain your trust, I'd wait until you did something ACTUALLY illegal and tell her then. Not make study groups illegal! You guys get into more than enough trouble as it is! You think I want to drag the Slytherins into this as well? Do you think I would want to make it harder on my house to have Quidditch training? You think I want more people, more Slytherin patrols wandering the halls, when I can't even sleep in my own bed? Besides, Umbridge and I are on neutral footing right now, I don't want her watch my every step, Salazar, Weasley, let me go!"

"What?" Weasley's eyes widened in shock and he let Draco down, albeit hesitantly. Draco caught himself gracefully, and ordered his robes as well as he could. His head was pounding where it had hit the wall.

"Draco, you aren't sleeping in the Slytherin common room?," Granger asked, worry radiating of her skin.

Draco froze. Had he let that slip? "In case you haven't noticed, Granger, I have turned my back on Death Eaters and purebloods to hang out with muggleborns and Gryffindors! I'm considered a blood traitor among the Slytherins! They kicked me out at the beginning of term!" Draco tried to correct his collar from the rough manhandling.

"We thought you were just... ignoring them," Weasley muttered, only a little apologetic. "Where are you staying then?"

Draco sighed. "In the room of requirements."

"The what?," asked Hermione, strangely curious.

And that made Draco actually pause. They didn't KNOW about the room of requirements? Then how did they end up using it all fifth year last time around?

The DA had been the sole reason how Draco had found the room in the first place. That and rumours about a Slytherin who got locked inside a broken vanishing cabinet. He had then used that information to build a path for the Death Eaters into the castle in his sixth year. He had thought himself rather clever at the time. Until the frustration had settled in when he found himself failing over and over again. He had only learned how the room itself worked after figuring out that Dobby had been involved. And after that, the vanishing cabinet turned out to be his worst successful project ever. Draco's gaze darkened at the memory.

He wanted to tell them about the room but his mouth remained shut. If they didn't yet know about the room of requirements, then they would likely get themselves in trouble by hanging out in another. However, Umbridge's order hadn't been placed at random.

If there already was a traitor among them, then it was no surprise they would consider Draco a suspect.

Then Draco remembered that they had only invited him for a study group, not soldier training. In their eyes, he could only know of Dumbledore's army, had he been there or eavesdropped on them. Just admitting that he knew of Dumbledore's army would make him even more suspicious. He could blame Neville for spilling the beans but that wouldn't make Draco look innocent. Rather, it would paint Neville as the traitor.

"It's a secret room in the castle that appears to everyone in need. There are ways to open it on purpose but I suppose I'm the only one who knows about it, seeing as I live there and all." Despite it all, Draco was still desperate to help them. However, he also couldn't make it look too obvious. It was already strange enough that they didn't question how he suddenly had the perfect solution to their problem. How convenient.

"How did you find such a room?" Thankfully, they ignored their own suspicion in favour of their interest in the room.

Draco shrugged. "Stumbled over it. Researched a little and voila."

"So, everyone can use it?", Granger asked curiously. "Do you even have a bed?"

Draco nodded his head. "It can give it's visitors pretty much anything they need. If I need a bigger room to practice spells, it will expand on it's own. If I need a certain book, it will provide it for me. If I need to be hidden from my classmates, it will do exactly that. As long as no one else is occupying the room, and you know what room you want to go to, it's pretty much the perfect room for literally anything."

The two exchanged glances. "Do you think it could be used as like... a classroom?"

"Are you asking if you can hold your now illegal study group there?"

The two of them bit their lips. "You really think the room could be an option when Malfoy knows about it?," Weasley asked and once again Draco was reminded that the only reason he had been invited to the study group was Neville bloody Longbottom.

This was exactly what Draco had been worried about. The room of requirements WAS the best option for them to 'study'. He couldn't take that away from them! "I'm sure that I'd be the last person you have to worry about snitching. I sleep in that room, I don't want it to be discovered either. That room is the only safe place for me in the castle. And even if it weren't, Granger knows more than enough spells to keep me silent, am I right?"

They held another silent conversation among themselves. Then, finally, they nodded. "Alright. You can show us the place tonight."

Draco's eyes lit up in relief. "The Slytherins got Astronomy tonight. You will have to wait for tomorrow," Draco responded dryly. "Otherwise, sure. I can show you."

"You will go there either way, won't you? We have ways to sneak out at night.", Granger said bravely.

"Yeah, I'm not really surprised. Meet me on the 7th floor opposite the tapestry of Barnaby the Barmy. I'll show you how it works."

"Wait, how do we know it's not a trap?," asked Weasley.

"You don't," Draco quipped cheerfully and turned on his heel. Then he headed for his first course for the day, because breakfast was already off the table. And not just because his stomach was churning again.

The conversation remained with him for a long while. He couldn't concentrate that morning in charms.

This was his chance to make amends! His very first chance to help the heroes of his time teach each other how to fight. How to survive. Technically, they had still found the room without him. Technically, him knowing about it made them less trusting and more suspicious, which meant he could very well blow this up. He was nervous. More nervous than he'd felt in years.

Every time he looked through the windows, his mind brought him back to the DA.

The soldiers who won the war. The soldiers who spared his life afterwards. The soldiers he saw die and perish one by one. Without them, it would have been a slaughter. The Dark Lord would have won. He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't mess this up. He should have shut his mouth, instead of telling Neville he knew of Dumbledore's army. He should never have mentioned the room of requirements or taken residence there. He didn't know when their study sessions were and Draco knew that meant they could have run into him at any time. Heck, if only Draco didn't know anything about the room! If only he had decided to sleep on a bench in the Great Hall or something.

Now the place he had suggested wasn't as safe as he claimed. His very being was ruining the mission and the worry made him feel sick. Sicker than usual. As soon as he had made a decision, as soon as he had picked a side, he'd already become a pebble in their way. Maybe he wasn't caught out to be on the good side, after all.

His thoughts spiralled into memories of the war. He remembered the destruction that had come from the very room he slept in these nights. Back in sixth year, he had used it to invade the castle.
He remembered the vanishing cabinet and it's purpose. His many failings at repairing it and the breakdown he'd had when it was finally completed. It was only one year from now that he would attempt to kill Dumbledore.

In the upcoming summer, the Dark Lord would stand on his parents doorstep, asking a favour of him, disguised as a test. A test he hadn't expected Draco to pass. His parents would agree and sell him to the Death Eater life.

He grabbed his left arm tight. He could feel it burn under his sleeve. The tattoo that wasn't yet there. If he did everything right, he wouldn't get it at all. But how could he do that? How could he protect himself? How could he survive?

It reminded him that on top of all that, he needed to find a place to stay over the summer. One that was safe and protected and not the main quarters for the Dark Lord's operation. And that alone was a coward's wish. He wouldn't manage to face him again. He couldn't go back to his mind's prison. But wouldn't he become suspicious in the Dark Lord's eyes if he turned his back on him? If he hid?

Draco stared out the window, barely noticing how everyone else was packing up their things and leaving.

Professor Flitwick remained in the classroom, giving him curious looks. He must be expecting Draco to have a question about their current subject. But he had managed the charm just fine at the very beginning, using his wand for only as long as needed before he could safely put it away again. When Draco finally noticed Flitwick's raised brow, he stood up and stumbled his way down to get lunch. Or pretend to.

He stopped in the doorframe of the great hall. Everything in there was bustling and so goddamn loud. And Draco felt so detached from it all. The food looked twisted in his mind and he felt incredibly sick at the smell alone.

It was almost winter. Yet, they found themselves in the middle of an autumn storm, as the sky promised. The shadows looked just like the Dark Lord, as he travelled between Death Eaters. It looked like an omen. Like a dangerous premonition. Draco felt a cold shiver run down all over his body.

People moved past him, shoving him out the way and he saw dead faces in them. He saw muggleborn students whose eyes had turned skywards, empty of life and twisted in their dying horror. His heart squeezed. His breath hitched. His blood boiled and his vision swam. Draco walked backwards out of the great hall. It was too much. Draco sank back against the stone cold wall just outside the hall, trying to catch his breath. He had taught himself a muggle calming technique that he now clung to. It was just controlled breathing and it didn't erase the pictures from his mind, but it helped him calm down.

He wouldn't eat lunch today, it seemed. So, instead, he walked to the dungeons and sat down on the ground. Eyes closed as he let the darkness shadow him in safety.

It was just a bad day. Just ONE bad day. He would survive this. He just needed to breathe and not think of the upcoming war.

Slowly, people trailed into the dungeons and waited for Severus to open the classroom for them. When Neville walked in, he quietly joined him on the ground. They never really talked all that much. Sometimes a little about the future. Here and there, when Draco was in a good mood, he'd share a bad innuendo. And sometimes, they helped each other study for their problem subjects. Which were Herbeology in Draco's case and potions in Neville's.

Right now, they were just quiet. Eventually they sat down in their respective seats in the classroom, while Professor Snape let the chalk board write down recipe instructions for them. Draco ignored Potter's and Weasley's little argument, which sounded suspiciously like one about Draco's trustworthiness.

Draco tried not to listen. Tried to focus on Severus' soothing voice. Tried to focus on the obvious mistakes that Neville would make. Mistakes he needed to prevent otherwise he'd get Neville KILLED, and focused on gathering the right ingredients. This time they were meant to make an antidote to the Death cap draught. For that they were given a flask with the poison itself, so they could compare the consistency and smell of their own concoctions.

It took a good few minutes until the room was filled with steam. They varied in colour, as everyone had difficulties making the potions. Draco remembered that the last time this happened, Severus had made Potter's potion vanish out of pure hatred. Granger was busy making perfect potions as always and Neville had ended up concocting some green kind of syrup with Draco's obviously distracted help. Draco kept stirring his own potion and decided it looked about right. Despite his occupation as a therapist, he'd not stopped making potions. Some of them really came in handy, even with muggles.

Draco's foggy mind reminded him that he was sitting in the last row. No one was watching. Only Neville could see him, who was trying his hardest to read the board from between the steam. The steam made Draco's mind hazy and dazed. Draco stared at his potion. What was it for again? Had he made a poison or an antidote?

He found himself wondering how the Death cap draught tasted. He blinked. Couldn't hurt to smell it, right? They were supposed to smell it, anyway. In his cozy haze, he uncorked the flask and inhaled the tincture a tad deeper than he should have. A small voice in his mind told him to stop this, but a much louder, self loathing voice told him everything was fine. Everything was okay. He was doing perfectly well. It smelled a little like garlic and peppermint. Draco stared at it. It was in his hand. A very deadly poison.
If he drank this, would he wake up from this dream of the past? Would he actually die? Did it matter?
If he drank this now, he wouldn't have to witness Bellatrix writing the word 'mudblood' into Granger's skin. Wouldn't have to watch Ollivander and Luna be tortured. Wouldn't have to see Potter die. Wouldn't have to fear Nagini and Voldemort and the other Death Eaters. Wouldn't have to lock his door only to be able to sleep without Bellatrix invading his mind. She did that often. She'd break his door down to teach him Occlumency. Make him remember his worst nightmares with it. Claimed he needed to be prepared at all times. If he drank this, Draco wouldn't have to eat food under the corpse of Professor Burbage. He'd be safe. He'd be sleeping. He'd be okay.
Draco smiled faintly as he found himself relax at the promise of peace. If he drank this, it would all be over. He wouldn't have to repeat any of it. Wouldn't have to carry Severus' corpse from the castle grounds. Not that he'd drink it.
'Hmm.'
It tasted more like garlic than mint. Draco closed his eyes at the taste. Not really accounting for the pain that hit him a second later. The pain pulled him from his hazy mind, the cramps making him fall over, grabbing his cauldron to steady himself.

"Draco what.... DRACO!" Neville screamed, causing dozens of heads to turn their way.

"Mr. Longbottom, must you interrupt this class? Twenty points from -"

Draco's entire body convulsed and he shook from the shock of it, as his head violently hit the ground. Above him he saw the ceiling blurring together with Neville's panicked face as he tried to yell something at Snape's face. Draco couldn't breathe through the cramps. So he did the only thing his mind would allow, he laughed. He laughed and cried and everything hurt and burned and burned and burned.

Finally, Severus pushed some liquid or something down his throat. It felt like tar in his throat. Somewhere deep down, Draco knew this was an antidote. He felt disappointment mixing with relief. The last thing he saw, before he blacked out, were Potter's emerald green eyes.

He woke up in the medical wing of the castle. The sunset burned through his eyelids making him scrunch his eyes shut, as he heard rustling beside him.

"We should go, Harry," said Weasley's voice. "I'm sure he will sleep till tomorrow. And we're under curfew. None of us are Slytherins. No one will think it's justified that we accompany him anywhere. Not that we know where to take him. And we have enough problems for hanging out with him as it is."

"I can't just leave him here! Snape brought him THREE different potions along with the antidote. THREE, Ron! These are potions he takes REGULARLY! I thought he was messing with us! But it's true! He doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep, you just told me the Slytherins kicked him out of their dorm and now he drinks poison in class! Do you really think I could go to bed when he could be trying to kill himself as soon as he wakes up?"

Wow... since when was Potter so worried about him? Oh right. Hero complex.

"Snape told us to inform him when Draco wakes up," joined them Neville's voice. "I would count that as a hall pass."

"Without official permission it won't make a difference," argued Hermione.

"Then I'll stay. You three go back to the common room," said Potter, sacrificing himself as usual. "It's enough when one of us gets into trouble for this. We don't all have to get points taken from Gryffindor." Ah, someone had learned from their first year mistake.

"If Umbridge catches you again, you WILL get detention, Harry. Your hand hasn't healed yet from the last time!" That was Hermione again.

"Yeah. That's precisely why it should be me! She's already targeting me. You guys shouldn't put yourself on her radar as well."

They were muttering more words until finally, three pairs of feet seemed to leave the room. Potter remained. Faintly, Draco felt a warmth around his right hand. It felt nice.

Draco felt sleepy enough to wait for perhaps another hour until he could open his eyes. Sun had long set by then and Potter had half fallen asleep on his arm chair. Tired, his throat hurting like hell, Draco sat up, only to feel his burning insides protest. His movement made Potter stir to attention. He woke up instantly. When their eyes met, Potter pulled his hand away from Draco's. Wait, had he held it the entire time?

Then, there was awkward silence between them.

Draco's eyes fell on three potions on his nightstand. One of them was his sleeping draught, the other the strength potion he took in the morning. Then there was a nourishment tincture. He looked at the fourth one. It was a potion for recovery. Probably for the poison he had drunk. Draco read the instruction, then went to drink it, before Potter stopped him.

"No, don't," he said quickly, slight panic in his voice.

"Good evening, Potter. It says here I'm supposed to drink it." He showed him the little card on the side that Snape had written him. Potter bit his lip as he checked the instructions, then let him go ahead and drink it. A few minutes later, they still hadn't said anything else.

"What happened?," Potter finally asked, making Draco blink.

"It appears, I drank poison, Potter," Draco replied with a chuckle.

Potter stared at him in a monotonous way. "You're awfully calm about this. You got yourself poisoned! Why on earth would you drink a Death cap draught?"

Draco noticed with fascination how his hands were extremely red. Was this a side effect of the potion? It was beginning to pale now. The recovery potion cooled the burn in his body. "I wondered what it'd taste like," Draco shrugged.

"Are you insane?," Potter yelled, making Draco flinch. "That was literal POISON! I've never seen Snape so upset! You can be thankful we were in a room full of antidotes! Do you realise how quickly that poison usually works?"

"Since when are you an expert on potions, Potter?"

"You almost DIED, Draco!"

Draco froze. Potter had rarely ever called him by his first name. Why he suddenly would, evaded him. They may hang out now and again but that didn't make them friends. "I'm aware.", Draco said as calm as he dared. "But I didn't, so it's fine."

Potter's eyes widened incredibly. "How is that FINE?"

Draco sighed. "Weren't you like... supposed to call Professor Snape once I woke up?"

Harry's eyes were incredibly angry, but before he opened his mouth, he was interrupted by the mentioned devil himself. "He was," Snape said slowly and mounted over Draco's bed. "Mr. Malfoy."

"Professor Snape," said Draco while Potter leaned away and tried to make himself invisible.

"You should be good to go by morning, Mr. Malfoy. Madam Pomfrey, however, has insisted we talk. She seems to think you were suffering from... something else." He paused in that giant bat like way of his as he side glanced Potter. "As much as I understand your curiosity, Mr. Potter, this conversation requires privacy."

Potter was about to protest, when Draco stopped him. "Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of him."

Snape blinked. Potter did the same. "And why is that."

Draco shrugged. "I don't mind who knows. I already drank the poison. It's too late to hide it."

"Very well.", Snape appeared to be considering his nonchalant words for a moment. "Then, I demand to know what has gotten into your head this afternoon that you decided to attempt to kill yourself!" His tone slightly rose, a solid proof that Snape was pissed.

Draco sighed. "Were my intentions that obvious?" They both glared at him. United in how done they were with his shit. "For the record, it was an accident. I get intrusive thoughts sometimes," Draco admitted awkwardly.

"Define intrusive thoughts," Snape's eyes didn't waver, but he attempted to invade his mind again. Which, if you will, felt similar. Only that Snape was an object he could identify as an other, as something that was NOT him, so he could kick it out. The intrusive thoughts, however, they remained a part of him. He couldn't erase them.

"It's...," Draco covered his eyes. "Sometimes I get thoughts that completely take over my mind. My actions are no longer my own. It feels like I'm dreaming. I'm no longer in control over my body. It doesn't happen all the time. There was this one time when I almost mixed Hemlock in my sleeping draught at home, but-."

Somehow, both of his audiences managed to pale at that explanation. Though Snape's complexion could better be described as ashen.

"I was fine. I managed to shake myself out of it. And I threw out all harmful substances in the manor after that. "I guess I just had a bad day today." He paused, sensing more questions. "Not like today wasn't a normal day. I just... I had a bad day, mentally. I don't know how else to explain it. It happens sometimes."

Potter stared at him.

"And the fact that you're not eating? That you're barely sleeping?," asked Snape, obvious in his observation.

"Nightmares... Food makes me feel sick. Look, this isn't anything either of you can help me with," Draco explained and held his head, as he sank back into the pillows. Normally, he supposed, one wouldn't tell people about their pain. Deep down, however, Draco knew it was as it had been with Neville in St. Mungo's. These were his heroes. Telling them, humiliating himself, that was a form of self harm in its own twisted way.

"Nothing we can help you with? Malfoy, you realise that if that is the case, we need to send you to St. Mungo's!"

Draco cackled at THAT idea. "I was there over summer. They couldn't help me either. Or wouldn't, would be the better word. Severus, you can sustain my body with strength potions. I appreciate that you saved my life today. But this is not a magical illness. And it can't be defeated with magic." Draco grabbed his left arm tight. Potter stirred in his seat. Right. This was his tell, wasn't it? In sixth year, Potter had somehow noticed from the moment they met on the train that Draco had joined the Death Eaters. It's what lead to Potter's broken nose, minus points from Snape before the Semester had started and of course, a manhunt for the rest of that year.

"What do you suggest to do, then?"

Draco sighed. "The same thing I told my father. Therapy."

Snape's eyes were dark and unblinking. "Muggle therapy."

Potter's head snapped around to face their potions Professor head on.

"Exactly. You understand why that is impossible for me to get."

"How would muggle therapy help?," Snape interrupted his off trailing thoughts.

"It would help me sort out my mind? They have quite a few tricks up their sleeve when it comes to dealing with ... the things I'm dealing with." Draco paused. "I'm working on an alternative. I guess I was just thinking too far ahead." He leaned back in the bed and chanced a look out the window. It was too dark outside to see anything.

"I still don't understand how muggle therapy would be of better help than magical cures." Snape was almost scoffing.

Draco shook his head. "Because we always take draughts and magic against everything. All we do is mask our problems. Pretend they aren't there. You could obliviate me but that would make things worse. It wouldn't erase the attacks, it would just leave me unprepared to deal with them. Muggle therapy won't solve these issues either, but they would help me prepare. That's how they do things in their world."

There was a pause. "I see," was all Severus had to say to that.

Draco closed his eyes. "That isn't to say you didn't save my life today. Thank you, Professor."

"See to it that I won't have to do that again, Mr. Malfoy."

Draco kept his eyes closed for a moment. "Professor," he said meaningfully, not sure how to switch he subject. "I can't go back to the manor." He knew it was sudden, but he needed to address the problem sooner or later.

Severus halted in his stillness. "You wish to stay here over Christmas break?"

"I wish to stay anywhere that isn't the manor. Be it winter or summer break."

The suggestion behind that request was heavy and it weighted on the mood.

"And why is that?" Snape's voice was softer than usual. Even if the shifts in his tone were always subtle, Draco could read them. That didn't mean that it would be wise to trust him. After all, Snape had done a number of things in the war.

Draco opened his eyes to stare at his potion's Professor and then remembered the stories that had been shared after the war. How Harry Potter himself attested to Severus Snape's role in the war. And despite his betrayal, despite him murdering Dumbledore, despite him being so clearly evil in his last moments, Harry insisted the man had died for him. For the right reasons. Though Draco did find that quite hard to understand. Yet, Draco couldn't help but believe in the heroes of his past. That's why he didn't mind that Potter was here now. He trusted his judgment. "I have reason to believe that my father will invite the Dark Lord there. They will make the manor their main quarters during the war."

Something then blitzed in Severus' eyes. "Are you sure?"

Draco nodded. "It's what has me on edge. I can't go home, Severus."

Severus nodded barely noticeable under his long black mane and strode towards the exit. In his movements, he assured him. "I will see what I can do." Before he left, his gaze rested on Potter. "Mr Potter. See to it that you'll get back to your dorms by twelve. I will not vouch for you longer than that." A miraculous hall pass materialised on Draco's bed, ready to be grabbed. When he looked back up, Snape was gone.

Potter stared at Draco with wide eyes until the sound of Snape's food steps faded away. "Has Voldemort visited you?"

"Not yet. But I fear that he will." Actually, he was definitely going to visit, but Draco already sounded insane.

"Do you have dreams about him, too?"

Draco tilted his head in surprise. 'Too?' "Something like that. Do you?"

Potter nodded. He hesitated. He fumbled with his hands, then inhaled deeply. It looked like he was considering something. He was watching Draco for a moment as if searching for something. He must have found it because before Draco knew it, Potter dropped a bomb on him.

Potter began to tell Draco a tale about a scar and a strange connection between himself and Voldemort. He told him of dreams of a black corridor. Dreams that sounded suspiciously like a certain room in the ministry of magic. A room that Draco could envision from a Prophet article after the DA members had invaded the ministry to fight the Death Eaters. Including Draco's father.
The descriptions matched a certain prophecy that Draco remembered his father had been tasked to find. Potter's dreams sounded a lot like someone, and that someone was no doubt the Dark Lord, was invading Potter's mind. The Dark Lord was watching them. Possibly even now. Draco knew the feeling, could place himself in Potter's position, feeling Bellatrix's magic directed at him. He felt sick.

Draco's eyes hardened. He felt hollow and cold as he looked into those green eyes. He couldn't be sure but it wasn't unthinkable. If his theory was right, Draco knew exactly what was happening. And piece by piece, his fifth year began to make much more sense.

"You think I'm crazy," Potter laughed. "You, of all people, think I'm insane." Potter reached out to make even more of a mess of his own hair. He looked like he already regretted telling Draco about it.

Draco had to redeem that. "I don't." Potter looked up slowly. "In fact, I think you're in more danger than I realised," Draco muttered, his heart suddenly beating fast. As he looked into Potter's eyes, he could imagine snake eyes staring back at him. "Potter, have you ever heard of Occlumency?"

Draco was released the morning after. He would have to keep drinking recovery potions for a while but he could manage that.

That aside, he hadn't quite anticipated the reactions that he was confronted with in the great Hall.

Slytherins were pointing at him, muttering to themselves. A part of him hoped to see worry in his former friend's face. But once he looked at them, they turned away from him. Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were watching him with a mix of worry and irritation, while most Gryffindors seemed extraordinarily smug. And because Draco was a masochist, he decided to take a seat beside Neville at their table.

"Draco," said Neville and then whacked him on the head. "Don't do that ever again! Snape took 50 points from me for not stopping you!"

This wasn't about the points, Draco knew that much. "Well, then I'll just give you 60 points for saving my ass," Draco shrugged and promptly saw how Rubies filled the Gryffindor tube. "Ah, the power of being prefect," he muttered and then poured himself some tea. Or rather, the power of the totally whack system that was the Hogwart's house points. Draco had no idea if there had ever been rules to the whole thing but he didn't care about that right now. It was just points.

"Draco," Neville said, somewhat shocked by his counter points and shoved a croissant on Draco's plate. "Eat it. Even if it tastes like ash to you. Eat it. You need it."

Draco sighed and stared at the croissant. "I'll try." And he did. It tasted awfully stale, especially with the tar like feeling in his throat from the antidote. That aside, he'd eaten worse under worse circumstances. He took his time with it, although he still needed an awful lot of time.

"Good," said Neville somewhat satisfied and returned to his own breakfast. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Draco shook his head. "It was an accident." And it was. He hadn't MEANT to kill himself. Yes, he'd voluntarily taken the poison but it still hadn't been his intention to die that day.

Neville looked at him comically, then nodded despite himself. "You really believe that, I suppose."

Draco shrugged once more.

Thankfully, Neville decided then to change the subject. "Ron and Hermione think you might be behind Umbridge's order. The one that prohibits group activities."

"Yeah, they told me as much." Draco ripped the croissant to pieces. "I tried telling them that it doesn't make much sense since I was only invited to a study session."

"But that's a lie."

Draco cast a silent muffliato around them for his next words.

"I suppose me lying to them makes you doubt me, doesn't it?" Draco send him a glance. "Me being from the future isn't really something anyone would believe. The fact that you believe me still boggles my mind. But I can't really go around and tell them that I've been a safety issue for their plan before they even came up with it." Draco was whispering despite the spell. "I have nothing to offer to any of you to prove whether or not I'm trustworthy. Heck, I wouldn't trust myself if I were you! I don't know how I'm supposed to help without messing everything up. But I can't... I can't just pull away. I can't NOT make a decision. You wouldn't understand how terrifying it is when the best thing you can do is nothing." Draco's hunger completely left him as he felt a lump in his throat and he left the croissant pieces on the table, feeling sick of himself rather than the food.

Neville regarded him with a sigh. "I understand better than you think." He paused before he shook his head. "I may not understand the extend of your feelings, but I understand that you still want to help. We currently need a room to practice in. You don't happen to know a place in the castle where we can? How did we do it last time?"

Draco's gaze softened. Right - Draco had no right to assume other people's problems. He should know better than that. "I talked to Potter about it. I wanted to show Weasley and Granger, yesterday, but then... you know." He made a vague gesture. "I'll meet Potter tonight after school to show him the place."

Neville nodded with a smile. Then he nudged him in the shoulder. "I'm proud of you."

The words hit Draco straight in the chest and he felt a strange prickling in his eyes. "Eh... yeah, thanks." The fuck was that?

Draco waited in front of the tapestry of Barnaby the Barmy for what felt like a whole hour. It was late enough to be a bit dangerous since Umbridge wasn't very keen on people who broke the curfew. Eventually, he felt an invisible tug at his arm and he jumped into the wall behind him. He didn't have the reflexes to grab his wand. There had been too long of a time where he didn't even HAVE a wand. So instead, he cowered at the wall, bracing himself, hoping it would protect him from the invisible assault.

"Malfoy, it's me." Potter's head appeared under an invisibility cloak. Draco exhaled a deep breath. Right, he remembered that. In sixth year he had broken Potter's nose when he had been spying on him on the train. He had covered him under the cloak then. He had completely forgotten that thing existed.

"Merlin, you gave me a heart attack, Potter."

"I'm sorry. I just made sure we weren't being watched." Potter uncovered himself completely from the cloak, as no one was currently here. He folded the thing and put it and some kind of parchment into a bag pack he was carrying with him.

"You mean, you were checking if I was luring you into a trap," Draco corrected and caught Potter looking somewhat guilty. "I don't blame you. I'd have done the same." Draco sighed. " Well then, Potter. The trick to this is rather easy. You think of the room you need. Then you pace forth and back along the wall. Once you paced it three times, the door will appear."

Potter looked skeptical, but then dropped the bag down next to Draco and began to pace the hallway. Draco was frozen in his place. Potter had left the INVISIBILITY cloak with him. Now either the boy was deranged or he actually trusted Draco. Which amounted to the same friggin thing. He didn't consider Draco a threat! Had Draco's heart been beating normally before, it now completely lost it's rhythm.

Look and behold, the door actually appeared and Potter laughed in surprise. Draco gestured at the door when Potter decided it was more interesting to stare at Draco than the actual door that had appeared out of nowhere. You know? Like Draco was the magical, incredible thing happening in this hallway. But Draco supposed he kind of was. His change was rather abrupt, it must be changing Potter's entire world view. Potter's smile faded as he seemed to realise what he was doing and cleared his throat. "This isn't a trick, is it?"

Draco sighed yet again, then walked over and gave Potter the bag back. He then pushed through the door. For the first time actually seeing the headquarters of Dumbledore's army. Draco had to admit, he had always been a tad bit curious. Last time he had only heard of what it looked like, as he had been too busy catching the runaway members. Ah, well. No one expects the Spanish inquisition and no one would invite them to their secret layer. ... Potter probably wouldn't get that meme either.

Potter closed the door behind them and suddenly they were alone. "This is incredible," he awed at the place.

Draco could only agree. The room was so much bigger than the room he slept in. There were dozens of books in here. All designed for Defence Against the Dark Arts. There were pillows and training dummies and everything one might need to hold a proper lesson.

"I suppose this study group is a little more than just a study group, then?"

Potter looked at him through wary eyes. "I think you already knew that. Neville told me the reason why you didn't join us in Hogsmead was because you didn't want to scare the other members away. I forced him to tell me, by the way. Feigning sickness, really? You feel sick all the time and still go to class."

Draco flinched. "Yeah alright, I had a hunch." It's not like he had ever been able to hide things from Potter for long. And now they saw each other often enough that Potter could actually get to know him. The thought was kind of chilling.

It looked like Potter wanted to say something else but eventually shook his head. "That's what worries me. If you could GUESS what we were planning, how can we be sure no one else will? Maybe they HAVE. Maybe Umbridge knew this would happen when she fucked up DADA for us."

"So, you don't think I was the one ratting you out? Granger and Weasley seemed to think so," Draco couldn't help but comment, feeling almost a little amused at the trust in Potter's words. More than that, it made him curious. What was it that Potter saw when he looked at him? How could he look through him so easily?

"I know you, Malfoy. If you had been the one to do it, you'd be bragging about it. You've changed. I don't know why, but you've changed a lot since last year. I don't know what it is, but I'm willing to figure out if that's a good or a bad thing."

Draco inhaled. "That's more than I hoped for, to be honest."

"And you want to give me Occlumency lessons." Potter turned to him, an eyebrow raised. "Which would help me. Unless you're just doing it to get into my head." Harry's glasses blitzed against the lit fires, painting him in a dangerous light.

Draco composed himself. "That completely depends on you. To be honest, I can't imagine you training with me. Or advise it, really. It's a very intimate process. Invading someone's mind ... I may know how to do occlumency and have SOME experience with legilimency, but even if you figure it out, it can only protect you for so long.
The more I know about you and your plans, the more danger you might be in. If the Dark Lord gets a hold of me, I can't be trusted to keep silent. This kind of magic doesn't really work against veritaserum, you know? Or torture. Or the imperius." Draco grabbed his left arm tighter. "What I mean is, you should definitely find a teacher, but chose someone you can trust. Someone you feel comfortable with. And someone who is not afraid to face the Dark Lord, should they meet."

Without answering, Harry walked over to him and grabbed his arm. Their eyes met for a strangely electrified moment, as Potter shoved the sleeve up Draco's left arm. His eyes trailed to the unmarked skin, but his expression didn't change. "There is nothing there." He let go and Draco grabbed the arm tight with his free hand as if to pull it away. It was too late for that, obviously.

Draco stared at Potter with wide eyes. Had Potter noticed it again? He shook his head. Potter probably assumed he had... which wasn't far off the truth... "It's where they'll put it." His voice came out in a tremble. They will, if he didn't stop them. They will if Draco failed. Fail in what, Draco wasn't quite sure yet.

Potter seemed to know what he was talking about. He nodded apologetically, then cleared his throat. "I'll think about it," Potter said and stepped away. "For now, this will be enough." He turned to Draco again. "You could still join us." The army.

Draco bit his lip. "Only if no one leaves because of me."

Harry tilted his head in consideration. "Why? It's their choice if they want to be able to defend themselves."

Draco huffed a breath, then steeled himself. This was important and Potter needed to understand that. "You don't understand, Potter. You will need as many people on your side as you can get. The Dark Lord isn't someone to be trifled with. He's not EASY to defeat. The most powerful wizards of our parents' generation couldn't defeat him as a combined force. They were wiped out! You're fifteen, for Salazar's sake!"

Potter narrowed his eyes at him. "Draco, this isn't -"

Draco laughed. "Potter, you're the ONLY one who can do this! You're the only one who can defeat the Dark Lord. But that man is not the only threat, Potter! There will be dozens of Death Eaters! You can't face them all alone! And they will not hold back because you're young! They will be in your way and you won't be able to take all of them on your own! You will need as much help as you can get! Prepare as many people as possible! It may save your life in the end."

Potter stared at him with something almost like wonder in his eyes. "Draco... I was talking about a DADA course. I mean, yeah, we should learn this to defend ourselves against Voldemort. But I wasn't.... I wasn't talking about creating an actual army! The name is a joke- I don't want people dying for me!"

Draco was breathing heavily. He froze, staring blindly at Potter. They HADN'T organised themselves to be an army? But then... But of course Potter wouldn't want that. Wouldn't want people to die for him. For a moment it had been Draco who had forgotten he was talking to a child.

"You really think I can defeat Voldemort, when not even Dumbledore could find a way to do it?"

Draco visibly deflated.

"You know something, don't you?," Harry asked, sounding awfully worried.

"I just want to help," Draco replied and met his eyes. "And I can't start by standing in your way." He muttered the last part and looked away. Like hell these kids would understand that. Well, alright, Neville did.

"I see.", Potter gnawed on his lip. "Well, you've been a great help this time." He paused and faced him once more. There was hesitance in his voice as he spoke up. "There- is another thing that might become a bit of a hassle if you joined. In the DA are people from every house. It'll be near impossible to arrange meetings for everyone's schedules. Quidditch included. And adding a Slytherin..."

Draco understood immediately. "I told you, I won't stand in your way. Don't account for me and my classes, Potter. If you can't fit me in, I'll just... train on my own. I know this room well, I don't need constant supervision." He couldn't help but sound disappointed despite himself.

Potter seemed thoughtful. His hair was a mess as usual, and probably a little bit ruffled from the invisibility cloak. "If that's okay with you...." He paused. "Or I could give you private lessons if you want."

Draco's eyes flicked up at that. He could feel hope blossoming in his chest. "Do you have the time for that?"

Potter rolled his eyes and leaned in to to mock whisper at Draco, despite them being alone. "Let's be real. I'd be really happy to not have to study ten hours a day with Hermione watching." He smiled.

"Then let's do that." Draco smiled. He could hardly believe it. Was this really happening? Was the universe telling Draco that he was allowed to live? Allowed to fight beside them? 'And likely die,' but Draco ignored that voice.

"You will still have to sign Hermione's member sheet. She'll kill me if you don't."

Draco's smile dimmed. He remembered very well what happens to people who dare to cross Hermione Granger. "She's terrifying," he admitted. "Where do I sign?"