I don't have chapter 38 prepared yet and the chapters from 38-41 are crucial and I wanted enough time to plot it and get around it.

Okay that's a lie, i DID end up writing short chapters but I wanted to post this... well-

I have this review from lostlovefairy that I wanted to post, along with my commentary.

This will also help readers get an insight on what has happened so far and how it'd change, going forth.

Thank you for the review, dear fren 🫶

Italics/Normal text= review
Bold + Italic = my comment on the part

Review:

Second Chances, is an great addition to the mystery genre, blending themes of friendship and romance within a high school setting in India.

The story opens with a tight-knit group of three friends, whose lives are turned upside down when Arav mysteriously disappears for a year.

Upon his return, he aligns himself with the class bullies, casting aside his previous bonds with Jay and Karan.

Jay and Karan are determined to uncover the truth behind Arav's disappearance, only to stumble upon an even greater mystery.

What Worked:

I appreciate how you've crafted the trio with distinct personalities. Jayant, in particular, shines with his internal conflicts and introspective monologues, bringing depth to his character.

Suresh, a teacher at their school, initially appears as a background character but then appears to develop an air intrigue.

Would it be bad if I said I really enjoyed crafting Jayant's character? I am thrilled to know this! Regarding Karan, however, I wanted him to be that shy, reserved character who still has his place, even when Jayant and Arav get more detailed character development. Given that Karan's the one whose perspective we see more, but it's more like having a narrator, or maybe a cameraman for the action, if you will... he has his place, but he prefers to be reserved in a sense. I'll still take that into consideration!

And Suresh sir, yes, I wasn't even sure about developing his character outside of the teacher persona, but the extra chapter of  «the case of ghostly garnish» really inspired me, those episodes were crafted with the help of an AI named Bard (now, Gemini) and it was a fun experiment, and a present, of sorts, for Makar Sankranti day.. so many things come out of that extra chapter!

The subtle clues you sprinkle throughout the narrative—such as the mysterious girl Maya that Arav had been speaking with before his disappearance, the factory ledger containing symbols, the box with similar symbols they unearth on campus, and the hints of an underground cult—add to the suspense.

Just when I begin to wonder what happened to Arav, you introduce his perspective, giving me insight into his experiences.

Initially, Maya comes across as the antagonist—an ominous figure thought to have corrupted a young man in his formative years, culminating in a vague incident that suggests the possibility of there having been some kind of non normative sexual practice or perhaps a cult initiation.

Thank goodness that worked! I was so worried, if you glimpsed even mildly at the author's note at the end, you'd see that I really struggled with the chapter and detailing. My initial readers Ablazeisaleo and GraveyardSiren read when the scenes weren't fleshed out that well and the details were added recklessly [some silent readers too, but i unfortunately, do not have their names, yet]. The mention of what happens is in trigger warning, and I wanted to keep it vague. I was worried about all sorts of legal battles and backlashes [if you've ever heard or come across Lolita by Vladimir Nakbov, you'll know how terrible the lawsuit turned out to be, for the right reasons, but still]

I believe, ultimately, your words tell me that the current version works. I think I caught a glimpse of one of your comments where you mentioned someone close to you going through such an incident. I am so sorry about that. I have had a few of my close friends tell me too, of how they were violated, they were boys, one of them was as young as 9! The perpetuator in those cases was a woman. I wanted to bring light to that. So many times, stories that have violation or even exploitation of any sort, the victim is a girl while the perpetuator is a male. I wanted to give a voice for all my friends who went through that and got on the other side but unfortunately, no one believed them, they had to fight for themselves alone. I wanted that to change, and that's the inspiration for how such a plot came about, that and Kite Runner [the blood-stained pants, Arav's dad believes that his son was the one who violated a girl, because blood = periods and that's why he was angry at him, shows, how easy it is to believe a girl might have been violated, but believe that a boy could never be violated, by a boy? maybe, by a girl? one might question your very existence]

However, as I delve into Maya's point of view, her character develops complexity. I learn about her seemingly normal childhood and her fiery, rebellious spirit. The plot thickens further when I explore her relationship with Suresh, the aforementioned teacher in their school.

As I gain a deeper understanding of Maya, she becomes more relatable, transforming from a mere villain into a well-rounded individual who is liked by her friends and colleagues.

Then comes the mention of Riddhi, and she immediately goes on my list of suspects.

My way of saying: Just because someone is capable of doing evil, doesn't mean they will, and just because someone appears innocent, doesn't mean they can't do evil. I am glad you're catching on to that! Riddhi using Maya's account was an obvious detail and while it might feel like the mystery is solved, things are still not clear and won't be until later. It's a deep dive into the human psyche ;)

The collapse of QuanDatum, a company Maya worked for, presents a compelling subplot, as I discover she unearthed a suspicious file during her time there. I learn that she too had been investigation into the very same mystery.

You requested specific help with navigating the different time lines. You could include specific time markers "2006, Mumbai" for example, that would polish the writing but I found the shifts in timelines manageable.

More about tense slip ups! I have been told that I tend to shift between present and past perfect continuous very easily and I am not the best with it. As for the location, the entirety of the tale happens in Gujarat, starting at Jamnagar, then shifting to Ahmedabad when Maya moves there as a part of her job. I'll consider it, but I am not great with keeping a track of dates or even location for that matter, so a vague "present" or "timeline of events - 2006" works best for me, I'll need an editor to help me sort out the tangle it becomes in the initial chapters tho.

Typically, multiple POVs can be disorienting, but you have woven them together effectively.

Phew, that's another relief. I was genuinely worried about it. But, I am happy that it's working out!

What Did Not Work:

The flow leading up to Maya's POV occasionally feels choppy. While descriptive passages enrich the reader's experience, an over-reliance on adverbs and repeated ideas can disrupt the narrative flow.

Jay's character is beautifully developed, but Karan's personality doesn't stand out as distinctly. While this isn't a significant issue, a bit more depth in Karan's portrayal could elevate the story.

Some of the early chapters lack clarity (until about Chapter 7), maybe you are being intentionally cryptic, but I found myself needing a little more substance to bite on, to keep me turning the pages. Many key ideas seem buried beneath redundant lines.

However, once we transition into Maya's POV, the writing style becomes clearer and more precise, improving the overall reading experience.

Incorporating more dialogue and shortening the narration in the opening chapters would significantly enhance engagement.

Courtesy of relying hard on ChatGPT for the initial chapters. I had written upto Chapter 7 initially and the plot was supposed to flow in a different direction [as stated in author's note]. I'll need a good editor, Grammarly is tough to navigate but I think I'll rely on ProWritingAid for that and get an editor, either on Wattpad or out of it.

I noticed you mentioned using ChatGPT for editing; I used an AI-powered editing tool in my first book, and it created a lot of redundancy. I remember having to go back and revert most of it to it's original form - this was cumbersome but necessary. I think you may have to revisit your earlier chapters as well.

I recommend using tools like Grammarly to catch grammar, punctuation errors, and typos, while also suggesting synonyms. This way, while refining your work, you maintain control of the narrative's voice.

At chapter 36, I haven't been able to find a link between the title 'Second Chances' and the story. But I anticipate that it'll all come together in the end.

Oh, I am pleasantly surprised! Then, I think you're in for a treat when Chapter 42 comes about. The title is subtly put across the plot but it will hold more significance when things finally start tying together and the full picture is revealed.

Overall Impression:

I see great potential in Second Chances. The unique plot draws readers in and leaves them eagerly anticipating the unfolding mystery. I can't wait to find out why QuanDatum collapsed and what Maya's role in Arav's disappearance really was.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE DETAILED AND THE MOST HELPFUL FEEDBACK !

-x-x-x-

As someone who's constantly worried about my story not being good enough, this is a surprise to me that it does have its potential and place.

The other day, I was discussing the plot and outcomes with an conversational AI called Pi AI (you might or might not recognize it from «the case of ghostly garnish» chapter *wink wink nudge nudge*)

"Oh, this sounds like a story that could really make people sit up and take notice. You're diving deep into some of the most complex and provocative themes in human society: gender, morality, trauma, and redemption. The fact that you're tackling these issues from an unconventional angle is really powerful, especially because it can help people see the world in a different light.

Anyone can be a perpetrator or a victim, regardless of their gender identity or moral values. That's why it's so important to approach these issues with empathy and understanding, rather than just automatically assuming that all perpetrators are evil and all victims are innocent."

That's all about the reviews for Second Chances. Thanks for reading and supporting so far!

Cheers,
SARAMITRA ❤️