[A/N - POV switches part way through]

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of sexual assault and suicide. You may skip the italicized portion if you need to

"It ain't the gun. It's the man behind the trigger, gets blood on his fingers and runs. It ain't the lie. It's the way that the truth is denied."
~James Arthur, 'Suicide'

~~~

*Third Person POV*

| FIVE YEARS AGO |

With his heart beating erratically and alarm shooting through his veins, Mateo Pérez ran as fast as he could towards the pack house. The moment he heard the panicked voice of his best friend through their mind link, Mateo dropped what he was doing and sprinted to the pack house.

Ever since they were little kids, Mateo had always felt like it was his responsibility to watch after his best friend and Alpha, Easton Butler. While the red-haired boy insisted that he was strong enough to take care of himself, Mateo could sense that wasn't quite the truth. Deep down, Easton was lost and scared, and Mateo knew it.

No matter how many times Mateo tried to pry open Easton's shell, the young Alpha refused to shed his tough exterior. He was the Alpha of the Silver Woods Pack, and an Alpha mustn't show weakness. At least, that was what Easton believed.

Even Mateo's wolf, Maverick, sensed that there was a part of Easton that he kept bottled up. Buried beneath an avalanche of overcompensating masculinity. Buried so deep that not even Easton's wolf, Elias, had a clear understanding of how badly Easton was suffering.

His mind was tormented daily, long before he was abducted and tortured. The voice he would hear, telling him that he was a failure; that he was pathetic. The voice that seemed to ease up when Easton found his mate, only to return stronger than ever when his body and mind was violated by a group of vicious rogues.

After he was rescued, Easton shut down. Refused to tell anyone exactly what had been done to him. The nightmares still haunted his mind; saying the words out loud would be too much. Too real. More real than the phantom touches ghosting over his body, making his skin crawl and stomach churn.

He couldn't let them know how their Alpha was humiliated. How he was overpowered and stripped of his dignity in such a brutally horrific way. Easton knew he would rather die than have the entire world know what happened to him.

And that thought began to fester in his mind, until it manifested into an obsession. Death. An escape from the nightmares, from the voices, from the lying. It all seemed so much easier than having to suffer every single fucking day.

But he couldn't.

Not when he had a mate that needed him. Loved him. Anytime Easton felt his fingers twitch with the need to drag a blade over his forearms, he would picture Landon's face in his mind. How sad, how torn up Landon would be if Easton ever hurt himself.

Even so, Easton couldn't fight away the shadows that torn at his mind; the invisible hands that would choke all the oxygen out of him.

In his anguish, Easton called out to Mateo through their mind link. For what exactly? He didn't know. He was just so fucking tired of being alone, yet the idea of Landon seeing him so defeated made him feel even worse. Mateo was the one person who had already seen Easton at his worst; the one person who knew how to talk him off a ledge.

Mateo burst into Easton's room, frantically looking for the Alpha. When he didn't immediately see him, Mateo stepped slowly towards the bathroom connected to the bedroom. He pushed the door open, paling when he saw Easton sitting on the floor with a gun in his hand.

"Easton," Mateo said carefully, not wanting to frighten the Alpha.

Easton looked up at his friend with blood-shot eyes. "Mateo..." His hand shook around the gun, clenching it tighter. His voice cracked as he sobbed, "I-I can't do it."

"Easton," Mateo tried again, holding out his hand. "Give me the gun."

"It hurts," Easton wailed helplessly.

"What hurts?" Mateo asked gently, kneeling down onto the tile floor.

Easton brought his hand to his chest. "In here," he choked out before bringing his hand to his head. "And in here."

The Beta swallowed thickly, trying his best not to cry. It would have only made Easton feel worse.

"It's okay," Mateo said shakily. "It's okay to hurt. You just need help. We can get you help."

"I've gotten help!" Easton snarled. "I've seen therapists! I've tried to fix this, but I'm so fucking broken! And I'm so fucking tired of being broken! I can't take it anymore!"

Pushing off the bathroom floor, Easton shoved past Mateo and began to pace in his bedroom. He stared down at the gun in his hand, sobs making his entire body shake. Elias thrashed around in his mind, trying to force Easton to stop. The Alpha threw up a mental barrier, blocking his wolf out entirely.

"I want to die," he sobbed, gripping the gun tighter. "I want to... but I can't. I can't bring myself to do it. Mateo," he turned his green eyes to his friend, taking large strides towards him. "Please. Please, help me."

Mateo nodded. "I can get you help. It'll be ok—"

"No! I need... I need your help," Easton said, holding the gun out to Mateo. The Beta's eyes widened as the meaning of his friend's words slammed into him.

"No," Mateo gasped. "I would never, I could never..."

"Mateo, please!" Easton cried, kneeling at Mateo's feet. He placed the gun in Mateo's hand, positioning the barrel of the gun at his own forehead. "I'm so tired of being like this, of being in pain. I'm suffering, Mateo. Please, take it away."

Tears streaked down Mateo's face as he stared at his best friend. The one he would do everything with; the one who had been by his side his entire life. Easton looked so... exhausted. Face pale, with dark circles under his blood-shot eyes. There was no sign of the strong Alpha he grew up with. What he saw was a hollow, fractured shell of the man he knew. Mateo knew... he thought he knew that the best thing for his friend, would be to put him out of his misery.

"Please," Easton whimpered, splintering that last shred of hesitancy Mateo held.

Squeezing his eyes shut tight, Mateo said a silent prayer to the Moon Goddess, and pulled the trigger.

***

*Landon's POV*

| PRESENT DAY |

"Even if Easton wanted it... I was still the man behind the trigger," Mateo stares at the ground as he finishes recounting that horrible night. "I killed Easton."

My legs shake, growing weak before finally giving out beneath me. I fall to the ground; my head spinning as the blood drains from my face.

"No," I whisper, shaking my head in denial.

"I'm so sorry," Mateo sobs softly.

"You're sorry?!" Leon roars, his face red with unbelievable anger. "You should have taken the gun and ran! If he wasn't able to do it himself, then he might still be alive today! We could've helped him!"

"We tried helping him! He was suffering, Leon! He needed—"

"That wasn't your call to make! You don't get to decide if death is the best option for someone, especially when it's my brother! He wasn't some mutt that you could just... put down!"

Mateo flinches. I press my hand over my mouth, trying to suppress the bile that's rising up. Ryland kneels behind me, wrapping his arms around my trembling body.

My mind is in shambles, because I can't figure out which scenario is worse: Easton committing suicide, Mateo murdering him, or Mateo helping Easton commit suicide. Every scenario feels like a hot iron poker is stabbing me in the back.

"You murdered your Alpha," Leon growls, his body shaking with rage. "As the current Alpha of the Silver Woods Pack, I decree that your punishment is death."

Lyn gasps, her mouth stammering without any sound coming out. With a heavy look of sadness, the Luna steps aside.

"No," I manage, forcing down the vomit that's threatening to spill out.

Leon spins around and stares at me. "No?! Landon, he killed Easton! Your mate! How could you not want him dead?"

I do, I think to myself. I want Mateo to suffer for allowing Easton to die. But... my mind keeps flashing to his mate. The witch. She might not know that she is Mateo's mate, but that doesn't change the fact that they're destined to be together. If I allow Leon to kill Mateo, I'm putting someone else through what I did.

"Leon," I start, standing to my feet with Ryland's assistance. "Mateo may have pulled the trigger, but... Easton still killed himself. He made a decision that day to die. It was Easton that pushed Mateo to kill him. It was still suicide."

"But if Mateo refused, Easton might still be—"

"Might," I repeat, making Leon fall silent. "He might be alive. Or he might've found another way to end it. We don't know what would've happened, and we'll only drive ourselves insane speculating. Because at the end of the day, regardless of how he did it, Easton still killed himself. He's gone, Leon."

That seems to get through to him, because he begins to hyperventilate. Gripping his dark red hair, Leon crouches to the ground and releases a heart-breaking wail. Lyn cries for the pain of her mate, throwing her arms around Leon and pulling him close. Leon buries his face in Lyn's chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

I slump to the ground, squeezing my eyes shut. Because despite that big speech I just gave, Leo is trying to break free and rip Mateo's throat out.

Right when Leo is about to force me to shift, a menacing growl echoes through the church basement, and we all freeze.

~~~

Damn, that's the most intense chapter I've written. Just a heads up, "Fallen Alpha" will be this intensity for the last half. I'll have trigger warnings in place

Thoughts?
Tears?
Pain?
I know.

Q: When was the last time you laughed, and why?
[a few minutes ago, when my baby smiled at me]

See you next time!
-Gumbie