"My love is unconditional, make no mistake. I don't ask for much, just be honest with me. I don't ask for much, just be honest with me."
~Jason Mraz, 'Be Honest'

~~~

*Landon's POV*

Over the past month, I thought I had gotten to know Ryland pretty well. He wears his heart on his sleeve in a way that's made me feel comfortable with opening up to him. Just a few nights ago, Ryland held me while I cried after having a panic attack, and then we spent the night talking about my past with Easton.

I genuinely trusted him, and I thought the feeling was mutual. While I've known he has some baggage he didn't want to talk about, I assumed he would at some point. I didn't think I would have to wait for him to have a fucking seizure in my arms. Because now, it's not going to be his choice to tell me. He has to tell me, and that's what hurts.

Ryland is curled up in a ball on his bed, guilt swirling in his eyes. He hasn't said a word since he woke up half an hour ago, and I've just been sitting quietly for him to say something. Anything.

I want to feel angry, but I don't even know what I'm angry about. Ronnie and Kai refused to tell me anything, so I had to wait for Ryland to wake up. In the meantime, I got him dressed and dabbed his heated skin with a cold rag until he came to. Even if I'm upset with him, I'm still going to take care of him.

'I felt him, I felt River,' Leo whines, pacing around in my mind. 'He's suffering, I know it.'

'I'll ask him about River, but I need him to be the first one to talk,' I tell him. 'He's been keeping a lot from us, and it's time we learned the truth before we can move forward with this relationship.'

Leo whimpers but fades back into my mind on the promise that I'll find out what happened to River. I can sense that he wants to keep pushing the issue and fight with me more about it, but the herbs are making him too weak.

"I'm sorry," Ryland croaks in a raspy voice after nearly an hour of silence.

"I don't even know yet what you're sorry about," I point out flatly, making him wince.

"It's just... I was scared, Landon. I still am. I've been worried that if I told you the truth about what I am, you would reject me. And I can't be rejected again, Landon, I can't."

"You don't think I was scared? You don't think it was hard for me to open up to you? I told you about Easton, about how I've been a rogue for the past five years. Things I was nearly certain you would reject me for, but you didn't. Why couldn't you put that same trust in me?"

My words cut him to the quick, and his eyes begin to water. My arms ache with the need to embrace and comfort him, but I hold myself back. I can't give into him, not until he gives me something first.

"Is your hand okay?" He redirects the conversation to the burn on my hand. I sigh, clenching my fist. The wound is healing, although slowed down since my wolf abilities have been stunted by the herbs.

"It'll be fine," I assure him. "Although I would still like to know why your collar would shock me in the first place."

"I'm sorry," he repeats, looking down at his lap.

"You don't have to be sorry. You just have to be honest with me," I say, scooting closer towards him. "I thought we had made a lot of progress lately, and we'd established trust. Was I wrong in thinking that?"

Ryland's glossy eyes widen. "No! I do trust you."

"Then talk to me. Tell me what you're so scared of."

He bites his lower lip, and it's killing me that he's so afraid to open up to me. Sitting by and waiting for him to say something isn't working. He needs to know that I'm not going anywhere. When I agreed to accept him as my mate, I didn't take that lightly. We're in this together, no matter what it is.

I reach toward him, taking his hand in mine. Ryland blinks in surprise before his shoulders relax at the way our bond hums at the contact.

"Five years ago, I was looking forward to finding my mate," Ryland begins, looking down at our hands. "When I finally found him, I was elated. I had found the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. Not only was he gorgeous, but he was an Alpha, and I knew I would be happy with him. All of that lasted for only a few seconds before Roman rejected me without another word. No explanation, nothing at all. The pain was blinding, and I lost consciousness."

His hands are shaking, so I hold both of them while running my thumb over his knuckles, reminding him that I'm here. Ryland offers me a weak smile before continuing on.

"When I came to, my Alpha and Luna informed me that River had taken over, forcing me to shift. He hunted down several deer, luckily not hurting any wolves. They told me he..." he gulps nervously, his voice dropping to a whisper. "He had gone feral."

Leo releases a high-pitched whine in distress, as I completely freeze. River is feral? How is that possible, when Ryland is completely fine?

"They deduced that I was only feral in wolf form, as a consequence of the rejection. A witch made me this collar to keep River from forcing me to shift again, making sure I didn't accidentally hurt anyone. Anytime it senses that I'm getting overexcited, or detects River's presence, it delivers a powerful shock to subdue the both of us until we're calm."

"What?" I hiss, anger flooding me. "They put a fucking shock collar on you? Like you're some wild mutt?"

"Technically, I am a wild mutt," Ryland jokes, but I don't find it very funny.

"You're not a mutt," I respond in a low, serious tone.

"Landon, did you hear what I said? My wolf is feral. I'm lucky my human component didn't go feral or I would've been put down," he points out, and I flinch. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to see me as a monster."

I furrow my brows. "A monster? Why would you think that I would ever see you as a monster?"

"At least I haven't gone feral, so I'm not a complete monster yet," Ryland quotes with a frown. "I remember exactly what you said, because those words haven't left my head since you said it. Feral wolves are monsters, you said so yourself."

At a complete loss for words, all I can do is stammer as shame floods me. While I didn't know Ryland was feral, I'm still ashamed that I inadvertently caused him to feel afraid to tell me the truth. That's why he cried that day and flinched when I tried to touch him. He was scared that I was going to reject him, and he had been hurt enough by rejection in the past.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper, gripping his hands tighter. "I didn't know."

Ryland shakes his head. "It's not your fault. You were right, I should have told you sooner. I was just scared that you would reject me, and Elder Joan warned me that if I were rejected again, my human component would become feral as well."

"Is that why only your wolf is feral? Because of our bond?"

He nods. "Joan said if it wasn't for our bond, I would've gone completely feral and it's likely I would've been put down."

My stomach twists at the prospect of Ryland being put down. It wasn't his choice to get rejected, so it doesn't make sense to me that his punishment would've been so severe. I've heard of wolves getting rejected before, receiving different punishments of varying severity, but this is the first time I've heard of a wolf going feral from rejection.

"Did Joan explain why you went feral?" I ask him, and he tilts his head quizzically. "I mean, is there a specific reason why your punishment was so severe? If Roman was the one that rejected you, why would you be punished at all?"

Ryland's frown deepens as he thinks. "I'm not sure, actually. I guess that I assumed it was my punishment for not being good enough for my mate to want to keep me."

"That's ridiculous," I interject. "Mates are made to be perfect halves. One soul split into two beings. It's not possible that you weren't good enough for him. And even if it was, it still wasn't your fault that he chose to reject you without giving you a chance. For the record, he's an idiot and he's missing out on the chance to be with an incredible guy."

A small smile spreads across Ryland's lips as the twinkle returns to his honey eyes. "Does this mean... you're not rejecting me?" He asks hopefully.

I scoff at that. "Even after all of that, you still think I would reject you?"

"I'm sorry!" He pulls his hands away to cover his face. "When you've been rejected once, it's hard to believe you won't be rejected again. Especially after finding out that my wolf is feral."

Pushing his hands aside, I cup his face and force him to meet my gaze. The tears are gone, but his pupils are still slightly quaking anxiously.

"I'm not going to reject you," I reassure him in the gentlest tone I can muster. "Being feral doesn't define you. You're still the same sassy, adorable, energetic, lovable guy that I met a month ago."

To solidify my pledge, I push forward and connect our lips in a soft kiss. Ryland's hands cover mine as he presses in closer, the relief he feels seeping through our bond.

"What about Leo?" Ryland asks worriedly after pulling back from the kiss. "What does he think about River being feral?"

'I... I don't know,' Leo mumbles.

"He doesn't know," I translate, and his eyes widen.

"Does he not want us?"

'That's not it!' Leo quickly corrects. 'But... look at it from my perspective. Your mate is still lucid. Mine isn't. I won't be able to talk with him, build a relationship, anything. It's a lot to take in.'

"Leo says he still wants you both, but it's going to take some time to adjust. I'm able to talk to you and build our relationship, but Leo won't be able to do the same with River. It's hard for him."

Ryland bites his bottom lip nervously. "Joan told me a way to bring River back."

Leo leaps up, wagging his tail. 'My River can come back?'

"Really?" I smile widely. "That's great! How?"

"Landon..." Ryland sighs. "I didn't tell you about this before, because I didn't want you to feel pressured."

"Pressured to do what?"

"River went feral after our bond with Roman was broken. By solidifying our bond with our new mates, River would regain his sanity and come back to me."

Solidify our bond? What could he mean by...

"Do you mean we'd have to mate?" I clarify, a hint of panic settling in my chest. "That's the way to bring him back."

Solemnly, Ryland nods once. "You said you weren't ready to mark someone else yet, and I respect that. I don't want you to feel like you have to mate with me now just because of River. That would probably make me feel worse, actually, knowing you're only mating with me out of obligation."

My mind swirls with the new information. In the past month, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been falling for Ryland. But we're still getting to know each other. Mating is practically like getting married for wolves, and I don't think I'm ready to take that step yet.

But then there's also the fact that Leo won't be able to be with River, and Ryland will still have to endure the collar until we mate. I can't have that weight on my shoulders; it's not fair to either of them.

"Landon, breathe," Ryland chuckles softly, brushing my cheek with his knuckles. "We don't have to mate right now. I've dealt with River and this collar for the past five years. I can wait a little while longer for you to be ready."

My heart swells with thankfulness and joy. I smile widely, turning my head to kiss his palm. "Thank you. I'll try not to take too long, I promise."

"As long as you'll still be with me, I can wait as long as you need me to," Ryland swears with an adorable grin. I lean back in, covering his mouth with mine in a brief yet sweet kiss.

'I want to meet Ryland,' Leo suddenly says. 'I want to show him that I'm okay with this too.'

'Are you sure? You haven't been in your wolf form in several years, and you'll be further weakened by the herbs.'

'I'm sure. I need this, I need to see my mate with my own eyes.'

'You won't even be able to communicate with him without the mind link—'

'Landon,' he cuts in sternly, making me sigh.

"Leo wants to meet you," I tell Ryland, and he gapes at me. "Will that be okay? Or will seeing him make River try to break free again?"

"I could try taking more of the herbs and see if that keeps him subdued for a while," Ryland suggests with a shrug. "It's worth a shot. I would really like to meet Leo, too. We could go out to an open area of the pack forest."

'Yes! Let's go right now!' Leo jumps up and down excitedly.

"Alright," I chuckle, standing up and offering my hand to my honeybee. "Let's go."

~~~

They finally had "the talk"! I wasn't sure how much I was planning on having Ryland reveal, but I decided that he's been keeping the truth from Landon for too long

Next chapter will be from a new perspective! I'm so excited!

Thoughts??

Q: Do you have any siblings?
[I have two brothers, and I'm the middle child. I also have a sister-in-law (brother's wife)]

See you next time!
-Gumbie