"Breathe deep, let it wash over you. We're slowly becoming lovers, I promise you we won't be like the others. We won't go running for cover."
~Ben Platt, 'Rain'

~~~

*Landon's POV*

Ever since that mind-blowing kiss with Ryland, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him for a second.

It's as if that single kiss flipped my world upside down; or rather, right side up. Because suddenly, I have more clarity than I have in years. The sky is no longer dull, and has returned to its vibrant blue. The sight of happy couples is no longer revolting, and now brings a smile to my face.

I feel like the world's cheesiest fucking poet, thinking about how Ryland parted the dark clouds and reintroduced sunshine into my life. Goddess, when did I start having the sappiest thoughts?

'We're going to be late,' Leo whines in my head as I finish getting dressed.

'We're not going to be late,' I reply with a roll of my eyes. 'It only takes fifteen minutes to get to his pack if I step on the gas. Lunch doesn't start for another forty minutes anyway.'

'Yeah, but you don't want to be late to this particular lunch,' Leo points out. 'Not the best way to help Ryland make a good first impression on your parents.'

Ah, my parents.

While Lucca and my siblings are all aware that Ryland is my mate, my parents are the only ones still in the dark. I wanted to wait until things were a bit more steady between me and Ryland before introducing him to my parents. Seeing how this will come as a huge shock to them, I figured it was best to wait until I was more confident in our relationship.

That kiss swept away any doubt about my feelings for my honeybee. We're slowly becoming lovers, and I'm surprisingly not as scared as I thought it would be.

My door swings open without warning, and I roll my eyes knowing exactly who would barge into my room like that.

"Do you need something, Lucca?" I ask as I finish styling my blonde hair in the mirror.

"Geez, what a way to greet your best friend," Lucca snorts, crossing his arms over his chest. "I hardly see you around anymore because you're too busy with your new boyfriend to hang out with me."

I turn and look at him pointedly. "He's not just my boyfriend. He's my mate."

"You know I don't believe in that bullshit," Lucca waves his hand. "That Moon bitch decides who we're supposed to be with, and we're just expected to accept that and only be with one person for the rest of our lives? I'm not going to be with someone against my will."

"It's not like that," I shake my head. "It doesn't feel forced. It feels... I can't even find the words to explain it."

"That's because it's not real," Lucca deadpans, making me glare at him. "You only think that way because the Moon makes you feel some weird connection to him. Be honest with yourself. If you didn't feel some supernatural pull towards him, would you still want to be with him?"

In the few seconds I take to contemplate that, my mind is flooded with memories. The way Ryland's honey eyes twinkle whenever he looks at me. The way he always puts my needs first, promising that we'll take things at my pace. The sparkling sound of his laughter, which never fails to make my heart pound with delight. He's been nothing but patient and kind to me, even when I can tell he's holding back for my sake. Ryland came into my life at a time where I felt like nobody understood me; nobody truly cared enough to see beyond the surface of what I show others. He sees me. He gets me. And he still wants to be with me.

"Yes," I murmur with a soft smile. "Even if I didn't feel a supernatural pull towards him, I would still feel a connection with him. I would still choose him."

Lucca stares at me before smiling and shaking his head. "Huh. Never thought I'd see the day when Landon Grey would willingly allow another person into his heart," he says with a genuine smile. "Bring him by soon. I gotta meet this guy."

He turns and leaves without waiting for my response. I watch him leave, my stomach twisting when I remember that I still haven't talked to Ryland about my living situation. He knows about Easton, and I assume that means he knows I'm not a part of the Silver Woods Pack anymore, but we didn't really get around to actually talking about it before we... got distracted.

Shit. Why didn't I think of this before inviting him to lunch with my family? There's no way it's not going to get brought up that I live outside of the pack with Lucca. I wanted to tell him when I felt ready, but since I fucked up and made these plans without thinking, I'll have to do it today.

Fuckity fuck.

'Wow, if only you had several weeks to tell him... oh, wait,' Leo says sarcastically, and I immediately block him out to silence the rest of his sassy remarks.

My phone beeps, reminding me that it's time to leave to pick up Ryland. With a sigh of resignation, I head out to my Jeep and drive over to Ryland's pack.

The entire drive over, my stomach is in knots as I try to think of the best way to bring up my living situation, and you know... the tiny tidbit about being a rogue.

Although... that's an issue that will be fixed if Ryland and I mate, and I join his pack. But that itself seems a whole lot scarier than telling him the truth. I like Ryland, I do. But I was also in love with Easton, and the idea of mating with someone else still makes my heart clench painfully.

All of my painful worries are pushed to the back of my mind when I park in front of Ryland's house. I barely make it out of my car when the front door swings open, and Ryland smiles brightly as he runs towards me.

My heart melts as I open my arms at the exact moment he jumps into them, and I hug him tightly. I bury my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in my favorite scent in the whole world and feeling my heart rate return to normal.

He pulls back, smiling shyly at me. "Sorry. Hi."

I chuckle before pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Never apologize for hugging me," I tell him, causing his smile to become even wider as he looks at me with shimmering, honey eyes. "You ready to go?"

Ryland nods and I open the car door for him to slide into the passenger seat. While he's getting buckled, I take the chance to appreciatively look him over. He's wearing a long-sleeved knit shirt in his favorite color — pale yellow — paired with dark jeans. My eyes catch the black leather collar that always seems to be around his neck, and I tilt my head to the side.

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask," I start, and Ryland looks up at me once he's buckled. "Why do you always wear that collar?"

Ryland's smile slips as fear flashes in his eyes. He quickly tries to cover it up with a strained smile. "We should go. We don't want to keep your family waiting."

"Ryland," I say at his failed attempt to change the topic. "Come on, I've been curious for a while."

"Are you saying I don't look cute in it?" Ryland winks at me.

"Sure, you do," I chuckle. "But a leather collar might not be the most appropriate thing to wear around my parents. It might give them weird ideas about what we do in our spare time."

A blush rises to Ryland's cheeks. "Ah," he says quietly. "Well, er... we should still get going."

I furrow my brows. He keeps avoiding talking about the collar. It can't be a simple fashion statement if he's being this secretive about it.

"You can tell me anything. You know that, right?" I tell him softly. Ryland bites his bottom lip nervously. Reaching over, I intertwine our fingers and watch his shoulders instantly melt as our mate bond relaxes him. "Does it have a special meaning to you or something?"

Ryland looks down at our hands. "I want to talk to you about it, but... not right now. We're about to have lunch with your parents and this isn't the best time to talk about it."

I nod my head in understanding, deciding to drop the issue for now. Despite our strong connection, we've only actually known each other for a month. I can't expect him to open up about everything right away.

'You don't have that luxury,' Leo reminds me, making me mentally curse.

As I drive, I try to mentally prepare myself for the awkward conversation ahead. It'll probably be better to just rip off the bandaid and dive right in, so to speak.

"Before we get to the restaurant, I need to tell you something," I begin nervously. "It'll probably come up at lunch, and I don't want you to be blindsided."

"Okay..." Ryland draws out as he eyes me.

"You know how we started talking about Easton the other day?" I ask, and Ryland nods. "What all did you hear about his Luna?"

"You mean, what did I hear about you?" Ryland clarifies. "I... I don't really want to say."

I smile grimly, knowing it was most likely all bad things that he heard. "It's okay. Tell me anyway."

He takes a deep breath while twiddling his fingers. "Ronnie said that after the Alpha died, his Luna was wrongfully blamed for his death."

My throat goes dry as unpleasant memories flood my mind. "Continue," I choke out.

"The Luna— you were forced out of the pack, and now Easton's brother Leon is Alpha, and Lyn is his Luna," Ryland summarizes, and then pauses. "Wait, but I thought you were still with the Silver Woods Pack?"

I nod my head once. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." We arrive at the restaurant, and I park the car before continuing. "I was kicked out of the pack five years ago, and have been living without a pack ever since."

Ryland falls silent for a moment, and my heart pounds anxiously in my chest. His dark honey eyes stare blankly at my face, making it impossible for me to tell what he's thinking.

"You're a rogue," he finally says, taking me by surprise with how bluntly he said it.

"Not by choice, but... yes," I admit, not daring to look at his face as I stare out the window.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Rogues are hated among wolves. I didn't know how to bring it up in a way that would keep you from rejecting me. Honestly, I wanted to find the perfect time to tell you, but it's likely my family will bring up that I don't live with them anymore."

"You..." Ryland swallows thickly. "You thought I would reject you?"

This time, I turn to face him, and I'm taken aback by the pain shining in his dark golden eyes.

"Rogues have a reputation for being monsters. Unstable creatures terrorizing innocent wolves. I've been able to hold onto my sanity because of my connection to my family, but that doesn't change the fact that I am a rogue."

"And being a rogue doesn't change the fact that you're still you," Ryland says pointedly, touching my chin with his fingertips to turn my head towards him. "What happened to you... it was unjust. You didn't deserve to be exiled like that."

I sniffle, leaning forward to touch our foreheads together. "Thank you," I whisper, and I see Ryland's pink lips turn up in a smile.

"A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet," Ryland quotes, and I feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I press a kiss to his nose, making him giggle.

"I guess it's not all bad," I muse. "It could be worse."

"Oh?"

"At least I haven't gone feral, so I'm not a complete monster yet," I joke, expecting Ryland to laugh but getting a much different reaction instead.

Ryland jerks away quickly, as if my touch suddenly burned him. Confused, I reach for him once more. He flinches inwardly, making Leo whine in distress.

'What the hell did you do now?' Leo whines, pacing back and forth in my mind.

'I don't know,' I respond honestly, looking at my mate who was smiling less than a minute ago, now curled up with tears in his honey eyes.

~~~

One step forward, two steps back (sort of)

This is the slowest burn I've ever written, holy sheet but I love it, it feels more genuine this way

The lunch will be the next chapter in Ryland's POV. He's met Xander so far, but now he'll get to meet the rest of the Grey clan

Thoughts??
Comment and vote!

Thanks, loves!
-Gumbie