Thursday, April 21th

Everything is unfolding in slow motion. The judge stands up with his gaze fixed on the man on the other side of the courtroom. His silence seems to last an eternity. It holds me in infernal uncertainty, fear, and pain. I'm at a crossroads, where I'll either continue down the path that will likely kill me, or fate will grant me a second chance.

The judge visibly tightens his grip on the gavel, and his gaze turns towards me. Automatically, I lower my eyes to my hands and wait for the verdict. I feel every part of my body going numb.

"For abusing a minor, rape, selling illegal narcotic materials, and collaborating with criminals, the Supreme Court has reached only one verdict: guilty. Jackson Derlin is sentenced to twenty years in prison without the possibility of parole."

My attorney takes my hand and squeezes it tightly, grounding me with the warmth of her touch. The judge's words reach me only after a moment. Tears well up in my eyes, and a feeling of relief courses through my body. In my heart, I thank God for this chance and promise myself not to squander it.

As security escorts Jackson out of the courtroom, that bastard still has the audacity to look me straight in the eyes and smile, summoning memories that will freeze my blood, memories I'll have to learn to live with because I will surely never be able to forget them completely.

* * *

"Elizabeth Collins, I'm sorry we're meeting under these circumstances. I'm Frank Keller," the man says, extending his hand towards me. I swallow and take a deep breath, then extend my hand to him. I'm still slightly stunned by the events of the past few hours, and I haven't fully grasped what awaits me yet. "You've been placed under witness protection, and I'll be the one handling your case. I'll take care of both your safety and your future. In a moment, I'll present you with the further course of events and details. And now, allow me to have a word with your attorney." Frank Keller leaves the room along with Helena, leaving me alone. I pace around the room for a moment, trying to calm myself. One might think it's all over now. But this is just the beginning. The beginning of my life. I turn on my heel and stand by the window. The sun is shining, and I observe people rushing in various directions, wondering about their lives. What problems do they have? How do they cope with them? I do this often. It makes me feel less lonely when my world seems to be collapsing. It makes the weight I carry in my heart feel slightly lighter, even if just for a split second. After all, I'm not the only person in this world with problems, and sometimes I can't help but feel like the end of the world is imminent. That it's already over. That I've fallen to the very bottom, too deep to climb out.

After some time, the sound of opening doors brings me out of my reverie. I turn around and meet Frank and Helena's gazes. "Please, have a seat," the man gestures towards two chairs on the other side of his desk. I take the one near the window, and Helena sits beside me. Sunlight gently touches my face, calming me. Frank sits across from us and clasps his fingers together on the desk. 

"As you probably already know, until you turn eighteen, you'll need to be placed under foster care," he finally speaks. The thought of a new home immediately triggers panic within me, so I take a lighter from my pocket and start flipping it between my fingers, closely observing it. "For safety reasons, we will change your identity. Your foster parents will be informed, and no one else. You will not be allowed to talk about your past or reveal any information about Elizabeth Collins. From now on, you'll be known as Ashley McKenzie," he says, sliding some papers towards me. I glance at them from the corner of my eye. "Ashley McKenzie, born on June 15th." 

I clench the lighter in my hand. It all seems so overwhelming. I raise my gaze to the man. 

"I have less than half a year until I'm eighteen, in reality. I could already find a part-time job and live on my own." 

"I know that for most of your life, you've been responsible for yourself and you've managed. Elizabeth, I know it's difficult for you, but you should give this a chance. Make the most of these six months. You can save up money for a new place, find a decent job, and still have the time and strength to finish your last year of school before heading to college. I know that living with strangers can be terrifying, but trust me, they're good people. After everything you've been through, we just want to help you transition into a normal life."

Normal life. Those words hit me deep inside. They clash with my thoughts, creating chaos in my mind. In moments like these, the weight on my heart feels like it's slowly killing me. It dawns on me that I've never had a normal life. I'm not like others. I don't have the same problems as everyone else. And that's why I feel so terribly lonely now. Alone with everything. It's me against the whole world.

I stand up, apologize to them, and hastily leave the room without explanation. I rush through the corridor, escaping from reality, dash down the stairs, and exit the building. I stop a few meters from the door and lean my back against the cold structure, trying to ward off a panic attack. I take a pack of red Marlboro cigarettes from the pocket of my old jeans, light one up, take a drag, and as I exhale, I watch the smoke slowly dissipate. Just like me in this moment.

I know that changing my identity is necessary. I know that the people Jackson worked with are dangerous and will try to find me. I know he wants to get revenge on me. I know all of this, but I can't accept it. I want to start a new life as myself. As Elizabeth Collins. I don't want to be ashamed or hide my past. I want to be stronger than it, or at least try to be. After all, I've never wanted anything more than a normal life. A life without constant fear, without looking over my shoulder. Without waking up at night screaming from the piercing pain that shoots through my entire body. That's all I ever wanted as Elizabeth, not as Ashley. And now, it feels like Elizabeth is finally about to disappear. Vanish from the face of the earth, dissolve. Maybe Jackson didn't succeed in killing me in the literal sense, but I still feel like he accomplished something I've been running from for so many years.

The thought of a new family terrifies me as well. How can I be sure I can trust them? How do I know they won't hurt me like Jackson did? I take one last drag, then flick the cigarette butt onto the ground and crush it with my shoe. I take a deep breath and tell myself that there's only one way to find out... To give all of this a chance.

After a moment, I return upstairs, where Frank and Helena are still waiting for me. Without saying a word, I enter the room and sit back in my seat. I look out the window and tell myself that this is my opportunity. I have to seize it and not let go. I direct my gaze towards the man. "Alright, from now on, my name is Ashley McKenzie. What else do I need to know?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Helena smiling and once again taking my hand, then giving it a reassuring squeeze.

After a moment, Frank speaks up. "Margaret and Henry Graham know everything about what you've been through. They also know your true identity. Mrs. Graham is a lawyer, and Mr. Graham has his own company. They also have a son and a daughter. They're kind and well-adjusted people. You shouldn't lack anything with them. Margaret promised to take care of you. Tomorrow, we'll take you to their place, you'll leave your things there, and Mrs. Graham will take you for a little makeover. You'll have a chance to spend some time alone with her to get to know her better. And remember, you can always call me. Anytime, if anything happens. Do you have any questions?"

I sit for a moment, processing the barrage of information he just gave me. 

"Where do they live?" 

"In Seattle. We've also enrolled you in school there. You'll handle the details with the principal on Monday." 

"Okay." I nod, trying to piece all of this together in my head. New name, new family, new home, new school, new people... a new life.