*not a song fic.

———

The last time I saw Sebastian, he had just announced his engagement to Maria. And after faking excitement and joy, I left the celebration with a broken heart and a painful secret.

I had hoped my subtle avoidance of the couple would go unnoticed by Sebastian, however, his phone calls filled my voicemail box every night. Most of them drunken messages left with anger-riddled insults, sharp jives, and hungover apologies.

I listened every night as his voice droned on about how much he hated me for not being by his side, for not being happy for him, for not coming around anymore. And every morning, I listened as he apologised frantically for his drunken words.

Numbly, I sat and listened. After months of the verbal assault, my mind no longer processed his words. I heard his angry voice, but I couldn't tell you what he said.

His rage put me to sleep, and his guilt forced me to move my feet in the morning.

It was toxic, but it was my life.

And then, one night as I laid in bed, restless as I had been the past few months, a horribly sharp pain stilled my swirling thoughts. Following the sharp pain was a sudden relieved pressure and a wet spot forming in my bed.

Instantly, I drove my pained body into action, dialling my parents and grabbing my hospital bag.

Within seven hours, I was laid in the hospital, cradling my newborn daughter in my arms. My parents flanked my bedside, cooing at the small human in my arms.

Carefully, I transferred the babe into my father's arms, my mother lowering herself onto the bed.

"So, does he know that you're here?" She asked, causing me to sigh. Emotional, exhausted, and numb, I began to cry.

After being numb for so long, I couldn't hold it inside any longer. I was so, so tired of bottling up everything I was feeling. My mother, ever the steady shoulder, soothed me into a dreamless sleep.

A week later, I found myself and my daughter leaving the hospital and on our way home. My father, mindful of the sleeping infant, drove carefully, but swiftly to my small home.

When we arrived, my father unloaded the car as I entered my house. I stepped in and looked around. It was exactly as I had left it. Empty. Void of feeling. Reflective of my inner turmoil.

I sighed and walked into the nursery to put the baby down.

Suddenly, Sebastian's angry voice filled the hollow home, causing the sleepy infant to start fussing. I picked her up from the crib, rocking her gently.

"I can see that he's blissfully unaware of your current situation," Mother said, entering the nursery with a sigh. Finally managing to hush the baby, I laid her gently in her crib.

"Blissful is not the word I would use, but yes. He is unaware."

"Dear, I believe I have been too...oh, fuck it. I'm going to tell you exactly what I think, and you can't get mad. You need to tell Sebastian. Everything. Tell him about the baby, your feelings; tell him everything. He needs to know. Otherwise, he'll continue to hold resentment toward you. You do want your child to grow up with a father don't you?" I nodded, "You need to tell him. Today, tonight, I don't care. He needs to know."

She was right. I needed to face reality and tell Sebastian. There was one thing, however, that bothered me.

"What if he doesn't believe me, or what if he just wants me out of his life?" I asked. Mom shook her head, letting out a small chuckle.

"You know that your father and I love you. We're here for you should anything happen. We'll help you out with anything we can; babysitting, advice...within reason, of course. Dear, you're not alone in this, okay?" She pulled me into a hug and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

"Just call me if you need anything, dear," she said, pulling away. She sent the sleeping babe a small smile, before giving me a look.

A year later, I still hadn't told Sebastian. He married Maria, and his angry calls stopped. His hungover messages ended. I went to sleep in silence, and I woke up the same way.

I was busy with raising my daughter, working two jobs, and paying bills. The only time I had to think about Sebastian was when I laid down at night, and even then, he was hardly a lingering thought.

Until a week later, when an unusual phone call interrupted my restless sleep.

I answered the phone, fully expecting it to be my mother updating me on my brother, but it was a rather unexpected caller.

"You bitch!"

When I heard the voice, I was fully prepared to hang up.

"You were fucking right! She's a maniac!" Sebastian exclaimed, clearly drunk. When my daughter began to cry, I sighed.

"Seb—"

"—God, I miss when you—when you called me that. It sounded so—God, it sounds so good.."

"Where are you?"

"In the fucking—"

"Seb. Your location."

"The rat hole you always found me in."

"Okay. I'm on my way. Please don't get in trouble before I arrive."

"Hahaha can't promise—"

"—Seb, promise me."

"Fine. Promise."

"I'm on my way."

Forty minutes later, Sebastian was climbing into the passenger seat of my car, shoving his hair out of his face as he pulled his seatbelt on.

"That fucking womAN—"

"—Seb, keep it down. I just got her to sleep."

"Who?" He turned to look in the back, and upon seeing my daughter, he turned back to me, squinting his eyes.

"Why's there a kid in here?"

"She's my kid, Seb."

"What? You had a kid and didn't bother to tell me?!"

"Keep it down Seb, and yes, I did. Cause I know you would ask about the paternity, and I—you would hate me if you knew."

"There's no way I could hate you as much as I hate Maria right now. In fact," he took his wedding band off and rolled down the window, chucking the band onto the street, "she can fuck herself and her little white dog, too."

I pulled over swiftly, turning the car engine off and turning to look at him.

"Seb, whatever Maria did probably sucks, but trust me, when you find out why I stopped talking to you, you're gonna hate me."

"I could never hate you! Even when you ditched me for some sleazebag to make babies!"

"Seb, do you remember that night where we got super drunk and things got heated between us?" He gave me a confused look, before shooting me a cheeky grin.

"You were all over me! I was like 'damn!'" He said. I huffed out a laugh.

"Well, about a week later, I found out I was pregnant. I was going to tell you that night, but you announced that you and Maria were engaged. So I left. I had hoped that by avoiding you, you would forget me, but you kept calling. For nearly eleven months, you called, until you married Maria."

"Fuck. So, the kid's mine?"

"Yep. This wasn't how I wanted to tell you."

"Were you gonna tell me?"

"Eventually," I said, turning the car back on.

"Fuck."

"Seb, I'm not gonna ask anything of you. I understand if you're mad. I don't want your money, help, pity, whatever. My point is, if you want me to stay away, I will. It's whatever you want. I'm not gonna milk you for all that you've got like every other baby mama would. It's up to you."

"I'm not mad, just...I don't know—"

"—it's fine, Seb. I get it. I sprung this on you, and—"

"—no, no, just let me take it in. I'm still fucking hammered."

With a sigh, I pulled into his driveway. He stepped out of the vehicle and leaned into the still-opened window.

"I'll call you when I'm sober."

Two years later, I found myself watching as Sebastian played with our daughter. After sending her into a fit of giggles by tickling her stomach, he looked up at me, his smile never wavering.

"Remember when you told me in your car that I was her dad?" He asked suddenly.

"You know I never intended to tell you th—"

"—No, no! What I'm saying is you made me feel so happy that day."

I gave him a small smile.

"Well, get ready to feel that way again."

"I—what? You're—"

"—pregnant!"