Y'know… I always dreamed of dying even for a long time. I was always put in impossible situations, but made it out every single time. So much that it made me frustrated and uncaring.

So, I cried whenever a character died because the emotions were there and they were real, but when it came to the real world. It wasn't real. I felt as if the real world was just a nightmare.

                 A nightmare

                I couldn't get

                    out of.

I hated it all.

The world, people — everything in it.

The world was boring and stupid, and I couldn't even die properly. I could care less if my relatives died either. We're just sacks of meat with warm blood rushing through our veins. We're no different from animals. We are WORSE.

We should not be called animals, but monsters instead. We're foolish, greedy, and snobby, and absolutely faker than plastic.

I'm not any better, I'm not perfect either. While I may seem uncaring, I wasn't always that way. I was but a child who saw things in a different point of view. I never really grew out of it until I was 17.

It was the day I tried to die and the day the fates interfered.

I cut, I purged, I smoked, I drank, and I abused

Nothing worked. It wasn't me, it was always my humanity, my weak desire to live.

I wouldn't say anime kept me going, it just kept me out of reality so did my music and imagination.

When I think of the world's affairs, I think of myself as someone important. Someone like Naruto.

I would imagine or write stories of how I saved the world with just my voice and my choice of words. In the real world; I couldn't even post a video, I couldn't get the words out — I couldn't do anything.

It wasn't easy for me.

I spent my days in mother's car with my radio because it's the only place I'll ever be free. I love cars just like I love the road. I live for freedom and highways. I can always picture myself driving down a two way lane with glasses and a grin on my face along with the wind in my hair. I would either pick a truck or a jeep, it was kinda my style.

I would only have three friends with me on the road. Traveling forever.

How cruel the world is.

I never got to experience that dream.

I actually was just fine, living like a robot. I gradually became happy with just online friends and anime, and with fanfictions, so I wasn't always trying to kill myself. I saved them, I created a family I actually loved. I LOVED THEM — more than anything in the universe.

While I grew weaker to reality, my spirit shriveled as it lived on emotions. I was a paradox — neither happy nor sad. I can laugh and smile but it will always return back to that bland face which everyone calls a sad face. I am not sad. I am in pain and someone put me here. So, I'm not free.

One day in Walmart, I just finished shopping with my mother and our parking was far in the back, I was hearing nothing but music, nor did I hear my mother's shouting. The car was driving fast unnaturally and I just so happen to be in the way, so I flew and I was gone just like that.

The irony, and ‘cause it's fucking ridiculous.

In many ways to die, this has to be the most common shit I ever died. Although I'm happy I'm dead, I'm unhappy I died because the cars brakes stopped working. I honestly prefer being run over by a train and hopefully cost the assholes millions of dollars, maybe even more then I would feel satisfied with just that. I would prefer going to the void because that's the place where I imagined myself to be. And to my not-so-surprised face, it turns out I was right. I am in the void, or more specifically — I am the void.

I never saw myself that far in the future. When my teacher asked me in front of the whole class. “Where do you see yourself in the future?”

My answer gave them humor and concern looks.

“In the hands of Death himself.”

It was utterly hilarious how six simple words created chaos. My mother and the school board were convinced that I was suicidal. They didn't know how wrong they were.

I wasn't suicidal.

I just didn't care about my future.

Ya'know, I still wished I felt the immense pain, but I can remember feeling my neck turn an unnatural degree. The last thing I saw was my bone out of my leg and lots of blood. The pain was unlike anything I ever experienced, but I took pleasure in it.

I felt a bit guilty for my mother, I'm sure I killed her sanity and her ability to comprehend with my death. I believe she'll be fine, if not worse.

I was always babied by her since I was the last born, even if I become 26 or older, she would baby me til the end. I know that for sure. I don't know if I'm uncaring about her situation, but since I'm not here. I really couldn't care less. I was tired, and she couldn't see that. She couldn't see past the mask that became a natural mask of who I once was.

So I'm only in this peaceful darkness and here is where I'll stay. I'll be DAMNED if I was reincarnated.

I'll just kill myself since I would be a baby, and it would be fairly easy. Maybe when I am able to crawl, I'll drown myself. Whoever said babies could swim is a joke.

My thoughts are endless as usual. I have nothing to do, but to count the days I've been here. First I had to counts the minutes then the hours, then the days, and it was on repeat.

I stopped counting after 8 months because I got real bored with it.

So I'm just basically telling my mind, pretending that I am writing a journal, just like now. It's absolutely laughable.

In all honesty, I can feel myself fade away, I don't know my name or my age anymore, but I remember my birthday.

I know for a fact that today was the day of my birth because the 8th month was already here.

Happy not-so-birthday. August 10th.

I'm not regretting the void, but I wonder if this was where everyone goes? I really hope not. This is my place and my place alone. The last thing I need are other stupid souls in my place! I hate them so much that I can rival the Uchihas hate.

Anyways, so back to the fading away thing. Of course, I do not remember myself or my mother now, nor my death. I felt like I was just talking about her, but I think was that was three months ago or something? Am I fading fast or is time consuming me faster than usual?

If this is how I end then at least it's in silence. My existence is but a mere speck in the universe.

I'll finally be free of emotions, but the little voice in the back of my dead heart told me in a way I'll never forgot, “But you love sad things. You love pain and how it hurts...”

                                                    Little did I

                                                              know

                            It

                          was

                         right.

°•°•°Δ°^°Δ•°•°•°•

Where am I? Who am I? I don't really care anyways.

I think, think it's called darkness.

Itsverysoothingverymuchlikedeath

I'm enjoying this, but I do not like the feeling of being in a nasty place. It's wet and it's filthy, but it doesn't smell, so I supposed it's alright.

I don't know how I got here, but I don't want to leave. Everything feels melancholy and forsaken. Just how I like it.

And the hatred. Oh, the sweet tremendous abhorrence! I can feel the beautiful putrid malicious intent near me. It feels me up with warmth, but one question remains.

Am I alone?

If I am alone as I assume, then why do I feel humongous detestation near me. It should be me! I should be the one with the aversion! I deserve that, not whoever or, whatever is!

My thoughts were frozen at my own words.

Why do I want the abomination hatred? Have I lived before?

I want to know!

Someone help me!

“Shut up. You're ruining my quiet time!”

The darkness slowly brightened. It started as a speck then it gradually expanded. I blinked as I took in the somewhat light. It's was greenish-yellowish.

The walls were cracked, there was water on the ground, only as deep as my feet. It was quite shallow, which explained why I felt filthy. There in front of me stood a gigantic cage with a burnt orange creature with many tails behind him, I assume it is him by his voice.

The thunderous voice came from a creature I have never seen before in my life. Not that I have any at the moment, so I think.

“What gives you the right to trespass in my dominan!” He snarled at me with fangs presented.

I just sat there, taking in his features. My silence irked him seeing as his red eyes grew into very thin slits, almost so thin that I couldn't see them.

I said nothing because I couldn't. I just couldn't.

The creature lifted his head higher as if I was nothing more than dust in his view. “What are you, a foolish mute?”

I sat there near him. He talks to me. I couldn't and I couldn't talk. It wasn't that I didn't want to. Words never came out right for me anyway.

WhycouldntItalkwhatswrongwithme

°•°•°Δ°^°Δ•°•°•°•

It's been days, and I grew weary with each passing day. I had figured something out. While the nine-tailed was full of hate.

I was full of depression.

It's funny, at the beginning, I wanted to be that hatred but now all I feel is gloom.

He absolutely loathes me for no reason and loves to insult me which I find funny with a blank face.

I glanced at the giant mass of fur as he was bristles angrily at me.

“You're damn annoying. All you do is sulk and sulk, it's sickening to watch you!” The nine tails roared at the teen curled up in the corner of his cage. He has no idea how she entered it, but he couldn't kill her. He just didn't want to. The fox won't admit it, but he doesn't feel lonely. It annoys him when she won't speak. In a way, he's been curious.

Why is she doing here? How is she here? Countless thoughts surfaces around him like the rapids in the forest. It's a magnificent mystery to him.

“Kid, just tell me how you got here. Just one word, any word. A simple sentence has got to suffice.”

Just as he expected, she sighed with downcast eyes. Her lips felt stuck like glue, like it was locked away.

The nine tails was getting antsy. His pride scratched at him, trying to rupture his throat. His hatred rose like waves of damnation. “If I tell you my name. Will you tell me yours?”

And just like that, her head shot up. He felt proud of gaining an expression other than the blank face filled with unshed tears. Her manner was that of a confused person. Pure unfiltered confusion.

Of fucking course, it just had to be the name that confused the damn BITCH. The fuck is wrong with people and their reactions?

“Na-name?” A raspy soft voice echoed and bounced around the walls, rippling the water below them.

The beast growled at her in vexation, his shock gone is a flash at one single word. “Are you saying you have no idea what a name is, let alone have one?!”

Kurama's chakra radiation was filled with unfiltered malice as he shook in fury.

“Names are important, you insufficient speck of shit! Even I have one! Names tell stories of legends and they mean something!” His tails thrashed around as his chakra leaked out the cage in pure unadulterated rage. The water levels rose to her hips as she hurried to stand up. They continued rising until she was face to face with him.

Her face and his red eye. He studied her expression as he grabbed her. Her eyes were the most out of place. They were full of great torment  more than he ever was.

The nine tails longs for his father, longs for freedom, and friends. Friends he never had.

Empathy rose in place of his rage. The water drained until it was back in the shallow as it was before.

“My name… it's Kurama.” This was the first time he spoke so softly in a very long while. Kurama set her down.

She seems bothered, having no name to introduce herself as she is.

“I don't have a name…” She grabbed the hem on her pants and grips them tightly. Her head was face down in shame.

“Yes, you do. You do have a name.”

The teen lifted her head up with her mouth hanging a bit open. “I do?” She whispered.

“It's Kanashimi. Because all you do is sulk, and not very fun when I talk to myself.” Kurama muttered the last sentence in annoyance.

She places her finger on her lips as she said her name out loud. “Kanashimi…” It felt foreign when she said it. “Kanashimi…  I like it.” She gave Kurama a small smile before it went back to her usual face which irritated him.

“I still hate you.” He hissed through his teeth as his tail flicked around, creating a large splash on the girl to show his dislike for her. Although she didn't mind the wetness as it soaked into her clothes like sucking out a soul which is kind of weird.

The aura around them become tense when Kurama stares at Kanashimi with annoyance as he begin laying his head back in his arms. Kurama let out a huff. “I want to know why’re here? Really, don't tell me you don't know ‘cause I don't take that shit, human.”

“...I really don't…know.” Kanashimi frowned when she broke eye contact with Kurama and stared at her reflection below her. Hazel eyes bore into another with the scars inside hidden deep is an untold story waiting to be unlocked and will unleash the pain within it.

The silence was killing Kurama as he watches her bring up a hand to glance at then she turns to him with tormented eyes that no one her age should have, but he could care less about a lesser being. He is on the verge of madness. She doesn't know how or why she got here. It infuriated him to the point where he wanted to slaughter her forever but he chooses to retain his hatred and let his curiosity take over instead.

“Kurama, I feel like there's something wrong with me. I can feel it, but I can't understand it and it kills me to the point where I no longer wish to exist.” She whispers in pain as her voice croaked. The lump formed with shedding tears. Kanashimi tried to swallow it but it was too big, so she continued to cry.

Kanashimi is very claustrophobic and confused right now. The pain is excruciating and it makes you feel alone no matter how many people you surround yourself with. It's like being popular in school with false smiles while everyone treats you like you're part of their family but you're not really, and it hurts more than being alone. It's crushing your lungs, filled with water, and wanting to stab your own heart just to finally be at peace.

The nine-tailed beast is very uncomfortable at her stature. He glares at the human instead because what can you do when you've only known hatred for centuries? What can you do when you hate the very being that hurt you, treated you like a fool, like you didn't have feelings. What could he really do other than slaughter the girl? He has pride bigger than mountains. How can he ever help her? Why should he help her? She infiltrated his prison with no memory and no name. She's part of the species he despises. Why?

Kurama immediately sat up in order to get her under control. He roared at the tiny waterfall pipsqueak. “What the fuck is your problem?! Don't come to me, I'm not your fucking parent. You think just because you learned my name doesn't mean your measly self has become my friend!” Kurama thrashes around in fury and soon the water began to boil with his anger as  small puff of steams came from the bubbles surrounding them. His chakra leaked out ever so slightly. “Am I supposed to help you? If you want to die so bad, kill yourself! I have no business being friends with you! Leave me alone! I was better off alone before your gloomy mute-ass came in here and made it worse! Get out!” Kurama snarled ferociously at Kanashimi who doubled over in pain, holding her chest as she gasped between breathes.

“Whatever you're fucking doing, it's not going to fucking work! Get out already, you pest!”

Kurama’s snarling lessened slowly when she didn't even glance at him so the only thing echoing is her breathing. She was hyperventilating very badly, her knees locked with each other as her tears fell out faster than they did before. She clenched the front of her shirt tightly where her heart lay. As old as he is, he couldn't deal with this situation and he couldn't care less, but with each breath she took, the closer Kanashimi came to passing out.

“Just shut up and be quiet, you'll be fine, idiot!” Kurama growled at her, sweating nervously. How does one deal with a situation like that? He can't really recall a situation like hers before so he can't really help, not that he wants to anyways.

Kanashimi finally passed out first face into the water, the lack of oxygen in her brain along with her distressed emotions causes Kanashimi to be knocked out cold. He knows humans can't maintain their breathing in water very well.

Kurama left her there for 30 seconds before grumbling, he reached his paw out and used his claws to turn her over so she could lie on her back.

“You fucking owe me, little shit.” The nine tails mutters darkly. He turned around, not bothering to see her pathetic face then proceeded to try to lure himself into a sleep as he laid down.

This story gives me the chills. It feels absolutely wonderful at just the beginning.
*-*
There's no love here, not romantically anyways. Feel free to ship them, I'm just gonna amuse myself with you guys.