Here's the next chapter............I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  It's my longest chapter ever!   Probably one of my favourites as well.   I cried writing it........it was emotional to write.   

PLEASE vote and comment if you liked it!!!    And THANK YOU so much......I made it to #53 on the What's Hot List for Historical Romance!!!     Thank you so much to my loyal readers!!!!!

S  xo

Chapter Eighteen

It has been three days since Lord Stephen had confronted Lady Clarissa, three days and he still could not believe what she had told him.     So many things were going through his mind…….What?  Who?  When? 

How could she possibly not know who she coupled with?    If she had not been raped, then how could she have not seen who it was?   So many questions he still needed answered but the way things were left at Glouster,  he knew that he would not be welcomed back there any time soon.   He will go back though, he needed more answers, he was her guardian and he vowed to protect her.

Stephen had already questioned….more like threatened all of the remaining staff at Clarissa’s townhome.  He also questioned all of his own staff since Clarissa had spent many times there as well. 

No one saw her with a gentleman, no one saw anything.

He still needed to discuss this with Lucas.  He deserved to know the truth, yet Stephen knows that the truth will destroy him.   Tomorrow……in the morning Stephen will go and see Lucas and tell him what he knows.

Stepping into Lucas’s parlor, Stephen was not expecting the sight that he saw.   Lucas was visibly strained.    His arms stretched his above his torso, resting on the mantel, a bottle of brandy in one hand,  a glass in the other, he stared into the fire like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.   His cravat was askew, his white shirt was wrinkled and there was definitely more than a day’s growth of beard on his face.  He looked like hell.

Without even turning around…………”What the hell took you so long?   Where is she?” Lucas spat out.

“She’s with her sister-in-law, Lady Sarah,” Stephen hesitantly told Lucas. “Perhaps you should sit down Lucas.”

“I will not!    Just spit it out already.  Why did my betroth leave me just after proclaiming her love for me!” Lucas wanted to know.

Sighing, Stephen didn’t really know how to tell him, but he figured that just telling him outright was better than beating around the bush.  “Clarissa is with child Lucas.    She told me that the two of you had not been intimate, so I know that you are not the Father.”     Rubbing his hands through his hair and asking God silently to give him strength, Stephen continued.   “She claims that she does not know who the Father is.”

“WHAT?   That preposterous!   How could she not know?”  Lucas shouted.   Then it dawned on him, she had been taken advantage of.  That is what Stephen was not spitting out, he could see it on his face.    “She was raped then?”   It came out like a question but sounded more like a statement.

“No, she says that she was not raped……that……..that the coupling was mutual,” Stephen said with a grim expression on his face.    “Believe me, I asked her how she could not know, but she says she does not. “    Looking up at Lucas now……”It doesn’t make sense Lucas, if she was not raped, how can she not know?   She is covering something, but she won’t tell”.

“Then you must find out what it is for I will not stand by and watch this happen,” Lucas spit out angrily.   “I want answers, I deserve answers Stephen!”

“We will have to be patient Lucas, I cannot go back there right now.   I said some words out of anger that Clarissa may never forgive me for.    I regret now what I said, but I need some time to pass before going back to get more answers.   Anyway, I doubt that Lady Sarah will allow me back into her home any time soon.”

“What did you say to her Stephen?”

“It was in the heat of an argument Lucas, I regret it now, but it was said.    I called her a whore.”  Stephen said, his head bowed in shame.

“How could you Stephen?  Do you truly believe that of her?” Lucas replied with barely a whisper.

“No, like I said, it came out as anger and I regretted it the minute I said it.   Lady Sarah did not take kindly to what I said and immediately ousted me from her home”.

The room stood silent for a few moments, but it seems like hours before Lucas spoken again.  “I will go and see her myself.   How far is Glouster from here?”

“I would prefer that you didn’t go Lucas, she is upset as it is.”

“Stay out of my business Stephen, I still consider her my betroth, regardless if she is carrying another man’s child.  I love her, I want answers.”

And with that Lucas strolled out of his parlor calling to his footman to saddle his stallion and he went to pack a few personal belongings.   He would go and see Clarissa, he was still in shock at what Stephen had told him, but he wanted more answers, answers that only Clarissa could provide.

Two days later Lucas arrived in Glouster.    He was tired, sore from riding and starved from lack of food.   He only stopped to sleep at an Inn both nights and ate supper.  The rest of the time he rode hard, wanting to get to Glouster as soon as he could.

“Lady Sarah, thank you for receiving me at this short notice,” Lucas told her.

“Your Grace, you are always welcome here.  Please, come and sit by the fire.  If you don’t mind me saying so, you look a bit worse for the wear,” responded Lady Sarah.   “I’ll have a meal and a hot bath readied for you immediately”.

“Thank you for your kindness Lady Sarah, but what I really want to know is………how is Clarissa doing?”

Sighing………….”Clarissa is better now Lucas, she had taken ill after Stephen left.   I had to call up the midwife from the village to tend to her.   We thought that she was going to lose the baby,” Lady Sarah responded sadly.

Gulping…………”But….she is better?  The child, is the child alright?” Lucas asked nervously.

“The child is fine, after a few days of bed rest and when Clarissa was finally able to eat again, she resumed some strength and was able to leave her chamber,” she said.

“What do you mean after she started eating again?”

“Lucas, Clarissa was not able to keep anything down, not even broth.   She has been through a lot of heartache over the past couple of weeks, I’m afraid that her body was not able to cope.    She is very heart broken Lucas.   She misses you immensely, but she loves her child.   She is very torn, but feels she is doing the right thing.”

“I see.   Do you think that I could visit with her?    I promise that I will not act like Stephen.   I will remain calm, I just need to see her.”

“She is down by the pond, today is the first day she’s left the estate.   I told her that she needed to get some fresh air.     Perhaps Lucas………after a meal, a hot bath and a shave you could go and visit Clarissa.   I’m sorry to be so blunt Lucas, but you don’t look very well.”

“I’m sure that you are correct Lady Sarah, perhaps after what you suggested, I will go and find Clarissa.”

“Lucas…….I only ask that you please stay calm while speaking with her.  She cannot go through what happened to her already.   Next time she may not be so lucky with the child.”

“I promise Lady Sarah.   I’m sure that Stephen told you that I am angry, and I am, but now that I’m here and I know that she is close by, my anger has diminished.   I just want to see her.   I promise you, I will not say or do anything to harm her or the child.”

With a nod, she left the room to summon the servants to arrange for a meal and bath for Lucas.

She was a sight for his sore eyes.     She looked very pale and the colour of her soft yellow gown did not help.   He could tell that she had been ill and felt his heart breaking.    She was sitting on the side of the pond, trailing her fingers tips through the water.    The breeze was blowing some wisps of her hair around her face, she looked so sad, so lost.

The closer he got, the more his heart was breaking.   He had a lump in his throat so large, he was sure that he would never be able to swallow it.   She was crying, one hand tracing patterns in the water, the other rest over where her child laid snug in her womb.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t even hear him approach and kneel on the soft earth beside her.

“Don’t cry Love,” he whispered.     He knew she heard him then, her hand stopped tracing the water and flew to cover her mouth.   The pain and sorrow that he saw in her eyes was slowing killing him.   Pulling her into his embrace, he held her while she sobbed and sobbed.   

She was saying incoherent things…….mostly….. “I’m sorry…………..I’m so sorry……...”I’m so sorry………….”

“Shhhh……Love………don’t cry, it’s not good for the child,” he kept on saying to her. “Shhhh…..everything will be alright”.  Kissing her head, trying to reassure her.

They sat in comfortable silence for the longest time.   Lucas knowing that he had a million things that he wanted to ask her, but he also knew that he needed to be patient.   He would not upset her again, she was very fragile right now.

“Clarissa……….why?   Why did you not tell me London?   We could have figured something out together?”   Lucas asked her when she was slowly starting to calm down.

“Lucas, I am a disgrace, I could not shame you.”  Clarissa told him bowing her head so that Lucas could not see the hurt in her eyes.   “ There is nothing to figure out.   I am with child, another man’s child…………..Lucas………I’m so sorry to do this to you.”

Tipping her chin up with his finger so that she faced him, “Never say that you are a disgrace again Clarissa, I won’t hear of it.    There are so many things that I want to ask you and now that I’m here with you, I cannot think.  Stephen said that you do not know who the Father is, but how can you not?”

“It’s true, I don’t know who the father is, but I want to tell you something, this happened, when my child was conceived, was before you.   So don’t ever think for a minute that I was unfaithful to you while you were courting me.    I hope that you believe that Lucas.”

“I’m just so lost, I just don’t understand  how……………….”

Placing her fingertips onto his mouth to stop him from talking more…….”Please understand Lucas, I am just as lost as you are not knowing who fathered my child.  I know that you may think me insane, but I’m not.   I remember the night my child was conceived, we both knew what we were doing, but never thought of the consequences.”

“Clarissa………..I’ve had a lot of time to think about this……… I love you, I still want to marry you.   Please say that you will still marry me?  I want to be a Father to your child.”

Cupping his face and looking softly into his eyes……..she whispered to him……….”Thank you Lucas for your gallant offer, but I cannot marry you.   I will not shame you with my child.   You are a Duke, your firstborn son will be your heir, if I bare a son, you cannot make him your heir.   I will not shame you or my son that way.”

“But what if the child is a daughter, I can give her my name.   I promise to love her as my own……….please Clarissa………please think about this.”

“No Lucas, my answer will still be no.    There are no guarantees that my child will be a girl, plus, if my Motherly instincts are correct, I am having a son.”

“I understand Clarissa, I just wish that I could change your mind.”

“I am so sorry Lucas………..please believe that this is killing me.   I will always love you.”

“I will always love you more………..”

Bending his mouth to hers, Lucas placed a tender kiss onto her lips and whispered…..   “Good-bye my Love.”  Then he got up and strolled towards the estate, looking back once at Clarissa, only to see if she had changed her mind, but was staring out at the pond, softly sobbing.  Leaving her was one of the hardest things that he ever had to do.

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Whoa.......double whammy with pain!!   Poor Lucas and poor Clarissa!!!!   

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