~Stevens pov~

It has been 4 months sense I ran away from what used- to- be my home in beach city..

I have had enough of the gems constant bullshit... I'm so tired of them lying and planning secrets behind my back.. (mostly Garnet and Pearl) They expect me to trust them but yet they

are always keeping important stuff from me and are always putting me in danger and causing me to risk my health! I mean seriously who in their right mind would let a 14 year old boy like me go on dangerous missions and could possibly get killed or seriously injured... Speaking of "injured".. I have been through a lot of chaos that i'm starting to reach the verge of insanity!!!

I have suffered serious trauma... And I have been hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally...

And all of that was cause of them and their bullshit if they would just be upfront about things instead of trying to hide secrets and lie in my face... Then things wouldn't be so bad..

It makes me wonder if were even a team anymore? Cause apparently the crystal gems are dead!!

 Mom left an unstable fusion as leader and a defective pearl... Pearl is so annoying and clearly has an obsession with rose/pink diamond but that's no surprise because pearls were meant to be slaves and servants.. Pearl would do LITERALLY anything for her.. 

Sadly it makes me wonder if pearl and garnet would rather have my mom here instead of me. It makes me think that they wish I was never born or something like that..

I mean I do feel bad for taking their leader away.. But I didn't have a choice! My mom is the one who sacrifice her physical form to bring me into existence...

With all of these thoughts running wild in my head.. It drives me nuts.

It feels like I'm carrying a 600 pound dead weight on my shoulders... 

It feels like the whole world is conspiring against me. But i'm A-ok with that because that's apart of life and you have to take the goods with the bads... I try to have a positive out look on life..

but it seems like the weight of my problems is taking a toll on me.. And I don't know how to control my hormones and emotions.. But I'm not going to let my emotions become a hindrance

I try to put my thoughts and feelings aside... I try to cover up everything and not let my emotions show... I try to put on a bold front and masked my true feelings.....

So far I've made some progress.. I don't have money but I do have a few supplies in my backpack. And I have clothing and toiletries and some can of food in my hot dog duffel bag.

And I have free wifi from the buildings. And I have a GPS on my device. And instead of living in the alleyways I prefer to hang out in my hideout. My hideout is an abandon hotel. It is broken down and the windows are always closed and sense there is no electricity it is always dark in here.. Good thing that I have a built in LED light in my cellphone otherwise I wouldn't be able to see where i'm going..

Which also makes this place creepy to some people but I'm used to it sense I've on the streets for at least 4 months now.... Anyways as I was saying theres um lots of graffiti an art on the walls.

This place was probably vandalized by teenagers or gangsters.. Heck if I know.. And since the pipes are busted.. The water doesn't work... At least the building is still intact.. 

It makes me wonder why this place hasn't been condemned yet. But oh well I guess it's 

-a pretty cool hideout.  Anyways I don't know what to do.. But usually in my spare time I read books or listen to some rad tunes on my phone... My favorite artists are twenty one pilots..

and my favorite songs by them are... 

1. Lane boy

2. ride 

3. stressed out

4. Car radio

and

 5. heathens

and some other people I like are imagine dragons. And I love post malone. And kanye west and chance the rapper and flo rida... Man I was born to love music.. Music and songs always got me grooving.. I would dance all night long.. Music was like the key to my heart and soul...

It is also a great stress reliever too!! Because it takes my mind off of junk! 

I just love jamming out to my favorite songs it was my thing if ya catch my drift~!

But overall I'm doing good but its been also stressful. Also at least I have a few hobbies like listening to music and reading books.. There also a great way to past the time... 

So I guess it isn't so bad.