Chantelle nibbled on her lower lip. "Do we have any idea how much trouble we're going to stir up when we do this? I'm not exactly a warrior. Could we just go hide somewhere until the army breaks in?"

True, she's no warrior, but she's holding herself together decently well. Tash said, "No, Chantelle. Dooch confirmed what I had been guessing. Zorexis is impersonating you to get to the King. To become King."

Chantelle made fists and shuddered. A sob shook her and tears tracked down her face. "How could he just use me like this? He said he loved me! But it was all lies. Lies."

And then, a moment after I give her credit, she turns back into a blob of spoiled gelatin.

Séa nodded drunkenly. "Lies're evil. Like I tol' Friar Obel. I'ze right."

Chantelle's glance strayed to the kitchen floor and her eyes widened. Her hands flew to her mouth. "No! Blast him! He took my bags! My dresses!"

Tash attempted to inject some briskness into the maudlin. "Well, he won't need them long. Soon enough he'll impersonate the King and rule Omnius in the name of Roach Lord Whatshisface."

"Gluzzik." Séa hiccupped.

"Gluzzik." The rogue inclined her head to the weaving paladin. All she lacked to be a cartoon drunk were fizzy bubbles forming and popping around her head. Tash addressed Chantelle, "So demons will control the most powerful kingdom this side of the sea. We are scheduled to be rounded up and dragged to the Abyss, presumably by some force of demons. It would be very bad for them if the real Chantelle escaped now." Tash hardened her voice. "They will definitely kill us. Hiding is not an option."

"Don't wanna hide," Séa slurred. "I can't hide anyway, can I, Tash? I'm too big an' flashy an' loud."

A pale Chantelle protested, "Why can't we? The magic door — its barrier is impenetrable."

"What barrier?" Tash said pointedly.

The party spun to regard the door. No magical shimmer protected it.

"Oh, shit!" The princess's hands flew to her hair in dismay.

Ghomarck grunted, and the fuzz patches above his eyes danced.

Come on, people, keep up. Tash said, "Likely, the brazier of gems powered the door shield. What the remaining brazier of gems powers, I don't know. My guess is the killer vines in the moat, but time will tell."

"She's so smart!" Séa gushed, "An' beautiful an' talented an' bendable. Selfish, too, an' she steals things, which is wrong, wrong, wrong, but somehow I can't get mad at her too much and—"

"Séa!" Tash made claws of her hands and pantomimed tearing her hair out. "Shush, all right? The more I think about it, I think we don't have much time. It sounded like we four were to be dragged to the Abyss, and soon. That portal could vomit forth a troop of demons any second."

"There's no time like the present." Ghomarck shuffled toward the up-stairs, and his floating disk sailed ahead of him. "Let us discover how much damage this jelly can wreak."

Séa waved her mace in the air. "Demons? Lemme at 'em. They're mace fodder."

"Me, first, this time," Ghomarck said over his shoulder. "It's my turn."

Séa crowed, "Go, wizard, go!"

Chantelle's voice had shriveled. "I'm scared."

The princess needs a lifeline to cling to. Tash said, "Grab Dooch's meat cleaver." She pointed to the wall where the rust-streaked implement hung. "It's something, anyway."

"Definitely something," the princess agreed with a wan smile. "It's wicked. And I know a thorny vine spell, come to think of it."

"Excellent," Tash said.

"Atta girl!" the paladin hooted.

In a ragged line, they ascended the stairs. A fluctuating green glow painted the top of the arched tunnel with eerie radiance. A few more steps and they could see a bouncing row of silhouetted gnome hats. A moment later, four yotches jogged over the top step. Politely, the demons made way for the floating kettle. They parted down the middle, two and two. Ghomarck, however, registered as unusual. Scale-skinned heads turned, and queries rasped in some infernal language. The yotches' progress slowed only when the two parties of four had mingled to a confused party of eight, crowded together on the top steps.

The wizard found himself topmost. He whirled and pushed two yotch heads. Their hats flew off and they tumbled face-first down the stone stairs, bleating with surprise.

"Targetsh!" Séa crowed. She gripped her mace halfway up and swung. The smooth arc of her accelerating mace ended in the destruction of a gnome hat and the yotch skull beneath.

Chantelle meat-cleavered a prone yotch and Tash skewered another with her dagger.

A yotch poked a wand at Séa. She gripped the creature's forearm. A jet of flame erupted from the end of the wand to play over the paladin's metallic shell. A moment later, the gout of flame cut off as the paladin vaulted the small demon bodily into the air and over her head. "Yotch squash!" she gleefully cried, and slammed the creature into the stones.

Little fight remained in the yotches that remained operational. Séa bounded from step to step, joyfully ending their existences on the material plane.

"Chantelle cleaver, never leave her,

Tash the slash, nimble and rash,

Ghomark land shark, yotches go dark,

Séa, that's méa, all night-a and day-a."

She's the deadliest drunkard I've ever seen. Just watching her be happy makes my ear tips tingle. Feck. I'm infatuated. Beyond infatuated. I'm weightless and falling.

Séa finished her butchery and the staircase filled with the black stench of evaporating demon bodies. She leapt from the noxious shadows to alight on the flat floor of the large hall among her companions. Although she weaved on her feet, an eager light gleamed in her eyes.

But the vista had changed. The wights that flanked the portal now knelt, heads down and one knee on the floor as if worshipping. The object of their worship filled the portal oval from bottom to top. Waving antennae topped its terrifying oblong bulk, and segmented limbs supported it. Backlit in green, shadows obscured the full horror of its mandibles and mouthparts. As Tash and the party stood thunderstruck, two yotches phased into existence from the portal. The tips of their pointy hats scarcely reached the giant cockroach's first knee joint.

After the initial shock, secondary details registered. Ghomarck's disk and kettle cargo sailed blithely across the floor, straight at the insectoid monstrosity. The terror beast coiled to the left of the portal, but the loud yotch battle had squashed any hope of surprise. The monster prowled straight toward them, eyes forward, tracking them as a hunter tracks prey. The brazier on the left still blazed bright. Several small winged creatures fluttered above the wights.

"Gluzzik," breathed Séa. She stepped forward, as if called.

No! That's utterly insane, crazy woman! "Stop, Séa!"

"Stop, everyone," Ghomarck said. "Get back and keep low. I'm about to electrify the demonfire."

"But," Séa said. She glanced back, then forward. The antennae on the Roach King quivered, and its head snapped to face Séa and the party. The paladin quivered.

The lizardlike terror beast whirled six legs into motion. It accelerated like a whole team of horses packed into one reptilian body. It arrowed straight at them. Only the enormity of the room saved them from instant, desperate battle. The wights rose from their kneeling postures. Armored heads swiveled to track the mortal invaders.

"Get back!" the wizard thundered.

Tash darted forward and hooked Séa's elbow. She pulled hard. Reluctantly, the paladin stumbled backwards.

The hairs on the back of Tash's neck prickled, and a shadow chilled her mind. Hideous certainty congealed. The Roach King had seen her. She was known to the Abyssal planelord, inside and out.

Cosmic dread notwithstanding, Tash worked to pull Séa down behind the protection of the top steps. The floating kettle had skimmed almost to the portal.

Ghomarck extended his index finger and spoke with a pulse of arcane power. "Phlash!"

Too fast for the eye to follow, a kinked thread of blue leapt the space between the wizard and the demonfire kettle. The middle of the room flashed as if the sun itself had popped through the portal. The wizard hurtled himself to the floor and covered his head with his arms. Tash and Chantelle ducked below the top step. Séa went to one knee, at least, but peaked through the vision slots in her helm. Thunder crashed upon Tash's ears, and a wall of heat seared her skin even through her leathers.

She watched the aftermath through eyes narrowed to slits. Chunks of ceiling stone and burning quasits rained from the air to the floor. The wights skidded and rolled after the blast, and two of them ignited inside their dented armor. Even the six-legged terror beast was off its feet. Flames jetted from its tail and patches of its flank, and scales elsewhere on its body had curled and blackened. Sheets of flame rose throughout the central quarter of the room, but little smoke resulted from the spectacular conflagration. The towering Gluzzik seemed unaffected by the explosion at its belly, but when the portal's green light flickered for a moment, his bulk, too, faded from existence, only to pop back to solidity an instant later.

"Whooooo!" cheered Séa. "Gomarck strikes back!" She vaulted forward, metallic footfalls dim under the ringing in their ears.

Tash stood up and surveyed the chaos for a moment. A hard rain fell from the sky with pellets far smaller than the ceiling fragments. The rogue's keen eyes caught glints of light reflecting from the miniature missiles. A rain of precious stones! Oh, I see. The left-hand brazier lies in shreds. The tongues of demonfire faded until only the portal glow and various burning bodies gave light. Tash's attention shifted to the massive reptile as it rolled to its feet and roared. Its enraged eyes tracked a shiny moving target headed recklessly toward the portal.

"Fecking paladin." The rogue darted after her. She's so foolhardy, I'd always have to pull her from the fire if we became a pair. I guess I wouldn't mind. Put your head down, Tashiel. Sprint.

Ghomarck had recovered his feet. His voice faded in Tash's ears as she ran. "Lady Chantelle, could you cast a vine spell at yonder portal? But only the right half. To apply stress, you see."

Séa pelted toward the giant roach figure by the portal. Three wights, one with flames jetting from the joints of its armor, regained their feet and lumbered to intercept her. The paladin happily altered course toward a wight with a poleaxe. The spearlike weapon pointed at her belly, but she knocked the sharp head aside with a sweep of her mace. Her momentum thus conserved, she rammed into the wight, armor to armor.

The undead warrior flew backwards, and Séa ricocheted into the next, mace awhirl. With a metallic crunch, she dented its helm into a sideways "U." The burning wight stumbled past, but its course seemed rudderless. It staggered, then crashed into a heap of metal and smoldering dead flesh.

"Lizard!" screamed Tash.

Sure enough, the predator approached, rapidly despite its burns. The paladin's head jerked toward Tash, then locked onto the charging beast. She slapped her mace home on her belt and seized the stunned wight's halberd. Séa crouched and held the polearm low to meet the beast's charge. The lizard sensed the danger and veered. The halberd point skittered over undamaged neck scales, doing no harm to the beast. But its sharp head bit into the beast's blackened shoulder. It slammed into tough flesh, deep and hard. The force hurtled Séa to one side. Both she and the beast lost footing and rolled. The halberd tore from the paladin's grip.

Tash skidded to a halt and snatched up her bow. The beast bounced to its feet, hissing like a geyser. We're going to die. This thing is unstoppable. Atop its long neck, its head sought a shiny target. As Séa stuggled to find her own feet, the beast curled its neck back like a snake about to strike. Its jaws opened in final preparation for a dragon-sized bite. Séa makes about one mouthful for it. Come on, Tash. Look after her.

The rogue's bow sang. An arrow flew, to bury itself in the beast's eye socket.

The monster hissed like a pit of a thousand vipers and threw its head high. The paladin stabbed another purloined polearm into its exposed neck, leaving it to dangle as if it were a harpoon. It thrashed its head at her, jaws clashing. She sidestepped and crushed its functioning eye socket with an overhand mace smash. The terror lizard splashed her with greenish blood and caromed to the right of the portal. It mowed down the sole remaining ambulatory wight.

Tash and Séa checked the area for immediate threats. The obvious one, the giant insect, seemed relatively nonthreatening. Séa raised her visor to reveal a broad grin. Joy stretched Tash's face and she planted a hard, sloppy kiss somewhere on Séa's upper lip. "So far, so good."

Séa panted and grinned. She broke eye contact with Tash for moment to gesture over her shoulder. "Look. Vines."

Tash spun. Braided woody lengths sprouted leaves and thorns and climbed up one marble leg of the huge portal. Apparently, Ghomarck and Chantelle had crept around the chamber wall to the right and the princess had cast her druidic spell.

Tash said, "They're trying to topple the big portal." Her eyes shifted to the monstrous insect demon. "The big roach is some kind of projection, thank luck." The progress of the huge lizard could be felt through the soles of Tash's boots as well as seen by its shadowy movements. It seemed full of vitality despite its blindness, massive burns, and polearm injuries.

Séa said, "Right. It doesn't feel real."

"Powerless." Tash said. I'm trying to persuade myself, and failing.

Séa drawled a half-hearted agreement. "Yeah."

But the creature's multiple arms waved in a manner very much like spellcasting, complete with spreading ripples of darkness.

"Um," Tash said.

Séa caught her lower lip between her teeth. "It's bluffing."

"Right. Bluffing." It is not fecking bluffing. What spell is it casting?

The downed wights twitched, even the ones that had burned. A pile of ash that had once been a yotch picked itself up off the floor by the roach's feet. It reformed into a scrawny black caricature of its former self. With more grace than they had showed before, the armored wights rose to their feet. Two were helmetless, revealing skeletal heads with undead worms for hair. Red sparks in their empty eye sockets promised inevitable, merciless destruction.

"Correction. Not bluffing." Séa said.

"Balls. Can we damage the roach? Maybe that will help."

Séa unpacked her own war bow. "How many arrows you got?"

Tash swiveled her head side to side. "Not enough. Definitely not enough."

Séa nocked an arrow and let fly, but the arrow sailed right through the solid-seeming Gluzzik. "No damage. Whoop, here they come."

Before the paladin reached for her mace, she let another arrow fly, this time through the head of a resurrected wight. Contrary to common sense, the hit only slowed the armored aberration.

"We've got to—" Tash dodged an incoming wight, then struck sideways with a low kick. The wight stumbled off course. A step later, it faceplanted. "—topple the portal."

"I don't think the vines are—" Séa batted a wight's thrusting shortsword aside. "—strong enough."

"No." The rogue mounted a wight from behind and slipped her garrote around its throat. "Séa?"

Séa swept the feet out from under an opponent, then used its downed form as a trampoline to crash into another wight. "Yes, milady?"

Tash grunted and pulled, until the dead neck was severed. She hit the ground in a low crouch, her legs spread wide for stability. "I got an idea. Stay alive, now."