Above: A recent photo of Komik Kal and his Russian trophy wife, Tatiana, taken by Clyde McBryde, official photographer for Scrubber-Town Saga newsletters and the Dark Park council. Remember we told you that Kal claims to be descended from Viking royalty. Yeah, right.

Hi from Lainie and Janie. We're here to bring you another profile of one of our illustrious retailers at Scrubber-Town.  Janie told me to write that. She said it sounds impressive. Whatever, Janie. We'd like to introduce Komik Kal who runs a shop of the same name. He is known to some; read local police, as Kalvin Kristensen. That sounds so weird and formal. Kal claims to be descended from the Viking royalty, and that we can believe, sort of, as they were a wild fearsome bunch of people. Actually, we didn't know that, we had to ask Dr Una about Vikings. Anyway, we're not going to bore either you, our readers or our-selves with history.

Komik Kal used to run a business up in Bangkok, Thailand for several years. We heard it was a similar kind of business to the one he runs here in Scrubber-Town, selling comic books and DVD's (both Australian and international). He was in partnership with his son Kel. Kal even had a Thai wife, Kiki. After a few years working in Bangkok, Kal decided he needed a break from the traffic, heat and crowds and so he came back to Sydney. He tried to start up a business there, but had a massive heart attack instead. At the same time, Kiki decided she didn't like Australia or Kal and flew back to her family in Asia.

We're not sure what happened then, but Kara-Lynn, who runs Slaggs and Bag Ladeez and has been friends with Kal for ages, told us he came to stay with her to recuperate. According to her she practically saved his life, but remember that Kara-Lynn is a pathological liar.  Kal decided he liked the slower, laid-back pace of this state and so set up shop, first in another suburb, then Scrubber-Town and the rest as they say, is history

Today, Kal is a larger-than-life personality. He has a reputation as a tough business man and he cracks corny, crude jokes. Sorry, Kal, but they're pretty bad.  Nowadays he's married to his blonde Russian trophy wife, Tatiana, who he met on the net.  Kal claims that she has given him a new lease of life. Tatiana is a personality in her own right. She apparently ran a model-agency in Russia and is looking to set up one here.  She also tells everyone that she was an international model before that, but that she can't continue with it anymore as she injured her ankle. She claims she can't walk in the very high shoes required and therefore can't model on the catwalk. Maybe. There's only room for one major pathological liar here, Tatiana. Kara Lyn holds all the pathological lying rights.

'But first I have lovely big Aussie beach holiday, before I look for job.' she tells everyone. Her  Russian accent cracks us up. Janie is really good at mimicking her.

Kal and Tatiana have breakfast every morning at Pinokio's Pantry, as Tatiana doesn't cook. Kal has a large serve of bacon and eggs. Dr.Una reckons he hasn't learned anything from his heart attack, and she's always nagging him to change his eating habits 

   ' If I don't, his self centred, little gold-digging  wife won't', Dr Una told us. Please don't tell anyone else, though.  Tatiana has fruit salad and coffee. OMG! We didn't know Pinokio's served stuff like fruit salad. and we also didn't know that Tatiana even eats.Then Kal goes off to work and Tatiana heads off to spend Kal's money or goes to the beach. Sometimes she'll go round to the Scrubber-Town shops and offer her opinion on their window displays or customer-service. The retailers get really pissed-off cos she never buys anything; the designer labels Tatiana favours aren't here. She's often seen at the Beauvais Boulevard, where all the snobs shop, and her photo often appears in Beauvais Belles, a monthly magazine that features  young, good-looking, rich women  in its pages. She just flounces around In her short, tight dresses and bluntly offers unwanted advice.

We hear that Tatiana's mother, Olga,is coming to visit  soon, perhaps to live, but we're not sure. Also coming, maybe, are Tatiana's brother Oleg and her younger sister Oksana. We think the name Oksana sounds like a gravy mix, don't you? We understand (from a reliable source) that Kal doesn't get along with his mother-in-law and refers to her as Olga from the Volga.

He emphasizes the 'a' so it sounds like Olgar from the Volgar. Anyway, we'll keep you posted, so watch this space.There is still an on-going feud between Kal and Nick (of Nick's Nirvana), because Nick is still dating Kal's nineteen year-old daughter, Kimberlee. They broke up for a while, but we've heard it's back on. Personally we think they deserve each other. She's a slag and he's a sleaze! He's a forty-something-ugh! Janie's loving all this. She says it's good practice for gossip writing. Yeah, sure Janie, but now we need a break. Some chocolate and Vodka would be cool. Have we got any Vodka left? Perhaps we should go see Tatiana.

Luv till next time and air kisses to all, except Tatiana,

Lainie and Janie.xxx

 We hope Komik Kal doesn't take offence at any of this and come after us. He can be pretty scary.

PS: I know it's sort of late for New Year's resolutions, but I can't help thinking I should have made one. Janie did, after all, and I can't be outdone by her. We're good mates, but we like, still compete. I've decided to apply to Asteroid Air to be a flight attendant.  Wouldn't that be cool? They have awesome, super-cute uniforms in blue and silver, and I can just see myself in it. Janie reckons I should give it a go, but interviews aren't until March, so watch this space.  I really don't want to work for that cow Marissa for the rest of my life.

PPS:  We found out that Pinokio's serves fruit salad out of a tin.  Well, we didn't really think it would be prepared fresh.

See youse soon.