Above: A more flattering than usual snap of Clarry and Olga about to go out on a date. A Body-language expert has pointed out that Olga is leaning in towards Clarry and they both have their tongues hanging out. Janie and I don't think you have to be any kind of expert to know what that's all about.

 Remember we told you about Olga, Tatiana's mother and Komik Kal's mother-in-law; and how he refers to her as Olgar from the Vulgar? Remember too how she was playing up and being really demanding? Kal was nearly going mental.

Yeah, it's your friends Lainie andJanie back again. You'd recognize our gossipy style anywhere, right? I hate to think what it's going to be like when Janie leaves for Sydney in a few weeks to audition for a TV series. She's already doing so well in her drama class that her teacher is sending her and two other students to Syd for this audition, but she's not allowed to tell me much yet, which sucks. I reckon Janie takes after her Mum, who you might remember I told you, was a star of an Aussie Soapie some years ago. Janie's promised she'll send me heaps of twitters, but what happens if she ends up staying over there? I'm not going to think about that now.

 I was feeling so bad, that I actually made an appointment with Dr Una and am going to follow her advice; to put my head in the sand like an Ostrich. Do Ostriches really do that? I don't know, but it sure sounds like a good idea to me. Of course Vodka helps too and so does Valium and Chocolate, but I didn't tell Dr Una about those, cos I'd get a lecture. Dr Una also said that I'm getting ahead of myself and to just take one day at a time. It's OK for her; it's not her best friend taking off for Syd.

Anyway, back to Olga. We heard from our always reliable and perpetually undisclosed source that Kal is much happier lately, because Olga has found a diversion, which is getting her out of his and Tatiana's house, and across to the Crockerie. No, we're not kidding. His name is Clarry and he's apparently a real flirt and usually has two or three girlfriends on the go at once; except at the moment he only has eyes for Olga. He probably thinks she's exotic with her larger-than-life Russian personality and strong accent. We think it's hilarious. The two rejects, ie the ex-girlfriends, Clara and Sara, sit and dart daggers with their eyes at Olga and whisper and point at her. Does that sound like high-school or what?

Olga apparently used to be a dancer in a professional folk-dance company in Russia when she was young. She skips over to the Crockerie in her old costume, would you believe,and performs little dances for Clarry. Of course she cops heaps of abuse from young hoons in passing cars. When they see her, they call out:

'Oi, freak show Nanna' or 'Dog' or'Bushpig,'

To Olga's credit, she just gives them the finger, to which the hoons respond by doing a wheelie in the middle of road and coming back to yell more insults, but by then Olga's already inside the 'Crockerie.'

When the two jealous exes glare at her, she runs over behind their backs and pulls faces. This of course makes Clarry and most of the other residents crack up laughing; after all, they most likely don't get much in the way of entertainment. The other thing that Olga does is to buy morning tea at Cup-Cake City and spread it out on the table in the dining room. She must spend heaps, cos there's always enough to go round and naturally, the oldies absolutely devour it instead of the boring plain, sweet biscuits they usually get. 

Olga also laces the tea and coffee with Vodka and ignores rules about special diets: Most of the residents aren't supposed to eat or drink that sort of stuff. Our one big wish is never to get old and not be able to enjoy junk food and alcohol; you might as well put us in jail. The two exes don't eat her offerings and sit there looking smug and self-righteous in their ugly pilled cardigans, eating the dull biscuits, which they dip into the unadulterated tea. I bet most of the oldies think Olga rules.

This is where Matron Melanie comes in.She's Matron Maxine's replacement, cos remember Matron Maxine had a sort of breakdown and had to leave. While Matron Maxine was kind and friendly, but a rather hopeless manager, Matron Melanie is humourless, efficient and anal-retentive. She's a stickler for rules and loves making up new and unreasonable ones which upset the staff. Get the picture? Janie calls her Matron lemon-face; at least that's the printable version. We have heard that Kal has another name, but we won't even go there or we'll be in so much trouble.

The other day, Matron Melanie came striding into Kal's shop and told him off in front of customers. He reckons she had smoke coming out of her mouth and ears, like the old dragon she is. Kal tells us that she demanded that he keep his sex-mad meddling old witch of a mother-in-law away from the Crockerie. Matron Melanie claimed that Olga was poisoning the food and minds of the residents and that she, Melanie, was going to takeout an AVO against her, effective immediately. We don't know much else except that a verbal slanging match took place and of course being Scrubber-Town, a crowd gathered to watch and egg them on. Eventually Kylie from security had to be called.

We hear now that there's to be a mediation between Kal and Matron Melanie. Dr Ray Beams is to be the mediator. Poor old Dr Ray won't stand a chance. Those two will have him for breakfast and spit out the bits; at least that's what Dr Una reckons. All this fuss over Olga having a fling with Clarry. We wouldn't be surprised if Clara and Sara, the two exes, had something to do with it.

Whatever happens, we think Olga will continue to defy Matron Melanie and entertain the residents at the Crockerie and of course, visit Clarry. Go Olga!

We asked Dr. Una if she thought Matron Melanie would leave. Dr Una reckons that the situation will result in a stand-off, cos both Olga and Matron Melanie are stubborn and strong-willed and both want their own way. We'll keep you posted, so watch this space

Luv and Air Kisses to all, except Matron Melanie and Clara and Sara.

Lainie and Janie.xxx

P.S. Newsflash! We hear on the grapevine that Tatiana is totally mortified (another big word from Janie) about her mother's behaviour, especially about the wearing of her old costume in public. Apparently it doesn't fit properly these days and shows her wrinkly, knobbly old knees. Not only that, but the bodice is super tight and quite sheer in all the wrong places. Tatiana is about ready to disown her. No wonder Olga gets abused out on the street.

Olga and Clarry seem as thick as thieves, but how long will it last?