Above: Photo titled 'Collision Course.' Would you believe it hangs in the Asteroid Air office in Scrubber-Town?

'Good evening viewers, welcome to another edition of All Day, Ev'ry Day. I'm Kate Blake.

Tonight ladies and gentlemen, we bring you an interview of a most serious nature. Channel One, the One and Only One, never shy away from hard-hitting current affairs.

Several months ago there was a near collision of two domestic airliners on their final approach into Asteroidia Airport. Only a few seconds and good luck prevented a disastrous fatality. The passengers however were emotionally traumatized as you might imagine. I interviewed some of those passengers after disembarkation and they were still shaking; some could not even talk. Their shock was tangible and who could blame them? The authorities and general public have many questions they need answers for, and so tonight, viewers, we have invited the two pilots who were crewing the Asteroid Air flight on that fateful day for an exclusive interview. Unfortunately,the two Kite Air pilots declined the  offer of an exclusive interview, to tell their side of the event. I therefore would like to introduce to you Captain Justin Jamieson and First Officer Jordan Jolley.

Kate: 'Good evening, Captain Justin and First Officer Jordan.'

Justin: 'G'day luv, firstly I think'fateful day' is a bit strong. You make it sound like the Titanic'

Kate: 'It almost was. Can you shed any light on what happened and why?'

Justin: 'Geez, luv, it's four months ago. Do you always remember stuff from four months ago?'

Kate; 'If the event was as significant and dramatic as this, then yes, I would.'

Jordan: 'It all happened like, so fast. One minute the sky ahead was crystal clear; great day and that, and the next, those morons from Kite Air almost had their ugly rear-ends in our windscreen.'

Kate; 'So, Captain, could this have been the result of an Air Traffic Control error?'

Justin: 'Maybe, but more likely it's those imbeciles from Kite Air. Rumour has it that they're all into weed and speed.  Anything's possible.'

Jordan: 'Mate, it's more than a rumour. I've seen them in action, including the cabin crew-they're all as bad as each other.'

Kate: 'Can you prove that, though?' I should caution you at this time about what you say publicly.'

Jordan: 'Yeah, hot-stuff! I've been to some of their parties and witnessed it myself. They're really full-on.'

Justin: 'You've been to their parties?' I wasn't invited.'

Jordan: 'You're too old, man.'

Justin: 'I'm only thirty-five.'

Jordan: 'Still much too old, man.'

Kate: Perhaps we can get back on track, please?' What we all want to know is simply this. What went wrong to cause such a near-fatality? Also, how do you both feel about your individual performances?'

Justin: Geez, luv, well, we're all still here, aren't we? If we knew more, we'd tell you. We're not trying to hide anything, are we Jordy?'

Jordan: 'Hell no'. It's like we've blocked it all out. Sort of like a Post Traumatic Stress condition. Yeah, like that.'

Justin: As for how we feel about ourselves, we think we're a couple of ace pilots, don't we Jordy? Gimme a high-five, mate. We dodged a bullet.

Kate: Well, you two seem very confident, if not very informative. I need to point out though, that profits for both airlines have plummeted since the accident, I mean, near-miss. It would seem the travelling public has lost faith somewhat.'

Justin: The travelling public needs to get over themselves. They over-react to the slightest incident. Gutless as jelly-fish.'

Kate: 'Perhaps they too have PTSD. Many were badly shaken. One elderly woman, who had flown all the way from Russia, was quoted as saying;

'All Australian pilots are dick-heads: Pardon my language, viewers.There should be more traffic lights in the sky.'

Justin: 'Yeah, luv, we heard about the loony old Russian Sheila. Sounds a bit like she got                   stuck into the Vodka on her way here'.

Kate: 'Perhaps you'd like to tell her family that?

Justin: 'Yeah, well, maybe some other time. Jordy and I have to crew a flight now to Innamincka.'

Jordan: 'No, man, Innisfail.'

Justin: 'Whatever! Anyway, we gotta go. Let's have a group high-five. No hard feelings about the probing interview. See ya on board sometime; Katie. You can fly with us any time you like.'

Kate: 'Not if I can avoid it, and by the way, my name is Kate. Hope you find your way, guys.'

Kate: 'Well, viewers,you're as wise as I am. Unfortunately, our interview revealed very little, but I can assure you that a thorough investigation is on-going, as will, I hope, the attitudes of our two cocky flight crew. This is Kate Blake, wishing you a pleasant evening  and thank-you all for watching 'All Day, Ev'ry Day': Only on Channel One, the One and Only One.'

PS: You may be wondering why I used the word 'Sheila:'It's a fairly old Aussie slang term for a woman. Apparently it's derived from the Irish girls' name of Sile.