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chapter thirty four ━ song beneath the song
season seven, episode eighteen

❝ it was the worst decision
i've ever made. ❞

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Throughout Aliya's twenty nine years on this Earth, she had been told countless of times she was never enough. So much, in fact, that she sometimes heard the voice in her head when she closed her eyes, as it soothed her to sleep with words of hatred and spite.

It was a possibility that everyone has been told that at least once in their lives, which was a tragedy in itself. Maybe it came from a quick insult from a manager, an ex-partner, it could've been anyone. But the general sentiment was that sometimes people thought it was okay to reduce a person down to insignificance. And that was something a person couldn't let go of.

Aliya had grown up feeling that way, and that pain was inescapable. No matter how hard she tried. The voice in her mind felt like a broken record that just kept rotating on the turntable, spouting out nonsense that no one should ever hear. But she did. Daily, she heard that.

Some days she felt better. Certain people could make those familiar thoughts vanish, but there was no cure for the memories, even when she was drunk they were still there, tormenting her in her tequila haze.

It hurt even more when those statements of hate came from the people who were meant to love you, who brought you into this world.

Because, that voice in the back of Aliya's head, telling her day after day that she wasn't enough, was her own mother.

And that was something a person couldn't grow out of. It doesn't get better with age. It never gets better.

It gets worse.

"Aliya." Kelly spoke softly, after witnessing Aliya stare into space, her eyes wide for the past five minutes, she couldn't exactly yell at the poor girl to snap out of it.

"When will it stop?" Aliya's jaw hardened. "I'm just so sick and tired of feeling this—" She clutched at her chest, even breathing hurt at this point. Her head dropped into her hands in defeat, her fingertips cradling her temples, tangling into her hair.

"For what it's worth, Aliya," Kelly leaned forward in her chair, reaching for the jug of water and pouring Aliya a glass. "Over these past few months I've known you, I can see that you're strong."

"I've been living my entire life like this— with this weight on my shoulders that I can't seem to shift." She picked up the water, taking a sip. "I'm just too tired of all this."

"I can assure you, you will get through this." Kelly's tone was as honest as Aliya had ever heard her, which made her do a double take. "I would even wager you are the strongest person I know. You have this—" Kelly paused in thought, searching for the right wording. "Outlook on life that is completely different from the deal you were dealt."

Aliya furrowed her brows, bringing the glass away from her lips. "What do you mean?"

"You're funny—"

"You can finally admit it!" Aliya grinned, briefly ignoring how she felt a few moments ago. Even though she didn't feel like laughing, it would be guessed she didn't even want her therapist to see her at her lowest. "You finally admit you like my jokes! I feel like this is a momentous occasion for us."

Kelly pursed her lips in her trademark way. "Aliya, you were on the precipice of a breakthrough two seconds ago, and now you're laughing. How do you do it?"

Her therapist did genuinely look marvelled at the woman sat across from her.

The only real answer to her question however would be that Aliya Levine was a chronic people pleaser.

Though, Aliya simply shrugged. "I don't know really, it's a habit." She admitted, because even she knew it may be perceived as insane by the general population.

"Hm." Kelly mumbled thoughtfully. "Even though you do have... that tendency, you are doing well. Even if every session is you just joking around."

"You can just say you like me, Kelly." Aliya stated the fact. "It wouldn't be that hard."

Kelly sighed, taking off her glasses. "I do like you, Aliya. You're a good person."

Aliya clapped her hands in victory, leaning into her chair with a wide smile adorning her lips. "See? Was that so hard?"

And for what Aliya would say was the sixth time, Kelly smiled at the woman across from her. "No. Opposite from what your parents tell you, you're a very likeable person."

Despite their differences, at the end of the day, Kelly did want to help Aliya, and she was slowly but surely doing that, she just needed to be pretty generous with her time.

"Don't go soft on me, now." Aliya joked, grinning as she sat up in her seat.

A moment passed and Aliya's pager, placed unassumingly on the glass coffee table beeped its calling call, cutting that days session ten minutes short.

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"Do you know what the page is for?" Aliya caught up with Cristina in the hall, walking alongside her as they moved through the halls to the ambulance bay.

"No idea." Cristina replied with a shrug. "It better be good, I need a surgical distraction."

The Yang woman frowned, letting out a long and exaggerated sigh that Aliya couldn't not ask if she was okay.

The brunette raised a brow. "And why do you need a surgical distraction?"

"Webber delegated." Cristina mumbled, grimly.

With the limited information Cristina was giving her, Aliya thought it necessary to ask a follow up question. "And what exactly did he delegate?"

"He's making Owen pick Chief Resident."

It all made sense now, Cristina had no chance of becoming Chief Resident now that her husband was picking, because even if she was the best person for the role, everyone would point to favouritism.

"Oh, crap!" Aliya gritted her teeth, frowning sympathetically at the woman beside her as she angrily swung open the door to the ER.

"So, he's pretty much screwing with my chances of being Chief Resident." Cristina stopped in the middle of the ER, arms crossed.

"Because everyone will say it's because your his wife."

Cristina nodded her head. "Actually, I'm gonna redact that previous statement because, now I have no chance."

Aliya drew in a sharp breath, scrunching her nose and looking over at Cristina whose expression was the furthest away from content. "That blows."

"Tell me about it."

The pair both reached for a trauma gown, continuing on to the ambulance bay, past the nurses and interns running wild in the emergency room, where it seemed the entire hospital staff were gathered in the cold and wind.

Wow, it must really be one hell of a trauma.

"Hey—" Aliya was greeted by a dozen tense faces in yellow trauma gowns. "Uh— What's going on?"

"Yeah, seriously," Cristina reached her hands up to tie a knot. "Why do you all look you've seen ghosts?"

"It's Callie." Owen informed the two new arrivals, dropping it on them just like that, and the two residents faces fell at the news.

Because, not giving any other piece of information made their minds instantly jump to the worst case scenario, and seeing that every single member of the hospital staff — cardio, neuro, general, OB — it must be bad.

Cristina gasped. "Are you serious?"

And for once, Aliya was speechless, because there was nothing she could say to make this whole situation remotely better.

"Levine," Derek joined her side, his lips strained into a straight line. "You're with me, we don't know what neurological injuries Torres has, I want you by my side."

Aliya nodded her head quickly in understanding, clenching, then unclenching her hands to try and shake the anxiety that was piling high on top of her. Besides, she didn't want Callie to die. "Got it."

"What the hell happened!" Mark ran out to join the group in a hurry, looking as if he had just run the full length of the hospital in an effort to get here.

"Car versus truck," Owen announced. "That's all we know."

"And her injuries?" Mark asked, his voice breaking between attempting to catch his breath. "What..? The baby?"

"We don't know yet." Derek answered, increasing Mark's panic even more.

"Why the hell don't you know?" The plastic surgeon snapped. "Someone get me a trauma gown!"

"Mark," The Chief called out. "You need to sit this one out."

The Chief wasn't exactly wrong, it wasn't as if Mark would be in a fit state to practice medicine on his best friend and the mother of his unborn child. And well, his child.

Mark having a baby did seem utterly mind blowing to Aliya, who always had a presumption about him that he never cared. Though, that was proven wrong by how much he cared for Callie, and his baby.

So, maybe her therapist was right, people can change. Sometimes.

"I'm not sitting this one out!" Mark snapped back, looking at Richard as if he suggested something that was entirely ridiculous to even say. "That's Callie! That's my kid!"

"Which is why you can't!" Webber enforced. "I'm sorry, Sloan, you can't be a doctor on this one."

Mark scoffed, shaking his head in a mixture of anger and denial. "Screw you." He spat, reaching for a trauma gown one of the nurses was giving to him, pushing his arms. "Screw all of you!"

"Look at me, Sloan." Webber stopped in front of him, but Mark looked straight past his shoulder as everyone could hear the ambulances sounding in the distance. "Look at me." The Chief said, his voice strong, earning a moment of Mark's straying attention.

Aliya pulled a hair tie out of her pocket, gathering her hair up into a ponytail, and as she was doing so, she happened to find Jackson's eyes on her.

Are you okay? He asked her, and she read his lips perfectly well as if it were something she was born to do.

She nodded her head as she finished putting her hair up, unable to control the few strands that escaped her ponytail. Are you? She replied back.

The Avery man bobbed his head, giving her a simple, yet encouraging smile.

"Look." Webber continued. "Maybe I don't understand what the two of you have, how you have it, but I understand this: she is your family. Callie Torres and that baby are your family. And the best way you can help your family this to step back, and let the rest of us do what you can't rationally do. Save their lives. Ok?"

The ambulance sirens were getting nearer with each passing second, and everyone was less than subtlety watching Mark, putting a pair of latex gloves on, and Richard, trying to get him to understand how he can't possibly help by being a doctor.

"Mark." Derek spoke up, and the dipped his head, dropping his hands down by his sides.

"I'm in the room, you hear me."

"Okay." Webber accepted the fact that he couldn't exactly banish Mark away.

"I'm in the room!"

"Ok."

And with that settled, the long awaited ambulance pulled up in front of them.

"Hunt," Richard called out, moving closer to the ambulance as it reached a stop. "You're in charge."

"All right, everyone," Hunt ran to the doors to the ambulance, everyone else following closely behind as they waited anxiously for what was going to be revealed behind the doors. "Multiple blunt trauma protocol, let's go."

As soon as the doors opened, Arizona, with what looked like dried up blood from a head lac on her forehead, bounded out of the ambulance, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. "Tachycardia and hypotensive en route, obvious head and chest injuries." Arizona bumped into the back of Owen as she passed, stumbling next to Aliya so that the brunette could tell the blonde was shivering.

"Hey—" Aliya placed a hand on Arizona's shoulder, stilling her for just a moment. "Breathe." Aliya urged the blonde just to take one steady breath. Which she did, and continued to try and do as attention went on Callie.

"Callie?" Owen spoke to Callie, whose eyes were wide open, though the sight of her made Aliya gasp as her whole face was covered in blood. "Callie, can you hear me? Everything is going to be okay."

Aliya was good with trauma. Having been practicing medicine for years, it was something you dealt with, it was something you learned to cope with. However, seeing someone you care about it that position, was a whole other story.

"She's haemorrhaging!" Meredith called out, and Callie's eyes wandered towards Owen.

"Wait, wait—" Teddy pushed past a few others to take a look. "Hold on, is that blood coming from her chest?"

Meredith took Callie's mask away from her face, and she tried to speak, though it was made even more obvious she was bleeding internally. "Call— io— pe means mu— sic."

"Honey! We are going to fix you up just fine." Bailey stroked her hair back, giving her an encouraging smile. "Don't you worry."

"S-She went through the windshield." Arizona explained as the gurney set off in the direction of the emergency room, and Aliya pushed away the goosebumps rising on her arms as she held onto the gurney, wheeling Callie inside.

"No seatbelt? Airbags?"

"She took it off." Arizona stuttered.

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MEREDITH'S HOUSE
seattle, washington
( three years ago, intern year )
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"Today has been a complete slap in the— Oh!" Aliya stopped short in the doorway, armed with a takeout bag of a cheeseburger and fries and a milkshake, a large one because she needed it after the hellish day she just had. "Hi! You must be Callie, George has told me a lot about you."

Aliya smiled, welcomingly, moving into the kitchen as Callie, who was sat on one of stools in her underwear turned back and practically spooked her. It wasn't as if Aliya was expecting Callie to be in her house. Let alone without pants.

"Hey, you must be Aliya." Callie deduced, her voice low and confident.

"Yes." Aliya smiled, setting down her food and milkshake.

Callie cleared her throat, pushing the dark bangs away and out of her face. "George has told a lot about you all too."

"Nothing incriminating I hope." Aliya joked, munching on a fry.

"Only a few drunken stories," Callie answered. "One with the darts?"

"He didn't!" Aliya gasped, choking rather abruptly on a fry. "Full disclosure, I wasn't wearing my contacts and my prescription was out of date, I didn't realise George was standing there and— in my defence, I missed his head by about an inch! I didn't even touch him!"

"He left the part of the story out." Callie laughed, bringing her mug of coffee to her lips.

"How convenient." Aliya joked, slurping on her milkshake that she may have put a shot of espresso in. Correction, double shot. "Have you met the others?"

"Oh—" Callie shuffled rather uncomfortably on her seat. "Yeah. In the bathroom."

"Ah—" Aliya nodded, and by the looks of Callie's discomfort, it seemed as if Izzie, presumably, had given her a hard time.

It wasn't as if Aliya didn't like the blonde who lived with her. They had their differences in more ways than one.

"Want a fry?" Aliya offered, pushing the box towards her.

But, Aliya did like George, so she would at least make an effort with Callie, who seemed perfectly nice.

Sighing in relief, Callie accepted the fries. "I'd love one."

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"Get those IVs up!"

"Make sure her lines are patent!"

Aliya clicked on her flashlight, Callie's eyes still wide open now that she was inside a trauma room. Shining the light into her eyes, Aliya watched the woman's deep pupils closely. "Her pupils are unresponsive."

Even if she didn't know Callie could see her or not, Aliya smiled at her reassuringly, because Aliya couldn't comprehend sometimes how bad things can happen to good people, Callie being one of them.

"Depressed skull fracture," Derek called out from where he was examining her head injury. "With a probable bleed."

Aliya peered over to get a look for herself, and with pursed lips she met Derek's eyes, and worry was blatantly written across his face. "Tell CT to get ready for her." Aliya ordered over the hustle and bustle of the room, crammed with too many bodies.

"No obvious spinal deformities." Cristina assessed.

"Hang two bags of O neg." Bailey ordered from where she was stood by the gurney.

"But she's A positive!" Mark stepped away from where he was plastered against the wall.

"Scratch that!" Bailey addressed one of the ER nurses with a clipboard. "Type specific A positive!"

"Is— Is there a fetal heartbeat?" Arizona asked Lucy, her arms crossed over her chest as she watched the doctors rush around Callie.

"No breath sounds on the right." Altman announced from where she was listening to Callie's heartbeat with her stethoscope. "Set up a chest tube."

"I'm on it!"

"Lucy—" Arizona stepped forward out of her designated spot by the wall. "Is there a fetal heartbeat?"

"Lucy!" Mark yelled at the blonde.

"Give me a minute!" The OB replied.

Richard moved towards the worried pair, a hand outstretched. "You two need to back up."

"I want an answer!" Arizona protested, looking over the Chief's shoulder.

"Against the wall and silent." Richard took it upon himself to act as a bodyguard, pushing the two interfering surgeons back against the window. "You hear me?"

"Left upper quadrant, clear." Jackson's voice cut over the loud noises of the doctors shouting out miscellaneous details about Callie's current state.

"Her reflexes are intact." Aliya announced.

"I need those drapes to prep her chest." Teddy requested.

"Sterile drapes and Betadine."

"Check Morison's pouch." Cristina quickly added.

"I need a thirty six french tube!"

Aliya flicked her eyes up to the monitor above her, narrowing her eyes. "Temperature is thirty five degrees! We need to keep giving warm fluids so she doesn't get hypothermic."

Cristina looked back at the screen too. "Should we start mannitol?"

"We'll hold off for now." Richard replied, still stood in front of Mark and Arizona, stopping them from jumping out.

"Wait, hold on!" Cristina turned back to Callie in a hurry. "There's blood in the right upper quadrant!"

"Push that LR in faster!" Richard ordered over the commotion, though Aliya really couldn't tell who was talking anymore. "Bailey, where are you?"

"Rapid infuser!" Bailey raised her hand from where she was, moving towards the hallway.

Richard nodded, now he had eyes on Bailey. "She needs a central line."

"On it," Aliya called out, turning back to grab the equipment she needed. "I'll do a subclavian."

"Call upstairs and tell them to prep an OR, where's that blood?" Richard inquired.

"This monitors not picking up." Lucy sighed, pushing away the monitor she was using.

"Doppler's here."

"Ok," Lucy nodded, reaching for the other monitor that would hopefully tell them the baby was still alive. "Let's switch."

"Okay, central line is in." Aliya informed.

"Derek, please." Mark watched Derek, then moved his eyes towards Lucy, where she was scrambling to find a heartbeat.

"How are we doing with the heartbeat, Lucy?" Derek asked from where he was stood by Callie's head.

"Systolic's down to seventy two."

"If I'm going to find a heartbeat I need everyone to shut up for a second!"

"Everyone quiet, right now!" The Chief ordered, and everyone fell into silence.

"There it is!" Lucy took a sigh of relief, and everyone else did too as they heard for themselves the heartbeat on the monitor, perfectly fine after everything that has happened. "Fetal heartbeat!"

Though, the relief quickly disappeared as the other monitor, Callie's monitor started beeping.

"V-fib!" Jackson called out.

"She's crashing!"

"Start bagging her!"

"Come on!" Richard exclaimed. "Get her on her back!"

"What her C-spine!"

"Okay, starting CPR!" Aliya, who was the closest to Callie's chest, so she reached over, placing her hands on her chest and beginning compressions while they wheeled in the crash cart.

"Get me an intubation tray!" Derek ordered from opposite her, and as Aliya was doing the compressions, she caught Bailey's eye, and she could have sworn she watched tear fall from her eye, and how could it not? It wasn't everyday this happened.

"Ready to intubate." Derek leant over Callie. "Hold inline stabilisation."

"I've got cricoid pressure for you." Cristina said.

"Okay—" Jackson, placed a hand on Aliya's back from where he was moving behind her, armed with the crash cart, letting her know to stop now Owen was holding the paddles. "Charging to 120! Clear!"

The shock delivered, and all eyes flew to the monitor.

"Still in v fib." Teddy announced, and Aliya continued her chest compressions between the moment in time. "Charge the paddles to 200!"

"Charged to 200," Jackson spoke, and Aliya pulled her hands away. "Clear!"

Watching the monitor closely, everyone saw the exact moment it beeped, letting them know Callie was back, she was breathing again.

"Sinus tach!"

"She's back!" Richard nodded his head toward Arizona, who clutched her chest and hunched over, her shoulders shaking.

"We need the Ambu on, now!" Aliya called out, accepting the Ambu bag and placing it on Callie.

"Right," Derek nodded towards Aliya, now that the bag was fixed. "Let's move! Grab that! Grab it! Go!"

"Let's move people!"

The group dashed out of the trauma room, pushing Callie's gurney, making a break for the elevator and wheeling Callie inside, Aliya just about making it in, her hand around the Ambu bag.

"Too many people! Get out!" Richard ushered with a wave of his hand to the people trying to make their way into the already cramped elevator.

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Aliya narrowed her eyes at Callie's brain scans now they were up in the OR. "Large epidural and subdural?"

"Yes." Derek sighed, blinking behind the glasses on his face. "CT shows a large epidural and subdural? I need to get in there. Is she under?"

"We're ready for you." Knox, the anaesthesiologist, replied.

"All right," Derek nodded, and Aliya joined him by Callie's head. "We're going in. I need a ten blade to Dr. Levine."

"Wait, wait, stop—" Lexie, who had just sat down next to Callie to keep an eye on her, made sure she was heard of everyone getting themselves organised to operate. "Her anaesthesia is too light."

"I— I can fix that!" Knox scrambled over to the machines.

Bailey looked across at Callie, whose eyelids were fluttering, then to Knox. "Oh my god!"

"We're on the run here!" Knox defended.

"People!" The Chief snapped over everybody whispering in hushed voices to each other.

"Take a breath. Everybody, I mean it." Owen ordered, setting down his scalpel. "Stop what you are doing. And everybody take a breath, and centre yourself. There's no room for rushing here. We rush, we make a mistake. So, everybody, just take a breath."

The inhale and exhale of a dozen breaths sounded at mismatched times around the OR, and Aliya did the same, holding her ten blade and taking a deep breath, preparing herself for what she needed to do.

As a surgeon, you learnt to detach, you obviously cared for your patients, but in that OR, you had to keep a level head, no matter what.

"Just breathe, Callie." Lexie soothed Callie as her anaesthesia went up and she slipped away into unconsciousness. "Callie, relax. We've got this. It's under control."

Derek looked up towards the gallery, where Arizona was sat on the edge of her seat, tapping her fingers against the other. "Someone needs to keep an eye on Mark."

"Little Grey—" Richard got Lexie's attention. "Eyes on Sloan."

Lexie nodded, moving towards the door and disappearing through it, just as Aliya and Derek began their work.

"More lap pads in here!" Owen ordered, reaching his hand out to grab them as they watched the extent of Callie's internal bleeders.

"Dr. Shepherd, there's the subdural." Aliya pointed out, staring at the inside of Callie's brain.

"All right," Derek rolled his shoulder. "Let's zip the dura, get her decompressed. Give me some bone wax."

"I've got bleeders everywhere!" Bailey told them.

Owen sighed. "Let's get control of this liver lac before she gets unstable!"

"Body temp's dropped to thirty two degrees." Knox informed them.

"She's getting hypothermic."

"She's contracting!" Lucy called from the monitor as it began to beep erratically.

"More lap pads!"

"I need a retractor in here!"

"Her pressure's dropping!" Aliya acknowledged, looking up briefly from the brain to the monitor.

"She can't take much more!" Owen said in frustration, placing down the lap pads. "She's not clotting well."

"She needs time to recuperate." Owen told them, his hand on a bleeder that he quickly fixed. "We don't pack her and get out now, she's going to bleed to death. So, get set up for a temporary abdominal closure."

"So— So what happens now?" April questioned, looking back and forth between the two attendings working on Callie's internal bleeders.

"We get her up to the ICU, and see if she lives for the next twenty four hours." Bailey replied, looking over at Callie. "If she makes it, we go in again."

"I want a doctor with Torres at all times." Richard instructed, nodding his head in approval of the game plan. Though, he moved over to Lucy, now that Callie's contractions had stopped. "Dr. Fields? What's your plan here?"

Aliya could hear the OB gulp. "My plan?"

"Yes, plan." Richard spoke, his tone frustrated as he watched Lucy stutter, her eyes wide. "What if Torres starts contacting again? What if she has a preterm labour? What if, god forbid, you have to deliver this baby?"

"I may be a little out of my depth here, sir."

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"Dr. Levine," Addison Montgomery breezed into Callie's room in the ICU, reaching for her chart and flipping it open, her eyes narrowed and scanning the multitude of notes written in there. "It's good to see you, what's her status?"

"It's good to seee you too, Dr. Montgomery, she's in SVF." Aliya announced turning to Callie. "I gave her adenosine and some diltazem but, still no change."

"Okay." Addison nodded in understanding, pushing up her sleeves and pulling on a pair of gloves, moving to Callie's baby bump. "Go, take a break. I got her."

"Thank you." Aliya reached for her lab coat, shrugging it on as she moved out of the door, passing Lucy, who was destined to have a disagreement with Addison over her failure to stop Callie's contractions and give the baby steroids to help mature her lungs.

"Hey, could I get just an americano please? Oh, and make it a double shot?" Aliya asked as she reached the coffee cart, practically crashing into it with relief in the fact that coffee was a few minutes away from her grasp.

The barista nodded. "Of course."

"Thank you." Aliya handed over her money, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she waited, racking her brain around, playing out hundreds of different scenarios about how they can save Callie and the baby. Though they had to temporarily close her up, they still had to go back in, and who knew how Callie would react when they put her under again.

"Hey." Jackson spoke softly, stopping next to her at the coffee cart, Aliya turned at the sound of her voice, smiling at him as she was rocked back and forth on her heels.

"Could I grab a cappuccino? Thank you." He handed over a few dollar bills. "How's Callie doing?"

"She's alive, that's all that matters. I just hope she survives the night." Aliya sighed, accepting her americano gratefully, adding in her one sugar. "The attending's are meeting now to discuss a game plan."

Jackson nodded, watching the brunette inhale her coffee. "There's a hundred things to consider."

"Her brain, her heart, the baby—" Aliya trailed off, staring into space.

"Hey, they'll figure it out. They are the best, they'll know what to do and, Callie will be fine. Everything is going to be fine." Jackson offered, trying to make her feel better, he knew better than anyone where her mind went in times like this. He nudged her shoulder now he had his coffee in hand, and she heard him slurp on it from her left.

She stared up at him, her brain screaming at her to stop her lip from twitching, but sometimes things were out of her control. "You have chocolate on your lip."

The brunette pointed out, taking a sip out of her own coffee, and the two stood there, leant against the bars, sipping their coffee like nothing had changed.

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"I can't believe this is happening. Callie— she doesn't deserve this." Aliya reached over to Alex's chips, digging her hand in the packet and taking one against his will, like she always did and he never protested.

Cristina sighed, leaning against the desk. "Yesterday we were at her stupid baby shower."

Meredith frowned as the four watched the attending's discuss (argue) what would be best for Callie. "I take it back. You can be Callie's baby's godmother."

"If there's a baby to godmother." Alex grumbled, darkly.

"Alex," Aliya groaned at the thought as of Callie losing her baby, nudging him with her elbow. "Don't say that."

"The only way to save the baby is to save Callie." Alex informed through a mouthful of salt and vinegar chips. "And the only way to save Callie might end up killing the baby."

Aliya reached across for another chip. "The baby still might have a chance if they deliver it preterm."

The four consider it for a moment, angling their head as they watched Teddy angrily turn her back on Owen.

"You've got a hickey on your neck." Meredith smirked.

Cristina whipped her head across to Alex. "What?"

"You're kidding, let me see." A smile broke across the brunette's lips and she ducked around to look at Alex's neck, where a bright red hickey evidently was. "Got lucky in Derek's love trailer, huh?"

"Oh!" Cristina clapped her hands together in amusement. "Karev's turning red. Are you in love? Oh, you love her?" Poking at his rib, Cristina threw her head back in laughter, and at how Alex's cheeks were blowing more like a tomato by the second.

"Shut up." Alex grumbled, though there was no denying his efforts to try not to smile. "Both of you."

Cristina didn't get the hint, or she did, but she just wanted to fluster Alex even more, it was a fun past time. "You love her?"

"Shut up!" Alex stuffed more chips into his mouth.

Meredith shrugged. "Lucy's the first girl that he's really liked since—"

Alex rolled his eyes. "Big deal. She works here at Seattle Grace Mercy Death," Aliya snorted and choked on her stolen chip, which was karma. "So I'm sure she's pretty much gonna go crazy or get cancer or shot by a gunman or hit by a truck, so don't get your hopes up for Karev's Big Happily Ever After."

"Could I preorder tickets at least?" Aliya joked, sipping her now cold coffee.

"Seattle Grace Mercy Death." Cristina mused, scoffing at how incredibly valid that nickname was.

"Yeah," Mer clicked her tongue. "He's got a point."

Today was a perfect example for the whole Seattle Grace Mercy Death argument.

With that, the attendings finally left the room the residents had been stalking, and Derek walked out first, his head gesturing for Aliya to follow him down the hall. She pushed herself off the desk, catching up with him as they moved through the automatic doors.

"She's suffered massive head trauma." Derek was walking incredibly fast that Aliya's thighs burned from trying to catch up with him, she was practically lunging. "We fixed all the bleeders we saw."

Aliya nodded thoughtfully and slowly, in contrast to their walking. "And, it could be that Callie has deeper neurological damage."

"She may not come back." Derek paused, pressing his hand to his forehead. "Even if they manage to save her body, her brain may not come back."

"It's all good saving her body, but her brain." Aliya chewed her lip in thought, glancing at Derek who was just as troubled. "Can we take her off the paralytics? Just to test her brain function? I know it's early but, what if we try?"

"Yeah." Derek nodded as he thought about Aliya's suggestion. "Yes, let's do that."

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"Callie. Callie." Derek spoke to the woman on the gurney before him. Now the two surgeons were in her room in the ICU, weaning her off the paralytics to test her brain function, just the two of them.

Saying they snuck in would be an overstatement. But they did, for Callie's best interests.

"I know it hurts, but we're going to lower your sedation and check on your neuro function. Don't fight the intubation, this won't take long." The neuro surgeon informed, hoping that Callie can hear his instructions. "Can you follow me with your eyes? Follow with your eyes, ok?" Derek asked, though Callie simply blinked, her pupils unmoving.

"Callie?" Aliya stepped forward, seeing how her pupils still remained unresponsive, placing her hand in Callie's. "Can you squeeze my hand?"

Nothing.

"How about your finger?" Aliya suggested, taking her hand away. "Can you move a finger?"

After a few tense seconds, Derek sighed, reaching back from the syringe. "I'm gonna put her back under."

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—✩—
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"It's too soon to tell anything."

Now, the pair were stood in front of Mark and Arizona, telling them what they had found, which was that Callie wasn't responding, however it really was too soon to tell anything.

Arizona cleared her throat, sniffing slightly as she rubbed at her eyes. "She didn't respond?"

"She opened her eyes, and—" Derek dipped his head to the floor. "Look, it's just too soon to tell."

"Did she follow commands? Anything else?" Mark asked — his arms crossed and his eyes darting between the two.

Derek remained silent by her side, so Aliya spoke up.

"Nothing else. But, it is too soon to tell." Aliya answered Mark, who moved towards the door and out into the hall. "I'll go make sure he's okay."

Though how could he be? Nothing about this was okay.

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Something Aliya didn't realise until now was that Mark Sloan, could move fucking fast.

She should have really held onto that piece of information but somehow, it got lost in her memories. Because even after exiting the room two seconds after him, she still didn't know where he had gone.

She turned to a Nurse at the desk before her, organising a stack of charts. "Do you know which way Dr. Sloan went?"

"On-call room, down the hall." The Nurse pointed in the direction to the nearest room, a few yards from where she was stood.

"Thank you." Aliya gave a nod of her head, turning and jogging to the door, giving it a  knock before pushing in.

Mark was sat on the edge of the bed, rocking back and forth with his head cradled in his hands, his whole body shaking with anxiety as he sobbed into his palms.

"I can't lose her." He sniffed, knowing Aliya was in the room with his, running his palm along his nose as he tried to stifle his cries.

Aliya took a seat beside him, placing a hand on his back and rubbing in a circular motion, reaching over for his hand and giving it a comforting squeeze, though she knew nothing could possibly bring him comfort in a time like this. "It's going to be okay, Callie, she's so damn strong, you know that."

"She's the strongest person I know." He breathed, his jawline tensing into a straight line in an effort not to cry, a motion Aliya picked up on.

"See? She'll pull through, I know it." She assured him, though he didn't look entirely convinced. "It just takes time after everything she's been through, you wouldn't expect her to get up and start doing the macarena straight away."

Mark let out a short laugh, swiping the tears away from his eyes with his free hand, even though they were still falling down his cheeks. "You don't have to stay, you can go."

"It's okay, Mark." Continuing to rub his back, Aliya let him bury his head into her chest, his hands in his face as he cried, and Aliya held him as he did, because even he didn't deserve this.

And she prayed she was going to be right about this. That Callie will be okay.

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—✩—
⠀

It was the next day, and the team were back in the OR again as Callie developed abdominal compartment syndrome, where Derek and Aliya were against the clock, working to fix her brain bleed at the same time.

With Arizona and Mark watching in the gallery above, it was hard not to feel the pressure.

"Slowly push the heparin." Teddy asked from where she was working on fixing Callie's heart, and she had heard from Cristina that she proposed to repair the heart percutaneously, which really was the best idea, in Aliya's opinion. She could do that procedure with her eyes closed from the amount of times her mother had went on about it. It didn't help cardiothoracic surgery was in her blood, quite literally.

It was the speciality that did come naturally to her, but she didn't even want to explore it because she would be damned if she followed in her mother's footsteps.

Aliya narrowed her eyes from where her and Derek were sat, seeing as they finished repairing the brain bleed. She watched as one of the tubes filled turned red. "We've got blood!"

"Damn it!" Derek leapt out of his seat, Aliya following him. "We gotta go back in!"

"It's the heparin!" Aliya called out as Derek scrambled to prep Callie's brain for surgery yet again.

"Dr. Altman," Cristina spoke, frantically. "We can still do the percutaneous repair. It'll work, I know it will."

"Dr. Yang." Teddy replied, her voice stern. "The decision has already been made."

"Get me more lap pads!" Bailey interrupted. "I've got a lot of bleeding down here."

"Baby's having decols." Addison told them from where she was monitoring the baby's heartbeat.

"This is not working." Owen sighed. "Yang is right. We need to reverse the heparin and try the percutaneous repair."

"What? No, I can do this." Teddy protested, but Cristina was already on the move.

"Get me a percutaneous catheter kit, and flip on the echo! I'm going up through the groin."

"No!" Teddy told Cristina who had appeared next to her, rather than opposite. "I said I've got this!"

"Levine," Cristina called across the room, making the brunette look away from the brain. "You've done this before, can you assist?"

Brain or heart? Brain or heart? Brain or heart?

Derek made the decision easier. "Avery, get over here."

Aliya gave him a quick nod of her head, switching out her gloves with the help of a scrub nurse. "Coming!"

"Dr. Altman, stabilise the heart and step back."

"No, I can do this. I just need to, damn it!" The cardio surgeon snapped, moving fast and ignoring what everyone else had to say.

"Dr. Altman." It was Richard's turn to make her listen. "Dr. Altman. Step away."

The ER went silent as Teddy and the Chief locked eyes from across each other. And finally, Teddy set down her equipment, backing away to give space for Cristina and Aliya to work.

"You can do this." Owen encouraged.

And what felt like hours simultaneously trying to fix all of what was going wrong, everything seemed to fall into place.

Derek's sigh of relief could have been heard from miles away. "Her brain is decompressing."

"Balloon is advanced." Cristina said. "Extra stiff guide wire, please."

"Brain bleed has been controlled."

"Is the occluder's in?" Aliya asked, her hands helping Cristina with the guide wire.

The Yang woman nodded. "Yes, turn on the Doppler."

Aliya watched the monitor with Cristina, the pair studying it closely. "We have minimal residual VSD flow."

"Good. Then we're done here." Cristina's shoulders relaxed. "Pulling out."

"I got a lumbar vein avulsed in the vena cava. Two Allis clamps!"

"Ventricular rhythm!" Meredith called just as the monitor began that hellish beeping again.

"Damn it! She's bradying down!"

"Pressures down, fifty five systolic!"

"Pulse is down to forty and dropping!"

"One of atropine!"

"CVP and arterial pressures shot up."

"It might be an air embolus!"

"Pull back in the PA catheter."

"Hang more FFP and Factor VII."

Aliya and Cristina pulled out the wire quickly and carefully around everyone barking orders across from one another. Though the two could decipher what everyone was saying, everyone's voices yet again seemed to just merge into one hoard of instructions.

"We're losing her."

"We've already replaced her entire blood volume." Knox stated the fact of how much bloody they had to go through to save Callie's life.

"Starting cardiac massage." Richard placed his hand around Callie's heart.

Bailey glanced back up at the monitor. "Push one of epi!"

"Find whatever's bleeding and shut it down!"

"How about an amp of bicarb?"

"Push three of epi and another of atropine!"

"Richard," Addison stormed out of her chair, moving to Callie's side. "You have one minute to get her heart back or I'm taking the baby out."

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—✩—
⠀

And what felt like a lifetime later, the OR felt a much needed feeling of relief and peace washed over the surgeons, as both of the heart monitors showed signs of life.

"I have a heartbeat!" Arizona's voice broke from where she was stood over her newborn daughter, Mark was there too, watching in awe at the tiny human squirming under the light.

"Mom's heart is strong."

⠀
—✩—
⠀

The perfect time to come to a revelation usually occurred after a trauma. It acted as a sort of reality check where, even if you weren't directly involved in the trauma, you take a moment to think about everything under the sun.

In Aliya's case, she realised she was a pathetic excuse of a human being on her car journey home from the hospital, stopped at a set of red traffic lights.

This particular revelation was derived by Callie's trauma, though it could be argued Aliya would have eventually gotten there on her own and what happened to Callie acted as some sort of catalyst.
Because when you think that a person could be taken away from this Earth at any moment, it really does mess with your brain and make you consider your life choices up until the present.

The main reason as to why she was having this overwhelming feeling of self loathing comes down to the most idiotic decision she has ever made to date, and there's been a lot in Aliya's life until now but the decision taking the top spot on the charts is as follows:

Why did she end it with the one guy she felt something real for in a long time?

He was perfect. He was undeniably handsome, the kind of handsome that could be on the cover of a magazine and that wasn't Aliya objectifying him. He had the smile that could will anyone to do anything he desired, which was good for him but truly dangerous for her. His cheeks went a perfect pink shade when he blushed, and that was something Aliya couldn't pretend not to notice.

He hated reading in bed because he was scared he would go hunchback and, if he did read in bed, he sat up with a mound of cushions behind him, even though he insisted he hated Aliya's throw pillows at every chance he got (hypocrite). He hated cinnamon which annoyed Aliya to an astronomical degree, seeing as she thought cinnamon rolls were the best thing to ever be created.

He wore socks to bed and occasionally an eye mask which jump scared Aliya everytime she turned around with her eyes wide open. Which was rare, because she only ever fell asleep in his arms because, he was always boiling hot and she was always freezing cold.

Despite their minuscule differences that didn't even matter, at the end of the day, Aliya could admit now to herself, tapping her fingertips on her wheel to the sound of the eighties songs playing from her car radio, that she had never stopped loving him, even when she tried.

Because being angry at the man she loved was so much harder than loving him.

The horn of the car behind her snapped her out of her mental rabbit hole now that the light was green, and she lifted her foot of the break and onto the accelerator, taking the right turn which led her to place she knew he would be.

Pulling up safely on the side of the road behind his car, she knew he was the only one home, or that she hoped he was.

She pulled her keys out as quick as she could, killing the radio as she grabbed her bag from the passenger seat, swinging open the door and shutting it right on her— "Oh, fuck!" The brunette screamed in agony as the tips of fingers got caught in the car door, earning a stare from a woman on the other side of the street with her two kids as she jumped up and down on the spot, waving her fingers about as if that would help matters.

"I'm so sorry!" Aliya apologised, gritting her teeth in an attempt to smile but that only made the woman walk even faster.

Accepting the fact not everyone would find that reaction tolerable, she raced up the steps to her house, skipping a few as she leaped up them, pulling open the door and flying through. "JACKSON!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, as the door slammed shut behind her, her eyes beginning to water from her fingers that were turning bright red and swelling by the second.

"JACKSON! ARE YOU HERE?" The girl screamed manically, her bag still in her hand as she rushed to the living room, finding it empty, as well as the kitchen. "JACKSON, HELLO!" She returned to the hall, ready to race up the stairs until she saw him, stood by the front door.

Freezing on the spot, she dropped her bag by her feet, hearing her loose change clutter about in there.

Now that she was finally laying eyes on him, she grinned at the fact that now she knew for sure she didn't want to look at any one else but him in this precise moment, or ever for that matter.

"Hi." Jackson smiled at the manic brunette, stood before him, her hair in a wind swept mess around her shoulders, clinging to the lipgloss on her lips.

"Hi." She spoke breathlessly, her chest rising and falling. "God," She hunched over, clutching her chest at the fact she was out of breath from running up the stairs, but she was tired, in her defence. "I need to work out."

"Did you go on a run?" Jackson asked, genuinely, his brow raised and the corner of his lips twitching. She was wearing a pair of yoga pants so she could have been on a run.

In retrospect, Aliya really should be less out of breath seeing she does go on a run most morning. But she didn't have time to analyse all the details.

"No." Aliya shook her head, regaining her posture and pushing her hair out of her eyes. "I have been the most insane person on the planet."

Jackson pressed his lips into a line. "You usually are the most insane person on the planet." He pointed out, matter-of-factly.

"You have a point." Aliya laughed, breathlessly. "I shouldn't have done what I did, I should've let you explain yourself and I know now I acted too quickly. I just got scared by how much I cared for you because god, Jackson, I've never truly felt this way about anyone before in my life and I don't even want to imagine my life without you in it. Not even for a second. I don't even want to humour that thought. Even when you're calling me a pain in the ass, or when you're mad at me, I want you, and I'm sorry I didn't let you explain. That was shitty of me to do, really damn crappy, I should've let you, and I know that now."

Aliya could keep going but she was getting out of breath by the second from her lack of pauses.

"Are you done?" Aliya hadn't realised Jackson was directly in front of her, standing inches away, closer than he had been in three months since she ended things.

"I could keep going," Aliya admitted as he eyes trailed their way up to him, his green eyes watching her in a way that made her feel like the prettiest girl in the world, or send her crashing down. "Because, I love you, Jackson Avery, and I have a thousand reasons why."

Jackson grinned, the kind of way that turned her mind and body to jello. "A thousand reasons, huh?"

"Maybe more. Give or take." She whispered, moving her eyes down to his lips, desperately wanting to kiss him because it was insane they hadn't kissed since December. It was now March. "It was the worst decision I've ever made, and I've made a lot of them in my life."

"You know," Jackson's hand found its way to her cheek, and he ran his thumb across her skin. "I never stopped loving you, even after everything that happened, and I think it would be impossible for me to stop."

Aliya's words caught in her throat, her eyes watering even more and she forgot the blinding pain her fingers.

"Because, even when you are being a pain in my ass, you are still the person I want to go home with."

Her face broke out into a wide smile and she crashed her lips into his finally, her hands around his neck as she melted into his touch after what felt like a lifetime apart. Jackson's free hand found her back, and he pulled her in closer.

"Ow!" She yelped as he held her hand in his.

"What's wrong?" He spoke in alarm, looking down at her palm as their lips parted, but their foreheads remained touching.

"I slammed my fingers in the car door." Aliya frowned, looking at where he was holding her red and swollen fingers.

Jackson laughed, sending his breath warm like coffee onto her temple. "Of course you did." He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them.

And for the first time in three long, excruciating months, some of that weight lifted from her shoulders, taking away some of that pain she had built inside of her.

⠀
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( notes! )

pain for me was having to watch owen sing to write this chapter, but let's be honest callie slayed this episode (the singing i mean, not the near death experience)

however we all know that jackson and aliya would absolutely kill in this episode. i can imagine them doing a duet 🤣

BUT OH MY I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG TO WRITE THE JALIYA REUNION AH I LOVE THEM!!!!!! but don't worry they don't let each other off THAT easily :)

on another note, if i had a five pound note for everytime i used the words 'ordered', 'announced' and 'called' in this chapter, i would be rich (i'm so sorry i was really scrambling for words to use instead of those three but i low-key couldn't think 😭)

( word count! —  8,600 )