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chapter twenty eight ━ start me up
season seven, episode twelve

❝ where can i find this so
called self destruct button? ❞

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"So, you've ended your relationship with Dr. Avery?" Keanne Kelly questioned, her notepad had returned to her hand, and her glasses were perched on her nose like a librarian.

"Yes." Aliya confirmed with a nod. Every time she was with Dr. Kelly, she hand on heart felt like a criminal, or she was being interviewed for a highly classified job in the FBI.

It wasn't the fact Aliya hated her therapy techniques with a burning and unexplainable passion, she actually found her therapist quite amusing, and a little judgemental.

"And, you're not sad." Kelly glanced over at her, eyeing her up and down from over the top of her gold frames. "You're not mourning?"

Was she mourning her one and a half month long relationship? Plus one whole year of pining. She shoved her intruding thoughts back down. "No. I'm completely fine."

"Hm." Kelly looked very unconvinced and highly concerned.

"What's 'hm'?" Aliya hunched forward in her seat, trying to peer over to see what Kelly was scribbling in the notebook, what was wrong with her answer?

She had thought she spoke very calmly, barely showing any out of touch emotion. Ah, maybe that was the issue, maybe Kelly wanted her to cry dramatically, and sob with a dozen tissues in her hand.

Well, Keanne Kelly would be waiting a real fucking long time before that.

"Why did you 'hm'? What are you writing? Is there gonna be a test? If there is, can you at least give me a day or two's notice, the Eiffel Tower wasn't built overnight."

"There isn't going to be a test." Kelly replied with pursed lips, clicking her pen off and placing it on top of her book, glaring at Aliya pointedly. "You've hit your self destruct button."

"My self destruct button?" Aliya repeated, slowly and totally confused, her nose scrunching up. "I have not hit my self destruct button."

Kelly clicked her tongue, unscrewing the cap of her water bottle with a sigh. "Are you not even going to let yourself wallow?"

Raising her eyebrows, Aliya squirmed in her chair, frowning at Kelly's interrogation.

Well, she was paying her to say wise shit so she guessed she was getting her money's worth.

"With my past few relationships, I'm usually either knuckle deep in a tub of ice cream, that is twenty five percent my tears," —Elijah (and a little bit of Mark) — "Or drinking my whole body weight in alcohol." — Now that was all Mark, straight up tequila was her best friend, special thank you to Meredith — "Would you prefer me to do that?"

"Not ideally." Kelly looked at Aliya disapprovingly, placing the bottle back onto the table.

"Ben and Jerry aren't going to happy with you." Aliya stated with a half smile on her face, one hand massaging her temples and the other tapping the armchair lightly.

"Ben and Jer— Oh. I get it." Kelly smirked slightly, which was a rare cosmic occurrence, like Halley's Comet or a meteor shower. "You're trying to be funny."

"I'm not trying." Her hand dropped from her forehead.

"The self destruct button is something we all have." Kelly spoke matter-of-factly, eyeing Aliya as she tapped her fingertips. "It's our own ability to completely sabotage our lives. Instead of facing the consequences and working to solve problems, we self-destruct."

Pausing for a moment, Aliya slowly brought her eyes to Kelly's, her braid falling from her shoulder and resting on her chest. "Where can I find this so called self destruct button?"

Kelly rolled her eyes. "It's a metaphorical button."

"The best type of buttons." Aliya smiled. "Most cartoon towns go to shit with actual big red buttons, just think—"

"Please don't make another reference." It was Kelly's turn to massage her temples.

"You said you liked my references last week." Aliya said in disappointment — it seemed Keanne Kelly and Aliya Levine had bonded over their shared enjoyment of The Simpsons and thrift stores, Kelly even fished out a compliment when she saw Aliya's t-shirt — which was powder blue with three kittens on the front, sat on a cloud oddly enough. "See, I can't handle this. I'm gonna have to hit that button. It's like when someone says 'Oh no, don't hit that button or the world's gonna end', it's obvious I'm gonna hit that button but, if you tell me to hit it, I probably won't do it. It's reverse psychology."

Kelly threw her hands down in defeat, her pen hitting the notebook with a noise for effect. "Hit the button then, Aliya."

"Oh, well—" Aliya shrugged, sitting up in her chair. "Your are my therapist so, if you say so."

"For go—" Kelly huffed before stopping herself abruptly, rising from her seat and meandering over to her desk. "Let's leave that here for today. We'll pick this is next week."

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"And then she had this wild look in her eye as if I couldn't have possibly picked a bouquet of flowers that had both the chrysanthemums and the lavender." Aliya sighed, stabbing her sad looking fruit cup with her plastic fork, though it simply bent backwards like an acrobat as she attempted to fish out a pineapple chunk. "You would've thought I'd broken the law or something, she looked at me as if I was a criminal. A criminal, Henry! This damn fork!"

Henry chuckled lightly, his book closed on his lap.

"You know—" Smiling fondly, he peered over at her. "My favourite thing about you visiting me is all the stories you tell me about your mother. Truly the highlight of my day."

"What can I say—" Aliya shrugged her shoulders. "Molly lives to entertain."

"She sure does." He nodded in agreement. "What was it you were telling me again, about the— I can't think." He resigned, tilting his head slightly in thought.

Aliya looked up from her fruit cup. "The trifle?"

"Nope."

Aliya referred back to the mental list of ridiculous things her mother had done over the course of her lifetime. "The French hand cream she won at in a charity raffle that ended with her trying to sue Paris?"

Henry raised a brow. "As in the city?"

"She had too many glasses of Pinot Grigio and she was trying to ring the Eiffel Tower. I can just about tolerate my mother three glasses in but, when she's had five she's on a whole other level of deranged." Frowning at the lost pineapple, she turned her attention quickly to the mango.

"Wait?" Henry burst out, shooting straight up in his bed. "Did the hand cream have blue packaging?"

"I think so."

"She gave me that for Christmas a few years back." Aliya choked on her water as Henry continued on. "It's true! It gave me a rash."

"She always liked you, I don't know why she wanted to inflict pain on you." She spoke through laughter, her head throwing back as Henry only received a glimpse of what Molly Levine the grudge holding surgeon could do.

"That was around the time I threw up on her rug." Henry reminisced.

"The one she imported from Scandinavia!" A hand went up and clamped her mouth in surprise, knowing how much the rugs meant in the Levine household. "When I was eight, I also threw up on one of her many European rugs and I wasn't allowed to play with toys for a week, I just had to sit there and read about the golgi apparatus, and mitochondria, and reading a two thousand word essay on pneumonia."

Henry chuckled. "She's a difficult one."

"She sure is." She scooped up a piece of mango with the edge of her fork, popping it into her mouth. "How did we get on the topic of my mother anyway?"

"James's family tree project." Henry reminded. "Trent was talking about it yesterday, you know he's got a new girlfriend? April, she's kinda cute.."

"Yes, I do." Aliya said with a nod. "That kid has got his work cut out for him, my family tree is confusing."

"Lots of step-grandparents I've heard."

Aliya gave him a wide smile. "A tonne of divorces. A few secret love child's."

Henry's jaw dropped in a false state of shock. "Scandalous."

She giggled lightly, holding the white plastic fork in her hand, tilting her head to the side. "Do you want to hear about how the long line of Levine surgeons started?"

"Yes, always." He said, softly, staring directly at her as if she was a programme on television — ever since they were kids, he was like that. He was perfectly fine just to listen to a person, watching as their thoughts unraveled. At this given moment, that person was Aliya.

"My great-great-great grandad on my dads side was adopted at the age of seventeen by his best friends family after his parents died in an accident, changed his last name to Levine and everything, he became a surgeon because of the accident and then all four of his children turned out to be doctors, you can imagine the rest of the story, surgical breeding ground." Aliya spoke in one breath, collapsing back into her chair after she finished.

"That was quite impressive." Henry pointed out. "You didn't even take a breath."

"The family tree is more like a family forest." And that statement wasn't far from the truth — the Levine family tree was extensive, full of family members all the way around the world, mostly living in Los Angeles but a great deal lived in London, Sydney, and even Italy, and she wasn't kidding about the (secret) love children. "How are you feeling anyway? For your surgery?"

"Oh! Fine, great actually." His eyes widened like a deer in headlights, stuttering over his words. "I'm insured, yay." He trailed off, smiling unconvincingly at the brunette.

Looking at Henry suspiciously, Aliya slowly reached across for another fruit cup, slowly peeling back the plastic and discarding it on the arm of the chair. "Convincing."

"I have a conspiracy."

Aliya shook her head, capturing a pineapple in the process. "Changing the subject is the oldest trick in the book but, go on, I like conspiracies."

"I think Eli and Dr. Bailey are—" Henry paused cautiously, his eyes darting to the door, then back to Aliya. "You know—"

She raised a brow. "I know?"

"You know!"

Aliya's face contorted. "I don't think I want to know."

"He talks about her frequently." Henry enthused, his wild grin meeting his eyes.

She raised a curious brow. "Define frequently, Oxford English Dictionary style."

"Every day mentions."

"This is great leverage, Henry." She smiled, mischievously. "This is great, great news. For Bailey, obviously. Very happy for her, she deserves it— I mean Eli—" She mouthed the word 'wow' causing Henry to fall back in the bed, choking on laughter. "I knew there was a reason why I'm here, eating your fruit cups."

"A)—" Henry coughed into a balled up palm. "You're here because you enjoy my company, and B) you're the only person in the world who enjoys those fruit cups, so you're doing me a favour at getting rid of them." He nodded his head to the small plastic tub Aliya was eating out of.

She waved her fork in the air as if it were a prop, pointing it directly at Henry. "Yeah, yeah, eat your chocolate pudding."

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As far as Aliya was concerned, her day was going moderately well, all things considered.

She had half a session with her therapist that ended rather victoriously for herself and her hospital cafeteria oatmeal was not cold for once, and she managed to haggle for a tiny pot of strawberry jam.

She had also gained three out of four of Henry's fruit cup stash as a second breakfast, and found a dollar on the floor.

Today was going to be a good day.

"Hey." Alex rounded the corner, nudging Aliya out of her thoughts as he began to walk beside her. "I brought sustenance."

Aliya accepted the coffee gratefully, taking a long sip. "You've just become my favourite person." She beamed, ignoring the fact that she just had a cup and savoured the taste of it. He must've gone to the good coffee cart, Felipé was a wizard with coffee.

"I thought I was your favourite person."

Shrugging, Aliya brought the coffee away from her lips. "By default."

"Ouch." Alex frowned in mock upset.

"Kidding." Aliya replied with a light hearted chuckle, returning to her source of caffeine.

"So, you did it, huh?" Alex's playful demeanour softened as he regarded his best friend with worried and cautious eyes, his gaze holding onto hers as he watched her physically flinch.

"Yeah." Her throat hardened, why was talking to her therapist about it so much easier than talking to someone who actually knew her? Maybe it was because the man next to her could see right through her.

"And you're—"

"Completely okay." She interjected fast, not wanting to make herself into a spectacle. She already briefly talked about it in therapy, she didn't need someone else babbling on about her yet another failed romantic relationship.

However, the words 'okay' and 'fine' didn't actually seem to sound like words anymore.

"If you say so." Alex spoke sceptically, a brow raised towards her.

Aliya caught his eyes on her yet again, the soft brown narrowing directly at her. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" Alex defended, his throat bobbing as he cleared his throat. "I'm not looking at you in any deeply meaningful way."

"You're looking at me the same way you looked when you watched that video about the kittens being separated from their mom." Aliya dead-panned.

"I can't believe you're still using that against me! We were interns!" Alex quickly jumped to defend himself.

"You were the intern who acted all hard ass so imagine my reaction when I walked in on your crying over a cat video."

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THE INTERNS LOCKER ROOM
seattle grace hospital
( intern year )
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Every bone in Aliya's body ached from this week. She didn't expect this. Sure, she had spent her entire life leading up to it but nothing could prepare her for the back ache after a fourteen hour surgery. She even bought a gym card in her final year at med school, which she only used once since she fell off the treadmill on her first trip to said gym. She couldn't show her face again.

She will not put herself through that again.

A loud sniffle sounded from somewhere in between the lockers as Aliya took off her scrub shirt, revealing her red long sleeve.

Frowning, Aliya discarded the shirt on the bench, tip-toeing quietly along the tiled flooring, slowly peeking around the corner to find what looked like that asshole intern from her class.

Was it Karev?

Aliya thought to herself.

What sounded like purrs or disgruntled meows coming from his laptop, Aliya craned her neck to investigate, catching a glimpse of what she thought was a cat's ear on the small screen.

Another loud sniff sounded and he bought a hand up to rub at his eyes, that was until he noticed Aliya standing there.

She had never seen a man move so fast.

Actually, future Aliya would redact that statement with no further comment on the topic.

Karev slammed the laptop down as he jumped out of his seat, sending his laptop flying to the floor, the screen snapping open in the process.

Aliya lurched back, watching the laptop bounce defeated on the ground. "I think your laptop's broken." She pointed to the screen.

The corner of the interns lips turned down, his eyes darting to the broken computer at his feet. He returned his eyes back to the brunette, giving her a sarcastic, half-smile, half-grimace.

"No shit." He grumbled, miserably, bending down on his knees to pick it up. The screen was also broken too, showing an image of a mutated cat and ball of yarn.

Aliya raised a brow.

The man slowly looked at her. "It's not what you—"

"Oh my—" A grin spread across her cheeks, a hand clamping around her mouth in shock.

"Please—"

"Were you watching cat videos?" Aliya approached him in awe, leaning towards the broken screen to squint at the tabby cat.

"No." The annoyed intern quickly defended. "It was an ad."

"Sure it was." Aliya nodded, all-knowingly. "I know I guy who can probably fix that."

"What this?" He held up his damaged laptop.

"Yeah." Aliya nodded, disappearing to her locker on the other side, slipping on a pair of black tailored trousers and a denim jacket over the top of her red long sleeved. "My shift just ended, I can take you there if you like."

"How long have you lived in Seattle?" His voice carried from a few lockers down, just close enough so she could hear the rustling of him putting on his own clothes.

She hoisted her bag onto her shoulder, shoving on her shoes in the process. "Two weeks."

"And you already know a guy?" The intern joined her at the door, opening it for her as the pair sauntered through it.

Aliya nodded, tucking a brunette wave behind her ear. "He was a very nice man, he hit my car and now he owes me—"

"He hit your car?" Karev interjected fast, his eyes flying wide open. "They very nice man hit your car?"

"Yeah, but it's fine—" Aliya waved him off with an unbothered smile. "Because, anything I need he's vowed to do for free, he runs the computer store in the mall—"

"How can you trust this guy?"

"He didn't seem like a serial killer." Aliya explained, dodging a nurse rushing past them. "He had nice eyes."

The intern clicked his tongue. "Oh, of course."

"Wait till you meet him, he's really the sweetest guy!" Aliya enthused, trying to sell the fact that Glenn was in fact married with five kids and not a stranger who had almost killed her with his front bumper. "Bad driver, but a really great guy. I'm Aliya by the way."

"I know." He grunted back, though quickly composing himself and adding in a half-smile for good measure.

"And you are—" The brunette prompted with a movement of her hands.

The intern quirked a brow, his jaw stiffening. "You don't know?"

"What are you a celebrity or something?" Aliya fired back, a smirk on her lips. "Karev. That's all I know."

He rolled his eyes, though he couldn't help but grin at her. "It's Alex."

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"I have allergies." Alex grumbled, his shoulders hunched as they rounded the corner, sniffing slightly as he bought the back of his hand up to his nose, as if to highlight said allergies.

"To what, emotions?"

"I had lint in my eye." Alex spat out, his arms crossed around his chest. "I was trying to get it out."

"Oh—" Aliya smiled, all-knowingly. "That explains everything. Lint is the root of everyone's issues."

"What's going on?" Alex gestured with a free hand where a few of the residents in their class had gathered, along with a gaggle of wide eyed med students. And the Chief.

"I don't know." Aliya gawked at the scene, her jaw hanging slack as they approached.

His head whipped to her. "You don't?"

"We saw this at exactly the same time I know as much as you know." Speaking softly, Aliya glanced between the med students, all looking around the hospital with excited smiles, nudging one another and pointing in general directions. 

"What's going on?" Alex repeated to the twisted sister who may know what was actually going on.

"Baby med students day." Cristina grinned, devilishly, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet in joy.

"Yay." Aliya said, unenthusiastically. Usually, being followed around by a semi-clueless med student would be quite fun— actually it might be quite fun, she was having a good day.

That was until she realised who was running parallel to her, just one body away.

She shouldn't be feeling like this, right?

She had to ignore it.

She couldn't tense every time she thought of him, saw him or even looked at him, despite how impossible that sounded. It was, quite frankly, impossible.

Seeing as just this train of thought was leading to others that she didn't want to particularly think about like his hands on—

She had to move on. That was the only option. Maybe she should go to Joe's after work?

Oh God, would that make me a hooker? Aliya thought, her expression faltering as she was lost in her own brain. Not that there's anything wrong with hookers, I've watched Pretty Woman, I respect it.

Long story short, Aliya Levine could do with something meaningless, ending with her sneaking out in the early hours of the morning.

Or, maybe she just needed cheesecake.

But, that would remind her of him and the tupperware and that was a rabbit hole she didn't want to go down this evening.

She could always go for some takeout, but then again, it would remind her of him and how he always insisted to order out even though they had it just a few nights previous.

This was going to be a vicious cycle.

"Good morning." The Chief's voice snapped her out of her trance, and Aliya ran her eyes over the med students stood before her. "Behind me stands the interns and residents of tomorrow. Today you will show them what it's like to be a surgeon. When you go into surgery, they go into surgery. When they have a question, you will answer."

"It's like court-ordered community service." Cristina muttered, her arms crossed as she grimaced at the med students.

"I'd rather be picking up trash off the side of the highway." Meredith added.

"Fred Wilson, you're with Dr. Yang. Kira Donnelley, with Dr. Grey." Lexie began reading off the names from a sheet of paper on a clipboard held in front of her. "Hudson Powell, with Dr. Kepner. Laurel Pinson, with Dr. Karev."

"Score." Alex grinned from beside Aliya, the only barrier between her and Jackson.

Aliya looked at him, raising a brow. "Pig."

"Edward Taylor, Dr. Avery and Emma Manning, you're with Dr. Levine." Lexie turned to the other group of residents, continuing reading the names off of the long list.

"Hey—" Aliya smiled warmly at the blonde approaching her, holding out a hand. "I'm Aliya, it's nice to meet you."

"I'm Emma, but you already knew that." Emma grinned wide, taking her hand. "It's nice to meet you too. So,"

Away from the group, Dr. Webber had pulled Cristina aside, seeing as she had been away for song long. However, his voice suddenly raised, catching the attention of all fourth year residents in a mile radius. "I will be picking the Chief Resident in a few months."

Aliya didn't know when her mother started to teach her everything it took to become a surgeon, but one thing Molly Levine wanted for her daughter was for her to become Chief Resident.

It wasn't the fact that Aliya didn't want the opportunity, it was the fact that her mother wanted it for her. So badly that it became unappealing to Aliya.

It was all very messed up.

As her fellow residents began to bicker about who was going to get the role, Aliya turned her back to them, facing Emma quickly, giving her a warm smile and asking if she wanted to see the ER.

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"Hi, Dr. Torres. Dr. Hunt." Aliya greeted, Emma following close behind her in a bundle of bright blonde hair.

"Hello, Levine." Owen smiled, nodding in her and Emma's direction.

"Morning Dr. Hunt—" A voice from behind her came as Jackson entered the ambulance bay, making direct, uncomfortable eye contact with Aliya who looked at him as if she wanted, quite frankly, flee. He must be on Callie's service today, if she was on Hunt's. It was like fate was having a demonic day. "Dr. T—"

"Don't." Owen shook his head, glancing at Callie who was angrily pulling on a pair of blue latex gloves. Jackson bobbed his head in understanding as his intern, Edward, stopped right next to him, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Aliya tried to ignore the fact he didn't say morning to her—

Then, she realised how extremely childish that was. She wouldn't say good morning to him either.

The ambulance pulled into the bay, saving her from the excruciating silence.

"Brady Sullivan, thirty two, stable vital signs, complains of neck and back pain, possible crush injuries." The paramedic explained as the gurney was wheeled out of the back of the ambulance, a man wearing a kilt jumping down shortly after. "He was trampled by a horse."

Owen began to work, briefly looking up at the paramedic. "Horse?"

"A team of horses." The man in the kilt corrected. "Like, three horses. If that helps you at all. Please, don't let him die on our wedding day."

"We will try our best, okay?" Aliya assured, following the gurney into the trauma room, the man trailing her closely as the pulled the gurney to a stop.

"Push five of morphine." Owen ordered as Brady groaned in pain, his whole chest and abdomen covered in blood and bruises.

"We were going downtown this morning to sign a domestic partnership papers, I had a horse-drawn carriage pick us up from City Hall."

"That's sweet." Aliya commented, where she was examining the wound on his left leg, purely because it seemed like it came straight out of a rom-com, and that was something she could appreciate.

Until Jackson scoffed beside her from where he was testing Brady's reflexes on his right leg.

"What?" Aliya snapped her head up to him, his disapproved grunt catching her attention.

He shrugged his shoulders, carelessly. "Go figure."

"What—"

"Bagpipers too—" Brady's partner brushed over that little exchange. "Because Brady is Scottish and he really likes being Scottish."

"I feel tenderness in C6, get X-Ray in here stat." Callie announced over the man's descriptions and the way two of the residents in the room were shooting daggers at one another with glances.

"Brady, I'm so sorry. The bagpipers started up, and they spooked the horses, and they ran—"

"Over me! They all ran over me, Kyle!" Brady snapped. "Bagpipes?" He seemed to have not gotten to that part of the ceremony yet.

"Got an open leg wound down here, must've hit the femoral artery, could I get some more gauze please?" Aliya pressed her hand deeper, trying to stop the bleeding as yet another gauze became soaked in blood.

"Exam shows weakness in lower extremities, got diminished reflexes." Jackson spoke quickly beside her, earning Callie's attention who approached him quickly.

"Move, I can't work." Callie ordered the med student, Edward, out of the way.

"Dude!" The Avery man snapped as his med student pushed into the side of him.

"Sorry, sorry!" He raised his hands awkwardly, backing into a corner.

"I agreed to the tuxes, but horses?" Brady's voice strained, pressing a hand to his forehead in frustration.

"It was supposed to be a surprise!"

"It was." Brady spoke, passive-aggressively.

"That's a lot of blood." Emma gulped, growing paler by the second.

"Okay, looks like L4 and L5 are affected. Page Shepherd, get him ready for CT." Callie moved away from the right leg, peering over at Aliya's work on the left leg. "How's the bleeder?"

"It's stopped now." Aliya glanced down at the significant pile of bloodied gauze at her feet.

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"I'm worried about his neck." Derek announced as they stared at the scans that just loaded through.

"That's what I was thinking." Aliya spoke under her breath, earning the attention of the three attending's in front of her.

"What are you thinking, Levine?" Derek asked as he looked over his shoulder.

Aliya cleared her throat. "I don't think he should be intubated with a cervical injury."

"I could do a little traction." Callie responded. "Snap it back in before we do surgery."

"Hell of a wedding day." Owen sighed.

"They say if you want to piss off God, just tell him your plans." Edward spoke from where he was leant against the door frame, running a hand through his overgrown brown hair.

"Dude!" Jackson reacted almost immediately after the words came out of his mouth. "Out!" Grabbing Edward by the shoulders, he practically pushed him out of the door and into the hall with the others.

Narrowing her eyes at Jackson, Aliya tried to work out his unfair and insane issue he had with his med student, or the anger he was taking out on his med student. Whatever it was, it was unfair to poor Edward, who was stood outside the glass screen, looking like a lost puppy thrown out in the cold.

The moment Aliya looked away from Edward was when she noticed the green eyes pinned to her, unwavering and intense.

She didn't know his eyes could do that, especially to her.

It was as if all her sense heightened, everything around her sounded like a distant echo, and all she could see was him, glaring at her as if she was his least favourite person in the whole entire world. And, Aliya didn't realise how astronomical that pain would feel.

She didn't want to admit to the mistake she had made, it had only been a couple days.

And, it could very well be for the better in the long run. They would both be happier apart, their lives would run parallel to each other, crossing paths inevitably but, it couldn't be anything more.

They would only hurt each other, again and again.

He would find someone to spend the rest of his life with. Maybe a kindergarten teacher, whose view on life was all sunshine's and rainbows. Someone who would make him coffee in the mornings, who wouldn't make his life messy and complicated. Oh, how men longed for the uncomplicated woman.

Aliya was complicated. She wasn't easy, and her life could be described as a steaming hot mess at this current point in time.

For starters, she was ignoring her mother's phone calls, that never seemed to turn out that well. She was now ignoring her brother's calls, who had found out via April that she had broken up with Jackson. And, on top of all of that, she needed to go to the dentist.

She tried to ignore the lump rising to her throat, and instead took the challenge. She glared straight back at him, returning the favour he was giving her.

His jaw stiffened, tightening as he took a breath, his chest rising and falling deeply.

Her lip flinched, her own breath catching in her chest.

And then they looked away, unable to bear the sight of each other.

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"I would like to take a moment to thank the Creator of Lunch." Sliding her tray onto the table, Aliya dropped down in the seat next to Cristina, reaching for her sandwich instantly and taking a bite. "What are we talking about?"

After helping to pop Brady's neck back into place, bickering silently and verbally with Jackson the entire forty five minutes it took, ignoring their little exchange from earlier, and coming down with what seemed like a winter cold, Aliya needed lunch as much as she needed oxygen.

"Peeing is exhausting." Meredith frowned, placing down the empty bottle of water she just chugged the contents of it with desperation.

"You think peeing is exhausting?" Cristina stifled a laugh. "Wait 'till you have a mewling, poo-covered infant hanging off of your boobs 24/7."

"Vomit-covered too." Aliya pitched in, reaching for her juice box. "When my nephew was born, he puked all over me, and he had a full diaper." She shuddered, even though he was undeniably cute, James was an undeniable puker.

"Why is my baby gonna be poo and vomit covered?"

"It's nothing personal, all babies are at some point in their lives, it's bound to happen." Aliya explained as Lexie, April and of course, Jackson approached the table.

"Okay, what is that about?" Lexie spat, pointing over towards Alex, who was sat with his med student at a different table where he was teaching Laurel sutures on a banana, with the other med students watching him.

"Come on, do you blame him?" Jackson slurped on his drink, and Aliya's cheeks incinerated at his comment.

"Don't be a pig. He's being gross." April grimaced, finally looking up from where she was grinning like a mad woman at her phone, messaging Trent. "Not to mention unprofessional."

"Well, the thong is unprofessional." Meredith pointed out, drawing attention to the black lace.

"What is wrong with them?" April rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "I was never that dumb in med school."

"Hm." Aliya murmured absently, holding her sandwich in the air. "What?" She looked up to all pairs of eyes on her. "I mean, it's not dumb. At least she's learning something I guess."

Lexie scoffed. "He's just doing it because he wants to get in her pants."

"They aren't even pants—" Meredith commented, biting on her straw and glaring at Alex as he held up a sutured banana, congratulating Laurel and placing a hand on her arm. "There's hardly any fabric."

Aliya looked over her shoulder, her hair spilling out across her back. "Underwear doesn't really affect how you practice medicine."

"Okay, McSunshine." Cristina joked.

"Oh, please!" Aliya mumbled, turning back around in her chair.

"I have more." Cristina straightened, clearing her throat. "McPrincess, McHappy, Mc—"

"McPrincess is a good one!" Meredith enthused.

"I think I've heard enough." Aliya shifted uncomfortably, sipping on her juice.

Cristina shrugged, returning back to the matter at hand. "They're weak and gutless."

"Boy crazy." Meredith added.

"Oblivious." Jackson muttered, though he said that word whilst directly holding eye contact with Aliya, seeming as he was calling her that particular adjective.

"Slutty." April burst out, which shocked Aliya seeing as she had never heard the red head say anything derogatory.

"Wow." Lexie chuckled. "You all sound really old."

The four all turned to Lexie, who was looking in the same direction as Aliya was now, in awe.

Seemingly like the only two at the table who approved of the whole interaction.

⠀
—✩—
⠀

"All right, everybody, take your places." Callie led the second gurney into the operating room, with the other following behind to where Brady was led on the table.

"Can I help roll him over?" Jackson's med student asked, hovering over his shoulder as soon as they stepped into the OR.

"Edward, move!" Jackson snapped, and Edward stepped back, defeated, looking down at the floor.

"Okay, we're going to roll him on my count, everybody ready?" Derek questioned as Aliya joined his side, nodding her head as she placed her hands ready to move Brady over to the other gurney. "One, two, three."

As soon as the doctors got him on his back, the monitor started beeping garishly and Aliya quickly turned to the monitor. "He's got a junctional rhythm."

"Is there a pulse with that?" Owen questioned from where he was moving to his side.

Jackson placed his fingers on Brady's neck. "Pulse is thready, but it's there."

"He's hypotensive." Owen sighed. "Levine, hang some FFP."

"Let's push one of epi." Derek ordered.

"Lost his pulse, starting compressions." As Callie began compressions, everyone had one eye on the monitor whilst doing all the necessary things to keep this man alive. How much would it suck to die on your wedding day, right?

"He could have delayed internal bleeding, get ready for a laparotomy. I need to get in there! Gown me!" Owen spoke over the multiple different noises and voices of the operating room, breaking free and heading to a Nurse who had a blue gown all ready in her hands.

A throat cleared. "What about hyperkalemia?" A voice spoke up from the corner.

Jackson twisted his head around fast, his face the model of anger. "All right, out—"

"No, Dr. Avery, he has a point." Aliya interjected, nodding her head towards Edward.

He took that as his cue to continue on with his explanation, bringing the whole attention of the OR to him . "I saw the monitors when you turned him. He had peak T-waves then a widened QRS, then a sine wave rhythm—"

"Push two of calcium, two D50 and ten units of regular insulin IV!" Owen instructed, and everyone waited as the monitor returned to a normal rhythm, well, normal for a guy who was just trampled by horses.

"They taught us that on Friday, so—" Edward trailed off as the trauma attending looked back at him.

"What's your name?"

He shifted nervously, though standing tall despite it all. "Edward, Sir."

Owen nodded his head at the med student. "Good save, Edward."

"Thank you." Though he was wearing a mask, you could tell he was grinning underneath it. Kira and Emma both nudged him, congratulating him in hushed tones.

"Alright let's—" Derek started, though a pager from the steel tray cut straight through the middle of his sentence.

"Dr. Levine, the Chief is paging you to OR 3." A Nurse informed her.

"Oh—" Aliya's stomach dropped as she thought of Henry and looked up at the clock, swearing she saw he was scheduled for his surgery around this time and in that very OR. "Thank you." She accepted her pager and turned to her med student, Emma. "You stay here, I'll be right back."

Emma nodded, her eyes going back to the surgery that wasn't starting before her as Aliya pushed through the door in the direction to OR 3.

"Hi, how's it going?" Aliya spoke, tying a fresh mask over her face. She looked nervously towards Teddy, who was also stood next to her, holding a mask to her face.

"We found a cyst in Henry's pancreas that's in danger of rupturing." Richard spoke calmly, the sound of the suction gargling silently in the background. "Removing it means removing a large portion of the pancreas, which would make Henry a diabetic."

"Oh." Aliya breathed, and Cristina looked over her shoulder to meet her eyes.

"We didn't discuss that possibility with him." Richard explained.

"Okay." Teddy responded, her voice strained as she awkwardly stood there in front of the Chief, who was quite obviously judging her.

Richard lowered his brows, his expression unreadable. "Do you think that's something he could live with?"

"I don't know."

"I hate to ask you on the spot, Dr. Altman but technically you are the wife—" Richard's tone suggested exactly how unhappy he was with the whole situation of Teddy marrying Henry to give him insurance. "And Levine, you're Henry's next of kin—"

"Wait, what?" Aliya quickly cut in, however not meaning to. All this was news to her. 

"He didn't discuss this with you?" Richard inquired.

"Does it look like he discussed it with her?" Bailey muttered from under her breath, turning slightly to take in Aliya's wide eyes. "She looks like she just found out Santa isn't real. Or, the tooth fairy."

"Oh," Aliya blinked. "My mother told us Santa wasn't real when I was four— anyway, that's beside the point, he did what!"

"And, his emergency contact person." Richard added, as that piece of information would remotely help the situation.

"You would think you would tell a girl." Aliya mumbled, placing a hand on her hip.

"What I'm asking the two of you is, do you think he has the support system to manage a very tricky disease?"

"He has a sister but, she lives a long way away. My brother, his best friend, however is thinking of moving to Seattle—" That's what Aliya had assumed anyway, seeing as he was extra friendly with her roommate at the moment. "And he's got me, I can help him."

"What about you, Dr. Altman?" Turning his attention to the blonde, he held nothing back as he continued to interrogate her. "Anything to add?"

"Uh—"

"You signed a marriage license, and you haven't asked him the most basic questions on how he wants to live or die?" Richard pointed out, causing Teddy to look directly at the floor. "Dr. Levine, do I have your permission to act as I see fit."

"Absolutely. Thank you for paging me." She nodded in agreement. "Good luck." She offered as she turned to the door, taking the mask away from her face as she escaped with Teddy, who looked rattled by the whole interaction. "Don't take it personally. You did an amazing thing for Henry. I've known him since I was a little kid so, I'm grateful. Really. And my brother, Trent, thinks you walk on water."

Teddy smiled, weakly. "He's a good guy. It was the least I could do."

⠀
—✩—
⠀

Aliya focused her attention to her hands when the automatic doors to the scrub room opened, and Jackson walked through, beelining straight to the open sink to scrub out after Brady's surgery. Luckily and with the help of Edward, he pulled through.

They stood in silence for less than a minute until Aliya broke and snapped at him. "You've been a jackass all day."

He scoffed, shaking his head at the insult. "Are you kidding me right now?"

"Just because you didn't get the hot med student does not mean you treat yours like crap!" Aliya regretted those petty words before they even left her mouth. It was true, he had treated Edward like crap, but she didn't have to bring hot med students into the mix, now that was low, even for her.

"Oh, please." Jackson frowned, his gaze darting to her. "Like this is what you're really talking about."

"What am I talking about?" Aliya fired back, acting oblivious seeing as that what he thought she was.

"I know you well enough—"

"You don't know me at all." Aliya cut in.

Jackson switched his tap off with a sharp jab of his elbow, turning his whole body so he could face her head on, taking a quick breath before he went on with his train of thought. "I know that your favourite colour is green, you have black coffee in the day, and then in the afternoon you drink lattes, and in the evening you move onto single shot black coffees with warm milk." Turning off her own tap, Aliya swivelled to look at him, never being as confused as she was in that very moment. "Saran wrap creeps you out for some insane reason—"

It was not insane to her, it made her sandwiches taste weird so she refused to use it, it was all very simple when you thought about it more.

"So you only use aluminium foil even though it's not as cost effective. You can't cook to save your life, but you bake insane cookies. You take years to read one book because you get too distracted by everything going on around you, or old Bob Ross videos, or reruns of Full House, or even the insane thoughts that enter your head at any given second. It's a mystery that you even get to sleep with the amount of stuff going on up there! You bulk buy that vanilla body lotion from the drugstore, I've never seen someone own so much goddamn lotion!"

"Fine." Aliya snapped, crossing her arms with a huff and Jackson looked as though he had just run a marathon. "You know a bit about me."

"Oh yeah—" He rolled his eyes, leaning a hip against the sink. "I guess I could also mentioned your incessant need to always be right all the damn time."

"Well—" Aliya searched for a flaw. "You're the biggest know it all in the world, and you snore!"

Believe it or not, she didn't have him any more, other than the whole 'World's Biggest Actor' thing from before, and all her heart was telling her to do was to kiss him, to apologise and say she made a mistake, probably the biggest mistake of her life.

"You kick me in the middle of the night, I wake up with bruises!" He fired back immediately, not even catching a breath.

Aliya gasped at the accusation. "That's Reese!"

"Unless he's learned to open a door then of course it was Reese, that's certainly a plausible explanation." He spoke with pure sarcasm laced into his voice.

"This is stupid!" Aliya yelled, pressing her hand to her forehead. "What the hell are we doing?"

"I don't know, Aliya." He sighed, deeply. "You tell me."

"I have to go." She said with a sigh, throwing her paper towel into the bin and pushing through the door, her frustration escalating by the minute. She had to get away, she couldn't run into his arms and kiss him now, that ship had sailed all the way to Australia by now.

"Go ahead, run away! That seems like your favourite thing to do at the moment!" She heard Jackson practically yell as she walked out, and her insides turned, and she suddenly felt the overwhelming feeling of how wrong she initially was about this day, especially as she saw their two med students, stood outside the door with their jaws hung open, listening to their full conversation.

⠀
—✩—
⠀

In the residents lounge at last, Aliya was pondering whether or not it was cursed.

Numerous things, some long in the past and some fairly recent, had occurred here, and the events in question weren't particularly pleasurable. But every day, good or bad, always started and finished here. So surely it wasn't the rooms fault? Can a room be cursed?

"My med student said they had to write evaluations for us. I'm screwed." Cristina ran her fingers through her hair, dropping down on the bench beside Aliya.

"They were evaluating us?" April replied with worry, beginning to pick at her fingernails.

"Don't worry, no one will read them." Meredith assured. "They'll just get filed away in a room next to the morgue."

Aliya stared across at her. "Or they'll be used when deciding Chief resident."

Meredith's face dropped.

Richard cleared his throat as he walked into the room, gaining everyone's attention. "Dr. Yang lacked patience and basic compassion. Dr. Kepner, unwilling to delegate. Dr Grey, seemed to have a lot going on personally today. And, Dr. Levine and Dr. Avery seemed to be at war with each other."

Aliya's hands gripped the edge of the wooden bench, her face like thunder at the evaluation — at war? How could those med students say they were at war? Sure, it hadn't been exactly the most pleasant of encounter, but that was a stretch even for her.

"The only one of you who seemed to actually teach today was Dr. Karev. The rest of you failed. Big time." Richard folded back up the crumbled papers in his hand, not bothering to look at any of the residents as he slipped back out of the door.

"Ha!" Alex smiled wildly, hoisting his bag over his shoulder and striding out the door in victory.

"I hate that guy." Jackson scowled.

⠀
—✩—
⠀

Aliya was sat on a stool at the kitchen counter later that evening, a random magazine she picked up from the gas station was flopped open in front of her as she read mindless celebrity gossip.

"You have to tell me why you did it." Alex abruptly broke the peaceful silence. As of yet, it was only her and him (and Laurel) in the house. Though the med student was safely tucked away in his room while he grabbed the beer.

"Did what?" She didn't even look up, she just flipped the page of the magazine, revealing a rather long article on 'Which Friends actor is your ultimate soulmate?'

"'Dr. Levine and Dr. Avery seemed to be at war with each other all throughout the surgery'?" Alex repeated the evaluation point from before, standing the opposite side of the island to her, using a bottle opener for the beers. "There's got to be more to the story."

"There's no story to tell." Aliya brushed him off with the resolution of being nobody's soulmate and turning the page, spooning her eleven pm cereal fix into her mouth. The mixture of frosted flakes, Derek's muesli and lucky charms was really a winner in her eyes.

"Don't do bullshit with me." Taking a swig of his beer, he set the bottle back down, offering her the other one which she accepted with her left hand, the one not spooning cereal into her mouth. She needed both lifelines right now. "I know you too damn well. What happened?"

She took a long sip of the beer, setting it slowly back onto the counter. "You know what happened, Alex. I don't have to go over the gory details again." Aliya didn't know if the combination of milk and beer really went together, but eleven pm wasn't the sort of time to second guess anything.

"He didn't tell you about Summer. That was shitty but, Aliya, you could've worked it out." Alex went for another gulp of beer, and Aliya stopped her spoon half-way to her mouth, dropping the rainbow and clover marshmallow lucky charm back into the milk.

"Worked it out? Worked it out." She nodded her head, slowly, straightening her back on the stool, jaw stiffening. "Of course, We could've totally worked it out, we would go on with our lives. Until we resent each other? I would build up a truckload of resentment towards him I wouldn't mean to build but would, unintentionally. He would get sick of me being resentful towards him, I would get annoyed that he was getting sick of me. We would drift apart but we would be stuck together because we live and work in the same place. Alex, the same places."

She put stress on that fact. How could she take it any further when they existed so close to one another? It was a mistake from the beginning. It was like that with Mark. And, look how that exploded right in her face.

"He's always gonna be there." Aliya's voice cracked, even though she tried to stay strong, to rise above. "You see where I'm going with this, vicious cycle. It would eventually destroy our entire relationship. I know the overall outcome whether it happened a couple days ago, or years into the future. It was inevitable. I made it happen sooner, that's all. I just pushed it up the timeline."

"Okay. Okay." Alex's voice softened, the beer was gone from his hands and as Aliya brought her eyes back to his, he watched her carefully.

Aliya didn't realise her chest was rising and falling so rapidly, her shoulders trembling from her words. "I can't do that again. I can't— I can't be in a relationship like that again, one that I know would end—"

"Aliya—"

"No. I can't do it again. Elijah and then Mark, they took too much and I won't let it happen again." Aliya vowed in that very moment, her tone determined.

She couldn't let it happen again.

For a third time.

Elijah took her trust away, with one lousy sentence in a restaurant, and Mark took even more trust that wasn't his to take. It was never his, and she couldn't quite seem to get it back.

"Mark was a d—"

"I tried to forget what happened." She moved her spoon around in the milk, frowning at the now soggy frosted flakes. "I didn't want to be the girl who thinks about the past Alex, but it still hurts. Even now. Even after all this time. It still hurts. I shouldn't have let it happen." With gritted teeth, she let got of her spoon, reaching for the cold bottle, tracing shapes on the glass with one finger. "For months I shouldn't have let him do what he did and get away with it—"

"It had nothing to do with you."

"I know, I don't need a pep talk, I'm fine." For once, she didn't feel like crying, she bought the beer up to her lips peacefully.

"Anyone would be lucky to have a girl like you. I mean it, for starters you're hot—" Aliya choked on her beer, causing it to drip down her face and onto her pyjama pants. "Even when beer is dripping from your nostrils." He grinned, handing her a paper towel.

"Thanks." She mumbled through the paper towel, now damp with beer. "But, you do realise this constitutes as a pep talk."

Alex shrugged. "You're funny, insanely smart. You're strong. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, Aliya. Not to get all sappy and all because you know I hate that crap, but I think you're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me."

A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, spreading across her mouth  instantly and brightening up her whole face.

Because at least, if she would ever end up old and grey, drinking beer (or, more likely, coffee) on the front porch of her house, she'd have someone right by her side, no matter what happened.

⠀
⠀
⠀

( notes! )

i low-key love the aliya & her therapist bit at the start of this chapter, and aliya levine's family tree is more complicated than algebra

BUT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT I DID PROOF READ IT BUT I ADDED IN A BUNCH OF STUFF WHILE DOING IT SO IT MAY BE A BIT DISHEVELED BUT I JUST WANTED TO GET THIS CHAPTER PUBLISHED

also, i feel the need to make it very clear, aliya is getting a cold and is a bit of a mess right now, she is definitely not pregnant.

also i need to share with you what i did with ai because it actually killed me in more ways than one

SORRY BUT HOW PERFECT IS THIS?!?!???!!!? ALL I TYPED IN WAS 'JACKSON AVERY AND MAIA MICTHELL'!!!! screaming over how perfect it, especially the first one i'm in love

even though the girl doesn't look like maia (they got jackson on point, well done ai) i still think it's quite cute so i had to include it

fake aliya enjoying a pint (they always nail jackson but not aliya???! where did the hand holding the pint come from!?!!? why is she dressed like where's wally??!? or waldo?!? oh well ai you tried your best)

( word count! — 9,000 )