Reviewer: PeterPan2210
Reviewee: Sniggggyyyy
Story reviewed: It’s the hate that counts
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                 Overall comments

At first, with the tragic past, I was convinced that this would either be a typical “Tyler’s Gem” style story or a “50 shades of grey" type story because of Mr. Walker's sadistic tendencies of making people climb stairs. But you’ve impressed me.
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Cover:
9/10

The cover is good, the font is terrible. Change the font.

You know how while dancing, there’s an element called stage covering? Well, while making a cover, there’s an element called Cover covering, and it’s missing in yours. Make the font larger, less loopy and more block with maybe an outline. (Shout-out to Gemme Community’s Brilliant Brushes and not just because I’m part of them but because they have some of my favorite designers hired with them)

Title:
10/10

Suits the story. In fact, I was pretty much convinced that it was the hate that would be counted after the guy made her climb fucking 50 storeys smh. If someone made me do that, I’d smack them, CEO or not.

Description
7/10

Would you agree with me if I said that it doesn’t make sense? At least some parts of it. Now it could be that I’m a dumbass but this didn’t make a lot of sense to me-

“Emma’s past – and the notorious reserve that is it’s repercussions (1)- refuses to lie down when the dynamic British tycoon Zachary Moretti Walker is back from Italy and is recklessly determined to make her life miserable (2). Yet, to fulfill all the prompting of her destiny, she along with her loved ones is thrown in (it should be on instead of in) a tightrope between life and death. But like every saying goes, she has a choice. Of saving herself and being saved (3).

Let’s first talk about the sentence labeled (1).

It honestly doesn’t make sense, at least not to me. I’ve said time and again that although a good vocabulary is appreciated, don’t lose context and reasonable structuring in order to showcase your vocabulary.

Now, notorious is an equivalent to mischievous but you know with a little bit of scandal involved, not a dictionary meaning obviously but that’s what it means in context.

Reserve means obviously something that’s been preserved or contained, like an animal reserve or wildlife reserve.

Repercussions are simply consequences.

Reordering your statement would give me this, “Notorious reserve of repercussions of her past”…that doesn’t seem very pleasing to me.

Plus, if I didn’t try to analyse it, it would take my brain a lot of time to compute what you might've meant through this particular statement.

Maybe change it to something like this-

“Emma's past- and it’s dramatic aftermath-  keep lashing at her present when the dynamic British Tycoon, Zachary Moretti Walker…”

Sound fair? It also sounds a bit more concise and easy to compute, hmm?

Now for Bracket 2, this statement is a tense mess.

Why have you used the word “is"?

Could you not have substituted it for-

"When the dynamic British Tycoon, Zachary Moretti Walker returns from Italy..”

Another problem with that statement is, “Recklessly determined.”

Now there’s nothing particularly wrong with being recklessly determined, but a better replacement for the word reckless would be “Relentlessly determined.” Relentless means to be hell bent on doing something- uncaring of whether it is morally, ethically or humanely right or wrong.

Now on to bracket 3. It’s not “of saving herself and being saved", it’s supposed to be, “Between saving herself or being saved.” It’s a sort of an ultimatum right, this or that? So it isn’t an ‘and' that is to be used but an ‘or'.

Plus it isn’t ‘Of' but a ‘between' because it indicates a choice.

Basic plot:
8.5/10

Lowkey typical.

A girl down on her luck with a conscience that can actually talk to her and a guy with both a high-end company and good looks to flaunt. Not to mention this guy is the girl's childhood crush too.

And then Mr. Walker walks around with a “I’m doing this because I hate her" attitude and honestly, as a drarry fan reading this, I was like, “Oh God this is Draco Malfoy × Harry Potter all over again.”

And then there’s like 2 guys crushing on her and it might turn into a triangle and I’m like, “Oh God, gimme any other shape but a triangle.”

And then slowly, it started turning into a crime drama, which was soooo unexpected but sooooo awesome.

So yeah, it seemed like a really typical plot but then whoosh, crime drama.

Peter Pan approves.

Content:
8.5/10

It’s good. There are some typical scenes and then there’s the entire ‘talking conscience’ thing which I was hoping I’d never have to see again after I left reading wattpad teen fiction like a year or two ago and switched to reading fanfics and reviewing instead.

There was the “I’m a black belt!” scene which, omg I’m revealing my identity lowkey, was such an Indian movie response to a “someone’s following me" scene.

And then that “phone behind you" scene was such a k-drama scene.

And the start of the story was so typical with the “I’m a typical broke + traumatised protagonist with a determination to make it work anyway!”

So, yup, that’s what the 1.5 off is for.

But, I really liked the ‘elder brother’s persona you built with Ian and then the Nyctophobia part because I have nyctophobia too and whenever someone says, “I’m closing the lights!” I’m like, “If you do that, I’ll stab myself and write your name in my suicide note. Leave the light open and back off from that switch!”

And of course, the crime drama twist. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think you meant the story to take a crime-drama turn in the original plan, did you?

I liked the scenes too, pretty awesome.
Good work.

Pace + Sequence:
10/10

The pace was **chef's kiss**

Grammar + Punctuation + Tense:
8.5/10

Not bad but not exceptionally great either.

Structuring/Tone + Voice
7/10

Like I said, keep the prose simple and sweet. You tend to overdo with the fancy words and lose context sometimes. I really need you to cool it with the fancy-ism. Not a lot of issues with tense or voice to be honest.

Originality:
8.8/10

Like I said, not really all that original (at least not for me) but still pretty cool.

Reader enjoyment:
9/10

The overuse of fancy words kept messing with me.

Overall score:
86.3/100

Good job.

Thank you for choosing me.
Please rate this review out of a 5 based on how useful it was and suggest improvements, if any.

I apologize for being late. I had some practicals and tests going on with physical school.