Reviewed by: CroodsGirl

Book Title: Fragmented Lies

Author: MinniMox

Title: 4/5

​While I don't know the title's significance just yet, I have a vague idea of what it is. At first glance, it does not really give me a mystery-like vibe, but definitely a romance one. That aside, it's definitely unique and original. It instantly made me interested in what I was about to get into.

Cover: 3/5

​In my opinion, I think the cover can be improved a little. I'm placing your book under the romance/mystery genres. I would like to see these two genres combined on the cover. Not many people looking at the cover will guess it's a mystery novel, which may mislead them. Now, if this is your intention, it's no big deal. I'm no expert when it comes to designing, but I don't think it will hurt if you visit a few graphic shops here on Wattpad and see what they come up with. You do not have to change your cover. I'm not saying that at all. I just think it would be a fun experiment for you to try. I definitely felt the intimacy between the two main characters on the cover; I just did not feel the mystery. That was my only thing about it. Regardless, it looks really good!

Blurb: 9/10

​The blurb is awesome, but I did take one little point off for a grammar issue I noticed. With more experienced authors like you, I need to get picky. The issue is in the first paragraph when you say "Her life plans were torn apart without a reason why, she was left to mourn the love of her life and pick up the pieces of a life she'd made plans for." A reason why and she was left to mourn are two, different sentences, so just put a comma between "why" and "she". That's all you have to do.

​Other than that mild hiccup, you do a great job introducing us to the main character and conflict, which is what a blurb is supposed to do. I especially love the part where you bring up the letters and messages. It got me saying, "Oh, yes! This is going to be a mystery novel!" The essence of both the mystery and romance are very prevalent in the blurb; the introduction to the main character and conflict is picture perfect, so no wonder you got a near-perfect score here. Great blurb! Just fix the minor grammar issue, and you will be good to go.

Plot: 7/10

​I really enjoy the plot of this story. There are some familiarities with it compared to other mystery/romance books, but that doesn't matter at all. What matters is that you took that cliché and put your own, unique twist on it, which is what I'm looking for when it comes to all the cliché books on Wattpad. Throughout the first five chapters, we learn a lot about our protagonist, Winter, and how her boyfriend's "murder" has tortured her for five years. You do a great job showcasing her grief and surprise when she finds her lover is "alive".

The plot moves at a steady pace. At this point, I don't see too many flaws with it. There are a few instances when the jumps back in time are a little confusing, but that's more in the first chapter or so. A few more context clues will benefit you here, when you're jumping back in time. I do like how you start each chapter with Winter telling us a little about herself, but I feel that you sometimes get lost in the details. You can just as much "show", as you can "tell". This is a flaw I saw compared to My Blossoming Redemption. In that book, you show us who the character is through their actions; you don't tell us. I think this spark was missing from this piece, but knowing you, you will easily go back and correct that when you edit it again.

At the same time, I do enjoy how Winter constantly talks about death and what she's learned about grief. I can relate to her a lot, in terms of my older brother's murder. That was the part of the plot that I really enjoyed, because it really made me feel like I wasn't the only person who has lost somebody they love so unexpectedly, so kudos to you, author! Like any other of your books, you have amazing plots. I would just like to see this one fleshed out a bit more with smoother transitions, more figurative language, and a little more showing. Other than that, you're on the right track!

Grammar: 17/20

​You told me to keep an eye out for some typos in your book. I definitely saw a few, but I won't go over every single issue I saw. The typos I'm defining are a few commas placed in the wrong places, which leads to just a few fragments. There is a small instance in Chapter 4 when you mention the movie Casper. This is very nitpicky, and you probably just skipped over it, but you need to make sure you italicize the names of movies. Yes, it's stupid, but it's a rule.

There is another minor thing that you do, and that's with the word too. In sentences like, "He saw them too," you always want to make sure you put a comma after the word that is followed by "too". Correct sentence: "He saw them, too." I just learned this rule, so I'm still playing around with it. It stinks because I've had to go through all my stories and fix this issue. It's tedious, yes, but near-perfect grammar will get you those awesome scores with grammar in awards. I know you enter a lot of them.

A couple instances, you forget words, so the sentences are not "complete". There is also one time in Chapter 5 where you put two words together: "anythingtogether (early in Chapter 5)."

What I'm saying is that I think you need to do another round of editing. With this one, try focusing on all the typos and simple grammar errors and fix them, so you can score even higher in awards. Compared to my Blossoming Redemption, the grammar in Fragmented Lies does not feel as complete and professional. Don't worry, though. Everything I saw is very minor, and it shouldn't take you long to correct the issues. But I did have to take a few points off, since typos was what you wanted me to look at.

Writing Craft: 18/20

​The main thing I've noticed with your writing, since I also read My Blossoming Redemption for the Featured opportunity, is that you struggle with sensory details. You're so good when it comes to showing characters' emotions, but I think you hit a wall when it comes to setting and the best way to paint a picture in your reader's head. Tell us what the bookstore Winter works in looks like, smells like, etc., for example. I've gone over this with you before, so I would really like you to try to include the five senses. You'll be amazed by how much better the story will read and just how much more engaging it will become.

​To help you describe things better, refer to Chapter 5, when Cal and Winter are in the coffee shops. The sense you used was smell, and you did it wonderfully: "The smell of crushed coffee beans, frothy milk and cooking paninis infiltrate my nose, making it itch and recoil." Wow! That is beautiful! Use this sentence as your guinea pig when you go back and try to fix the sensory details. Nevertheless, do not forget the other senses, too. You can definitely do it. Believe me, I'm still working on my sensory details, so you're not alone.

​Another thing that can benefit you when it comes to writing craft is figurative language. I know you know what this is, so I'll make this brief. Add more similes and metaphors. With so many emotions spiraling through Winter when she sees Cal again, I'm sure she feels "lost, like a woman whose stumbled into an alleyway after a little too much to drink at the bar", "confused, like everybody who watches the ending of The Sixth Sense (since you mention this in your story)." Do you see what I'm getting at?

​Regardless of the above suggestions, your approach to the writer's craft is solid. Your dialogue is believable, realistic, and contemporary, and you do a great job with keeping your readers at the edge of their seats. This was my favorite thing about the story. The element of mystery is phenomenal! I seriously do not know if I should believe that's it's really Cal talking to Winter, or that her grief has gotten to her head. Don't spoil anything, please! The anticipation for the next chapter is real. I look for clues all over the place and try to compete the puzzle. I'm a sucker for mystery, so I had a lot of fun with this book.

Characters: 9/10

​Winter is a very strong character—more so than Liam and Caleb, I feel. You set up her personality beautifully in the first five chapters and instantly get people to connect with her. She tells us about death and how it's affected her after she lost Cal. The part at the graveyard was very powerful, especially when you told us about the balloon and how Winter wanted to be alone without Liam. That was such a wonderful way to introduce us to her personality. I fell even more in love with her when she found Cal again. She had every right to be confused and angry.

​What threw me off a little bit was the bookstore scene, when the man in the hoodie—Caleb—stalked her. I would think Winter would be a little more freaked out. To me, I had a sense that deep down, she already knew who the stalker was. Towards the end of the chapter, things get really strange, but Winterhandles it rather nicely, when I would be suspicious about one man or multiple customers buying murder books. Honestly, I'm surprised Winter did not lose her mind a little. Let's try to explore her emotions a bit more in the scene. Make her feel uncomfortable. Show us that she's uncomfortable. Have her jiggle her hands around, or have her sweat up a storm. That will show us she's really weirded out. Regardless, I enjoy Winter'scharacter. I can tell you put a lot of thought and work into her. You're always good with your characters.

I'm not going to judge you too harshly on Liam or Caleb just yet, since they have not been in the book as long as Wintercurrently. I would like to see a little more of Liam's personality, though—aside from he's so madly in love with Winter. Like what you did with her, dig deep into his personal life. He's human, too, so surely he has some problems of his own that he sometimes talks to Winter about. Is he nervous about the wedding, or if Winter truly loves him, or is he just there to mess with her? Again, I'm not going to judge you too hard on this, because I did only read the first five chapters, but I think you can tell us more about Liam's personal life earlier rather than later.

I don't really know what to say about Caleb right now, except that he is a little strange, and I don't know if to believe he is truly alive or not, which, of course, is part of the mystery. You did do a wonderful job of showing us his everlasting love for Winter in your flashbacks. I also think that, so far, he has the best dialogue in the book. You were dead for five years, dude! Of course Winter would be freaked out! His poor approach to her when he decides to show himself to her is very well-written. The flaw is clearly there, and I can't wait to see more of it, as well as learn more about the truth of his reappearance.

Overall Enjoyment: 9/10

​Overall, this is a solid draft, but it does not feel as polished as My Blossoming Redemption. Not to me, at least. I don't know what other reviewers say. Flaws aside, this was my most enjoyable read of the review shop so far—especially with how you combine the mystery and romance genres. Is this your first time working with mystery, or have you done it before? I'm just curious. You have a solid main character, a clear conflict, and some amazing emotional details that take us into your protagonist's mind a lot. I'm assuming she's a bit of a daydreamer. I'm very curious about the reappearance of Caleb. When I have time, I am definitely going to return to this book and figure out the mystery. Wonderful work here! I appreciate you choosing me as your reviewer. Good luck

Total: 82/100