Reviewed by: CroodsGirl

Book Title: Blood or Love

Author: Tuneofhisflute

Title: 5/5

​The title, Blood and Love,—while not entirely new—fits the story. You clearly state in your cover it's a vampire love story. That's easy to tell with a title such as Blood and Love. While it may not grab everyone's attention, it definitely grabbed mine, and I was eager to dive into it. I'm not somebody who judges a title very harshly, because it comes straight from the author's heart. If they feel like the title fits, that's their call, and we do not need to call them out for that. In the case of this review, though, the title works.

Cover: 5/5

​The cover for your book is wonderful. I think it's, so far, one of the best covers I've seen. The designer did a great job giving your story the mystery-vibe you wanted. It instantly draws me in. I love the inclusion of the red moon and castle in the background. I also think the two main characters are well-placed, as well as the text and your name. At this moment, I do not believe you need to change it.

Blurb: 5/10

​This is where things get a little edgy. The blurb does not tell us too much about the plot. It's a little short. Usually, blurbs range between 100 and 200 words. They introduce us to the main characters, the setting, and the conflict. All three of these pieces are missing from your blurb. Sure, you can argue that "What if a vampire falls in love?" is the conflict, but I believe you can expand on this. Tell us a little more about what happens with the vampire and give us a sense of how his/her world works. The quote you have in the beginning of the blurb is most likely the logline. However, that's all it is. A little more background information and a little more information about the characters will strengthen your blurb. You need to write more than just two sentences. Think deep about your story's plot and what you're trying to get across to your audience.

Plot: 7/10

​During our conversation, you were curious if there was enough of a mysterious vibe to your plot. Honestly, I did not feel much of this vibe, but then again, I was only able to read the first five chapters. I feel like the plot drags a bit and can be sped up. There is a lot of stalking in the first five chapters, with Sumedh following Mallika around. We do not get any background information on the world and how it works. World-building is very important. Don't forget that. I do not have a clear idea of the school these kids attend. Is it one for supernatural beings? If it is, I think it would be interesting to start there, rather than at Mallika and Monika's house. You could instantly introduce us to the beings' powers and how they run their classes. That will help add more of a mystery vibe to the narrative.

​Another thing you can try is something that you see a lot in mystery movies/books. Elaborate on the murders taking place. Give us different witnesses and allow them to share their part of the story. They have different takes, which leaves it difficult for the detective to understand the extent of the murder or disappearances.

​Finally, you can improve the mystery vibe with setting. Give us more information on where these characters live. Describe Monika and Mallika's home. Describe the school. Do both of them smell like blood? What do the locations look like? What do the characters hear, taste, and feel? Do they feel the bones cluttering under their boots as they walk through the "pit of shadows"? What I'm describing here, if it's not obvious, are the five senses: hear, taste, smell, touch, and feel. I have to say this a lot when I review peoples' books. The five senses are a great way to describe setting and draw your readers into your story. Never forget to paint a picture in your reader's head.

​Let's take the cover, for example. Looking at it, I can taste the blood dripping from Sumedh's lips. I can feel him and Mallika staring into my soul with their non-expressive faces. I can feel Sumedh's cold skin. It feels and looks like ice. The wolves howl in the background, thanks to the blood moon, when werewolves are most active (I just made that up. Ha, ha!). The iron-based smell of blood tells me the blood moon is near. When it rises, it will be time for war.

Do you see how I used the five senses to comprehend the cover and pull out the story's mystery vibe? Try doing that in your narrative. Use your cover as inspiration. I know art always helps me come up with ideas. Once you learn to use the five senses properly, you will go far with setting.

Grammar: 5/20

​You told me to check your grammar. I'm glad you did, because it definitely is your weakness with this book. I know that you know this. I can't point out all the mistakes, but I'll mention a few. First things first,—this is very simple—write out words under 100. For example, in Chapter 1: "A girl in her 20s was screaming at someone from their house window pane." Write out "twenties". It's a weird rule, I know, but it's a rule.

​During the first five chapters, you have a lot of typos and misspellings of words, which, unfortunately, give this book with a beautiful cover a messy appearance on the inside. Take the time to review your book, find the typos and misspellings, and fix them. On this note, you switch your words around a lot and have unnecessary ones, too. A majority of your sentences, overall, are not properly formatted. This needs to be addressed.

One example of incorrect formatting is in Chapter 1 when you say: "Mon, you know na how much I love rainy seasons, why you make me come inside? there would be nothing wrong if I stayed a little."

There are so many mistakes in this sentence. It's also a fragment. This part needs to look like this: "Mon, you know how I love rainy seasons. Why did you make me come inside? If I stayed a little, there would be nothing wrong." Do you see how much cleaner that looks? I'm going to choose a sentence from each chapter and show you how to properly format them.

​The sentence I chose from Chapter 2 is when Monika and Mallika reach the mansion. Mallika says, "I those 5 years Masi made their mansion more bigger, isn't it Mon?!" It's really hard to distinguish what's she's trying to say, because of the errors, but I'm going to go for it.

​The sentence should look like this: "Wow! Look at that, Mon! In five years, Masi made their mansion bigger!" The element of surprise is now more distinguished, and the sentence sounds better. It sounds like something a human being would say—not a robot.

​Moving onto Chapter 3, this is where you start to get into your characters' minds, especially Sumedh's, as he tries to flirt with Mallika. The problem is, the way you write your characters' thoughts—while mostly right—is wrong. Let's take this sentence: 'she's not mad for extreme shock. Is she?' he thought. Yes, you do italicize the sentence, which is what you want to do, but you do not need to add the dialogue tags. They're reserved for when characters are speaking. You don't need them to tell your audience your character is thinking.

​With that in mind, here's the new sentence: Is she not mad at me for shocking her? he thought. I do love this part. It's when Mallika laughs at Sumedh's poor flirting skills. Nevertheless, I wasn't able to fully enjoy it. With the new sentence, Sumedh's voice now sounds both bewildered and embarrassed, which is what I think you were aiming for.

​We're almost done. We're in Chapter 4 now. I'm just going to choose the first sentence in the chapter, which is, "Mallika...Mallika listen to me for once. MALLIKA!" Sumedh was screaming at her from the top of his lungs while chasing her on the road.

Unlike some of the other sentences I've pointed out, the emotions are pretty distinct in this one. You excel at showing Sumedh's frustration with Mallika. Regardless, the formatting is still not great. You do not need to put Mallika's name in all caps, in order to emphasize that Sumedh is yelling—not if you want this book to look more professional. Instead, try the sentence like this: "Mallika... Mallika, for once, listen to me. Mallika! (the explanation mark is enough to show Sumedh's frustration here)" Sumedh screamed (take out "from the top of his lungs", as it's a cliché phrase) while he chased her down the road.

Put together, here's the new sentence: "Mallika... Mallika, for once, listen to me. Mallika!" Sumedh screamed while he chased her down the road. Ta daa! Problem solved.

All right, we're finally on Chapter 5. Thank you for bearing with me. I did an Eeny meeny miny moe game with this one. Here's the sentence my finger chose: We ate together and gossiping. Helly too joined with us. There are a couple things going on in this one. First of you, you tell us what is happening. You don't show us. This is a very common issue with writing, so do not worry. Try showing us the gossip. Include a little more conversation and hand movements between the characters.

If you choose to keep the sentence this way—which is totally fine, if it fits your writing style better, then write it like this: We ate together and gossiped. Helly joined us.

The word "too" is unnecessary, as well as "well" and "and". One of my writing teachers taught me that sometimes the sentences that show the best emotions are the short ones, so do not feel alarmed that "Helly joined us" is only three words. As long as it includes a subject and verb, it's A-Okay.

Okay, I know that was a lot, but I hope it helped you. There are editing shops on Wattpad you can visit that will help clean up your book if you don't have a lot of time. I would take a look at them. You'll learn a lot about the English language from them.

Writing Craft: 12/20

Everything I've explained above is part of writing craft, not writing style. Do not get the two terms mixed up. Writing craft comprises of the elements of a story, such as setting, characters, and dialogue. For the sake of this section of the review, I'm going to review figurative language with you, since it's another thing you're lacking. Let's take some easy examples of this piece of craft: similes and metaphors. Similes compare things with one another by using the words "like" or as". Metaphors act in the same way, but they do not use "like" or "as". I'll give you some examples that follow the premise of your story:

Simile: The mansion looked like a bat during a bad hair day, with its towers stretching out like arms on either side of the immense building. The towers were the strands of fur on the bat's wings. Under the blood moon, the building looked regal, as if it were an ancient painting in a museum.

Metaphor: The mansion was nothing but an ancient painting stuck in a museum. The towers were bat wings during a bad hair day, but luckily, the glow of the blood moon blocked out such a horrifying sight.

I'm sorry if these examples weren't the best. What I want you to get out of this is how figurative language adds to the vibe of the story. What I explained expanded on the story's mysterious, horror-like atmosphere. Like I mentioned before, setting is also part of the writer's craft, but I've already gone into a long lecture about how helpful the five senses are. Give your characters creepier dialogue, rather than regular dialogue that sounds like it belongs to a teen girl swooning over a boy at the prom. Do some research into writer's craft and how one should approach it. There are lots of ways you can improve it. It just takes practice. Remember, writing is a process.

Characters: 18/20

​In this particular story, your characters are strong. I love Monika and Mallika's relationship. It's clear they care about each other and just want the best for the other sibling. I'm assuming they're siblings? If not, just good friends. Mallika is a beast. I love how she constantly gets on Sumedh's nerves by burning him with insults, and how he reacts with sentences like, "How many times do I have to tell you? Do not call me Bhaiya (Chapter 3 sentence re-formatted)! That made me laugh. I can see how frustrated Sumedh gets of Mallika. She has a fiery personality—one that shows she is not going to let a vampire take advantage of her. I love stories that have a strong, female lead.

​As for the other characters, I feel they are not as well developed as Mallika, Monika, and Sumedh. This is because you introduce us to so many people at the same time. Five chapters is not a lot. Yes, I know they're what judges in awards usually judge authors by, but that doesn't mean you need to squeeze in so much in such a short amount of time. Take the time to breathe, develop your characters, and if necessary, tell your judges that your particular character development takes time. They'll listen to you. I'm never too harsh with characters in awards, either, since I do read so little. With that in mind, do not be shy to dig deeper into your character's backgrounds and their relationships with the main ones. Let the reader see that just like them, they are human.

​I stand by what I said, though. Monika, Mallika, and Sumedh are very well-developed. It's just the other characters I'm worried about.

Overall Enjoyment:7/10

​The whole reason why this review is so long is because I really enjoyed the story. I don't read too many vampire books, but yours is the rare exception. You have a knack for this genre, and I want to see you improve in it further.

This book has so much potential. I can tell by its beautiful cover. Remember to slow things down and allow yourself to edit your book, paint a picture in your reader's head, and let the story unfold itself. Writing is all about revision. Without revision, you will never get published. It's tedious, yes, but you'll give yourself a pat on the back when you become a bestseller in the future.

I hope I wasn't too harsh and that you have some things to play around with now. Thank you so much for letting me read this amazing story

Total: 64/100