Feeling Alive (Swasan)

Finally, here I am with one shot. You may take this as a party, after our team, 'Quintet Tinkers' won first place in Blue Star Community Awards.

Special mention to my buddy Priyanka011 for her one liner♥,
And, Sonio sonia24567 for the plot outline. Though I already apologise for not able to write it exactly the same way you wanted, but I am hopeful that giving this a try won't be bad too ;)❤

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Swara's Pov

"Isn't he striking handsome?"

"He is freaking crazy!", I reprimand.

"Maybe a little, but you don't disagree with my point too", she pointed out. "And his looks?! Uff, just so hot man. I can say he's freakingggg sexy ", my bhabhi Khushi, made a naughty smirk followed by dropping a wink in my direction.

Before I could retaliate with a better response, I saw my brother Arnav, dressed in formals for office, leaned against the door of the kitchen, behind Khushi, having a thunderous look mixed with confusion. "Who is that 'Freaking Sexy Mister', Khushi?", he asked in his deep throaty voice that suddenly alarmed her. She looked afraid as she turned back with a silly grin and I smirked mentally.

Payback time for yesterday's tease my dear bhabhi.

•°•°•°•°

"Bhabhi, you here?" I asked, quite surprised. It had been just a week, since she and my brother had returned from their lovely honeymoon trip and since then my workaholic brother had been busy with office work while Khushi managed the house or at free times played with Bruno, our cute little 3 months old Labrador pup, until I joined her after work. But now seeing her here, outside the hospital to pick me up was just unexpected.

"Thought to surprise you my dear nanand ji and then go for a little trip", she muffled near my neck as she hugged me.

Breaking the hug, I asked, "Nanand ji? Like seriously?! Where did Shona go?"

In the same tone, she asked "Bhabhi??! Like seriously? Where did Khush go?"

I laughed. She hated being called bhabhi by me. Our bond had really strengthened over time, that the reserved and shy girl I once knew at the start, was now conquered by the talkative, out spoken and crazy jabra fan of jalebi.

Her love for jalebi can never be justified with some mere words. It's like, she can eat it anywhere and anytime, and can even survive on it the whole day, like my love for puchkas (pani puri). Ummm... now the mention of it had my stomach growling with hunger. My mouth started watering remembering the spicy and crispiness of 'yum-yum puchkas' and it was now quite impossible for me to head for home before cherishing them. Maybe that can exhilarate my mood too.

"Alright Khush. So where are we going too?" I asked and she smiled wide.

"Umm, how about the new Orient mall? You really need some new clothes Shona. And don't you dare say no. New shop open hui hai toh sale bhi pakka hogi yaar. Chalo jaldi", she held my hands and literally dragged me towards the car.

"I seriously am so tired today. Can we postpone it?"

"Umm... N O! I will get you massage from spa okay? Please?"

"Alright alright."

Once seated inside the car, I was literally horrified seeing my dear bhabhi siting behind the steering wheel. As much as I knew, she didn't even know the 'A' of driving before her honeymoon trip.

"Khush?! Tell me you are not driving? Where's the driver?"

"Arre Shona, why fear when Khushi's here", she laughed in self appraisal. "Arnav ji taught me this during some spare time in Paris", she spoke and ignited the engine.

They had spare time during honeymoon, WOW!

'Aright. It is going to be okay', I tried convincing myself and sighed heavily as I pulled my seatbelt.

"Jai devi maiya", she shouted as she held the steering tightly under her grasp.

"Khushi seatbelt first", I stated, with fear churning inside my pit, of course.

"Oh yeah!" Her right hand left the steering, to pull the seat belt but unknowingly, she accelerated the car.

"Khushhh! Break."

She applied the break so suddenly that we both were jerked forward in reflex, almost making my heart leap out of my mouth but the seatbelts protected us. It was good, we both were safe although, I was more than horrified because...

A 'little damage' was already done. A fierce though, hot guy that looked back at us, with a profound infuriation was the proof. Raising myself from the seat I looked at the little scratch on his sport bike where he sat, half turned, to look at us, in both horror and shock.

I slumped down bitterly on the seat. This day could no more get worse. My mood had hardly lifted up after meeting Khushi and seeing her enthusiasm to get me to shopping. But, seeing him again, had dampened every feeling. Seeing him, reminded me of my broken heart, just few minutes back. It reminded me of how selfish, arrogant, negligent and inhuman he was.

Seeing him again today, made me feel like a useless psychotic person who had been acting like a dumb stuck puppy behind him, just to get hit by a stick and wake up into harsh reality.

While I was busy comprehending my situation, I never noticed Khushi already walking towards him. Darn it!
I badly wanted to stay seated in the car, but neither I could let Khushi stay with that man alone. I moved out of the car.

"I am so so sorry. I just got distracted an-" , Khushi started speaking but got intruded.

"Oh that's okay. I am sure Ms. Swara Raizada distracted you. It's her charisma that draws everyone's attention", he spoke as I neared them. "Isn't it Doctor?" He turned to look at me and so did Khushi.

"Oh no Dr. Maheshwari. It was just a judgement error", I gave him a tight smile. "And we're in a hurry now. You can message me the damage cost. I'll transfer the money." I held Khushi's hand and was about to drag her back, when he spoke.

"Don't bother. It's just a little paint off. And you can call me Sanskaar outdoors. I won't mind", he smirked.

"Seniors shouldn't be named. And thanks for the gesture but I am good with paying even a smaller cost doctor", I said bitterly as his words crossed my mind. "I neither lend nor borrow money."

I had turned on my heels, when Khushi almost shrieked. "Ohh Yeahhh! That's you Mr. Hunk, opps, err... I mean Sanskaar Maheshwari. Isn't it? I knew I have seen you but couldn't remember. Shona he-"

"Bhabhi let's go. We are getting late", I had to stop her before she spilled the beans of how I got his pictures in my phone and embarrass me more. A

"Arre ruko na tum", she stopped and had again turned to Sanskaar.

'Why isn't she shy anymore now? God, please don't let her talk stupid', I constantly remembered the above power, praying for a miracle to save me. This was really a wrong time to persuade him of seeing me as the one for him, when I was now trying to hate him.

"Hello Mr. Maheshwari. I am Khushi", she joined her hands and I almost face palmed myself mentally. In return, Sanskaar looked amused but he still nodded. "I have really heard a lot about you!"

My palms turned in a fist as I sensed his continuous gaze on me. Also, the anxiety was getting the best of me. I had been showing him how unaffected I am by his behavior, when, in reality it had been eating me inside out. I didn't want to lose myself in front of him. I couldn't open my vulnerability to a monster like him to give him a good laugh. I loved him. It was true and pure, but today's incident made me realize, he is not capable of my love.

"Really?" He smirked, breaking the reverie.

"Yeah. She goes on saying on how umm... yeah how talented you are and how technically you work."

Khushi gave me a mischievous smile and I knew she was intentionally teasing me. Although, I don't blame her for playing with me, as she didn't really know about the incident today, but really her timing was so bad. Me and Sanskaar fought so bad this afternoon and it's now, she got the time for this bonding?

"Thank you so much but I am seriously surprised that Swara talks about me at home", Sanskaar was talking to Khushi but his eyes were on me that wanted me to hide away from him. His dark brown eyes always bored deep in my eyes as soon as I looked at him. But reality held me back, making me break the contact pretty soon. "I guess it's years of experience", he looked back at Khushi but a smile that made its way to his lips and had me swept off my feet.

Pulling myself back, I replied, "And lack of feelings."

Hearing me, his face immediately drained of all happiness but the hurt overpowered that little regret in me. I pulled Khushi back to the car and we drove away.

•°•°•°•°

Now Khushi, you teased me a lot yesterday in front of Sanskaar. Now, my turn.

"Woh woh... Mai toh bass", Khushi stuttered as bhai rose his eyebrows in confusion.

I interrupted. "And bhai you know, she even thinks that he is striking handsome and hawt!" I wrapped my arm around my brother's arm and stealthily winked in the direction of a wrathful Khushi. I was sure she wanted to kill me so I felt it safe beside my brother who is really very protective of me.

"Khushi? Shona kya bol rahi hai?" Bhai asked again with horror, to which Khushi smirked at me. I guess, my plan is ready to back fire on me.

Khushi said, "Arvan ji humari Shona ko pyaar ho gaya hai."

"What the...!" Bhai was shocked and so was I. She promised to not reveal it until a right time and now it was the most worst time to reveal it. He looked back at forth from me to Khushi in amazement.

"You promised you won't tell him."

"The earlier he knows, the better. He is worried for you all time Shona", explained Khushi.

"Wait wait. What are you both talking about? Swara you are in love?" Bhai was truly mad at me. He turned to Khushi and said, "You knew it and still you didn't tell me yesterday when I was worried about finding a match for her?"

"You were finding what?" I was horrified. "You want me get married and go away from you na?"

My mind vividly seemed to drove back to Sanskaar's subtle gestures and number of times I'd thought I would marry him and he would make me feel like a queen. But they all were just fantasies of my infatuated self. I shut my thoughts down before they gain a control of me. I don't want to marry anyone, not now.

"Hey hey...", bhai's voice softened as he came near and cupped my face gently. "Who said I am letting you go away? I would make him stay here with me so that I don't have to let you go away from me. Kya kehte hai usse? Ghar jamai bana dunga okay?"

His love in his words, brought some tears in my eyes that I had been fighting since yesterday. I didn't wanted to cry in self pity, for loving a useless douchebag for almost 2 years just to let all the hopes crash in the end. I wanted to fight it and I was fighting it until my brother's talk riled up the emotions in me.

I felt my cheeks get wetter and my brother looked more concerned. "Aww come on", he said, hugging me and I cried more in his embrace.

"I d-don't want to ma-arry anyone", I barely said during the cries. He separated from me and looked down at me in confusion.

And I just remembered that Khushi was in the kitchen as she spoke, "What??! You don't want to marry that greek god?"

"Khushiii!!", grumbled Arnav bhai, glaring at Khushi and I giggled with tears in my eyes at her 'Oh shit' face.

"Mai bas Shona ke liye keh rahi thi gusse wale laad governor", she smiled cutely by scrunching her nose and moved at a safe distance. "She was upset since yesterday and I was trying to make her talk about it, so...", she stretched and stopped. I looked down as I couldn't bear their prying eyes on me.

"What's the matter shona?"

I walked to the dining table and slumping down on the chair, I spoke, "Nothing. I just need some time to pull over. I don't want to marry anyone, not now atleast?"

They both sat beside me. With every secret piling in me, my real self had gone. I thought it was the right time to spill all the beans.

"Shona you don't even want to marry the person you love?", Khushi asked.

"We are in no hurry. You can take your time to marry", said bhai.

"I don't love Sanskaar anymore."

There was a pin drop silence as I felt a tension tightening in the room. I was afraid of my brother's reaction. Khushi knew most of the things as once, she saw my caller ID stating Mr. Hunk and I had to tell her about Sanskaar. Nevertheless, I didn't wanted to tell bhai earlier, because it was just one sided. And I don't think he would ever feel the same way about me, like I do.

In a dulcet, my brother said, "You can talk about it Shona. We are always there for you."

Just one line of assurance from him and all the melancholy inside me was out in the open.

"I hate him now, bhai. He almost ruined a life of a family and I just couldn't do anything", I cried. Khushi immediately caressed my back and made me drink water.

"His name is Sanskaar Maheshwari and he's senior to me. We work under his surveillance and his stark and ostentatious personality is the one he is known for. But that doesn't lead to any less popularity of him. I- I just don't remember how or why, but his style of working had me admiring him. Okay, maybe maybe adoration too, which led to that L word", I chuckled ruefully.

"But he? He never gives a damn to anyone. He is just busy in his own world, operating and operating people. For a few times we did have a casual conversations during surgeries and he really helped me to get through the early nervous stage. I thought, he respected and cared for me just like I do. He became my friend too and I always looked forward for his help. But yesterday, everything changed," I shivered visibly as Sanskaar's angry voice reverberated in me.

"Before I came to take you?" Khushi asked and I nodded.

"There came an emergency yesterday morning. A man was really very critical, after he had a big fight with his brother, but Sanskaar declined to operate him unless they paid the fees," the memories of yesterday started to pave inside my head.

•°•°•°•°

"Make sure you pay the surgery bills as soon as possible. I don't think he have much time", Sanskaar spoke to the lady who was bitterly crying and her clothes were red with dried blood.

Her son came forward and joining his hands, he rabbled, "Doctor, hum jald se jald paison ka intezaam kar denge, par please unka operation start kar do."

But Sanskaar never budged. I had enough of drama so I moved to the door of the ICU where the man had been admitted and I had just touched the door open, when Sanskaar held my arm and asked, "Where are you going?"

"He is really critical Sanskaar. If we don't operate him now, he-"

"Shushhh...", he hushed me and pulled me to another empty ward. "Why are you shouting? You are making others more hyper."

"Do you even know what are you doing? He may die. For god sake, please operate him."

"Who said I won't? I will, as soon as the money's deposited", he stood lazily, taking the wall's support. "It's not your headache Swara. Go and study for your upcoming tests. I know my department."

"Fine. Don't operate. I will see to him myself", I pushed past him and was about to open the ward door when he harshly grabbed my arm again and pushed me to the wall.

"What the hell is your problem? Do not interfere in my business. This is an emergency and you are still not legal to operate alone, alright? Let me do it in my way. I am the senior here, okay? You'll listen to me", his harshness in words had my soul crumble into particles.

He left my hand and moved to the door. I was hurt but still I wanted to try for the last time to save the poor's life. He stopped as I said, "Doctors' first task is to save life before anything else. Doesn't a 'life' mean anything to you? Please help them Dr. Sanskaar. I will make sure they pay every penny eventually."

He never turned properly to look at me. "I neither lend nor borrow money Swara. Remember it". With the door, getting closed, my every hope died as a tight lump in my throat held me from uttering even a word.

•°•°•°•°

I sighed, wiping away the stupid tears that came running down my eyes, even after a futile attempt to keep them away. It was difficult to tell them that sometimes, I felt that Sanskaar too was attracted towards me, which maybe was just an illusion of my mind.

"That's so rude of him. What does he think of himself to tell my sister away? I am going to see him myself", my brother thundered, raising himself from the chair.

"Bhai!"

"Arnav ji", both me and Bhabhi called simultaneously and he halted. "I think our Shona is mature enough to solve her own problems. She is strong to fight this battle, haina shona?" Khushi and bhai both turned to me with a question look.

I was confused, so I just opened up my thoughts to them. "To be honest, I don't know Khush. I just don't feel like working there any more."

From my internship to working there for more 2 years, it felt like second home to me. Every new experience, every new feeling, if it's of either first love or seeing a new born cry, I have shared a lot of memories with this hospital. And as easy as it seemed while speaking, I knew it was a lot tougher than that.

"Shona, in this field you will meet different people. One, who will work for their selfishness, while others who work selflessly. You cannot run from the first category people and neither you can stay under their obligations and rules. I am really very proud of how you tried to help that family and went against the person you started having feelings for. We always will be proud of you. Just don't hesitate to do things that gives you happiness. You have the power to turn pain into power Shona", Khushi hugged me from side.

Bhai smiled and said, "Absolutely. And we will always support your decision. By the way, how it that injured person?"

I looked at the floor as I answered him, "I seriously have no idea. I didn't had the guts to go to the ICU again to face him and the words he spoke. I took that time for myself and the studies. I am just... urgh so sorry for not trying again, but I couldn't."

"Hey that's okay. You did your best already. Also there was nothing much you could have done because they wouldn't let you go inside", Bhai explained.

"Hmm. I think I will go and forward you everything I get to know about him. Okay?" I grabbed the bread and was about to exit but I stopped and ran to pull them both in a tight hug. "Thank you for everything. I am just so blessed to have you both. I love you guys", to which they chuckled and responded back.

When I was out of the kitchen, something kicked in my brain and I was about to return back when I heard bhai speak, "So Mrs. Khushi Kumari Gupta Arnav Singh Raizada, did I hear you calling someone, other than me, as handsome, sexy and hot?" I chuckled under my breath as I heart Khushi stammer.

"Na.. Nahi toh Arnav ji. Who toh bass mai Shona ko tease kar rahi thi. Aap- Aapse jyada handsome koun ho sakta hai?" I imagined her sheepish smile but in sometime, I heard her giggle loudly, and I knew she wasn't going to make it this time out of my brother's claw.

"And what about hot and sexy? Hmm? Don't you think you should use these pronouns for your husband and not for other men?" Bhai spoke in a low husky voice and that was my clue to go away before I eavesdrop the other 'private' things. Hayy, they are so cute together and always compliment each other. Khushi taught bhai to control his anger while bhai built Khushi's lack of confidence. They make a perfect couple.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

I inquired about the person, the first thing after entering the main building and was really thankful to god that he made it as his family was on time with the deposit fees. So I decided to pay a visit there with some flowers as best wishes.

After the visit, when I was heading towards our laboratory, I saw Sanskaar in an empty room, talking on the phone. Seeing his face, was the last thing I wanted to do, but I had to repay him the cost of yesterday's damage. And early or later, I had to face him as I wasn't going to leave the whole hospital just because of one senior jerk. I slowly opened the door and stepped in but he was too busy to notice with his back on me.

"Oh yeah okay- Thank you so much sir for starting this as early as possible. Yeah, how is he?- He will be fine right? All right. Will visit in the evening", he said and sighed heavily after cutting the call.

"I am glad atleast there is one person you care about Dr. Maheshwari."

He immediately turned to look at me with surprise. "What are you doing here?"

•••••••

Third Person Pov

"You didn't text me the damage cost", Swara shrugged with a roll of her eyes.

"So?", Sanskaar asked with a blank face.

Swara didn't like two type of persons. One, who are egoistic jerks and two, who show attitude even after being wrong, and this time, Sanskaar being both, was testing even the brink of patience in her. But she could do nothing as he had stated already that he was the senior.

"I wanted to return the money as soon as possible so if you just tell me the amount-".

"Never mind. That was a small sum", he said and was about to leave when Swara blocked his way.

"If you can't favor a poor by helping him without payment then I don't think I need any favor too Doctor", Swara spoke fiercely but was pushed harshly by a wall. Once stable, Swara saw Sanskaar towering closely with his piercing eyes glaring strongly towards her and arms holding her shoulders strongly.

"I am NOT doing any favor, you understand? It would be my wish to decide what I do and you should have no business with me", he stressed each word right in front of her, looking at her every single face muscle twitch in fear and hatred that he loathed.

"Why? Because you are senior Doctor?", she gave a sarcastic smile and Sanskaar was reminded of the day where she was just a newbie at the hospital, flashing nervous smiles at everyone, wanting to make new friends and gain new experiences. Her face showed innocence, that was somewhere still in there, behind the tough mask that she built during the years. Afterall, practicing in this medical field for years teaches you to control your anxiety as well as sorrow, that sometimes takes away the innocent smile too.

While Swara was reminded of her first operation under Sanskaar, which almost got her sick seeing so much blood, but Sanskaar grokked her emotions as well diverted her attention by buying her a chocolate and asking her to be friends with her. It was one of the reason, she used to call him by name as he never really liked calling doctor by her.

With her words, Swara hit the right cord of Sanskaar as he regretted his every spoken word of yesterday, so he left her shoulders but still stood there and spoke, "I needed money for my nephew's third surgery of ventricular septal defect and that really needed immediate attention. Yesterday, when rest of you were under the impression that I was waiting for money, the patient's treatment had already begun. Though, I didn't let that know, because another delay in money, and it could have cost my nephew's life. I was now talking to my nephew's cardiologist and he said he was successful."

Swara was shocked with the new piece of information. Although, Sanskaar had told her sometimes about his nephew Kartik and how much he loved him as he was the only symbol of his passed away sister and her husband but he never opened up about his cardiac problem. Swara fiddled with her fingers as she spoke, "Umm... Err... I didn't knew that - you could have asked for help na?"

Sanskaar gave her a look and then again looked away.

"Oh right. Dr. Maheshwari doesn't lend nor borrow money, right?" Swara twisted her face and with a disbelief shake of her head, moved to the door, when Sanskaar held her arm making her look at him.

"I can't lose him. He has been my only family-", Sanskaar spoke and Swara looked away. "- after di's death and before your arrival", Swara immediately looked at him in shock. "Your removed the emptiness in me Swara and I can't lose you either."

Swara was spellbound. She just looked speechlessly into his eyes. It was just yesterday when she felt she hated him to the core and now he himself was opening up his every secret and that had tears spill out of her eyes. It felt both right and wrong. She understood that what he did was just to save his nephew but giving a family a toughest time for few hours was not correct either.

"The innocence in your smile can make me sail even a storm and your toughest demure can even frighten me, a little though okay, but whatever it is, you make me feel alive. I am in love with you Swara", his warm hands had encased her both palms in his.

"Sometimes I hate you, sometimes I love you. I'm trying to decide what I'm feeling right now", she spoke her heart and soon enough, all the warmth was gone from her hands.

Sanskaar looked in agony but still keeping his temper in check, he hissed every word, "Oh kayy! Fine! You know something?" He smiled, "You can hate me forever." With these words, he strode towards the door and each step had her soul mulder. Seeing him walk away from her had one thing very clear in her mind.

"Sanskaar!" Swara shouted to stop him. "This is the problem", she cried. "I can hate you forever but I can never stop loving you. You will have my heart beating for you forever."

Her confession had a tear drop from Sanskaar's eye too as he opened his arms wide, making Swara run and hide in his embrace tightly. Sanskaar kissed her forehead and mumbled, "I love you!"

"I love you too", she whispered near his neck that gave him a cold shrill, passing his backbone and ending in the lower spine. He broke the hug and looked into her eyes for confirmation about what he heard and seeing the prominent blush on her face made his stomach to twist in knots of giddy feeling. He waited for this moment for so long, and it was finally here.

He moved to the beside wall of the closed door and pressed his lips to the love of his life. Swara was stunned with the sudden movements as well as finding him so close to him that she tightly held his shoulders from the doctor's coat. Sanskaar smiled when he felt Swara trying to reciprocate slowly with her labored breathing.

After breaking the kiss, he joined his forehead with her's and huskily spoke, "I think you should be a little patient or else it wouldn't be good if any patient or doctor finds us snogging", to which he earned a whack on his arms. Swara was just to shy to speak anything so Sanskaar continued, "Sorry for shouting on you yesterday. I was stressed about Kartik."

Swara hugged him in response and said, "I am just glad he is fine."

"Yup and I am glad that you both are with me!" He again kissed her shoulder, letting her know that he will now forever protect her.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Finally doneeeeee💃💃

Thanks for bearing me. I hope you like it🙈🙈
Will be glad if you share your views.

SN_Skylar Shivani_SwaSan The_Sarcastic_Girl_ Forlorn___ Angelic_ghoulish tangled_x_thoughts sanskari_sansku birdy_without_wings

_Hxl1m4_ , Popo you can take this as your birthday gift😅😅😘😘 I am very late. I know. But still, belated Happy birthday♥

Here, I tag my team and the rest who asked for party. Please don't feel offended, if I haven't tagged you. And if I have tagged you, then too it's not a cumpulsion you have to read.

Thank you

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