Fake Empathy

You know, I'm very surprised how long it took me to actually write in this book. Granted, I was going to a while back when I was having problems, but decided against it as I didn't know how to word it. This time, it's similar in the sense that wording is hard, but I think I can this time.

Heads up: this is very cynical of me to think this way, so it's not going to be a usual "positive Junie" piece, but guess that's to be expected with this particular book. Note: all the stuff I talk about is in regards to irl stuff, so if you know exactly what happened, please keep it on the down low.

Anyways, I never understood how people can be "fake" to one another until now. Years of dealing with this, and I'm starting to see through people...it's strange. But something came up that is very heartbreaking in my life. No one died. Not that kind of heartbreak, but still one that has left me distraught and still visibly upset well after it happened. Silly, I know. One should be able to move on, but change isn't easy. Again, if you know what that change is, please keep it on the down low here, just to be on the safe side.

But after this incident happened, I've dealt with 3 types of people (and probably more if I let more people know what happened, hence one of the many reasons I don't want to say it). But what I'm shocked of is how people are trying to be "empathetic" but are fake with it. The biggest incident happening today.

Empathy is a strange thing, and I never thought people could fake it. I mean, to have empathy, you have to feel what the other person is feeling, going back to that dark time. And sure, not everyone is going to actually experience pain the same way, but there's a difference between saying something to say it versus allowing oneself to actually revisit that dark time and say "I know what you're going through is tough, and while I've been in the similar position when this happened, it's not the same. What you're going through now is still fresh, and gosh. It sucks. I'm so sorry. I'm shocked to see you've bounced back so quick."

Words from a friend I heard today. Words I needed to hear. Words of true empathy. Words I'm realizing that not everyone I'm surrounded by right now are horrible. Because right now, it feels that way in one area of my life. I'm surrounded by three types of people who are hearing of my loss (note, again, not anything of a death, but still one where I feel deeply betrayed by the people I trusted). The first is saying something along the lines of "sorry, but things will get better. Here's the actual reality of it all, and I'll help you." This one is most common. And there's nothing bad about it. It's the truth. It's also very neutral. Second is empathy, which is hard, truly only heard from one to two people, and makes me feel better about the situation I'm dealing with, but that's cuz it's hard to show empathy, so I get it.

There's another where people don't bring it up, but I don't count that cuz it's just silence. Not to mention, awkward.

But the third type rubs me the wrong way.

People can be fake. To be honest, I'm done with fake people. If you're going to say, "I know what it's like," relate it to something totally different, and then, to top it all off, make a comment that shows that you're really not sorry, then why fake empathy? Why go through all that trouble to say you know what it's like if you're just going to discount it, shove it aside, and everything?

Oh, and to top it off, reveal that you're part of the reason I'm in this predicament...yeah. Please. Don't say a single word cuz are you really sorry, or are you guilty? The answer: neither. It's just a front, one of which I see through too easily.

The video I attached is how I feel with this fake empathy. Sympathy is fine (the ones saying, "oh, something better will come along"...I don't mind it). But instead of diverting the conversation, this fake empathy is like, "oh I know what it's like...so it's not that bad." I'm done. Be empathetic, or sympathetic, but don't combine the two in a sense.

...yeah. Can you tell it was a long day today? Fake empathetic people. Either you really care, or you don't. If you don't, don't pretend like you do. I'd rather people be silent and "pretend" they know nothing than say they do, but then say something that totally makes everything they say not relevant anymore.

Guess it's strange to see people's true colors come through during one's dark moments. Just makes me more of a cynic than I wish to be.

Words cannot express how much I needed to hear genuine words of empathy today. It gave me strength. I could actually make it through the day and know I can make it through the rest of the week. I genuinely feel like I am not the only one going through this backstab that happened. I'm grateful for that comment.

In the end, my point is this: why fake things? People will eventually see through it. I'm not dumb. I know I look it cuz I come off as naive, but believe it or not, I see through things...eventually. To those who are genuine in their words and are there to lift people up, please keep it up. Thank you for what you do and keep being there for others cuz it helps.

Just be genuine. The more one is fake, the more it shows one's true colors. Let me just say, they're not pretty.

That's all I have. I'm surprised I've never dealt with fake empathy until now, but I hope to never deal with it again (and I doubt that'll happen, but it is what it is).

Again, things will get better. I know it. I just needed some space to vent first, so thanks for listening to my Ted Talk. I hope you all are doing much better.

Take care,
Junie