Warnings:
survivors guilt
grief
swearing
depiction of dead body

They ran into a room a bit further onwards, one James made sure had only one exit before they barricaded it. It was an extravagant sitting room, and while James pushed everything he could in front of the door, Sirius helped Remus limp towards the couch and slowly lay down.

James refused to think about what happened. Refused to think about what Frank did for them. Instead, he focused all his efforts into barricading the door and making it fucking impossible for the murderer to enter. James was sick of his friends dying and being unable to save them.

Yet, as soon as James finished barricading the door, all the emotions he'd been supressing, trying to ignore while trapped in this horror house with a literal murderer, came rushing to him at once. He fell to his knees, feeling overwhelmed from the guilt wrapping itself around his lungs, making it hard to breathe.

James left Frank. He had just left Frank to die, defenceless except for a stupid baseball bat. He had saved his own life over Frank's and let him throw his own life away carelessly, like it didn't matter. It had mattered. It had mattered so much, to James, to Sirius, to everyone. Now it was gone, and Frank was probably bleeding out on the carpet as the killer searched for the rest of them.

And Peter. James couldn't even start on him, feeling like his heart was being ripped out whenever he thought about his friend. He had promised to keep him safe, promised that he would protect him and yet Peter had died, and James hadn't even been there to try and stop it. The guilt was everywhere, all around him, suffocating him. He should have done this, should have done that, tried to do this, possibly done that. It was all too much, and James felt like he was dying, like he shouldn't be alive because his friends weren't. They should be alive, not him, but he was the one standing there still breathing. Why should he live while the others died?

"James, James calm down."

A voice. Sirius's voice. Sirius, his best friend. One of the people he cared about the most in the entire world. Sirius, still alive.

That fact was enough to pull James back into the present, and then he was crying into Sirius's shoulder, letting out shuddering, painful gasps as he mourned the loss of all his friends. Of his family. Sirius was there the whole time, holding him as he cried. Sirius didn't shed a tear, but then again, Sirius didn't normally cry, preferring to supress his emotions even in times like these. Especially in times like these.

James took deep breaths, trying to calm down. He reined in his emotions and took a few minutes to compose himself. He wouldn't be able to think clearly when he was a mess like he was now, and it was very important that he was thinking straight.

Once he'd collected himself enough, he pulled away from Sirius's embrace and stood up, starting to pace back and forth across the room, trying to come up with a plan. His priority was to find Regulus, but he also thought it would be a good idea to find Frank on the off chance that he was still alive. It would be good to get the bat back too.

Which meant he'd have to leave the room.

James stopped pacing and turned to Sirius and Remus, the former standing agitatedly next to the couch where the latter was laying, his leg resting on a pillow. James knew he'd have to leave them to find Regulus and Frank, and he knew they wouldn't be happy about it.

"I need to go," James said.

Instantly Sirius was staring at him, eyes blazing in anger as his hands curled into fists. "Are you crazy? You are not going out there."

"I need to, Sirius," James said desperately. "I need to find Regulus, and I need to see if Frank is still alive. If he is, we need to get him to safety. Can't you see we need to do this, Sirius? That I need to do this?"

Sirius snarled. "I won't let you go out there and risk your fucking life for someone whose already dead and someone who would rather be dead than be with me. Frank is dead, and Regulus isn't worth it."

James flinched at his words. "Don't say that Sirius. Regulus is worth it. Anyone who is stuck in this house is worth it. I know you're scared, but I need to go, and you need to stay here and protect Moony."

"James..." Remus said helplessly. "Please don't do this."

James stared pleadingly at both of them, begging them to understand. "I have to."

Sirius stared at him, into his eyes, into his soul, and then looked away, a pained expression on his face. It was then that James knew he had won, so he silently turned around and started moving back all of the furniture he had pushed against the door.

When James finished unbarricading the door, he just stared at it, willing himself to open to the door and leave. The problem was he was scared. He was terrified and wanted nothing more than to stay in there with the rest of them until help came, but he knew he couldn't. He needed to be strong and find Regulus. He needed to save them all.

He turned around and launched himself at Sirius, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. Sirius returned it just as tightly and James whispered into his ear.

"I love you Sirius."

A whimper escaped Sirius and he held on tighter. James started to worry that Sirius might just never let go when all of a sudden Sirius was on the other side of the room, staring determinedly at the wall with his hands clenched.

James looked at Remus and smiled at him, mouthing the words I love you to him as well, and then he was gone, walking out the door before he could change his mind.

Being outside the room was scary. He'd left the safety of his friends, of the barricaded room, and was walking through the halls of a mansion without a weapon while a serial killer was on the loose. He wasn't going to back down, though. He wasn't going to run back into the room and hide away, because Regulus needed him, and he'd do anything for Regulus.

He retraced his steps to where they left Frank, feeling his anxiety climb higher with every step. What if the killer was waiting for James? What if they were leering over Frank's body, waiting for James to come back for him so they could finish him off?

James took a deep breath and turned the corner.

He felt sick to his stomach at the sight before him. Frank, on the ground, his head smashed in as blood poured from the wound, one of his arms bent at an awkward angle. The baseball bat was on the floor next to him, blood covering the edge of it. James ran towards him and kneeled down next to Frank's body, trying not to look at the brain matter seeping out of his head.

He checked his pulse, but there was nothing there. Frank was dead. Killed with his own weapon. It was sick, and James wanted nothing to do with the bat that killed Frank, yet he knew he needed to take it, if only to have a weapon while hunting down Regulus.

Gingerly, James picked up the bat, grimacing at the sight of the blood splattered across it. He wiped it off on his shirt, took one last look at Frank, all mangled and broken, and continued on. He needed to find Regulus and he needed to get out of there.

James knew Regulus was still there. He'd been looking for James when the house got locked, and James knew that Regulus wouldn't leave without finding James, just like James wasn't going to leave until he found Regulus. He wondered where Regulus was now, if he was okay, or if he was...

No. James refused to think that Regulus was anything other than okay, not until he found Regulus himself. Regulus was unharmed, and James would find him unharmed, and he would keep him unharmed. Everything would be fine once James found Regulus.

Regulus was okay.

Regulus was okay.

Regulus was okay.

James repeated the mantra to himself as he walked and searched, unable to bear the thought of anything else. He continued searching for him, looking in every room he came across, searching through every wardrobe or cupboard in case he was hiding in there.

James entered another bedroom. It was plain, with a neatly made bed, clean desk and unused wardrobe. There were no identifying features for who lived there, so James assumed it was yet another guest bedroom. This house had many of them.

James was about to turn around and leave when he saw something move in the corner of his eye. A shadow behind him, entering the room. James swallowed, feeling his grip tighten on the bat as the shadow moved closer.

James swerved around, bat ready to swing, only to nearly drop it when he saw the person standing in front of him.

Regulus. It was Regulus.