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The Past, The Other Side, The Disappointments (Donavan POV)

Taking my wife's hand, Margo in the back seat the silence in the car spoke wonders, while I replayed the afternoon on loop in my mind, analyzing everything little detail. The way Etta and Reese were attentive to the children, the easy way that Sawyer and Tristan fell in love with their siblings. Siblings that Katherine and I could never give them, siblings that we didn't know of, siblings that made Sawyer and Tristan easily find a place in their family unit. I had expected it to be a strain on Sawyer and Tristan, expected that it would take much longer than a day for them to bond with Etta and Reese. For them to hold in their hearts some sort of grudge or fear the situation we were in, but they hadn't. Inside I knew that my children loved me, loved us all.

I had to wonder, question if this was happening because they children could sense that Etta and Reese were their biological parents, because Sawyer and Tristan warmed up to Etta amazingly. Sawyer had so many of Etta's mannerisms, so many little things we believed — I thought she picked up from Katherine — all laid at the table, matching Etta. My heart clenched painfully and the air was sucked out of my lungs, as spikes of pricks traveled down my back when Reese went along with the smell Sawyer gave. It was an odd behavior, one we had — lately — been trying to get her to stop, she began sniffing everything and while Tristan did it as well, once we — Katherine and I — had put our foot down, he stopped.

Right in front of us, she told them one child smelt of Honey, remembering that she wasn't allowed to just go sniffing people, she stopped, but Reese, continued her thought easily, 'and Ree smells like vanilla.' It was peculiar, going around saying that people had certain scents, even when they weren't wearing any lotion and clearly there was no way to have the types of scents that Sawyer and Tristan would name. But right in front of us, at that very moment, something I had scolded Sawyer for, her biological father praised and agreed with her. The joy that erupted on Sawyers face when he did so, my stomach sank.

 The three of us drove to our home where my mother, my siblings — Gemma and Clay — their families as well as Katherine's parents were waiting for us... pulling up, when I finally placed the car in park, and Margo left, Katherine and I still stuck, unable to move, I realized I hadn't, the news that I wanted to give them wasn't what had happened.

I wouldn't be able to tell them that Katherine and I had to soothe and push them to interact with Etta and Reese. I wouldn't tell them that we saw a look of pity on the social workers face when all attempts to bond with our children failed for Etta and Reese. I wouldn't tell them that Etta and Reese saw the pain of separating our children from the only parents they knew. None of that would be said, because none of it was true. We couldn't claim that they wouldn't make good parents, because unbeknownst to us they were already parents. "We should go inside," Katherine said monotone releasing my hand and exiting the car.

Everyone sitting around our living room waiting, my mother and Katherine's preparing lunch for all of us while in our small backyard my siblings children played. Everything oddly normal except two people who owned my heart weren't here, Sawyer and Tristan were missing... "How was it?" Clay asked when Katherine avoids the living room going straight upstairs to gather her self. My hung low, "They have other children," I muttered and my mother and siblings mouths dropped, some giving an audible response. "Completely blind sided us, but we show up to their place and they have two older children maybe two years younger that Sawyer and Tristan, as well as two identical twin girls, the spitting image of Sawyer and Etta," whatever my mother was cooking gets abandoned as her eyes flare angrily.

We hadn't give anyone but Margo information on what happened, how we ended up with those two children.

"So they had more kids and now decided to what, come back and claim them as though you were only watching them until the time was right?" Gemma and Clay nodding their heads in agreement...

Shaking my head slowly, "They never gave away their parental rights, the court never deemed them unfit," my voice holding on to the thread of calm I held. "Etta, she wasn't in her twenties when she gave away the babies, she was fourteen and her father gave them to dad. She was in a comma, the woman that signed the documents was a nurse and Etta believed that her two babies died because dad signed a death certificate."

I watched my mothers face, just hoping she knew nothing about this, she couldn't lie or fake anything if her life depended on it, but as she goes ashen, I realize that only my father was in on this. Her hand flies to her mouth shakily as she slowly shakes her head from side to side, "That's not — no..."

"It is mom," Margo finally says, "all the documents — everything is false, right now it comes down to who could provide better for the children, where they would be placed that's comfortable, loving and safe environment."

"They have all that with Donnie and Katherine," Gemma answers indignant while I remain silent, the nagging feeling in the pit of my belly worsening.

"So what you guys are going to lose Sawyer and Tristan? Just like that?" Clay asks me but Margo jumps in, "I don't think there will be a judge that doesn't take into consideration that Sawyer and Tristan have a stable environment."

My eyes remain on her, until I look away back at Clay, "I think we — we are going to lose them," I whisper so low, the words strung together wrong.

"You have to keep positive Donovan," Katherine's mother chides me. "We stole their children, Sawyer and Tristan have siblings, biological siblings that adore them. Etta is a stay at home parent only taking minimum classes so she's home most of the time... Sawyer just loves Ree and Morgan, plays well with Vivian — she's the older girl — and Tristan bonded well with Myles and Reese. It — it was like Katherine and I weren't there mom..." my eyes wet and my vision blurs as still the afternoon is on loop.

Mom comes to me pulling me against her even though my tall frame towers above her, "there was no awkwardness mom, it's like they know they're getting their children back, no worry on their face... nothing. They welcomed Sawyer and Tristan openly," my words muffled against her hair.

"They used those other children," Margo mutters next to us, finally taking a seat next to her husband. "How?" Clay's wife questions.

"Well they didn't have to bridge any sort of gap, the children they had there did all that for them. It was supposed to be a visit with just Etta and Reese. Instead they blindsided us, making it about bonding with everyone, Sawyer and Tristan did more playing than bonding with Etta and Reese. How can they manager to bond with them if they have four other children to worry about?" Margo continues, but I remain silent, I don't agree with her.

"They included Sawyer and Tristan to show them how easily they fit in with their family, they weren't trying to alienate Sawyer and Tristan. They have siblings, keeping them apart wouldn't — it wouldn't help their case," I know that.

"When we go see the judge, we can't say that we should have Sawyer and Tristan because Etta and Reese have other children. That Sawyer and Tristan don't get along with them... the social worker was there taking notes, keeping a watchful eye on the whole situation, from how they spoke to the kids to if Reese and Etta treated Sawyer and Tristan differently than their other children. They don't," I choke out.

"I thought — I thought we had the upper hand, we raised them," I whisper as Mom tries to comfort me.

"You do," she says after she pulls away, her hands reaching up to hold my face, keep my eyes on hers, "You have loved those children since the moment they were even so much as an idea to you, whatever your father did, was his mistake, you won't have to pay for it," she says her voice so sure, like the many times in my life when she calmed me. But this time, it's different, I can feel it and it's because of that nagging truth, Sawyer and Tristan were never ours to love, we had our time with them, but that was borrowed time. As much as we loved and cared for them Etta and Reese never gave them away —

"Hey uncle Don — where's Sawyer?" Clay's daughter — Trina — comes running into the room, her eyes searching. Looking apologetically towards me Clay stands and goes to her, to explain. But how do you explain this situation to a four year old? I could barely understand how for the last seven years we were parents and now there was going to be a chance that we wouldn't be. Pulling away from mom, I stalked out of the room, heading upstairs to check on Katherine. Checking our room first, I couldn't find her, sighing I went to Sawyers room, a piece of my heart breaking at the sorrow tearing my Katherine apart.

"Margo — she — she's trying to protect us but — I think — I think we — we should've hired someone else," Katherine sobbed, "We — we didn't — nothing was — we didn't search their information, I mean I thought maybe — maybe we would have the upper hand but — but," she stutters unable to finish. Going to the floor sitting, I wrap my arms around her, rocking us both until the tears stopped, the pain remained but eventually we were able to go downstairs with the others.

All of us sitting at the table, "So uhm... when's the next time... that you uhm, visit with them again?" Clay asked. Next to me Katherine's fork clinks against the plate, "We aren't going to be visiting with them again, when Sawyer and Tristan go see them, they'll be going alone," Katherine whispered looking at her plate, her hands fall limping on her lap.

"What are you talking about?" Margo and I ask.

Katherine looks up and shakes her head, "When you were inside Margo and you were playing with them the social worker and I were sitting at the table, I asked her when they requested to have us come again..." I don't think I have ever heard Katherine sounding so morose and that this situation didn't warrant it.

"She said that we were allowed to come because they thought that it would be easier if we were there, however based on this visit she's believes the children can go to Etta and Reese without us... in fact before the court case it would be better to know how they react when we — you and I — aren't around." As soon as the words are out, Katherine stands leaving the table and room all together. The night and the rest of the dinner passes in a complete blur, I'm so far out of the conversation, and while I'm sure the others noticed, no one tried to drag me into the conversation and when everyone made way to leave, I felt relief.

Cleaning up with mom, we moved around the kitchen silently, me emptying and placing items where they go robotically, "Don?" mom comes over a dishtowel in her hand, "I'm — I'm so sorry for what your father did," I nodded woodenly, "Margo said you're going to try for shared custody," swallowing — everything down — I watched her with unseeing eyes. "I have faith that this is-"

I couldn't listen to anymore, "Mom" my tone serious, "They won't — they'll let us see — see them, but they won't even be remaining in New York..." once again Etta's accent plays in my ear but I don't touch that, not just yet. "You know how Sawyer used to sniff the air?" I sigh resting against the counter. Mom nods, "what about it? Please don't tell me she sniff those people?" my eyes well up, my heart and my stomach flip and it feels as though someone is rearranging my insides.

"When the social worker asked how they could tell the twins apart, I mean they are the spitting image of each other, before they could answer, Sawyer blurted out that one of them smells like Honey..." I blink my tears away. "Do you know what Reese did?" her forehead bunches, pushes together and she shakes her head once.

"He finished her sentence by saying that the other little girl smells like vanilla."

"They have never met each other mom, but we've been trying to stop her from doing something that her father — her biological father does... there are times where I wondered where they got some of their quirks from... but that sniffing the air, I didn't think it was something she got from him. Something that was just built in-" my heart heavy I stop abruptly.

"How mom, how do we go on if we lose them?" I search her face, I'm that little boy that she comforted when I fell and scraped my knee, when I fell off my bike learning to ride without training wheels, when the college of my dreams rejected me.

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