I never used to listen to this song since it made me think of things I didn't want to happen, people I couldn't bear to lose. But I've been listening to this song on repeat, trying to tell myself that I'm not going mentally insane without you. Trying to tell myself that it'll be okay, I'll be okay. Trying to tell myself that I haven't lost a piece of myself as I lost you.

But I'm lying to myself.

I keep telling myself that you'll come back, that I'll see you again, that I'll get to wrap my arms around you and hug the life out of you again. But I won't. And it's my fault. I keep having dreams, but they're memories of us. They're the good memories of us, not that there are many bad ones.

They're of us sitting on the couch together, cuddled up with Wyatt watching SpongeBob, or Jurassic Park, or whatever movie we felt like watching that night. Memories of falling asleep together when we were both too tired to move into our own rooms, especially those weeks right after we moved. Memories of us on tour together, exploring the world with each other by our sides. Memories of going out together and seeing the looks on people's faces when we told them we were just friends, because they were so convinced that it was something more, not that we could blame them. Memories of tour bus parties, and catching you staring at me as I went to stare at you.

Then, the darker memories.

Memories of our first (and only) fight. Luckily, we made up quickly after that. Memories of soothing away the demons in our heads, when they seemed to hate us the most. Memories of crying together after one of us had a breakup. Memories of holding you as you cried yourself to sleep after your mom died. Memories of staying up late to help the other through a sleepless night, or trying to make the nightmares go away. All of these are memories I cherish, the ones I look back on when reality is getting to hard to live in, or when I feel like my world is crashing down around me, even more than it actually is. Except the one of losing you. 

My only problem is that you're not here to make this nightmare go away.

A/N: I don't even know what to say at this point other than sorry. Also, don't listen to the song while you read this like I made the mistake while writing it.