SCHOOL DAZED

Summary: When the Global Pandemic causes schools in Berk to shut, Hiccup and Astrid suddenly find themselves home schooling their children. What could possibly go wrong? Modern AU

Disclaimer: I don't own HTTYD. Rights remain with Cressida Cowell and Dreamworks.

A/N: Many of us are in or have been in lockdown/stay at home due to the Global Pandemic. Some of my friends are struggling with having to home school their children. Vala 411 asked me if I had thought how our favourite couple would do...some situations are based on personal or firsthand accounts...

o0o

"Face it, Cuz-I've got nothing to worry about!" Snotlout's brash voice-amplified as he leaned back and swigged a can of mead-grated Hiccup's last remaining nerve as he silently counted to twenty. Talking to Snotlout was never fun at the best of times but now, keeping in touch over COMVERSE was a necessity since everyone was stuck at home. His other friends were all in on the chat and Astrid, his beautiful wife, was popping in and out as she tried to wrangle their two children and stop them destroying the house.

"Really?" Hiccup asked dryly, sipping his coffee and calming his breathing. Tall and lean with messy auburn hair and bright green eyes, he was still shocked daily that his blonde Valkyrie wife had married him. It was a conundrum that had annoyed the short but buff Snotlout no end, though he was now married to Mindy. "How are you going to cope with the lessons we have to deliver to our kids now the schools are closed?" Snotlout blinked.

"What lessons?" he asked, draining his can. "Schools are out and all we have to do is keep the kids fit and..."

"Teach them the lessons that the teachers have emailed over," Raquel 'Ruffnut' Ingerman cut in. Half of the destructive Thorston twins, she had married Hiccup's best friend Finlay 'Fishlegs' Ingerman straight out of High School and had fitted in her studies on Interior Design with her twin brother Tommy (or Tuffnut) around producing the next generation of Thorston-Ingermans. Now an established fixture on the Berk Scene 'Eugene and Laverne' Interiors were both award winning and so crazy there was no end of celebrities wanting their homes ruined by the pair's insanity for an equally insane price. Snotlout paled, his blue eyes widening.

"Teach? Me?" Snotlout asked and then burst out laughing. He continued until he realised he was alone and the smile fell slowly from his even features. "You're serious?"

"Deadly," Tuffnut said. He lived with Ruffnut and Fishlegs in their sprawling farmhouse on the edge of town, though he had joined from his office in the converted pigsty. Interestingly, Fishlegs had insisted on decorating their home so it was a model of Nordic simplicity with clean lines, pale colours and plenty of wood. "Sister Nut, Meatlug and I are sharing the burden-which is fair enough since my sister has partially filled an entire Elementary School on her own..."

"Have not," Ruffnut argued.

"You've had a football team!" Tuff told her.

"I've only had six kids!" Ruff told him hotly, her grey eyes annoyed. She shoved her thick pale blonde braids off her face.

"As I said-a five a side team with one substitute!" Tuff told her, sniggering. He had pale brown eyes with long blond dreadlocks.

"Well, Bjoern is only six months old so he won't be coming on yet," Ruff told him.

"Snotlout-didn't you check your emails?" Fishlegs asked. A serious and kindly man with round face, wide blue-green eyes, pudding-bowl blonde hair and thick moustache, he was the voice of reason in a crazy household. The fact that he was actually a History Teacher meant he was less stressed than anyone.

"Yes. No. Shut up Fishlegs!" Snotlout grumbled, thumbing through his phone. "WHAT? Nonononononononono this is insane. I barely passed school. I can't possibly teach Breadlout!"

"What about Ella?" Ruffnut asked. "She's only five."

"Have you seen what they've put in here?" Snotlout screeched. "There's Math, Reading, a little history, Nature, cooking-I cannot cook at all..."

"You do every year on the barbecue," Ruffnut pointed out.

"Which we all avoid due to the fact the food is charred on the outside and raw inside," Hiccup cut in.

"Yeah-the only person who has less culinary skill is Astrid!" Tuff said blithely as Hiccup frantically waved at him to shut up...but too late, since Astrid was standing behind him. Lithe and poised with her golden hair casually braided over her shoulder and her brilliant blue eyes hurt, Hiccup turned and grasped her hand.

"Milady-it's Tuff..." he said quickly. She sighed.

"I know-but I'm still giving him one of my fairy cakes when he next comes over,-and watching him eat it" she said fiercely as Hiccup sighed. "The caramel ones!" Everyone flinched.

"I think threatening Tuff with a biological weapon at the current time is maybe something we can consider later," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Tuff apologise. NOW." The male twin flinched.

"Okay-sorry A," he said. "I can do up your living room to make up." Hiccup rolled his eyes.

"Make it worse, why don't you?" he groaned. "NO! It took us four months to get it back to normal when you and Ruff decided to surprise us for our tenth anniversary. And I can still smell the shark..."

"Snotlout-you are going to have to step up and teach Breadlout," Astrid told him crisply. "He's only seven."

"Have you seen his Math?" Snotlout whined.

"No-but Zephyr is the year above him so I guess it's easier than hers," Hiccup told him unsympathetically, for he could see Astrid was still upset about the comment on her cooking. The fact she was the worst cook on Berk didn't matter: it still hurt her that despite every effort, she was the culinary equivalent of botulism.

"Hey-you and Fish are teachers-can't you...?" Snotlout whined, pulling off his 'Berk Vikings' cap to reveal messy raven hair and dropping to his knees to beg. Unfortunately, it meant he vanished from the picture completely. "Please please please..." added the disembodied voice.

"No!" Astrid snapped. "I have Zeph and Nuffink to educate as well-and I am a Physical Education Teacher. I don't do classroom teaching. At all."

"Well, Fish..."

"Snotlout-I have five school age children to juggle," Fishlegs said sternly. "Fishnut, Rufflegs, Thor, Genie and Ptolemy are all in different years and it's going to take all three of us to keep them on track. Especially since we have my baby sister Beelegs studying for her AS levels as well since she lives with us now that Mom and Dad have relocated to that retirement village on Darkdeep Isle..."

"Ask Mindy," Astrid advised him shortly. "Hiccup and I will be sharing the load..." Rubbing the back of his neck, Hiccup grimaced.

"Um...I may not be sharing equally," he told her in a self-conscious voice. "I can still work from home and I have those designs I have to turn in and..."

"Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third!" Astrid told him in a furious voice, "you will be getting your scrawny ass down to the kitchen and taking your fair turn at teaching our beautiful children or so help me, you will be sleeping in the yard!"

There was a crash downstairs and dual yells of 'MOM!' from their offspring. Hiccup rolled his eyes as Snotlout popped up again and began to laugh at him.

"Yes, Milady," he sighed.

o0o

"Okay-Day one, Year Two and Year Four Math..." Astrid told her children. She had woken them at usual school tome, got them dressed and fed and cleaned up-and then they had settled in the extension that doubled as the dining area and family room. "Have you got your tablets?"

"Mine's at 1%," Nuffink said immediately. Astrid frowned.

"Why?"

"I was playing Asgard Warrior all yesterday evening," he said with a happy grin. Sturdy and bold, his blond hair stuck up crazily like his father's and they shared the same clear emerald eyes.

"And you forgot to plug it in to charge even when I told you to?" Astrid asked him pointedly. He nodded.

"Sorry, Mom," he admitted as she gestured.

"Get your charger and the extension cable and I'll plug it in," she told him. Then she turned to her daughter. "Is yours charged?"

"Yes, Mom," Zephyr said. Only a shade taller than her brother and a little more slightly built, Zephyr was serious and bright, her thick auburn hair braided in a thick plait and her bright blue eyes mirroring her mother's. Astrid took a deep breath.

"Okay-while Fink is running around like a herd of yaks getting his charger, can you open your lesson please?" she asked. Nodding, Zephyr logged into the school portal and clicked on her name. But when she clicked on the lesson icon, nothing happened. She tried again.

"It's not working," she said quietly. Then she logged out and back in again-but with the same result. Frowning, Astrid fished out her phone and repeated the action, with the same result.

"Right," she growled and dialled the help number. Zephyr watched as she stood there, a fist planted on her hip as Fink raced back in and handed his charger to his mother. Then he caught sight of her face and sat back down. Still scowling, she plugged his tablet into the extension cord and checked it was charging. Then she nodded. "Hello? This is Mrs Haddock...yes, I have Year 2 and Year 4 students and I can't open the lesson plans. No, I've tried..." She glared at Fink who opened his tablet as well and clicked on his assignment. "Well, they have tablets and you specified that the children only needed tablets, not laptops. No, I can't magically buy two laptops for my children-nor should I have to. The school specified tablets only. No, you're being unreasonable." She gestured to the children. "Go and play on the climbing frame. Fink-if you get covered in mud, I'm taking Toothy away." The boy sagged and ran out as Astrid strode through the house to find her laptop.

"You okay?" Hiccup asked, poking his head from his office in the roof. She scowled and he retreated swiftly. She plopped down and logged in.

"No, it won't open on my laptop either," she said. Then she frowned. "What do you mean, I have to switch off all parental controls and drop my firewall? What the Helheim have you put in this package? No, of course I'm not going to! You need to reissue the pack in a form that can be downloaded or accessed from a tablet by a child. Yes, I am being calm!"

Hiccup, who had been alerted by the shouting, paused at the doorway.

"Yes, I expect the lessons to be available later today and accessible. Or I am calling the School Board. No, I do understand how trying it is because I'm a fricking teacher myself! But how can I do the lessons if you don't send me the work?"

Hiccup was cringing back because he was fairly sure the hapless teacher could hear without the benefit of the phone. He backed away.

"No, I will expect it by this afternoon!" Astrid yelled and threw the phone down, snapping her computer shut. Taking his life in his hands, he poked his head round the door.

"Trouble, Milady?" he asked gently as she collapsed back.

"Yes," she sighed. "I can't do the lessons without the lessons. Why would I need to drop parental controls to let the attachment download?" He walked to her side and took her hand.

"Makes you wonder what she put in there," he sighed as he frowned. "Kids?" Her eyes snapped open.

"They're on the climbing frame..." she began and then heard a scream. They both rushed to the window.

"Make that the mud," Hiccup commented. "I'll run the baths. You go fish them out. When they're cleaned and polished and dressed again, I'll get them drawing or maybe tell a story..."

"They're not kindergarten!" Astrid told him. He winked.

"A story of our amazing and bloody and scary Viking past?" he asked her. "History and Viking Culture, all rolled into one..." She smiled at him, the tension leaving her shoulders.

"That's a plan!" she said

o0o

She was able to do a yoga workout while Hiccup took the kids for painting and then told them a story about Berk's violent Viking past. In fact, she found herself leaning against the doorpost, a smile on her lips as he wove the tale, doing voices for the main protagonists and making sure the children understood the main points of the tale. Finally, when he had finished, she walked in.

"Okay, kids-you've been sitting down for a little while so it's time to work off some energy!" she announced and took them outside onto the decking for some skipping, jumping and running. At least she was in her comfort zone as a PE teacher and as she ran the children around, she was smiling as well.

Afterwards, she took them for their spelling which had her frowning.

"Dystopian?" she read in surprise.

"D-Y-S-T-O-P-I-A-N..." Zephyr instantly spelled.

"Calligraphy?" she murmured.

"C-A-L-L-I-G-R-A-P-H-Y," Fink spelled slowly.

"What the Helheim happened to House, Mouse, Garden and Village?" Astrid asked, looking at the list of words. "I'm not sure I can spell all of these without a long run-up and a following wind..." She looked at the list and blinked. "Fundamentalism? Psittacosis? Tautology? Is this your spelling homework? At six and eight?" The kids grinned.

"Mr Throk always says that his students have to be able to spell any word so they can make themselves understood..." Zephyr piped up.

"And we have to be able to read to soak up the knowledge of the world," Fink added.

"Ah yes..." Astrid said, looking at the next item on the list. "Reading. Phonics." She frowned. "What the Helheim are phonics?"

"How to read," Zephyr told her as if it was obvious. "I did it as well."

"Yeah, but I didn't have to teach it..." Astrid commented, searching on her phone. "Phonemes? Graphemes? Trigraphs? What the...?"

"Mom looks stressed," the girl whispered to her brother. Fink nodded.

"I think we may end up going for our walk soon," he guessed.

"Your Dad can do that bit," Astrid decided. "Okay-grab your coats. Time for our daily walk." Then she turned to the door. "HICCUP! I've got a job for you..."

o0o

They returned an hour and a bit later to find Hiccup slumped in his chair with his head resting on the table. His computer was open in front of him, as well as both he children's tablets and several sheets of paper.

"I don't understand it,' he moaned. "I have three degrees and I have no idea what this means! What was wrong with A is for Apple?"

"Apparently we are complete dinosaurs and A is for Apple went out with the caveman and VHS videotapes," Astrid told him, putting the kettle on. "I think it's time for lunch." Hiccup slowly raised his head and groaned.

"So what have we achieved so far as teachers?" he asked defeatedly.

"I've had an argument with their teacher," Astrid added.

"We've an extra load of washing," Hiccup added.

"You told a great story about Grimbeard the First," Astrid told him loyally.

"And you decided their spelling class was at University level," he pointed out.

"And neither of us have managed their math, reading or much spelling," she sighed.

"But on the plus side, they've had a load of exercise and an extra bath," he told her, rising to take her hands and pull her against his body. She leaned against him and allowed him to kiss the top of her head as they heard the thunder of approaching feet.

"I wonder how Snotlout is getting on," she sighed.

o0o

"This morning we are definitely going to be trying the Math pack," Astrid announced. She had already started the morning with her energy-burning workout, using the principal that if the children were exhausted, then maybe they would be less easily distracted. Predictably, she was met with groans and Nuffink hitting his head on the table repeatedly.

"Math is so hard," he moaned. His mother frowned.

"But you're a smart kid-you both are-and your Dad taught you basic Math before you went to school," Astrid argued.

"But they do Math differently at school," Fink protested. "They were trying to explain to us about adding and taking away with a clothes hanger and some pegs. And to understand fractions I have to tear up sticky paper..."

"Yeah, they did that with us," Zephyr added. "Mom-have you got any coloured paper...?" Astrid blinked.

"Um...no?" she said, thrown.

"I think he's going to need four oranges, a knife and some sliced bread for the next bit," Zephyr said, thinking hard. Her mother stared at her.

"Actually, I printed out some worksheets that your teachers sent through so you can do some easy work before we have to introduce new things..." she said and handed the sheets over. Fink grinned and grabbed a pencil as his sister sorted carefully through her black fluffy pencil case and pulled out a pen-one of those with twelve different colours in it-and carefully cycled through the colours, trying each in turn until she settled on the dark purple and turned to her work. Meanwhile, Fink was scanning his work. He held it up.

"Mom-why is Tom buying 34 pineapples?" he asked.

"He what?" Astrid asked.

"Why is Tom buying 34 pineapples?" Fink insisted. Blinking, Astrid glanced over his shoulder at the questions.

"I'm sure he's not...what?" Then she shook her head. "First oranges and bread-now pineapples. Is this Home Ec or Math?"

"Why doesn't Tom just have a pineapple tree to make all the pineapples?" her son insisted. She shook her head.

"I think that may be Home Ec...or maybe Nature class," she muttered.

"Couldn't he get them in a can?" Zephyr asked helpfully.

"Okay-I am not touching that with a ten foot bargepole. Go and ask your father! He knows all the science stuff." Sighing, Fink clambered up and headed for the stairs.

"DAD! MOM SAID YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS MATH TO ME!" Then Zephyr looked up.

"Mom-can you explain how this problem works?" she asked politely, her big blue eyes mirroring her mother's.

"Father!" Astrid snapped and walked over to the fridge. As her daughter went yelling up the stairs, she pulled out a bottle of Pino Grigio. "This never happened in my Dodgeball classes," she muttered as she unscrewed the top.

o0o

"Hiccup Horrendous Haddock-get your scrawny ass out of the bathroom!"

Hiccup was sure the neighbours could hear his wife yelling as he cowered in the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the bath. He had been right earlier: he had three degrees with another Masters Thesis awaiting approval by the Academic Senate at Berk U but the problems his children had been set were unclear, confusing and quite frankly...he was flummoxed. Maybe not as much as his cousin-who had texted Hiccup nineteen times since the previous evening begging for help with Math-but it was worrying. He thought he was good at Math-as an engineer and designer, he had a solid basis-but he was already doubting he would be able to help his kids even to the end of Elementary School. His head was spinning with the efforts of helping both his children with their work. Astrid banged her fist on the door.

"Hiccup-you need to come out of there!" she insisted.

"No!" he said.

"Your daughter has some more questions about her Math homework!"

He shuddered.

"NO!"

"You can't stay in the bathroom forever!"

"Yes I can-it's lovely and warm, I have water, soft fluffy towels and a bath to sleep in..." he called back.

"I'll starve you out!"

"You wouldn't-you know I'm already a walking fishbone!" he shot back. "You know the kids would feed me..."

Astrid growled and he knew that he'd hit the mark. His children would smuggle Viking Burgers in to him...though he would probably end up the size of a house...or worse, his father...

"You cannot stay in there forever!" Astrid shouted.

"I only have to stay until they Graduate!" he shot back. "Only another twelve years..."

She kicked the door.

"Hiccup-I need to use the bathroom!" she told him tightly. "Don't make me get my axe again..."

He gulped. He had accidentally locked himself inside the bathroom when the door lock broke once-the Astrid was pregnant with Fink-and she had axed the door down in under a minute. When Astrid needed the bathroom, a wise man didn't get in her way.

"I'll be out in a second," he said, rising quietly and going to the window, then carefully opening it wide. Delicately, he moved the ornaments from the windowsill onto the cabinet and put the lid down on the toilet. Then he very quietly flipped the lock on the door. "I'm coming out!" he called.

Astrid stared at the door for a moment, but it didn't open. Huffing, she unfolded her arms and then wrenched it open-to see the bathroom empty, the window wide open and a footprint on the toilet seat. She raced to the window to see Hiccup falling off the roof into the holly bush.

"GET BACK HERE!" she yelled and headed for the stairs. "You are NOT leaving me with the children!"

"I'm going for my daily exercise!" he yelled, frantically pulling holly leaves from his wild auburn hair. "I'll be back in two hours!"

"It's only ONE hour!" she yelled at him.

"I missed yesterday!" he retorted and sprinted for the road. "See you later!"

o0o

When Hiccup arrived back, there were two fire engines outside the house with firefighters in full face masks going in and out. Eyes wide, he sprinted for the open door as a fireman walked out, a tray with several burning objects welded to it.

"Its the third one today,' he sighed through his mask, dropping the offending object onto the drive and blasting it with a short burst from the hose. It skittered across the drive, then embedded into the holly tree. "Bloody quarantine. Suddenly everyone thinks they're a Michelin-starred baker!"

"Um...what happened?" Hiccup asked worriedly, peering past the fireman. The man raised a hand reassuringly.

"Very common-just a baking related accident..." the fireman said. Hiccup blinked and glanced at the baking tray embedded in the tree.

"My best baking tray..." he mouthed and then sprinted into the house. Astrid, Zephyr and Fink were all totally grimy with smoke and looking perplexed. "What happened?' he asked as he saw them. "Are you alright?" The kids ran into his arms and he hugged them tightly, before rising to wrap the shame-faced Astrid in a hug and pressing an urgent kiss on her lips. She nodded.

"I thought I'd just take the kids through simple baking...and then I found the recipe for rock cakes online so I took them through it...I just don't understand why they caught fire..." There was bewilderment in her voice. He kissed her again to vomiting sounds from his offspring.

"BLEURGH!" they both yelled.

"You're Astrid," he told her. "You have the same effect on cooking as a blowtorch does on ice cream." She sniffed.

"I knew there was too much golden syrup,' she grumbled.

"Rock cakes never have it in," he murmured. Her eyes slammed open.

"Then what did we make?" she asked him.

"Flaming volcanoes," he said and sighed. "Okay-new plan. You and the kids get cleaned up. I will make some food that isn't on fire and then the kids can read while you go for a run. And then the afternoon practical will be cleaning the kitchen. Top to bottom. By hand. Tomorrow, I will explain how volcanoes work-and then we can make one tomorrow afternoon. You can do spelling. I'll do History. I'm sure there is an online vid on the Phonics thing. And no one is touching Math with a bargepole..."

"Oh thank Thor..." Astrid sighed. She pecked a kiss on his cheek. "I love you-you know that?" He grinned, his emerald eyes sparkling.

"Can I have that in writing-especially the next time you want to axe me to bits?' he asked sassily and she kissed him once more.

"Come on kids!" she called. "We need to clean you up again!"

"Methinks we never have this many showers at school," Fink grumbled as they trudged upstairs once more.

o0o

"Hiccup-why are the front windows completely painted out?" Astrid-red, sweating and looking mildly windswept from a 10km run-was glowering at her husband as she stood in the main living room. She had noted the main windows onto the drive from the 'rumpus' room at the front were completely covered in paints with various attempts at rainbows filling every window. The furniture had been pushed back and the floor covered with an old sheet, the curtains tied carefully back. Grinning broadly with green and red paint smudged on his cheeks, Hiccup was looking triumphant.

"Well, I thought we needed some art for 'Clap for Carers' so we've been painting rainbows-haven't we kids?" Both children-liberally smudged, daubed and otherwise covered in paint-flung their arms up into the air.

"YAY!" they both yelled, both knocking over their paint pots.

"Dad was awesome!" Fink told her eagerly. "He drew the best rainbows. He even filled up the upper little windows..."

"Oh he did, did he?" Astrid asked sharply as Hiccup gulped. Fink nodded happily.

"Traitor," Hiccup mumbled as his son pointed to the right hand large pane of glass.

"That one is mine!" Astrid noted a wobbly brightly coloured square rainbow surrounded by black stars.

"That's mine!" Zephyr added, tugging Astrid's arm and leaving a fluorescent pink handprint on her sleeve. A beautiful rainbow with 17 colours filled another large window pane.

"Those are beautiful, kids," Astrid told them, forcing a smile. "Do you want to go and clean your hands now without touching anything on the way to the washroom?" They nodded, hearing the note of command in her voice. Hiccup backed up a pace.

"I'm dead, aren't I?" he said after reading her face.

"The only thing that is saving your life, mister, is that if I killed you, I would have to look after these two hurricanes on my own for Thor knows how long," she growled. He backed up another pace and waved his paint-splashed hands.

"And afterwards?" he asked.

"Afterwards, I am forcing you to extend the patio and then you are toast..." she told him. He swallowed.

"I'm going to have to do the Math, aren't I?" he asked faintly She gave a very evil grin.

"Oh yes..." she said. "And was the sheets and the carpet and the curtains and all the clothes and get the top windows clean so we can get some natural light in here..." He sighed.

"Yes, Astrid."

o0o

By Friday afternoon, Hiccup was considering a change of career to a hermit and Astrid had drafted seven resignation letters as a PE teacher because she was so ashamed at her abject performance as a home educator. The kids were getting two PE sessions a day as well as a long walk or run with their mother while Hiccup had been promoted to English, Spelling, Reading, Math, History, Geography, Nature and Viking Culture teacher. He was trying to make lessons interesting and practical while making them fun and not destroying the house.

Of course the Nature Class had been a bit of a failure as well. Hiccup had asked them to go and find some creepy-crawlies for them to look at under the microscope he had in his den and had given them half an hour to find some and trap them in a couple of old take-out containers. His kids had responded by digging up about a hundred earthworms and presenting them in a huge squirming and muddy pile on the table...in Astrid's (actually Hiccup's) favourite saucepan. Astrid's scream could be heard in the next street and Hiccup was certain he would have to immerse the pan in bleach for a week before he would want to use it again (if ever).

Astrid had decided that her lessons-apart from being designed to exhaust her charges-were going to be practical, so the kids were helping her garden, tidy up and fold the washing. That hadn't gone immediately well and who could forget the sock battle, where they had balled up and thrown every sock in the house at each other. Three ornaments, a vase and Hiccup's toy dragon had all been casualties and the kids had been send out to run around the garden eight times while their frazzled parents had reunited every pair.

"Okay...it's Friday afternoon and we're beaten," Hiccup sighed as he watched the kids hurdle Astrid's golden retriever Stormfly while his black lab, Toothless, was racing around after them. "That it should come to this. Two capable, intelligent and very stubborn adults...completely crushed by a six and an eight year old." He slumped over the table, his head buried in his arms.

"And worse-they're trying to go along with it," Astrid sighed. "With their unique Haddock twist..."

"My fault," Hiccup confessed. "Always my fault."

"Acknowledged," Astrid replied, kissing him on the cheek. "Still love you though."

"Snotlout was struggling," Hiccup said to cheer her up. She nodded.

"Look-we can have pizzas delivered tonight and then we can sit them in front of a movie and drink lots of wine and think about sneaking out and running away," Astrid suggested.

"We'd be dragged back," Hiccup told her glumly. "No prison could be worse..."

"They're not that bad," Astrid told him. "You Drama Queen!"

"You're a Valkyrie-and you can still do what you're best at," he reminded her. "But me? Oh, I'm doomed."

"We're back!" Fink yelled as they both jumped.

"GAH!" Hiccup yelped. But Astrid smiled.

"Pizza Night tonight!" she announced. "You wanna get the menu from Sven's Viking Pizza?"

"YAY!"

"Mine's an ultra meaty extra hot Thor's Hammer with rocket," Hiccup mumbled.

"I know," Astrid sighed. "I'll do the order-you find the film."

o0o

Later that evening, when the kids were in bed and both of them were on their second bottle, they got a call from Snotlout on FaceTime.

"How're ya doing?" he asked, grinning and swigging his beer. The couple sighed.

"Exhausted," Hiccup confessed. "You?"

"Piece of cake!" Snotlout said smugly. They shared a look.

"What?" they said in unison. The stocky man laughed over the connection.

"But...how?" Astrid spluttered.

"I just sit him in front of the computer, make him do the work, watch the online exercise daily session and anything else we can find and then play on his V-Box," he confessed. "And of course we play in the garden-football, soccer, basketball..."

"What...you just plop him in front of the computer all day?" Hiccup asked, aghast. "What about Ella?"

"Plenty online for her as well-and then she gets to watch Little Vikings Network," Snotlout shrugged. "No need to stress..." Exhausted, Hiccup forced a small smile.

"Well done, Snot," he said, his teeth gritted. "Speak to you tomorrow!" He cut the connection.

"Unbelievable," Astrid seethed. "He's just left them to it..." Hiccup looked up.

"And I bet his oven wasn't in flames, his front sitting room covered in paint and the pair of them on the verge of nervous breakdowns," Hiccup sighed and leaned his head back on the sofa. Astrid curled her legs up under her and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"No-but then his kids aren't ours," she reminded him. "Breadlout is a mini Snot and Ella takes after Mindy. They'll be fine..."

"And so will we," he told her, wrapping his arm around her. "Love you." She looked up, her big blue eyes meeting his.

"You still want another?' she asked him coyly. They both glanced automatically at the kitchen table, still laden with 'school' stuff. His face twisted in a grimace at the thought of the Math.

"Only if I never have to teach him anything," he said. "Ever. Pass the wine, Milady!"

The End.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Good luck and Stay Safe to all! -harrypanther