Music: Rimsky-Korsakov, Scheherazade

Coffee: Too sweet

Air Quality: Awesome

Life: Uplifted

Mood: Victorious

Music is playing a major and crucial part in my healing today. It places me elsewhere in my mind, improves my mood and decreases my anxiety. Thus music is helping me. It's seeping soul deep and dragging the darkness out by its tail and forcing light upon it. It's searching the depths of my mind for holes to fill and allowing my heart to act as a speaker throughout my life and I think... Yes-I need more of this, this simple and beautiful thing to embrace.

There was a time when I looked on much of my life in disappointment - upset that I was not the parent that I thought my friends were, feeling the sting of rejection in my marriage and brought to my knees by workforce woes. I thought abject failure was going to be a pattern in my life forever. And I thought in those terms - but I had to solidify myself where I stood. No one lives FOREVER. That was a plus to me and no one constantly experiences life on a painful level all the time. Sure there are those with less than you have, going through way more than you've ever been through...but even those folks find love, peace and beauty in the simplest things life has to offer.

At this point in my existence, I refuse to look on my life as a failure - that is not an option for me as I've overcome too much in such a short amount of time, seen too much of God's interaction and have felt so much of his Grace flow through me that I can only believe that He works. I've even seen the devil crippled at what the Lord has allowed me to do and in that - I am victorious.

"Failure is not an option." That's right; we don't get to choose what lessons are handed to us. We just have to be open enough to learn from them, even if we fail from doing so. #Victory What I mean is - every battle is designed for you to be victorious in some way or another.

It seems like we live in trial and error, testing this out to see if this works and then trying that because this didn't work- then implementing a plan to keep that from happening again. The scales of our lives slide in either direction and to our benefit if we look at it that way. Victory is when you see that the scales tip in your favor every time...not just because of your interaction but because they are. Our errors, failures and rejections are there to teach us what to do, how to handle things and the good that comes from it.

I know people hate these things on here...but this was the best way to sum up what I've learned over past experiences, a list. Everything that happened yesterday is in the past...hell, everything that happened an hour ago is in the past- as long as you learn from it, you are on the right track.

Personal Victories

- Stated my position without having to explain, there is often no need to

- Didn't buckle after making my statement

- Received an apology

- Now know the amount of trust to be extended to certain people

- Boundaries are set

- Did not back down

- Know the importance of true friendships

- See a clear path to the future

- Focused on in living in the present

- Know what I don't want

- Praising the Lord for His guidance and allowing me to see His vision

- Stronger than I was before, thanks to God

- Feeling epic. Like I've climbed and conquered a huge mountain in my life

- Learning how to get through my bouts with depression, schizoaffective and anxiety

- On a personal note: kicked anxiety in the ass the other day by heading it off at the pass and not giving it room to manifest into a physical situation (cramping, heaviness, debilitating pain)

I'm in a better place today and am watching the effects of my decisions unfold and I have to say that I am quite pleased. Less mess equals less stress and honey, there are truly days when you have choose what will benefit you. (a me or you type of thing) Am I going to look out for myself or let you have the upper hand? Ask yourself this question, weigh your pros and cons then see if you don't pick yourself every time. It's alright to be selfish where your mental, physical and emotional health is concerned. People will opt out of taking care to be kind which is why you have to remember to be kind to yourself. I wouldn't tell this if weren't the truth. Experience has led me this far and if I can impart some of that on others, then I will. So take it as some advice you can even tell people: Ty told me to tell you that I come first! And I will back that up with paperwork and a foot if need be. I'm not above telling life to shape up or ship out and right now life is shaping up. (I'm telling ya it works, make it work for you too.)

I'm gearing up for National Novel Writer's Month and I'm going to write a story that my friends have expressed interest in reading. I hope I can pull it off...the story is already setting itself up in my mind and a friend has asked to be a character in it. I chuckled and asked him if he was sure...people tend to die in my stories. But he said yes so...I have at least one character down. It will be fiction with real life issues- relationship issues. My closest friend wants it to be like juicy gossip...I have no idea what she means LOL Actually laughing out loud, I got out of the practice of gossiping but I hear it from time to time and I see what goes on, on Facebook. It is the comedy behind the tragedy that drives that thing I guess...people post EVERYTHING. I post some personal stuff too but I'm not going to go in to detail about it. I guess much of my research can be caught simply from observing what goes on there. I'll keep doing my own research, there are tons of news stories for me to read on the subject and public records as well.

I love that my mind is finally allowing me to focus on the things that matter and not the things that I can't change. I'll take that and any other small blessings I can get. I'm working on moving past my anger because I've heard it said that holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent free in your head (an internet meme). I agree and I can't afford the cost of that. I have to let things go and heal from this point on. It's the best thing for me to do.

Here I go blossoming, blooming and living. I hope you all are able to do the same. Anger is such a destructive force that rules and it ruins people's lives. I will say here that before I let another person or situation make me that angry again that I will first place all my cares and burdens at the Lord's feet. I will lay them at the altar - because I know then that they will be taken care of. It's the only thing that makes sense to me in this life. I know that if I can't handle it, He can and that in itself is speaking victory over my life.

So I will end this with something to think about because I like to give the Lord His due if nothing else...In the moments I have felt small and not even an inkling in someone's eye - the Lord has looked on me with his eyes and has seen me in my life size. When people have doubted me and mistrusted me for no reason at all - the Lord, God gave me peace and his trust by making me a steward of His gifts and when the world threatened to swallow me whole - He plucked me out of the world's hands and placed me in His, never to be taken away from Him. I like love all that he is, all that he has made me and all that I will become because I think know that he isn't done with me yet. And for that I am yet again, blessed with Victory.

I hope you all are having a wonderful day and are achieving, increasing and meaningful in all that you do. May your burdens be light, may light cascade in shafts through your darkest hours and may peace be the comfort you clothe yourself in. May His healing fill your hearts, your bodies, your minds and your souls.

Thank you for reading :)