Every actor and actress needs to be able to quote a bit of Shakespeare at some point in their career. Alas, that is all the Shakespeare I know and one other short line from Much Ado About Nothing – "He called me an ass!" My favorite line performed by Michael Keaton coincidentally. LOL All the world's a stage and all that...

So...I was in a play called The Old Ship of Zion this past Saturday and it went well. We had a few mishaps here and there with people who missed their cues or weren't ready for their roles...and one girl who forgot all her lines and decided to take herself out of the play but it all went well. None of our parts hinged on her role so the cover up was seamless. We sent in the choir to sing in her place. People in the audience were none the wiser. It caused the director a small headache as this was her baby but we survived and did an amazing job with what we had to work with.

So I played an old woman who was part of a choir that dies in a drive by shooting and a drug addict that condemns herself to hell and is notified by St. Peter that hell is not her destination. The first role opened up the play and was very playful and light hearted. I ad-libbed the entire thing. But the second role which came later in the play – was from a script and was very emotional I cried in that role. Real tears Out of fear, connection with the character and my own personal demons swarming around in my head. It all went into the character. I had a hard time calming down afterward. No tears in heaven so I had to suck up those tears and put on a smile and be happy that I made it onto the ship to heaven.

All was well. I wish I could figure out how to get a video clip of the performance, I'd post it here. Sigh...not as tech savvy as I thought. If I can get it I'll post it in a future post.

In other news...yesterday was mental health Monday – and I saw my therapist. We talked about Saturday's performance and about how I felt crying and all the thoughts I had while crying. Self-condemning thoughts...unhealthy things that just kind of spiraled but what helped the tears stop aide of me telling myself that I needed to was what St. Peter had to say to my character. "You are approved by God, do not enter heaven with a heavy heart young one – your Father knows all and sees all." I let that sink into me. God has approved of me, he has validated me, chosen me, called me and justified me. I am his. The tears let up and I could feel that heaviness in my heart lighten up.

You guys should know- that I failed drama class in high school and math. LOL But like everything else in my life – I got better at it with time and age. Pretending is what I do – I have to do that to write these stories and to come up with creative ideas for other things. But art imitated life for a little while Saturday, I was that woman and she was me.

Before I went on – I went off by myself and prayed. I asked the Lord to make his presence known in the room. I asked that he walk down that aisle with me and that my words touch those hearts that needed it. It was an amazing feeling knowing that my prayers were answered. After the play I had people coming up to me and praising me for my performance. A few said they cried with me. That was all I could hope for. So Nichelle and I talked about that as well.

She gave me a scripture that says "No condemnation." To help abate those self-defeating thoughts. Romans 8:1 – "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." She told me to take heart and to know that nothing I do or have done can separate me from God's love. A timely message. I feel better after having given my all in that role for that moment. I left it all on the floor of that stage and walked out a new person. Two years ago, when we performed this play – my role as the drug addict was much different. It was one of gratitude. Happy to be going, reflection on my life and glad to be in the arms of the Lord. I don't know what happened along the way – but there was a definite evolution of my character and even of my mindset. Things are a bit deeper than they were before. Before there was just surface emotion – this go around was a stark contrast. I like that it happened the way it did. I like that I felt compelled to become the character in the manner that I did and I like that I connected so severely with her that it brought me to tears.

It was a good show all around.

So now that the play is over – now it's time to get back to writing. I have a lot of catching up to do on various projects. I feel as though I have abandoned things and that they are collecting dust in my mind and in my computer. That's no good. Gotta get back to it. Gotta finish something – anything! This novel is begging for my attention and so is that western! I've been seeing all these great films on television. Pale Rider, Tombstone, The Quick and the Dead (Sharon Stone and Leo!), Wyatt Earp...just really good films that have been driving my imagination and making me want to get it done. I don't have much left to write on it. It's just time to get back in the saddle and make the magic happen.

Today's plans – feed the imagination, take notes and think about a way to pull it all together. But first – I need nourishment. I might as well have an IV drip for coffee since that's all I seem to consume lately. I need food! Off to sandwich town!

Be blessed in whatever you do, whoever you are and wherever you are going. If you find yourself unwelcome in the place of your destination – shake the dust from your feet and keep it moving. They'll love you elsewhere a lot more than that place, be more receptive and more open to the likes of you. What is one person's loss is another person's gain...

Thank you and thanks for reading!