It was an awesome day as I predicted. I kept my appointment with my therapist as usual and we had a ball together! I love making her laugh and she enjoys our visits like I do. Today we talked about - Confirmation. I'll explain this later.

The first thing we did and I love that we do this with each session was pray. We open up in prayer and invite the Lord to be a part of my healing process, to give us wisdom and to bless us in all that we do. This in itself is healing for me and even moreso knowing that my therapist isn't just there for my mental health but my spiritual health as well.

Q. Well Ty, if you are going to talk about your spiritual health, why not just see your pastor?

Good question - my Pastor is only able to give me three counseling sessions per her rules. We can discuss anything but I chose a faith based professional to help me with the things I needed to discuss and go through.

Q. Ah...well what could she possibly do and say that your Pastor can't?

Another good question ...my therapist can direct me through my healings of my traumas - all of them. She is specially trained to do so and that's what I need. While my pastor can pray for me and she does by the way, My therapist can also back up that prayer with practices for me to use.

Q. Last question - why are you asking yourself questions and answering them...isn't that crazy?

Well...yes. Yes it is.

But you get where I'm coming from in doing so- just questions that you as readers might have in mind, I'm trying to field those. Like FAQs! I love FAQs...I know that weird but we all get our kicks one way or another.

So the next thing we did was update each other on developments and things that are coming up - me in my life and she in her practice. I love hearing about the new and interesting things that she'll be doing and soon that we'll be doing together. I will be going through another type of therapy in January called the EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). When I know more about this awesome treatment, you will too. Right now I'm told that it is light therapy (with actual lights) and will target left and right brain activities - and the traumas that are stuck in the middle. Yes there is a middle. So I'm excited to be doing this soon.

After that we discussed this very memoir. She is excited and pleased that I am recording my experiences with mental illness and asked for an update. Now I have gave her the link to it so hopefully she'll stop by and see for herself what's been going on here.

(If you are reading- Hellooooooo, from the interwebs J Welcome and please read and vote on everything! Haha.)

I told her that my work is my play and my play is my healing. She loved that enough to scribble it down. In that moment the word Confirmation was spoken. So let me explain this as best I can.

I have experienced the phenomena of receiving a yes from the Lord, God Almighty several times - how do I know? It's like this, I'll have an issue or something I've been praying on and someone else will mention the same exact thing in a positive way. These things have happened in the presence of my friends, from my therapist and from family members (my No's are the same as well). It happened that yesterday a friend told me to get myself published and share with the world my writings. She believes me to have some talent at this here thing and said I that should give it a try. Well I have been messing around with the idea of going to a traditional publisher for my writing for quite some time now but I have fear - not exactly of failing but of succeeding! I know it's weird. I've talked to people about it and they don't understand it any more than I do.

So I get these confirmations through the lips of others and I believe that it is God speaking through them - especially when I hear it more than 2 or 3 times. It's enough to push me forward and do the things I want and need to do. I pay attention to things like this - why? Well, who couldn't use a little divine help. If God is speaking to me through my friends and associates then who am I to ignore his wishes, his will and his want for my life. Now I don't always have this happen - it's important that I state that. Sometimes I take that as God is silent and waiting on me to act on what I know I should do. Other times I'm so deep into a subject with the people in my life that I take no notice and make no mistake about it - your doctors, your lawyers, your therapist and psychiatrists are a part of your life which is why you should select them with care. These are people who will get to know you intimately. Trust me.

But this is a good thing for me. It lets me know that those around me care about what I'm doing, they want to see me succeed and that they are cheering me on to do the thing that I love to do. I don't always need this thing to know when to do something - I know what it is I want to do and have to do. Sometimes I'm driven by sheer will to get something done ...like the start of this memoir. Now whether or not this is what the Lord wanted, I don't know but I do know that he is using this to reach people and that's awesome.

And on another note - I am going to join Nanowrimo (National Novel Writers Month) in November - it's where you get one full month, the entire month of November to write a novel. I've participated before and won! Winning is completion and I completed Of Flesh and Blood with Nanowrimo...I bring this up because - this memoir has been training me for those days to come. My posts have been anywhere from 800 to 1000+ words. The word count you should meet for Nano is about 1700 words a day. I have been doing this with each of these posts or near that. If I had an everyday schedule - I'd be in tip top shape for November. Also, the posts to my other stories help as well. Now - I could draw the parallel but I don't feel that I have to.

God just does what he does and we just watch it all unfold before us like closed flowers under a spring sun - they will open to meet the life giving rays of the sun. I love how he works and prepares us for the things that he has ahead of us. I couldn't ask for more attention to detail than this.

So my confirmation of whether or not I should publish is one that has been given to me. No question about it -I just have to get over this ridiculous fear. I mean, I'm somewhat published right? I've put my work on public display for consumption and people are reading. So what should I fear?

I'll speak to my fear - I fear changing and becoming something that I'm not. I don't fear rejection, that is probably inevitable but what I do fear is the thing that happens to people when they have too much. I hope to be kept busy writing and doing what I'm doing now which is reaching out to people.

I'll tell you another secret. Come closer ...I secretly want to be a speaker; someone that will reach people where they live and deliver services to them. Speak about my experiences with this thing and hopefully bring some ease to other's situations, show them that they can get through it - be a face that they can connect with.

There are serious social stigmas on mental illness that I hope one day to break. It is something I've been wanting to do - even before I knew I was living with it. My experience with mental illness is a deep one and I want to share that with people. So I have a push, what next? Well...I guess I scope out publishers that might be accepting new talent, broaden my view - look to other countries as well?? Or self -publish? I think for now - at this moment, I should focus on some writing - what it is I want best to represent me. What do you think? Can I keep this memoir up for a year? *shrugs*

I should at least work on a submission letter. No harm in that. I might find that I'm good at it. *crosses fingers*

Out of the blue - I wish I'd kept up my ability to draw- it's been so long since I've done it. It would be so much easier to come up images for this thing instead of scouring the interwebs for the images I have in my head- though, some come awfully frikkin close to what I have in mind. It's things like that - that likeness that makes me think there have to be more people like me to reach out and talk to. For that simple reason right there. Like mindedness is awesome but never in large groups- then they flash mob! I'm being silly. I'm hungry and my eyes are tired - so I shall end here to stop the rambling.

I thank you for your time in reading this- if you made it to the end....

Congratulations!!!! You now know a little more about the author than maybe you should know??? Nah - there's nothing bad up there. All good things - just like this day. There should be virtual cookies you can give to people that make it to the end of a reading on Wattpad.

Oh gods of Wattpad of the Internetz - please bless these lovely people with cookies. Also, my mobile notifications need your attention. Thank you - I sacrifice five virgin pages of notebook paper in your honor.

LMAO

Thanks for reading and have a good night - I need food and sleep!

(PS- the next Update will be titled The Building Fund, I know it makes no sense but I will try to make it, make sense...I Promise.)