Music: Moments in Love – Art of Noise

Drink: Hot Apple Cider

Air Quality: Cold

Mood: Yearning

Mind: Calm

Activity: Soul Searching

I thought I had a handle on where it all came from. The thoughts and feelings...even the ideas and creativity. I don't. Things slip by me or fall by the way side and all I can do is pick up the pieces because the structure of my life has seen better days and allowing the foolishness to continue or allow it to stay...is madness and I'm through with sadness.

So I try to find a way to get a grip and lace up my shoes, turn off the crooning to the soundtrack of blues and hope something within me shakes loose. There is no control to be had – it's all on a superficial plane and I'm trying control what's in front of me and hope never to meet opposition again. All a hope and a dream, something made in the whispers of my prayers on things that are unseen. Faith and the ability to soar over the adversaries and their plots, banking and twisting – ducking dodging to miss their shots. Allowing Grace to take me on a mission that was set way before I could stand – to walk this path with the Master who has my hand and I understand.

It's not about what I remove from the structure in this game I play – its whether or not I pick myself up after the pieces fall or can find strength to stand firm and not sway ...under the force of the cold winds of change that blow in my direction. To stand and know that it will all pass instead of seeking an objection. There is correction in the movements that I make now, this knowledge was given to me on how to make my weight press the earth with my steps and how to make to take the little I have to use it all until there is nothing left – to increase and gain a power within that will outshine the sun and how to make my enemies fall and stumble then turn tail and run.

See the problem was never about letting go because the blues have sang their last note and the troubles are far from my home – it was whether or not I could stand still long enough to know that even when I felt lonely, that I was never alone. The problem was never about happiness or the joy to be had in my life, it was never about who would come on what day and tried to take away all that was left in me – my fight.

Overcoming an invisible foe is about relaxing yourself in your stance, knowing you have already won the battle before the enemy ever gathers his troops to advance. Knowing you are all that your maker created you to be, from the top of your head to the soles of your feet – you meet the requirements of a warrior and of full blooded conqueror - you meet the standard for which all battles are won and so much more. Live in this reality as best you can because it is of the very fiber of your being and existence. Make no mistake – your maker didn't put you here to conform but that you meet the world with resistance. Peaceful are those that know they will always walk in victory – Strong are you who knows that the best is yet to come with a profound sense of security.

Listen, life isn't just what you make it and to be successful at all you do – life is making that impact on those around you and the places you dwell in too. So enjoy it, make a change in the world around you and see what mark you can leave on this place and see if in the end – if that doesn't put a smile on God's face.

I give you this little bit of advice to take with you on your journeys throughout your lives to keep with you close to your hearts, lets these words keep you and strengthen you – never to part: When it is all said and done, when you look at yourself in the mirror each day and ponder what you are there for and why...your answer doesn't lay on a cloud counting up your sins, knowledge comes from understand and the basis of understanding comes from within. The truth is in the best part of you, it dwells in your heart. If you don't feel your purpose now...then questioning your heart is a good place to start.

I often wonder why I write in the manner I do. It was so much easier to say what I wanted to say in this way. I don't know if the message came across but that title Jenga Is Life is true to me. That's just one of the ways I see it. Bear with me...

We are all made up of building blocks of this and that – our beliefs, our social standings, our likes and dislikes, our loves and losses, our accomplishments and so forth and so on.... And then things happen to us. We suffer loss and a block is taken away from us. We lose a job and there's another. Our health fails – yet another and we purposely have to remove people from our lives....and there goes a few more.

That structure that we are is now experiencing some instability - we wobble and shake and try our best to stand upright with all that we've suffered but it's hard. Our foundation is lacking and our buildings have been compromised and then it happens, that one block – is removed; the block that was a cornerstone is taken from us...that my friends is your faith being shaken – in whatever or whoever. And we tumble down.

The thing about Jenga being life is this: We can be rebuild; hell many of us are rebuilt if not going through the process of reconstruction. We are all on different paths but what breaks us is different in us all. Some of us haven't experienced that – and I'm grateful for those that have not. Just as well I am grateful for those who have experienced it and are still with us.

That little tower of blocks falls – we laugh at what it took to make it fall and we rebuild it for another game. In life, we look at what it was that knocked us down and make the decision to rebuild from where we are. For some that task is hard and requires a lot. The homeless crosses my mind with this. Those born into poverty crosses my mind, people with next to nothing to live for also. I can't tell these people that their lives are summed up in a game. I'm not that careless, that foolish or cruel. I am simply making a connection.

Rebuilding isn't easy. Some of us have it rough – and we are starting from brick one. But the simple fact that we lay that brick down – that we put down the alcohol, the drug, gave up the lifestyle that was hurting us or stopped the abusive behavior whatever it was was...is a start. It's a step in the direction of hope.

We lean on hope. We hope the tower doesn't fall when we pull out that block. We hope the family doesn't fall apart when we divorce or lose a loved one. We hope that we can get to the end without the thing toppling over. We hope we can make it through another winter without heat, without food, without medicine and without shelter.

We lean on hope when we take the necessary measures to ensure that we will be okay - play it safe and choose one that is already loose. Play it safe and go to a shelter, bunk if with some family, seek out people that would help, place our children where we know they would be taken care of. The decisions we make in our lives are hard – and I don't know...maybe I'm wrong for comparing it to a game but dammit...if my life doesn't feel like its matching up with this analogy or imitating art in some way.

I just think that others might feel the same.

Life might be something else for other people.

Life might be Monopoly – where you are constantly giving of yourself and getting little in return.

Life might be Candy Land – where you get stuck in sticky situation but get to your sweet rewards along the way

Life might be Scrabble – where you are always at a loss for words when you need them.

Life just might be Life - you pathways take you on a journey that you aren't quite prepared for but see the reward at the end.

You decide...I just wanted to make you think and ...share where my mind was at. A schizophrenic and her creativity boy...I tell ya, it's nothing to sneeze at; half the time I worry that I'm not being politically correct or are coming off offensive and other times I just don't give a damn and write what I feel and what's on my mind. Today I am in between.

Jenga...man. I fair well sometimes but a lot of the time I stumble and fall. But I pick myself back up to try again. I hope you do the same, I always hope you do the same.

As always,

Thank you for reading