It's been a music and rhythm-less day. One that is about to be remedied. Snow fell and the world went silent as it braces for what promises to be a blizzard in the northeast. The Midwest is experiencing more cold as was forecasted and the rain falls now. It is cool and crisp to the senses and keeps me from dwelling too much on anything that enters my mind as my thoughts come quickly and exit even quicker. Trying to hold on to them is like trying to catch the wings of a humming bird, so that all I'm left with is the illusion of thought and stillness.

I've been trying to pen this thing for about three hours and it's been three hours of failure. Starting and stopping, thought and overthinking – fleeting and never sitting still. I would like to blame the coffee but this is a special case of anxiety that I am dealing with. Birthdays are approaching and plans are being changed and I have a part to play in it all...Project deadlines are sneaking up on me and one very big events looms over the horizon. One just a couple of days away and one is a week off but still very visible. I just need the world to stop for five seconds. Maybe 5.5 seconds – I could use the extra time to breathe.

Life is an ongoing thing with no pauses. I try to remember that as I sink further and further down through the mountain of responsibility. I'm also doing my best to imprint this on my son who will be 21 soon and is already beginning to feel the forcible push into adulthood. It's gonna happen whether he wants it to or not. Some of us are stuck here in grown up land while others of us have found escape hatches to childhood and are able to live double lives. I find the occasional loop hole every once in a while and enjoy my time away from the land of no play and bills.

Thank goodness for writing.

My imagination has been entertaining me lately. I think of all manner of things to do, to say and to get into but am no closer to do those things than I was when the thoughts came to me. You know how it goes – you enter a conversation with someone and they come with a quip and all you can say is –"yeah" instead of coming up with something witty to say right then. It sucks. I want to be witty right then – not hours later when it doesn't matter to anyone. Lol What happened to me? I used to be good at that stuff. I think being an adult has taken the aleck out of my smart.

Oh life...your sting is vicious.

I remember a time when I could deliver sarcasm with my cool wit and leave people amused. Now it's like – "did she just say something?" My daughter is the only one that thinks I'm cool and funny. My son has had it with my charm and has expressed this lol "Mama, you getting old on me bird." When did I become a bird? What???? It's messed up. It really is.

I listen to his music and learn his dances, speak his lingo and even take care to dress a bit younger than my age and I'm still.... A bird. He's hilarious. Last night we were joking around in the line at McDonalds (Yeah, I know ...the fast right? I had a fish sandwich with a side of cheeseburger but the fish counts right??) and we were talking about movies we want to see. He really wants to see Get Out and so do I but he wanted to see it at an IMAX theater. I told him that it would cost a bit more than the regular theater and he says as loud as he can – "Mama...we don't care about prices! We're ballers!" I laughed so hard because the last thing remembered was him asking me for money to put in his tank and money for groceries. People looked at me like I was an alien. TJ goes, "We at McDonalds" and I said – "My tastes are refined." The manager had a nice laugh. I said it called Balling on a Budget...and I got a high five. Who high fives anymore??? That guy and then I didn't feel so old. I love solidarity. Lmao

Oh guys, I have nothing to say really. I just wanted to write about the craziness of life – I'm swimming and kicking still, a little tired but shore is in sight. Life is just doing what it does and kids are sprouting up like weeds right before my very eyes. 21, man...the only reason I remember being 21 is because I had my son...he was a year old. I may do something special...something embarrassing for his birthday LOL

Bird.

All I can think about is Big Bird's granny. That sucks. Am I really an old bird? Do I harp on things and coddle?? I mean yeah, I'm shade brighter than Granny Bird but man...Bird????

Smh...

There are other more important things to worry about right? Yeah. But I don't know what they are. This seems to be legit enough to get ruffle my feath... Damn it! I am a bird. 

That's all I have for ya. I'm gonna go question the boy about this. I want a new nickname Bird is not what I wish to be called. This has to change.

More on this development later.

Until then,

Have a very blessed and warm day. If you live where the snow is falling – stay safe and bundle up. If you live where there is sunshine and warm weather – bottle it and send it to me! I need some of that in my life!.

Stay blessed lovely people.