It's Monday evening and I feel...blah.

Warning this is me talking about my love life ...or lack thereof. I wish I could insert an emoji here. You know the one giving the side eye. Yeah, fits my mood a little...just a little. I have smiled and even laughed today. So here's an update.

"Porch guy" came back today...not this morning but later in the day to "mess with his uncle" when he was really messing with me. Remember how I said he hadn't answered that text I sent him? He answered today with a compliment completely unrelated to the question.

Last text from me: (Friday at 11:09pm) I'm glad you are straight forward. I don't want to waste anyone's time. I'm on ice for a while. So, I can be the friend that's just a friend. I liked talking to you...was hoping to continue that. If that's alright?

Him: (Monday at 3:30pm) You look very nice.

He sent that text from his truck as he pulled up...I was standing on the porch watching his uncle work and offering to bring him a bottle of water. He declined because he had soda. Then "Mister" walks over with a smile on his face. Mind you...I hadn't seen the text until later....and he starts talking.

I said "Hello sir, how are you today?" and he said he was doing fine...was hot and tired but doing fine. I offered him a bottled water as well and he told me that he didn't want that, that what he wanted was some air conditioning and that he had been sitting in his truck with it on burning gas. I nodded and smirked and then he began addressing his uncle about the job he had just left.

If you haven't picked up on it yet...they are in construction and were contracted to do the porch for my aunt. Both of them really do have awesome personalities. Their banter was cracking me up. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. My eyes teared up from it all. They weren't bumbling but taking little jabs at each other ...you know, the way family does. I watched and commented on all of it. Nothing bad, just a comment. Well, wouldn't you know he started getting all flappy at the gums with me. He asked me what I got into over the weekend and if I enjoyed myself. I answered that I didn't do much and went out for a little bit (I totally didn't do anything this weekend and was home all frikkin day Saturday and Sunday but I didn't want him to know that). And then we got into what was going on today. We talked about how hot it was earlier and I told him that I was out in it (which I was). He asked me where I went and I said shopping. Then he said ...with almost a scolding tone "What did you buy?" I said, "Groceries" like I had been caught doing something I had no business doing. You know how your voice gets higher when someone accuses you of something. Yeah! "It was just groceries. Nothing big." And then he calmed down LOL.

His uncle laughed because of the way he asked the question and the way I answered it like I had to answer for a crime I didn't commit. I realize now that he was reacting in part to a conversation we had on the day we met, when I was talking about my spending habits during the marriage and the things I would buy that made my ex-husband lose his mind. I almost typed "lose his shit" because he really would. I couldn't even splurge at the grocery store if I wanted. Everybody likes food right???? I used to get the...that was too much talk while he ate the food I bought with money that I had earned for us.

Anyway... (breathes through nose and out through mouth) back to the conversation. How on earth did we not address the fact that he did not text me back for a whole weekend?! By manipulating the conversation to keep me from thinking about it. When I asked what he did over the weekend he said he had gone out and did some stuff. I nodded and tapped my finger on my chin thinking ...you still had the time to text me back! I regret not having said it.

As they were packing up to go...they finished around 4:45 today, he cracked a dirty joke. I laughed and then he said – "Let me stop, that might have been too much for you." I gave him the look...in my mind I was saying "Screw you youngster. You have no idea ..." Look, I may not have had sex in a long time but trust me... I am very confident about my abilities pleasing a man in bed. He got away with that too...hindsight is a bitch with 20/20 vision. Man...

As they were walking around the side of the house to gather their tools and other things...I followed and told him I was about to leave for an appointment I had to get to. I thought, I had a therapist appointment today – turns out it was for next week. So I'm letting them know that I'm leaving but if they needed to get anything they stored on our back porch – that all they had to do was let someone in the house know. I waved my good byes and he said I'll be seeing you later. I told him to call me. He said he would.

I went and got in the car and looked at my phone to see the "You look very nice" text. and replied to it.

Me: Thank you. It happens once in a while. I meant what I said. Call me later if you haven't passed out from your bath.

No reply.

So here's what I'm thinking. Maybe he doesn't do so well with the texting thing. He seems like a guy that likes to talk to you face to face. Which is cool...I liked talking to him face to face too. I get to see his mannerisms and his smile and hear the inflections in his voice...his tone of voice when he speaks. Things you can't get over a text. He really seems like a cool guy it's just...he's too damned fast for me. I like courtship. I like the holding hands and walks together, going places together, the talks on the phone and the time it takes to do all of that. I was told that I was old and that guys now just go for what they want. Great...I'm effectively a dinosaur in a new world hoping to find a mate. This is how they ended I'm sure of it. There was one female left on earth when all the males died in the fire from the sky and she just withered away because there was no one left to keep her company.

If only I had an Amazonian way of thinking. Men are for breeding and pleasure. That's it...women are the warriors that take care of everything. You guys have no idea how hard I just laughed thinking of that episode of Futurama when Fry and Bender were captured by the Amazon women and were sentenced to death by snu-snu. Oh God...help me. There are tears. Man...

Speaking of God. I talked to him about all of this – just like I talk to you guys...more reverence. But when I need to talk, I talk. It's a strange exchange between me and God. I say all the things I'm thinking and feeling and he in turn gives me images or words just come to mind. I imagine him saying the things that come into my mind and I listen.

Now – I asked for advice on this and I believe I was told that this with the porch guy would be hard. I'm not looking for sex, but a friendship. He's looking for sex and friendship is up in the air, I guess. It would be hard maintaining a relationship of any kind with someone that just wants one thing from me. It's already doing something to my emotional state thinking ...am I not good enough to be friends? So yeah. I think that God is giving me a Pass on that Smash or Pass thing. I'm just not wanting that right now.

You guys gave me some great advice too! And I read it and listened. I agree with what you guys are saying. He wants different stuff than what I want. And that's okay. I just don't have to be the one to give it to him. I really would love to be his friend, his personality is awesome but...there's that.

You know what I'd like to know? What men think. I know at least one of you has daughters and all of you used to be young men with raging hormones. What do you think about all of this? What can you tell me that I need to know about this guy?

Please comment. I am absolutely dying to hear from you guys as well.

I asked him to call me, we'll see if he does. In the meantime, my bestie, who is also a guy called him a *uckboy. What in the hell is that? I know it's derogatory but enlighten me please. What in the world is that?! He thinks I should let it pass. Take my attention away from him and move on. Part of me agrees with that. I don't want to waste his time or mine. Fellas, chime in, please.

This should be a whole other book by itself LOL. I can call it – No Love...because I am without one. I don't know lol anyway – I hope you guys are staying cool in all of these heat. I hope your Monday has treated you well and I hope to hear from you soon!

Thanks for reading and commenting!

See ya soon!