"You look so beautiful tonight Ara." His deep voice caressed my ears, causing me to blush. I looked into his bright blue eyes and admired their vibrance one last time before I ruined this.

"So there is umm, something you should know about me before things get too serious." I swallowed hard, grabbing onto his pale hands that rested on the table in front of me.

His eyebrows crinkled curiously. His smile was still firmly frozen onto his face as he spoke.

"What is it honey?" He asked, making the eye contact that I tried so desperately to avoid.

Maybe this time, it will be different.

"I have breast cancer." I stated, stopping the light enjoyable atmosphere dead in its tracks. And for some reason, I kept going.

"I've had two unsuccessful surgeries, and I'm gearing up for my third in two months." I swallowed hard, recognizing the fear on his face intensify and grow into something that I had seen many times.

The silence cut me like a knife as he sat there in front of me, completely still. I could see the admiration and lust in his eyes fade as he scanned me one last time, looking for the scars or the lack of hair.

"Listen Ara, I really enjoyed dinner tonight, but I have to head out. Take care of yourself okay? Let's do it again some time." He stood up abruptly and threw down some cash before running out of the restaurant.

That was always the worst part.

Tears filled in my eyes as the waiter approached me with the check.

"Thank you."

The waiter said once I finally dug enough money out of my bag. Tears were falling out faster than I could hide them as I made my way out of the dining area and into the bar. I was ready to drown my sorrows once more.

"What will it be?" The bartender asked with a soft smile as I took the nearest seat in front of him.

I looked up, pretending to read the menu. But I already knew what I wanted. It was the same every time.

"I'll just have a lemonade." I stated simply. The bartender shot me a strange look and asked again.

"Yeah with what in it?" He placed a cup down in front of me, ready to create any cocktail I desired.

"Ice," I responded, getting a smirk back from the tall bartender. His smile seemed to clear away my tears. My eyes focused on it as he grabbed a pink bottle and began pouring it into my cup.

As he poured the lemonade in front of me I couldnt help but stare at the scar on his hand. Once he caught me looking at it, our eyes met and time froze.

It was a strange sensation, the feeling of being trapped in that moment where all I could see were swirls of brown and black dancing inside his eyes. I had never seen so much joy inside a person's eyes before.

"Thank you," I said after downing my lemonade in about half a second.

"No problem, kid."

I waved goodbye before he could dissapear into a crowd of people surrounding the bar. I decided to go home, not wanting to be trapped inside the drunken mob for too long.

I glanced at my phone once more before going to bed, hoping to see those bright blue eyes light up my phone screen, but he never called. He was just like the rest of them, I would never see him again.

~

Two months later I was back on a date with a total stranger, this time, at the fancy Italian place across the way. There were far more people here, dressed like models and professionals eating small portions and drinking expensive wines. I felt a bit out of place, until may date showed up.

Yoon.

He was a successful stock broaker who lived in the big city and vacationed like he was a millionaire. Judging by the suit and the fancy restaurant, maybe he was?

I began to wonder how long it would take for me to scare him.

"Ara!" He greeted me with excitement and a tight hug before sitting down across from me. He smelled like line trees and winter time, I loved it.

"Yoon! How was work today?" I asked sipping my water as he perused the menu.

"It was incredible! We were both up and down five percent all in one hour! It was a mad panic at first, until we rose back two percent above yesterday's points!" He responded victoriously, as if he had just won a long battle with his nemesis.

He seemed so happy and full of life, everything excited him. He was so positive, that was definitely something I needed right now.

"Wow that's amazing Yoon!" I smiled brightly, feigning the excitement Yoon carried with him. I did my best knowing full well that it wouldn't last.

"No Ara, you're amazing! Most people I date dont even know what I'm talking about, or care." He laughed, reaching for my hand, causing me to heat up.

"Ara, I really like you. You're such a smart and kind woman." He explained, gazing at me with those hazel eyes. They were filled with so many different colors, yet colorless if I looked hard enough.

"Yoon, there is something I need to tell you." And just like that, it began all over again. No matter how many times I did this, and no matter how many times I was proven wrong, there was always that same hope sprouting inside my mind.

Maybe this time, it will be different.

But it wasn't. After explaining everything to Yoon, he excused himself into the restroom, but never came back out. He bolted, just like the rest of them. And as usual I was left to pay another expensive bill that I didn't have the money for.

Later that night, I found myself back inside that bar, hoping to find the jacket I forgot the last time I was rejected.

"Lemonade girl!" I heard a scream come from behind me. I turned towards the bar to find the bartender wiping it down with a clean cloth.

"Hi, um have you seen my jacket? Its black and leather, I think I left it here." I explained, my eyes darting across the dark restaurant, towards the staff only door.

"Sure, but I'm not positive it will still be here, since its been a few weeks." He explained, leading me towards that back door as I just laughed. If only he knew how often I was at this place.

"Something funny?" He asked, a smile peaking through the darkness, lighting up his face.

"Don't worry about it." I smiled back, only causing more intrigued stares from the bartender as he rummaged through the closet. It only took a few seconds for him to spot my dusty leather jacket.

"Thank you." I cheered once he handed me back my jacket. He nodded, revealing this smile that lit up the word with its shine.

"No problem kid, I'll see you around." He smirked, as if he had already known that I was fated to get rejected once again in front of his bar.

~

"Mark, hi!" I greeted my date with a wave and a smile. He sat down across from me, blushing.

"Ara, wow you look amazing!" He stated, nervously rubbing his head. His nerves almost made me nostalgic. I had been on so many horrible dates, that those butterflies just stopped coming after awhile. The fun started to fade.

"Good evening, do you two know what you would like to drink?" A familiar voice greeted us.

I looked up to see the scruffy bartender all dressed up in a white button down and black slacks. With his hair slicked back and his face under a bright light instead of the blue lights of the bar, I almost didn't recognize him. That is, until he smiled at me.

I just chuckled, shaking my head. I tried my best not to stare at the waiter while I was on a date.

After finally deciding what we wanted, my date abruptly stood up and left the table. I found it odd that he left before I had even revealed to him my secret, that is until I realized that most of my hair wasn't exactly on my head.

My wig had drooped to my left side, causing the whole thing to look like it nearly had been blown off my head. I hesitantly glanced at the front camera of my phone to see how truly awful it looked. It must have been bad if it made him stand up and walk away that quickly.

I couldn't help but cry once I saw my reflection. I was pale and thin, like a ghost of my former self. My mess of a wig nearly came toppling down my wrinkled bald head. And there were only so many cute shirts I could find that covered up my brown spots.

I did my best to fix my wig and the disaster that was my face now, a face that I was barely able to recognize anymore. No wonder I couldn't keep a man in front of me for more than an hour. How could anyone stand to look at this?

"Is everything okay?" The bartender appeared beside me with our food orders.

I quickly turned away from him and nodded. Hiding my pain was something I had become good at, or maybe it was all beginning to hurt less.

"Wait seriously are you okay? Where did he go?" The bartender dropped the food in front of me and ran to the other side of the table, allowing his eyes to meet mine before I could turn away again.

"I'm fine, really." I swallowed hard, regaining my normal voice. I quickly wiped my eyes before looking up at him.

"No you're not, that idiot ditched you before he could even eat. Come on, let me pay for this." The bartender begged as I shook my head.

His gesture was appreciated but his pity was not.

"Seriously, I'm fine. I'll take the check and be on my way." I stated, forcing that fake smile that I was getting too good at.

The bartender hesitated before finally nodding, then running off to the kitchen.

He returned quickly with a check and two boxes, along with a sad look that I hadn't ever seen on his face before.

"Hope your night gets better." He said as I was leaving the restaurant. His usually chipper voice was deeper and sounded somber. I tried my best to forget that night, like I did with all the others, but his words stuck with me like glue.

~
"Ok kid, what is your deal?"

The bartender appeared in front of me with a cup lemonade and ice. I sat with a smile on the only occupied barstool on a Monday afternoon. At least now my dates were allowing me to get my heart break over with before sunset.

"My deal? What is your deal? Do you ever have off? And what's with the kid thing? Do I look like a kid or something?" I turned the questions back around on him as he began to clean the bar top.

"Don't try to be sneaky. I'm serious! You're here all the time, but only drink lemonade. What is that?" He asked, smiling through the serious tone.

"What can I say, I love lemonade." I laughed, watching him clean as I sipped my drink.

He looked up at me with a smile. A piece of sweaty hair falling onto his forehead.

"I've been noticing you. You come to the restaurant to get dinner with a different guy every so often, but after every date you end up drinking all alone at the bar, lemonade of all things! Its maddness." He exclaimed, waving his hands in the air like a crazy person.

I laughed at him, finding it quite funny that my depressing dating life could create such curiosity inside him.

"I've been noticing you too mister fancy waiter man! Why do you work all the time and have so many jobs? Its maddness." I mocked, trying to contain my laughter.

He ran his fingers through his damp hair and wiped the sweat off his forehead before taking a seat next to me. He rolled his eyes and turned away to hide his laughter. Even when glistening from sweat he smelled good, like candy.

"Please just tell me, the curiosity is driving me crazy! How can someone so beautiful be constantly getting stood up by dozens of guys?" He asked, his voice softening as he sat close to me.

I quickly turned away, not wanting to get lost in the shine of his smile.

"Honestly, its pathetic. Besides, how do I know you wont run away like the rest of them when I tell you what's wrong with me?" I asked, earning a long silence from him as he kept his eyes on me.

"I don't run." He stated simply, causing us both to smile.

~

Another friday night, another horrible date. This time was worse than the others because this date wasn't a random online match, he was a close friend from high school, who I always crushed on.

"Max, it's been so long. How are you?" I asked him, trying to erase the pressure I was mentally placing on this date.

"I'm great! I've been working in broadcasting for almost five years now! Plus, I'm on my way to a promotion. Soon I'll be the star of the WPLTV Nightly News at 5. That's prime time baby!" He screamed, laughter erupting from the people at the table beside us. We couldnt help but join in.

"How about you Ara? How are things?" He asked, causing my heart to stop.

This is probably when I should say something, but why now? Why when I am actually having a good time?

"I've been good. Being a writer didn't actually pan out for me, but I get by." I stated vaguely. My fake enthusiasm wipped away Max's smile.

"Ara, you know you dont have to lie to me. We were pretty good friends once." Max forced a half smile as he rubbed my shoulder.

I smiled back, feeling a bit more hope than I had felt on a date in a long time.

"More drinks anyone?"

Tonight was another night that the bartender was working as a waiter. While he didn't approve of my dating strategies, he didn't know my secret. I wanted desperately for it to stay that way. He was the one constant in my life.

"I think we are fine." I sneered at him, trying my best to signal for him to go away. He had stopped by our table at least five times all within a 15 minute span.

While I know he was just trying to look out for me, like I said, I don't need his pity. He doesn't need to think of me as the poor girl who can't handle rejection.

"Do you know him or something?" Max asked once he left us alone. I shrugged, I didn't even know his name.

"Not really, anyways, any plans to move back into the city?" I asked Max as a grin appeared widely on his face.

"Actually, with the prime time position, I will have to be back around here to be at the studio on time." He explained as that ounce of hope in my heart began to grow.

"I've actually been looking for a place in town, you still live off Main Street?" He asked, sipping his water.

I nodded, trying to hide the smile that came with the rapid heart beat.

"I do, and I still have that extra room if you're interested?" I asked as he began to smile also.

"I'm definitely interested." He chuckled, allowing his smile to grow up to his cheeks. I nodded, letting my mind wander to a future of living with Max.

It would be so fun. The cooking, the movie nights, the bar hopping, it would just be like old times.

Only now I was sick, so it couldnt be.

Cooking wouldn't be fun if I all I can eat are smoothies. The constant noises from my machines would ruin movie nights. And bar hoping isnt exactly exciting when all you can drink is water and lemonade.

"Max, before you move in, there is something you should know." I started the sentence I knew never ended well, but for some reason, always needed to be said.

"Max, I'm sick. I have breast cancer. It's pretty severe. I-"

I was cut off by the loud sound of glass dishes smashing onto the floor. Both Max and I turned towards the kitchen to see none other than the bartender. He stood with his mouth open and hands empty as our dinners lay scattered on the ground amongst the broken plates.

I quickly jumped out of my seat to help him, causing him to move slightly in suprise.

"What is wrong with you, ya klutz?" I giggled as he silently stared at me, doing his best to find words while picking up broken porcelain.

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" I asked again once I didn't hear a corny joke or sarcastic comment. Instead I turned to see his mouth moving, but nothing coming out of it. His body was frozen as he stared at me, the same stare I got from every single one of my dates. But for some reason, it hurt more coming from him.

"You heard me, didnt you?" I asked, already knowing the answer. When he still didn't respond, I rolled my eyes and stood up.

"Well, at least you arent running." I forced a joke out before turning around with wet eyes. My cheeks turned red once I returned to the table.

Crazily enough, Max was still sitting there.

"Ara, what did you say?" He asked anxiously. I sighed, wanting to do anything other than repeat myself.

"Are you okay? Do you need me to help you home or something?" It occured to me that Max heard what I said and was one of the rare dates I have experienced.

While usually, they just ditch me mid-date, Max was one of the few who pitied me. Instead of running away, those who pitied me smothered me in fake apologizes and insincere offers of friendship. But that same damn thought returned to the front of my head, as if it never left.

Maybe this time, things will be different.

"Ara!" The sound of my name echoed through my ears as the bartender ran towards our table.

"I thought you didnt run?" I jeered, slightly annoyed. But it faded once I saw his smile.

"I didnt mean- I just wanted to umm-"

"Just tell me, what do you want?" I interrupted his stuttering before he blew a fuse.

"You." He stated simply with a soft smile.

My heart stopped. The color returned to my face, everything seemed to be going in slow motion. I had no idea how to act or respond.
This time, I was speechless.

"Ara, who is this guy?" Max's voice brought me back to reality. I quickly turned towards him, reminding myself that he was still sitting across from me.

"He's just . . . he's-"

"Kim Seokjin, her future boyfriend." The bartender stuck out his hand with a smirk. I tried my best to hold in a laugh.

He can't be serious.

"Wow, okay Umm, I am Max. Her future roommate." He chuckled as he shook Jin's hand. Both boys broke out in smiles.

"Quite a show, now you should get back to work, bartender." I sneered in Jin's direction as his smile faded.

"You think, I'm kidding?" The bartender sighed.

"That's because you are. You just want to make me feel better like I'm a child. That's why you call me kid. I see right through you bartender." I revealed, pushing away any of the remaining butterflies that landed in my stomach when our eyes met.

"You aren't a child, you're an interesting woman that I find refreshing. Plus you're cute, which is actually why I call you kid," He smirked.

"Ara, you fascinate me more than I thought possible and I'd be stupid if I let you walk out of my life." Seokjin said proudly, unlike anything I'd seen before. Being called cute by someone who has seen me without my wig and knows about my disease brought a smile to my face.

"Ara, I meant what I said. I don't run. I'm not going anywhere." Seokjin stated, reaching out his large hands. I felt something when I placed my hand in his, something I hadn't felt in awhile.

"You won't even run to get our food that you dropped?" I joked, not sure what else to do.

Seokjin let out a beautiful laugh. He stared at me for a moment before responding. I would give anything to stay in that moment for longer than sixty seconds.

"Anything for you, kid."