"What was it like seeing her again?"

Dylan raised his fist up to his forehead, closed his eyes, and leaned back in the chair. He'd missed his previous therapy appointment; not quite ready to dig into the depths of everything Hailey had brought up. Now it felt as if he had a story he could tell for ten sessions straight after seeing her only twice. "I felt like no time had passed in some ways, and like a lifetime had gone by in others. When she was at my apartment, I felt so confident at first. Like I could finally win her heart back, and I didn't even care about breaking my friend's. By the end, I'd gone back to that scared shitless kid, terrified of letting her and letting her see who I really was; scars and all."

When Dylan opened his eyes, he watched as Doctor Jacobs jotted down a few notes before he looked over at him. "Which was why you let her go. Again," he guessed.

Dylan only nodded his response, as if the doctor really needed the confirmation anyhow.

"Tell me, Dylan, how do you think she'd react if you told her what happened to you when you were a child? Do you think she'd judge you for it? Not understand or accept it?"

"No," Dylan answered so quickly, the two letters nearly toppled over one another while leaving his mouth.

Alex likely wouldn't understand why Dylan had been scarred by the event. Most men would relish at the idea of losing their virginity and being taught by an older woman. Most men failed to grasp the concept of a man being sexually assaulted. But he wasn't a man. The experience forced him to grow up well before his time, but that was just it. It was forced upon him and he wasn't a man, but a young child who didn't understand intimate touches and that she'd stolen his innocence away from him.

Although he wasn't certain how Hailey would react, Dylan couldn't imagine she'd judge him for it. Likely, she would pity him. And Dylan didn't want anyone's pity. She'd try helping him through his issues, but in the end, they would probably be more than she signed on for.

On the other hand, Hailey might just stand by his side as he worked to heal himself. But that wasn't the problem. "It isn't about how she'd react, it's about me saying the words aloud and having another person hear them. It's about that label being put on me."

"And what label is that?" Doctor Jacobs asked.

The words bit as they always did, even though he'd only ever uttered them in this room. "Sexual assault victim."

"Why not survivor? Or just a man? The past shapes us, but it doesn't define us, Dylan. Your family, your friends, they're strong. And so are you. You wouldn't be trying to work through this if you weren't. You've come a long way in a short period, Dylan. I'm sure it may not feel like it sometimes, especially in situations like this, but you've made tremendous progress. The physical aspect of things is something you've put a great deal of effort into, but this isn't just about outward appearance. This is also about emotional perseverance. You survived the trauma, but now you must learn to live your life and allow others to be a part of it.

"Saying the words aloud to another person besides me is the biggest step in your journey, so I won't pressure you to speak them until you feel you're ready. I will tell you that although those events will always be a part of you, breaking free of their hold on you is our end game here." Doctor Jacobs tossed the notebook on the table and looked directly into his eyes. "I cannot recommend trying to break Hailey's relationship up, but she has always played a key role in your recovery process, even at a distance. Maybe if you allow her in, she'll be able to help with the emotional aspect you're struggling with."

Dylan pinched his eyes shut and took a slow breath. "You want me to tell her?"

"I want you to allow her to be part of your life, even if it isn't in the role you were hoping for," Doctor Jacobs corrected, "As a reminder of what you're fighting for."

"And what am I fighting for?" The truth of it was, Dylan wasn't even sure half the time.

"Only you know what you're truly fighting for, Dylan."

When he'd first walked into this office, Dylan's hope was to break free from the child trapped within him. He'd read a series when he first moved here. A child who was physically abused and tortured by his unstable mother. She took away his identity, played vicious games with him and treated him as a slave, while his sibling led a normal, happy life. He was a child stripped of his name and made to feel like nothing.

Then Dylan read the second book, which was the one who truly hit home for him. He still remembered the quote on the back of the book. "All those years you tried your best to break me, and I'm still here. One day you'll see, I'm going to make something of myself." It followed him as an adult as he worked hard to heal the emotional wounds, reclaim his identity, and find peace within himself.

Their stories were different, but also similar in so many ways. Both betrayed and made to feel insignificant by a woman they trusted. Both struggled with self-worth after escaping their situations. Both struggled to allow anyone to get close to them, especially intimately. Both fought to live a normal life, while feeling anything but normal.

Dylan knew what he was fighting for. He wanted inner peace. He wanted to break free from the shell he'd buried himself in. Dylan wanted to prove his worth after being made to feel like less than a man; less than a person. He wanted to feel less damaged.

Like the boy who found his identity, Dylan would continue fighting.