[unedited]
i'll edit soon.

"yoongs, can i eat dinner here tonight?" taehyung slumped onto the couch, his skinny legs dangling over the side.

"yeah, but we're having pizza. i don't feel like making anything," yoongi replied. "i ordered it a while ago, so it's on its way."

yoongi sensed the slight discomfort evident in taehyung's actions, and he cursed himself for happening to order pizza that exact day.

"i can make a quick salad or something if you want?" he suggested timidly.

"it's alright," taehyung assured him. "i'll be okay."

his weak smile showed genuine worry and something far from confident and assuring, but yoongi nodded and tried to trust the younger boy.

if something went wrong, yoongi knew what he'd need to do.

so they sat together, side by side under a thick blanket on yoongi's old couch, waiting for the pizza to come as they talked.

"how long has it been, yoongi?"

"since what?"

"how long have you been clean?"

yoongi's heart sank a bit.

if he was a better liar it would have been alright, but yoongi happened to be a terrible liar, especially with taehyung.

"a day."

taehyung's eyes visibly widened.

"no."

yoongi stayed still, unable to face taehyung.

"let me see."

yoongi shook his head.

"yoongi, we both know how sloppy you are with bandaging everything up," taehyung begged. "please. i'll bandage it all up. you don't have to tell me anything, alright?"

so taehyung took yoongi to the bathroom, nearly dragging him across the floor, and sat him down on the side of the bathtub.

he pulled out the gauze and antiseptic from the cabinet, and rolled up yoongi's sleeve in one swift, gentle motion.

"yoongi," taehyung breathed out. "doesn't it hurt?"

yoongi smiled. "i do the same thing you do, tae. my way's just a bit different."

they sat in silence on the rug in the living room after taehyung had bandaged up yoongi's arm.

the doorbell rang merely minutes afterwards, and when yoongi sat down with a pizza beside taehyung, it was taehyung's turn to lie.

"will you be okay eating it?"

yoongi's eyes showed nothing but genuine concern.

"i'll be alright. it's fine, yoongs." he smiled another heartbreaking smile as he picked up a piece.

they each took a bite, yoongi's eyes never leaving taehyung's face, because he knew taehyung still had safe foods and foods that he couldn't stomach.

greasy foods like pizza and fast food never worked well for him, and yoongi always saw him getting out of situations where he had to eat fast food using the most ridiculous, overused excuses.

he didn't use an excuse this time, and yoongi, as much as he wanted to, couldn't trust him. he stayed wary of the boy's actions, ready for when he couldn't eat anymore.

taehyung put his pizza down after two bites.

"i can't eat anymore."

his eyes were closed shut, and he swallowed hard as if to suppress something.

"are you feeling okay?"

taehyung nodded. "yeah, i'm-"

he coughed harshly and clapped a hand over his mouth, suddenly, abruptly standing up and rushing out of the room.

yoongi ran after him, sitting beside the boy when he collapsed in front of the toilet and heaved and spluttered and coughed, his small body convulsing with every breath.

yoongi felt himself start shaking as he watched.

taehyung threw up until he was only dry heaving, spitting into the toilet bowl with nothing left inside of him. he then wiped his lips and fell into yoongi's arms, and for a horrifying moment yoongi thought he had lost consciousness. but then the boy's eyes fluttered open, and he croaked out a heartbreaking apology that had yoongi in tears.

"what are you sorry for?"

"throwing up, and making you get up while eating to help me."

"that's nothing to be sorry for."

yoongi picked him up, heart clenching when he realized that taehyung really had not gained much weight at all. he had thought the boy was getting better, since he was at least eating fruits and vegetables, and able to drink juices in place of water, but the low calorie foods seemed to have done nothing to restore his health, and yoongi knew he needed to do something more. he knew that what he was doing wasn't enough at all, that he either needed to seek more help or change what he was doing.

he put taehyung down on the couch and sat beside him, slowly brushing away the stray hairs from his eyes.

"i thought you'd been getting better."

"i am."

"would you ever eat if i wasn't around to feed you?"

taehyung shrugged, guilt caressing his features.

"i don't know," he said. "but isn't it already a step forward that i at least eat when you tell me to?"

yoongi smiled weakly because it was true, but yoongi wanted him to be so much better. he wanted him to be okay, because he didn't deserve to hurt. "i guess so."

recovery wasn't easy, and perhaps recovery would never fully happen for either of them.

but they were a few steps closer than they had been before, and that was enough for both of them.

just a few steps, with scars and bones and insecurities all clasped into the long, wan path they had to take.

and that was okay.

end