Chapter 19: Annulment?

It was late in the afternoon when Peter and I arrived at his parents' house in Bulacan. Hindi pa ko nakakababa sa kotse, hindi ko na mapigilan 'yong kaba sa loob-loob ko.

Napabuga na ko ng hininga for countless times. Hindi ko naman kasi maiwasang isipin 'yong worst; kahit kaunti pa lang nalalaman ko tungkol sa relatives ni Peter, I can't help but to have a hunch that this urgent meeting is no good.

Napalingon ako kay Peter nang hawakan niya 'yong magkasalikop kong mga kamay na nakapatong sa mga binti ko. He gently moved his hands that somehow eased my worries inside.

I smiled at him when he gave me an affiliative smile.

"Don't worry about anything," he said in an assuring voice.

Tinanguan ko lang siya dahil hindi ko naman alam ang isasagot ko.

He can't blame me. The first time I met them, it didn't turn out well.

Gagalaw na sana ko para bumaba na sa kotse nang ilapit ni Peter ang sarili niya sa 'kin. He kissed my forehead, my nose, and my cheeks before he intentionally looked at my eyes.

Hindi ko maiwasang kiligin pa rin sa tuwing ginagawa niya 'yon. Pruweba r'on 'yong pag-iinit ng mga pisngi ko. I can't get enough of that gesture of his.

Unti-unti na tuloy naglalaho 'yong kaba at takot ko.

Kalma ka lang kasi, Lindsay!

"Nandito lang ako. Hindi kita papabayaan," he said in a low yet sweet tone. He caressed my right face while still holding my hands with his left hand. "No one can hurt you as long as I'm breathing."

Napangiti ako pagkarinig n'ong mga sinabi niya. Words can really do so much to somebody else's life. Simple positivity and assurance from someone we love are enough for us to feel better.

I mouthed 'thank you' to him before we both decided to get out of the car.

Inalalayan pa ko ni Peter pababa at saka kami dumiretso sa gate. It was open so we get straight inside.

Pagkabukas ni Peter ng pinto, hinawakan niya 'yong kanan kong kamay at saka kami sabay pumunta sa gilid ng bahay. Nakita naming kumpleto na ang lahat sa pool side. Same long table where we met the last time.

Ngiting-ngiti si Tita Alexia nang makita kaming dalawa. Kumaway-kaway pa siya at saka tumayo para salubungin kami.

"Na-miss ko kayong dalawa," ngiting-ngiti niyang saad pagkalapit. Halata ang excitement sa boses niya na ikinangiti ko naman nang husto.

"Dalaw po kayo minsan sa bahay," paanyaya ko sa kaniya.

Nothing to worry now! Dati kasi, hindi ko sila magawang i-invite sa bahay dahil sa setup namin ni Peter. Mas ginusto kong huwag silang papunta-punta sa bahay dahil bukod sa ang hassle mag-ayos ng mga gamit, hindi ko maatim na niloloko namin sila.

Pero ngayon? They can freely go to our house. Anytime.

"Talaga ba?" nasisiyahan niyang tanong na bahagya kong ikinatawa. "Next time," sambit niya.

Hinawakan ni Tita Alexia 'yong kaliwa kong kamay at hindi ko maiwasang matawa sa hitsura namin. Peter is on my side, holding my right hand while his mom holds my left hand. We look like friends hanging out in the mall!

Pagkarating namin sa mesa, tahimik lang ang lahat. Different from the last time, magkatabi ngayon sina Tito Mikael at Tita Alexia. Nasa dulo pa rin naman sila ng mahabang mesa.

Kami naman ni Peter, inokupa namin 'yong upuan sa tapat ng mga magulang niya. Pero ako ngayon 'yong nasa pinakadulo. Katapat ko si Tita Alexia.

The others are seated two chairs away from Peter and me. Katulad ng dati. The same face is seated beside Tito Mikael.

Marie, Eli, Jeross, their parents, and the others are all present. It makes me relieved yet sad with the fact that no one dares to look at me or at Peter.

It feels uncomfortable yet comfortable to see them looking away from me. At least, walang awkwardness at hindi ko kailangang mag-panic sa kung anong sunod na gagawin kapag nagtama ang mga mata namin.

"We will be visiting Lindsay's parents tomorrow," pagbasag ni Peter sa katahimikan, nakatuon ang atensyon niya kay Tita Alexia.

"That's good," kumento ni Tito Mikael na ikinangiti ko.

"Baka may gusto kayong ipadala—"

Kaagad kong sinuko sa tagiliran si Peter at hindi niya naman napigilan ang pag-inda dahil sa ginawa ko. Nang tumingin siya sa 'kin, nilakihan ko kaagad siya ng mga mata.

Nakakahiya siya! Pero siyempre, kung mayroong kusang-loob na ibibigay, hindi ko 'yon tatanggihan.

"Hindi naman sila galing ibang bansa, ba't may ipapadala?" nahihiya at naiilang kong tanong kay Peter, clue na huwag niya ng ituloy ang sasabihin niya.

Naguguluhan akong napalingon kanila Tita Alexia nang bahagya silang matawa sa sinabi ko. I barely see Tito Mikael smiling so hearing him laugh gives me goosebumps. Parang ang cringe dahil ang unusual!

May mali ba kong nasabi?

Napabalik ang tingin ko kay Peter nang akbayan niya ko. Diretso lang 'yong tingin niya sa pwesto ng mga magulang niya.

"See? I get all my jokes from her," seryosong saad ni Peter pero alam ko namang nagbibiro lang siya.

Napangiti niya 'yong mga magulang niya. Habang ako, ramdam ko naman 'yong pag-init ng mga pisngi ko.

Inaakbayan naman ako ni Peter noon pero iba kasi 'yong impact sa 'kin ngayon. May kilig. May kung anong parang kumikiliti sa tiyan ko.

"We have reserved presents for your family in an actual fact," singit ni Tito Mikael na ikinabigla ko pero mas nangingibabaw 'yong saya.

Nakakatuwa kaya kapag kahit hindi ka nanghihingi, may nagbibigay!

Pero siyempre, kunware medyo nahiya ako, "Hala! Ang layo pa po ng holidays pati mga birthday nila."

"Masama ang tumatanggi sa biyaya," hirit kaagad ni Tita Alexia kaya nagpasalamat kaagad ako.

Baka magbago pa kasi isip niya; hindi ko naman talaga tatanggihan! Kapag tumanggi ako, baka sermunan pa ko ng mga kapatid ko.

Maya-maya lang, inihain na 'yong mga pagkain, doon ko lang din naalala na kasama nga pala namin 'yong relatives nila. I completely forgot about their presence with the joy I am feeling inside because of Peter and his parents.

Nilagyan kaagad ni Peter ng seafood fried rice ang plato ko at saka ako kumuha ng beef broccoli para sa 'ming dalawa.

Susubo na sana ko nang seryosong magsalita 'yong tita ni Peter. 'Yong mom n'ong Jeross. Hindi ko maalala 'yong pangalan niya. Sinabi niya ba?

"We will go straight to the point," she opened up; the demand of attention is evident in her voice. Napababa tuloy ako ng kutsara't tinidor sa plato ko.

Bigla na lang akong kinabahan. Baka sasabihin niya na 'yong rason ba't sila may pa-urgent meeting.

Itinuon ko 'yong pansin ko sa kaniya at lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nang makita kong nakatitig siya sa 'kin.

She continued in a serious tone, "We're worried about something. Lindsay's 'affair'."

Halos makalimutan ko ng huminga nang marinig ko 'yong huli niyang sinabi. May diin pa n'ong binanggit niya 'yong 'affair'. Ramdam na ramdam ko 'yong pandidiri sa boses niya.

Tinignan ko 'yong ibang nasa mesa. Takot na takot ako sa loob-loob ko.

They look disgusted and disappointed with what has been revealed.

Napakagat ako sa ilalim kong labi.

Kaagad kong naramdaman 'yong paghawak ni Peter sa kamay ko.

P'ano naman nakarating 'yong issue na 'yon sa kanila?

It has been a while. Sobrang tagal na n'ong huling napag-usapan 'yon sa set. No one is talking about that from our team already.

Biglang namuo 'yong inis sa puso ko nang may maalala.

Si Sarah. Si Sarah lang 'yong pwedeng gumawa nito! Ano namang naisip niya at pinaalam niya pa sa pamilya ni Peter ang lahat?

Worried na worried akong napalingon sa direksyon ng mga magulang ni Peter. They look confused and bothered.

I was about to explain my side when someone just came and greeted everyone.

"Sorry, I got stuck in traffic," mahinhin niyang saad.

Napakunot ang noo ko nang mamukhaan ko siya. Biglang nagbago 'yong timpla ng mood ko.

The girl who took Peter home the last time.

Ize Rigal.

Anong ginagawa niya rito?

Kaagad akong lumingon kay Peter to hear some explanation pero nakatingin lang din siya kay Ize na papalapit sa 'min.

Umupo siya malapit kay Peter, isang upuan lang 'yong pagitan nila. She gave him a sweet smile as soon as she was seated.

Hindi ko alam kung friendly, sweet, o flirtatious smile 'yon. Basta hindi ako natutuwa na nandito siya!

She's their company's director. Hindi ko mapagwari o ma-connect-connect man lang kung anong ginagawa niya rito.

She has no business here.

Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. Fear. Pain. Worry. Confusion. Halo-halo 'yong nararamdaman ko.

Hindi ko mapagtanto kung anong unang gagawin— should I defend myself first or ask them why does she needs to be here?

"We're very disappointed in your wife, Peter," saad n'ong tatay nina Marie at Eli. My attention pinned to him. "How will her affair affects our business? Name? Reputation?" Pataas nang pataas 'yong boses niya. He even clicked his tongue.

"Lindsay has an affair?" nabiglang tanong ni Ize kaya lahat kami, napatingin sa kaniya.

Napahawak ako nang mariin sa kutsara't tinidor ko dahil sa gigil.

Care is not visible in her tone, it is more like she's shaming me! Hindi ko alam kung ako lang 'yon pero ramdam ko talagang she sounds something else.

Bumagal 'yong paghinga ko dahil sa nararamdamang panggagalaiti. She has this power to make my blood boil by just doing nothing.

Nasabi ko naman na— I am not the jealous type. Pero ewan ko kung anong mayr'on sa kaniya na sobrang kinakainis ko.

Lalo lang akong nanggigigil nang makita kong tumingin siya kay Peter. They are now looking at each other.

I felt a pang in the heart upon seeing them that way.

Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko.

I was waiting for Peter to protect and defend me... as he promised. Pero bakit gan'on? He's so near yet so far. He's just here but he seems away.

"If that's true," pabiting saad ni Marie bago ako tabunan ng tingin. "It's a shame that Peter married you."

My heart broke upon hearing that. I was dumbfounded.

"Marie!" pagpapatahimik ni Peter sa kaniya pero nagsalita pa rin siya.

Her words shattered my heart into pieces.

"It's a shame that you didn't marry Ize. It was the real plan back then, right?"

Tuluyan ko nang nabitawan 'yong utensils na hawak ko dahil sa pagkabigla.

This time, nakuha ko na 'yong atensyon ni Peter. As much as I want to read his eyes, hindi ko magawa dahil sa nagtutubig na mga mata ko.

Umiwas ako ng tingin at pilit pinipigilan ang pagtulo ng sariling luha.

They were supposed to marry each other back then? So, anong purpose ko? Anong ganap ko? Bakit siya nagpakasal sa 'kin?

He said he married me for him to get their family's businesses and assets.

Ano 'to? Did he lie to me?

"That's enough. This meeting is nonsense," I heard Tito Mikael said in an authoritative voice. "Get out. Everyone!"

Sobrang lakas ng pagkakasigaw ni Tito Mikael pero hindi ko na magawang mabigla dahil sa overwhelming na sakit na nararamdaman ko. Ni hindi ko na rin narinig pa 'yong sinabi ng iba. Basta ang alam ko lang, tumayo sila't umalis. Disappointed in me.

Napatitig ako sa kawalan at pilit isini-sink in sa utak ko 'yong sinabi ni Marie.

Pero hindi ko maintindihan eh. Hindi ko kayang intindihin. Kasi sobrang sakit. Ang sakit-sakit.

Kasama ba 'tong klaseng sakit na 'to kapag nagmahal tayo? Kailangan ba talagang masaktan nang ganito?

Malalaman mo lang ba talagang tunay kang nagmamahal kapag nasasaktan ka na rin?

I got up and walked away from that scene. Hindi ko alam kung anong unang iisipin— 'yong affair issue ba o itong tungkol sa nakaraan nina Peter at Ize.

Hindi ko na rin alam kung s'an ako papunta. Basta lakad lang ako nang lakad.

Nang makalayo na ko sa kanilang lahat, hindi ko na napigilan 'yong sarili ko't tuluyan nang napaluha.

Nasa garden lang ako. Napaupo ako sa damuhan nang tila mawalan na ko ng lakas.

Itinaas ko 'yong mga binti ko at saka ipinatong d'on ang mga braso ko bago yumuko.

Hikbi lang ako nang hikbi.

"Lindsay, let's talk, please," nagmamakaawang saad ni Peter.

Itinaas ko 'yong ulo ko para tignan siya. Wala na kong pakialam kung anong hitsura ko.

"Sa taas tayo mag-usap," mahinahon niyang saad. Worried is clothing his face.

Tumayo ako't nagpagpag at wala sa sarili siyang sinundan.

Umakyat kami sa taas at saka pumasok sa kwarto niya. Umupo siya sa kama at nag-signal na tumabi ako sa kaniya pero umupo lang ako sa sahig at saka isinandal ang likod ko sa nakasara ng pinto.

Patuloy lang 'yong pagtulo ng luha ko.

"Alam ko naman, Peter," panimula ko at saka napahikbi. "Alam ko namang wala ako sa posisyon para magreklamo. Pero ano 'yon? Ba't hindi mo sinabi?!"

I burst out. Hindi ko na kinaya lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko. Ang bigat-bigat.

They made me look so pitiful a while ago. They made me look so dumb!

"Ni hindi mo ko nagawang ipagtanggol, Peter," nanggigigil kong saad. "I was waiting for you to defend me! Pero ano 'yon, Peter? Ano 'yon?!"

Peter's Point of View

Tears keep on falling from her eyes. It pains me to see her that way.

If I have had a choice, I want to go back to the past and correct everything that I've done, but we're here. I couldn't do anything of that anymore.

"I was caught off guard," I explained. Almost getting out of breath as I felt a lump in my throat.

But my words didn't help, she continued crying. I can't stand seeing her that way, so I stood up and walked towards her.

Lumuhod ako sa harap niya at saka pinunasan 'yong magkabila niyang mga pisngi. Patuloy lang siya pag-iyak habang nakatitig sa 'kin.

Ramdam na ramdam ko 'yong sakit sa puso ko at mas lalo lang akong nasasaktan kapag naiisip kong ako naman ang may gawa nito kay Lindsay. I caused her this pain.

I lifted up her chin as I continue wiping her tears with my own hands.

"Ize and I were childhood friends," I stopped upon saying that as I don't know how to continue.

But I have to. I want to be honest with her.

I don't want to lose her. It won't be to my liking to lose a diamond like Lindsay.

"People call it mutual understanding. We had that until we were in high school, first year. Everyone," I let out a deep sigh but the lump is still in my throat. "Everyone knows we want to marry each other when we get to our legal age."

Lalong bumuhos 'yong luha sa mga mata ni Lindsay nang sabihin ko 'yon. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. I just kept wiping all her tears with my trembling hands.

Pabigat nang pabigat 'yong nararamdaman ko.

Without me knowing, my tears started to fall from my eyes too. My eyesight is getting blurry but it doesn't matter. I just wiped all the tears away from my face with my free hand.

Hinawakan ko nang mahigpit 'yong mga kamay niya kahit nanginginig pa 'yong akin.

Iniisip ko nang mabuti kung p'ano ko sasabihin 'yong karugtong ng kwento ko kanina. Ang hirap-hirap.

Pero alam ko namang darating talaga kami sa puntong 'to. Hindi ko lang inasahan na ganito kabilis darating 'yong panahon na 'yon.

I should have chosen to be honest before but I couldn't out of fear and embarrassment.

Mariin kong ipinikit 'yong mga mata ko at lalong bumuhos ang mga luha ko.

I haven't told anyone yet about this thing I am about to reveal. I never thought of saying this to anyone rather.

I have to be honest now or lose her. I won't like the latter to happen, so upon opening my eyes, I said with my voice almost cracking, "I'm infertile since birth, Lindsay."

It was painful to say this but there is a part in me that felt a little relieved that I've finally been able to open up.

Lalo kong diniinan 'yong pagkakahawak sa mga kamay niya. I intently looked at her eyes hoping for her understanding. We were both crying.

I just want and need her and nothing more— I am sure of that.

"I got to know that when I signed up for our school's soccer team. I've undergone rounds of physical exams, including urine and blood tests. Later on, the coach and the doctor approached me to tell me that they've seen an uncommon and irregular thing in my results— a chance of infertility. I was devastated and ashamed of myself," I took a deep breath.

"I pleaded with them and did everything for them to not tell my parents. Power and money made that possible. After further tests, it was confirmed," my voice finally cracked.

I held her hands harder than it was a while ago. Asking for forgiveness, understanding, and for her to stay despite all these.

"I flew to America. I convinced my parents that I want to study abroad and get ready to inherit all their businesses and properties. It was the hardest phase in my life back then because I have had no one with me. I was afraid and embarrassed to let my parents know about that, especially our relatives. It will be the end of our family if they have known that," I stopped to breathe.

"Mawawala lahat ng pinaghirapan nila. At hindi ko hahayaang makamkam lang lahat ng 'yon ng mga kamag-anak namin dahil sa 'kin. Habang nasa ibang bansa ako, nakalimutan ko na si Ize pati 'yong nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya. Nag-repeat ako n'on ng first year. Tinapos ko ang high school abroad. Bumalik ako rito n'ong college." I caressed her right cheek with my right hand, my left hand still holding hers. "I was serious and it was true when I told you that I love you."

Teardrops fell from my eyes.

I smiled a little when I remembered the first time my heart beats for her.

"We were in third year when we first became group mates. We had a reporting that time when I had to attend to an emergency— mom collapsed. She passed out and I can't do anything but stay with her. It was just the two of us at home so I was left with no choice. You were so mad at me the next day and I was so apologetic. The way you showed me how much you care for your education, scholarship, and family, I came to realize that you are different among all. I felt something different then— my heart beat fast."

Tumigil na 'yong pag-iyak ni Lindsay pero walang emosyon 'yong mukha niya. Hindi ko alam kung anong nasa isip niya ngayon pero lahat gusto kong gawin, mapatawad niya lang ako. Matanggap niya lang ako.

"When you told me about your academic commission, I easily said yes to help you earn. As I got to talk with you more and more, I easily fell for you, Lindsay. I talked a lot about you to Brent," I smiled a little with tears rolling on my face.

"It was a selfish act of mine when I offered you to marry me; when in fact, I am into you and you are not. It was the last resort I had that time because my family and Ize's didn't forget about the marriage we promised. If it'd push through, they'll know about my infertility. All of them will make it a big deal and will lead us to bigger problems. The things which my parents have worked for will vanish."

I stopped to breathe. Lindsay is carefully listening to me but I can't still see any glimpse of emotions in her eyes.

"It was a win-win situation for me to marry you. Ikaw kasi 'yong babaeng pinapakilala sa pamilya. Then, I thought I am not the type of a man you'll fall for, so I risked. Hindi mabubuking 'yong sikreto ko kasi hindi natin kailangang magkaanak. In a span of three years, I'll get everything I want from money to properties."

Napayuko ako at saka bumitaw sa pagkakahawak sa mga kamay niya.

"But it was getting harder day by day to keep my feelings with me. So I've tried so many times to make you feel my love." I looked up to take a glance at her. "Pero palagi akong napapaisip kung tama, lalo na tuwing nakikita kong gusto mong magkar'on ng buong pamilya. I can't give you that, Lindsay. Pero sobrang minahal na kita. I risked it all."

Tumigil ako sa pagsasalita at hinabol ang hininga ko. Nakatitig lang ako sa mga mata niya.

Palakas nang palakas 'yong kabog ng puso ko at lalo akong natakot nang ilang minuto na wala pa ring sinasabi si Lindsay.

I was afraid of what she might respond.

Then, she suddenly laughed sarcastically. "Sa tingin mo, hindi ko maiintindihan? Gan'on kababa 'yong tingin mo sa 'kin, Peter?"

Pumikit siya nang mariin bago ulit dumilat at tumingin sa 'kin.

"Alam mo kung anong hindi ko matanggap? You fooled me, Peter. Alam nating dalawa 'yong rason ko ba't kita pinakasalan. Ikaw? Hindi ka naging honest," may panginginig sa mga labi niya habang sinasabi ang mga 'yon.

Napailing-iling siya bago ipinagpatuloy ang sinasabi. "Pero hindi ko kasi matanggap na parang sinasabi mong nawalan ka lang ng choice kaya mo ko pinili! Then you'll tell me you liked me from the beginning? Tapos pinili mo ko kasi baka 'di kita magustuhan pabalik? Ang labo mo, Peter."

Bahagya niyang itinaas 'yong mga kamay niya at saka nagkibit-balikat. "Pero nangyari na eh. Nag-agree naman ako sa kasal na 'to. We both benefited from the fake marriage. Let's say ayon 'yong noon at hindi na natin kayang baguhin."

Sandali siyang huminto at kumunot ang noo. "Pero p'ano naman 'yong ngayon natin? Na mutual na 'yong nararamdaman natin para sa isa't isa? B'at 'di ka naging honest? Walk the talk naman, Peter!"

Pataas nang pataas 'yong boses ni Lindsay. I can't blame her with all the anger she's feeling right now. Who would even like what I did? No one. And I accept the fact that I was wrong in all angles.

It was painful to see her burst out of anger like this but I won't say a thing.

Wala naman din talaga kong karapatang magsalita. Sinaktan ko siya. Hindi ako nagpakatotoo. Hinayaan ko 'yong sarili ko na mapangunahan ng takot.

I wanted to tell her the truth after what happened in Baler but I couldn't just yet. I was waiting for the right timing but this is what happened.

I should have chosen to be honest than wait for a freaking right timing.

"Ang dami-dami mong binago sa buhay ko, sa paniniwala, at nakasanayan ko pero hindi mo ma-apply-apply sa sarili mo?" She stopped as she gave me a wry smile.

Pain is visible in her eyes.

"You've always wanted me to be honest. May sinasabi ka pang "let's make things work together" pero parang puro ka lang salita," saad niya at napapiyok na lang sa tuloy-tuloy na pagsasalita.

She doesn't put attention to it. She swallowed her saliva and started talking again.

"Sana nagtiwala ka, Peter," her voice already cracked with her last words. She started crying again.

If I should have been honest a little early, would she still cry this much? Would she still feel the same pain?

It hurts me being the reason for her pain. I didn't want this to happen but it happened because of my irresponsibility, selfishness, and insensitivity.

I was enjoying all the happy moments we had, forgetting about this and that.

I was about to wipe her tears away from her cheeks but she stopped me from doing so. Hinawi niya 'yong kamay ko.

I have no reason to feel pain from what she did but I am feeling it anyway.

Dahan-dahan siyang tumayo at muntik pang tumumba kaya napatayo kaagad ako para alalayan siya. Kaso tinabig niya lang ulit 'yong kamay ko at saka tumalikod at binuksan ang pinto.

Padabog niyang sinara 'yong pinto at naiwan akong mag-isa sa kwarto.

Kahit gusto ko siyang sundan, inisip ko na baka kailangan niya muna ng oras na mag-isa at panahon para mag-isip-isip.

Pero sa oras na okay na siya, sana, pwede pa kami. Sana, may nararamdaman pa rin siya para sa 'kin.

Ni hindi ko pa nga naririnig na mahal niya ko. I still want to hear that. I want to hear that every day I wake up.

Pumunta na lang ako sa kama at saka humiga. Ipinatong ko 'yong braso ko sa noo ko.

Punong-puno ng what ifs 'yong isipan ko. Ramdam na ramdam ko 'yong sakit. The lump in my throat is getting bigger.

I was thinking of possible outcomes if I have had been honest earlier. Pero tulad ng sabi ni Lindsay, nangyari na.

What should I do now to not lose her?

Hindi ko na napansin at maya-maya lang din, nakatulog na ko nang may luha sa mga pisngi.

It was dark outside the window when I woke up.

Kinusot ko 'yong mga mata ko at saka napatayo. May naririnig akong ingay sa baba kaya lumabas na ko sa kwarto.

I went directly into the living room to see what's going on but I was left dumbfounded when I saw Lindsay's family on the sofa, together with my parents.

Napahinto ko sa kinatatayuan ko at nang makita si Lindsay na nakatingin sa 'kin, saka lang ako nabalik sa katinuan.

Lumapit ako pero nasa katapat lang nilang sofa habang nakatayo.

I looked at Lindsay to get a hint of what's happening but I only saw the redness in her eyes.

She didn't say anything to me, instead, she looked in our families' direction who are seating on the sofa.

The next thing she did blew out my mind. She told them everything about our marriage, leaving out the infertility part.

I was thankful for her for not saying that to everyone here. So, when she stopped talking, it was my turn to personally tell them about my reasons.

We were waiting for them to get shocked, ask questions, and get mad but they didn't.

Takang-takang nagkatinginan kami ni Lindsay pero umiwas lang din siya kaagad ng tingin.

"Alam ko. Alam namin," it was Lindsay's mother who first spoke with a smile on her face. No judgment can be traced in her face.

It was our turn to get shocked.

Kunot-noo akong tinitigan ni Lindsay at kaagad akong umiling para ipaalam sa kaniyang wala akong alam.

We all stared at mom when she started saying something.

"Magulang kami. Hindi man namin kayo kabisado pero kilala namin kayo. Magulang kami, alam namin kapag nahihirapan at nasasaktan kayo. Kasi nasasaktan din kami, lalo na kapag hindi niyo magawang i-share sa 'min 'yong bigat na nararamdaman niyo," Mom stopped for a while to look at Lindsay then at me.

It was dad's turn, "We were just waiting for the both of you to be honest."

Napunta naman 'yong tingin namin kay papa, Lindsay's father, when he spilled the truth.

"Akala niyo ba hindi kami close nila balae? Nag-uusap-usap din kami 'no," natatawang saad niya na may bakas ng pag-aalangan.

I don't know why but their statements made me a little bit comfortable.

All these years, I was so afraid to talk about my infertility but hearing and seeing them accept me and that infertility give me unmeasurable happiness.

I suddenly cried but I wiped the tears in an instant.

Having people around me who are understanding and open-minded is a different kind of achievement. An achievement I will treasure for life.

I smiled at them when they looked at me.

Nabawasan 'yong hiya at takot sa isip at puso ko.

"Anong plano niyo ngayon?" naiinip na tanong ni mama, Lindsay's mother. "Ikaw bata ka! Dapat nilinis mo kaagad 'yong pangalan mo. Hindi ko nagustuhan 'yong pangbibintang nila, balae ah!"

Mom apologetically said her sorry which mama understood.

"Wala naman kayong kasalanan. 'Di ko lang ma-take 'yong ugali ng mga kamag-anak—"

"Leonora," awat ni papa kay mama na ikinasimangot ni mama.

"It's okay, we understand. We'll work on this problem," Dad assured them before he looked at me. "What's your plan, Peter?"

I was about to say something— how I feel for Lindsay and how much I regret all the lies and dishonesty but Lindsay spoke.

"Naniniwala naman po kayong walang namamagitan sa 'min ni Brent, 'di ba?" nag-aalala niyang tanong.

Tumango naman ang lahat bilang sagot. I also nodded unconsciously.

I never doubted her. My full trust is hers.

"At tulad po ng sabi ko, hindi ko talaga gusto si Peter noon. Walang kahit anong katiting na feelings. Pero 'yong anak niyo po kasi," tumingin siya sa parents ko. "Sino pong hindi magkakagusto sa kaniya na sa simpleng bagay tungkol sa 'kin ay naaalala niya, marunong mag-effort, sweet, maaalalahanin, ang talino, at ewan ko ba."

Huminto siya para tignan ako. My heart feels so much emotion when I heard her say those things.

To see her look at me this way too? It gives me a different kind of happiness.

"Ang lakas ng dating. Lahat ng magandang katangian, nakuha niya na. Pumalpak lang sa ibang bagay. Hindi po siya nagpakatotoo kaagad at hindi niya ibinigay 'yong buong tiwala niya sa 'kin. Masyadong advance mag-isip." Napatigil siya dahil sa biglang pagbuhos ng luha niya.

Lalapitan ko sana siya sa kinatatayuan niya pero itinaas niya ang kamay niya para pahintuin ako.

Nanatili ako sa kinatatayuan ko. We were inches apart.

I want to hug her. I want to make her feel my love. I want to reassure her that no one comes first before her.

Mahal na mahal ko si Lindsay at hindi ko hahayaang mawala siya sa buhay ko. Hindi ko hahayaang umiyak siya nang umiyak dahil sa 'kin.

"Mahal kita, Peter," she said in between her sobs.

Nagulat ako pero nandoon 'yong saya na narinig ko na 'yon. Finally.

My heart beats irregularly. I want to say I love her with all my heart when she suddenly said something that left me hanging.

"We were supposed to have our annulment two months from now. Pagod ka na ba? Ako, sobrang nasasaktan ako. Itutuloy ba natin?"