"We have to live on standby. Always be ready to fight."

"You don't have to be here", Stephen tells me when I get to the training spot, "Sky's took a day off as well." "I'm a specialist so I train. Maybe next time we don't have to sacrifice someone", I shrug. "Scar-" 

"I don't want to hear it", I interrupt him, "Have you seen how Sky and mom are doing?" "Sky's trying to distract himself with Bloom and your mom.. she's not as devastated as the day when Andreas left with you." "Oh great, that brightens up my day", I give him a fake smile making him sigh. 

"You had no choice, Scar, you-" "No, can we just skip this emotional talk? It's useless. That's exactly why Riven is so much easier to be around", I say way too harshly, "I hope you give better training than emotional speeches now." "Well, don't complain afterwards", Stephen nods but I can tell that I've hurt him a lot.

"Seriously, you're here after what you've done?", Sky snaps at me when he walks by our spot after our training is finished, "I only wanted to talk to Stephen, but I didn't expect you to be here." "I'm trying to do my best, Sky. I'm not useful when I just stay in my room." 

"You weren't useful when you killed dad yesterday", Sky replies sharply. "Sky", I whisper looking at him shocked. We used to be a great team once. Deep down inside of me, I know that I had no choice. "Dad and I were getting closer and mom and him-" 

"It's enough, Sky", Stephen interrupts him harshly, "That's your sister who you're talking to and she saved you from going through what she's having to deal with now." "Oh come on, you only say that because-" 

"I advise you not to say what you're thinking now, Sky. You better keep your mouth shut until you've calmed down." Sky looks at us angrily at first but he also seems to hink about Stephen's words so he nods and leaves us alone. "Listen, I-" 

"No, Scar, you don't have to say anything to me, okay? I'm fine with it", Stephen says softly but I shake my head. "Yes, yes, I do. I have to apologize to you. I shouldn't have snapped at you earlier. You were just trying to help and I wasn't ready to talk about my emotions but that doesn't give me the right to treat you this way. Thanks for still caring about me", I apologize and Stephen smiles at me lightly. 

"Do you know why I came to the party?" "Because Saul wanted to know what we're doing?", I assume. "No, dumbass", Stephen chuckles, "I wanted to fight for you. I was talking to Saul and Liv and they said that I might have a chance still and that I shouldn't push you away because I think it's easier for you. And they told me not to wait as long as Saul did." 

"I know, he was pretty late", I add jokingly. I still wonder why he's been waiting until mom and dad got engaged. He had no chance then. "I just.. I'm sorry for what I've said the day before the party. I wanted to be there with you but I still remember that I'm actually too old for you and actually, I'm a teacher now and in a way, we grew up together. I just thought it's better to push you away so you don't have to decide between Riven and I anymore." 

I smile at him softly and take his hand which surprisingly, he doesn't take away. "It's not like I can't decide, not only. We don't know what will happen today or tomorrow, who might get hurt or die, what this fight will turn into. I just know that we have to concentrate on saving Alfea first", I explain to him and giggle, "But thanks for being so honest with me. I would have liked to hear your speech when fighting for me." 

"Honestly? I had no idea what I would have said", Stephen laughs, "I could have kidnapped you and just make you mine." "Try it after we've saved Alfea and I'll kick your ass", I comment jokingly and smile at him before leaving. I'm not closer to having my love life under control, but I'd say we've made some progress.

"Are you high?", Saul asks me between training and dinner when I get back from Riv's and my secret spot. I turn around slowly. "What?" "High", Saul repeats. "Hey", I reply confused. No matter how high I am, I would always understand the look that Saul gives me. 

He's angry, sad, disappointed. Well, he could at least laugh for once. "Scar", Saul sighs, "When I thought that I had killed your dad, I got drunk every day for two years." "Still you're judging me?" 

"I stopped when I knew I would have to take more responsibility for you two. Farah and Ben have helped me all the way." "What's the matter of your lecture?", I sigh. "We have to deal with what's happened and move on to fulfil our duties." 

"He was my dad, Saul, and I killed him just a few days ago. That's not something to deal with easily", I say sadly, "I was so.. so close to it with Andreas. I thought there would be some kind of compensation and that we could have a future." 

"And that's your problem. You want to predict the future. We're soldiers, Scar, we're not allowed to do that." "I'm sorry, Saul, that's really stupid." "Yeah, life's stupid and you know what? It doesn't care about your plans. But if you can get through this, you're going to be bulletproof. Every great fighters are bulletproof, Scar." 

"Does that mean, we should live in constant uncertainty, Saul?", I ask unbelievingly. "On standby." That's not the kind of life I want and I'm quite sure most of the others would agree. Probably even Saul would agree if he had something in his life that would make him understand what he could lose. 

I assume he started putting all of his capacities into being a soldier when he realized that mom wouldn't be with him many years ago. "Yeah, that may work for you. I'm not sure if I want to live like this." "Sometimes, we don't have a choice", Saul continues but I change the topic as I've heard enough. "How's mom doing today?" "It hit her hard but it's getting better each day."