Jordyn's POV

"Surprise, babe! Meet Kaidyn"

My eyes lit up as soon as Kai opened the door and a white pomeranian puppy ran towards me. I looked at Kairo, confused yet excited. He smiled at me then just nodded, signaling me to embrace the puppy.

I've always wanted a dog! And now it's in front of me! My heart jumped out of excitement as Kai and I pet the puppy. We played with Kaidyn then fed her afterwards.

"Kaidyn.. Why Kaidyn?" I asked Kai, still my eyes on the puppy.

"Hindi pa ba obvious? Kai saka Jordyn.. Kaidyn"

Hindi man lang nag-effort mag-isip ng mas fancy name but still, wow, I didn't know that our name combined would create such a pretty outcome.

"What's the nickname?"

"Dyn," He smirked at me when my brows furrowed.

Tinanong ko pa siya kung bakit hindi na lang Kai ang nickname pero ang sabi niya mas kamukha ko daw kaya dapat Dyn. If giving me Kaidyn is his way of apologizing then mag-aaway pa pala kami lalo kaysa sa magbati kami!

I thanked him for giving me Kaidyn, still. Living here in the dorm won't be as lonely as before and that's on Kairo's thoughtfulness. He just knows how to make me and my heart happy.

"I miss you already," he said.

"Yeah, me, too."

We're currently talking over a video call. Thankfully, I'm not yet asleep and he's taking a break. Madaling araw na at nasa restaurant pa din siya ng Daddy niya, learning about things he's yet to know.

"Hindi ka pa uuwi? It's 2 in the morning, babe," I sighed. "May pasok pa mamaya. Don't be so hard on yourself. You deserve a rest."

"I'm fine, babe," he smiled. "Ikaw ang pahinga ko, kaya nagpapahinga ako ngayon."

His eyes look so tired though, I was sure as hell that he always stresses himself by the things he can't control. If I could just help him or give him a hand to make things easier for him, I would.

The next day, I woke up early to prepare something. I missed Kai so much and I know how tired he was for the past few days. Hindi na rin kami masyado nagkikita at saktong mamaya, bakante ako sa hapon dahil wala kaming Prof kaya pupuntahan ko na lang si Kai sa room niya to give him a present, a reward.

Well, I don't know what to actually call it but I'll be preparing some snacks to give him later as a present for him to keep going and to cheer him on for being the best son, sibling, student and boyfriend.

As soon as I finished taking a shower, nagbihis na kaagad ako at nagcommute papunta sa isang grocery store na malapit lang rin sa dorm. I got a basket and started roaming around the grocery store. I took a jar of Stick-o, some bags of chips, gummy bears, chocolates and some yogurt drinks before going to the counter and paid for everything.

Papasok na sana ako sa isang stationery shop nang magsend ng message sa akin si Kai. Tinignan ko kaagad 'yon at napangiti, excited about the thought of him being clueless about the present I'll give him.

From: Babe 💓

Good morning, babe. I just arrived here at school.

To: Babe 💓

goodmorning! 10 am pa morning class ko today. take care and do well, babe.

From: Babe 💓

Alright. Take care, babe. I love you

To: Babe 💓

alright. I'll see you later. i love you more!

I giggled before making my way inside the store. I got a box wherein I'll be putting everything I bought, bumili rin ako ng ribbon and some decorations for the box. I was getting all so excited!

I can't wait to see a big bright genuine smile painted on his face!

The moment I got back to my dorm, I immediately prepared everything and even decorated the box. Nagsulat din ako ng maiksing letter at isinama sa loob ng box.

I took a picture of it to keep as a memory. It was a peach box and I decorated it with some silver glitters and then I put a wine-colored ribbon on top of it. I'm sure he'll love this.

I changed my clothes into something presentable before walking to go to the campus. Dumiretso ako ng lakad papunta sa morning class ko.

Nakita kaagad ako ni Joziah kaya tinaas niya ang isang kamay kaya tinanguan ko siya. Pumunta ako sa isang upuan sa tabi niya at doon nilapag ang bag pati na ang box na dala ko. His eyes landed on it kaya naman kinuha ko 'yon para asarin lang siya.

"Wait, wait! Ano laman?" he asked, reaching the box from my hand.

"Secret," I teased. Sinimangutan niya naman ako. "Joke. Pagkain lang, tangeks"

"Wow! Pahingi ako, bilis bilis! Ba't naman nasa box pa kasi," pagrereklamo niya. Pinitik ko ang parehong kamay niya kaya napadaing siya sa sakit.

"Ikaw ba si Kairo, ha? Hindi naman 'di ba?" I rolled my eyes on him.

"Ang kulit ng mood mo 'no? Minsan nakakausap ka nang matino saka nakakatawanan tapos maya maya bigla na lang magsusungit na parang hindi magkakilala, parang tanga lang!"

Inirapan ko na lang siya at tinawanan dahil dumating na ang Prof namin. Joziah and I became very close for some reason.. Maybe because lagi ko siyang nakakasama sa mga subjects ko at malaki ang pagkakapareho ng schedule namin.

Kilala naman ni Kai si Joziah and it wasn't an issue for him. I mean, duh, Kairo Ezequiel Eugenio? Mahal na mahal ko siya kaya hindi na niya kailangan magselos pa. And there are no reasons to be jealous in the first place.

When lunch break came, I ate with Joziah since may klase pa si Kai. Super busy nila these days, he also told me about what their professor said last time.. Malapit na daw i-announce 'yung magiging output nila for the semester kaya mas magiging doble ang pagka-busy niya.

To be honest, I was really concerned about him. Kumakain pa ba siya nang tama sa oras? Nababawi man lang ba niya 'yung mga puyat niya? I always message him about these kind of things but he always says na oo naman daw, naaalagaan naman niya daw ang sarili niya but I wanted to be sure, though.

"Punta na ako kay Kai," paalam ko kay Joziah.

Binilisan ko talaga ang pag-kain ko para maibigay ko na kay Kai ang regalo ko kaagad dahil kailangan ko nang umuwi para mapakain si Kaidyn sa dorm.

"Hintayin kita dito. Sabay na tayo lumabas ng campus," Joziah said.

Tinanguan ko siya at naglakad na papunta sa building nila Kai. Kaunti lang ang mga estudyante na makikita sa field, they're probably in their class right now. Ang iba naman ay nasa cafeteria. Nang makarating ako sa building, dumiretso ako sa tapat ng room nila at saka sumilip sa bintana.

Napangiti ako nang makita ko si Kai sa isang tabi. He's busy listening to the Prof while taking down his notes. I felt butterflies in my stomach while looking at him, adoring him. How can someone be this good looking just by doing nothing?!

I roamed my eyes around the room. My eyes landed on a female student behind Kai's seat. She's also writing her notes down and her hair is covering her face so I couldn't see her properly but my eyes widened the moment she fixed her hair.

My heart sank.

Why is she here? Anong ginagawa niya rito?

Hindi ako nakagalaw kaagad at hindi ko na rin alam ang susunod kong gagawin. My mind was filled with a memory wherein she ruled me and my emotions..

"Please, don't end us this way," I begged.

Nakaluhod ako ngayon sa kanya, walang pakialam sa ibang estudyanteng nakakakita sa amin. All I care about is her. Us.

"Don't make yourself a fool, " she bluntly said. "I already told you, we're done. Hindi mo ba naiintindihan 'yon? I'm done dealing with you."

"Then give me a reason why!" I demanded.

"Oh, I don't need to give you a reason"

"Tatantanan kita. Just give me a reason why you're ending us," I asked.

She closed her locker and crossed her arms, looking down at me.

"I played with you," she admitted. "It was nice, though, I had lots of fun"

"Clemente!"

I went back from trance when I heard Joziah. I looked at him and saw that he's walking towards me. Ibinalik ko ang tingin ko sa bintana at nakita ko na mayroong binulong ang babae kay Kairo na nakikinig naman sa kaniya. Hindi ko alam pero parang dinudurog ako sa pinapanood ko.

Kai playfully rolled his eyes and went back to listening to their Prof habang ang babae naman ay tumatawa na parang may pinag-usapan silang napakasaya.

"Huy, ang tagal mo naman?" Joziah said. "Ayan na 'yung room ni Eugenio. Kumatok ka na."

Hindi ako kumibo kaagad kaya umasta siyang kakatok na sa pinto ng classroom.

"Huwag. 'Wag na pala muna," I stopped him. "May discussion pa sila. Sa susunod na lang."

Tinaasan ako ng kilay ni Joziah, "Bakit? Sayang naman 'yan. Ibigay mo na"

Inalis ko ang ribbon ng kahon at binuksan 'yon. Kinuha ko ang letter na sinulat ko para kay Kai at pinunit na lang. Inabot ko naman ang kahon ng pagkain kay Joziah kaya mas nagtaka siya lalo.

"Take it," I said. "Or throw it away"

Kinuha niya naman 'yon mula sa akin. I looked at Kai again. His seatmate gestured to their Professor that he'll go to the lavatory and so the seat beside Kai is now empty. Lumabas mula sa pinto ng room nila ang estudyante na nagpaalam at nakita ako.

"Don't tell Kairo that I'm here," pakiusap ko.

Tinanguan niya ako bago naglakad papunta sa restroom. Nang mahagip ng mata ko si Joziah na nasa tabi ko, his brows furrowed. Tinaasan ko lang din siya ng kilay.

"Wala ka naman yata balak tawagin si Eugenio e," Joziah voiced. "Tara na. Uwi"

"Teka lang. May tinitignan pa nga–"

Napakunot ang noo ko at hindi na natuloy ang sasabihin nang makita ko kung paano lumipat sa tabi ni Kairo 'yung babae na bumulong sa kaniya kanina. Kai turned his attention to her before continuing writing down something on his notes.

He seems unbothered. What the fuck? Bakit parang normal na lang sa kanya na may tumatabi na babae na bumubulong sa kanya tapos tumatawa? And the fact that the person beside Kairo is the person who wounded me angered me more.

"Luh, gagu. Sino 'yung kadaldalan ni Eugenio?" bulong sa akin ni Joziah, nakatingin rin kila Kai.

"Ewan ko," I shrugged. "Tara na"

Luna Aria Sandoval..

I was quiet the whole time on my way home. Sinamahan na nga din ako ni Joziah kasi baka daw sa sobrang pagka-lutang ko, mapahamak pa ako. Nang makauwi, pinakain ko kaagad si Kaidyn at nagpalit ng damit para makapagpahinga.

The moment I laid in my bed para matulog sana, I received messages from Joziah.

@joziahp: Okay ka na ba? Btw, binigay ko na lang sa mga pinsan ko 'yung snacks.

@joziahp: Don't worry too much about what you saw earlier. Blockmate lang naman yun ni Eugenio, nothing more

@joziahp: Saka ano ka ba, mahal ka non, yiee

Natawa naman ako sa kalokohan niya. Nakakainis!

@JordynnL: dapat lang 'no!

But to be honest, hindi ko alam kung saan ako natatakot. Sa trauma na mayroon ako dahil kay Luna o dahil sa takot ako na baka mas mapunta na ang atensyon ni Kai kay Luna. Seeing them talk earlier, parang sobrang dali nila magkakasundo, though I can see Kai get irritated.

Fuck it, I'm overthinking again!

Nakatulog ako sa kaiisip ng mga bagay na ikinakatakot ko mangyari. I woke up to the sound of my phone, someone's calling me and when I looked at it.. It was Kai.

"Baaaabe!" he exclaimed, the moment I answered the call.

"Hey," halata pa sa boses ko na bagong gising.

"Oh, you're sleeping.."

"No!" Napalakas na sabi ko. "I mean.. Just talk to me. I miss you so much"

I heard him giggle on the other line. I didn't realize I was smiling not until I remembered what I saw earlier. Nawalan na naman ako ng gana tuloy.

"I miss you, too!" I can almost see him pouting just by listening to his voice.

"Tuloy ba tayo sa weekend?" I asked.

I remember him telling me that we should see each other dahil matagal tagal na rin nang huli kaming magkita. Hindi kaagad siya nakasagot sa akin. So I assume.. He must be busy.

"Okay lang naman kahit hindi tayo tuloy–"

"No, babe!" putol niya sa akin. "We'll go. I'll pick you up in your dorm"

"Alright," I answered. "How are you? How's school?"

"Our prof already told us the output we'll be submitting. Unfortunately it is done by pairs," Frustration is very evident in his voice.

"Oh ba't naman parang hindi ka masaya sa naging ka-pair mo?" I asked curiously.

"Wala lang. It's just that.. Nevermind"

Days passed and the weekend came. Maaga akong nagising at inihanda lahat ng pinabili niya sa akin na pang-picnic. Pero wala man lang akong idea kung saan kami pupunta. Saktong 6 am ay nakarating na rin si Kai sa dorm ko at dumiretso na kami sa kung saan man kami pupunta.

"Saan ba kasi tayo pupunta at pinabili mo pa 'ko ng pang picnic?" I asked, yawning because I'm still sleepy. Napakaaga naman kasi!

Natigilan ako nang hinalikan niya ako sa labi at isinuot sa akin ang seatbelt.

"You'll know when we get there, now go to sleep again. I'll wake you up when we arrive"

I was looking at him while he's driving until I fell asleep. Ginising niya ako at saka ko lang nalaman kung nasaan kami. We're in Tagaytay Picnic Grove!

We rented a cottage and prepared the foods that we brought. Kumain kami at nang matapos, we started taking lots of pictures. He kept on capturing shots of me and I just smiled in every shot because of the way he hypes me. Plus his gorgeous smile that is very contagious.

"Bakit mo nga ba ako nagustuhan?" I asked. "I am very flawed"

Ewan ko rin e. Bigla na lang pumasok sa isip ko ang tanong at ang ideya na 'yan, hindi ko din alam kung bakit. It's just that I wanted to hear his reason why he liked me.. maybe I just need an assurance sa kabila ng lahat ng iniisip ko sa mga nakaraang araw.

He let out a sigh before resting his hand on my neck, probably thinking that what I said was so random. Just then, he placed a soft kiss on my forehead and it felt like comfort.

"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being," he said, looking straight at me.

His eyes suddenly had this magnetic force and it's like telling me to get closer to Kai. And so, I did. I pulled Kai to kiss him. I missed him. Hell, I love this guy so much.

"Mahal kita," I reminded.

"You and I, forever," He smiled.

Forever. I wish I could believe in such a thing forever; But again, if it's with Kairo, I surely will.

May tinanong pa ako sa kaniya at sinagot naman niya 'yon. His words never failed to make my heart jump, never failed to make the butterflies in my stomach go wild.

And only him, Kairo Ezequiel, can do this to me.

We ordered a shake and drank it before Kai decided to go to the hanging bridge. Tatalon na sana ako sa tuwa nang akalain namin na sarado 'yon pero desidido talaga masyado 'tong si Kai kaya natanaw niya pa ang mga tao sa kabilang bahagi ng bridge, meaning that the hanging bridge is open.

This is my weakness! Pakisaksak na lang sana ako!

Humawak ako nang mahigpit kay Kairo at halata naman ang diin dahil namumula na ang braso niya. Well, wala akong magagawa! Takot nga ako e!

"Babe, calm down. Wala pa tayo sa gitna oh," He said at bahagyang gumalaw kaya mas natakot ako at hinigpitan lalo ang pagkakahawak sa kaniya.

"Hindi naman masakit babe," he sarcastically stated. "Mas masakit yung kapit mo sa akin nung nasa kama tayo–"

Hinampas ko siya para putulin ang sasabihin niya pa. This isn't the right freaking time to talk about those things! Gago talaga 'to. Tinawanan niya lang ako at nagpatuloy na kami.

I recovered when we arrived on the other side of the bridge. Grabe! Buti naman at buhay pa ako! Again, we took a lot of pictures and just by glancing at those photos, us being at the peak of our happiness is evident.

Pababa na sana kami nang mapansin ko ang tuloy tuloy na pagvibrate ng phone ni Kai pero ayaw niyang i-check. I mean.. Baka importanteng tawag or message tapos ayaw niya bigyan ng pansin? Unless may tinatago 'to sa akin kaya ayaw niya sagutin?

No.. I know him. May tiwala ako kay Kairo. He would never do such things.

"Check it, baka importante 'yan," I told him.

Bumuntong hininga siya bago bigyan ng pansin ang phone niya. Napakunot pa ang noo niya at may pinindot na kung ano sa screen saka ibinalik ang tingin sa akin.

"Sino 'yon?" I asked out of curiousity.

Nginitian niya ako at hinalikan sa noo, "It was Luna, my blockmate."

Natigilan ako saglit at tumalikod sa kanya para itago ang emosyon ko na halata sa mukha ko.

I didn't know that they communicate with each other. But that's not what is important. Ang iniisip ko lang, why does she need to spam Kai with notifications. Does she badly want him to respond to her that much?

Sigurado naman ako na may idea si Luna na kami ni Kairo. So what the fuck is she thinking while doing these things? At kailan pa sila naging close to the point na kahit weekend kailangan ni Luna makipag-usap kay Kairo?

"Is there something wrong, babe?" he asked, concerned about my sudden actions.

I pulled myself together before facing him again. I clenched my fist and let out a deep breath to somehow calm myself. Ayaw ko magsimula at umatake ang breakdown at pag-ooverthink ko.

"Wala. Balik na tayo. Medyo nahihilo na ako e. 'Yung hanging bridge kasi nakakainis!" I tried to think of an excuse and not open up about the topic I really don't want to talk about with him.

He probably didn't know about my past with Luna kaya wala rin akong karapatan magalit.

We walked back together at a slow pace. He held my hands two times tighter na parang ayaw na niyang bitawan ang mga iyon kahit kailan pa man. Nang medyo dumadami na ang mga tao, he wore his sunglasses to not get too much attention.

Nang makasakay na kami sa sasakyan niya, his phone rang. He showed me his phone and I saw his Mom calling so I nodded to let him take the call.

"Hello?" bungad ni Kai.

Napakunot ang noo niya sa sinabi ng Mommy niya kaya mas pinagtuonan ko ng atensyon ang mga magiging expression ni Kai.

"Anong pangalan?" he asked then paused to hear her Mom and I saw his brows furrowed. Halata na naiirita. "What is Luna doing there?!"

My eyes widened when I heard Luna's name. I don't know what to feel.

Why the hell is Luna bothering me whenever I think of Kai lately?! Fuck it! I'm insecure of her because of what she did to me in the past. She made me insecure and now she's being too close with my boyfriend, so what and how am I supposed to feel?

"The fuck? No, she's not my girlfriend, Mom," He said, dead serious. Mas naging halata ang pagka-irita at galit ni Kai. "Nasa kotse na. Pauwiin mo na 'yan–"

"It must be important, babe. Uwi na tayo at puntahan mo na sila Tita," I forced a smile.

Kung hindi naman importante ang bagay na kailangan nila asikasuhin, hindi naman siguro tatawagan ni Tita si Kai. Maybe Luna needs to talk to Kai about something serious.

Hinatid niya na ako sa dorm ko saka dumiretso sa bahay nila to do whatever Luna's business in going to their house. It's just funny that I never once got to visit Kai's home.. while there's Luna casually going to their house probably uninvited.

Inayos ko at niligpit ang mga gamit na dinala sa Tagaytay. I took a shower after that and went to my bed to let myself sleep. Ayaw ko manatiling gising dahil patuloy na tatakbo sa isip ko ang mga bagay na maaaring makasakit sa akin.

I slept for an hour or two before Kaidyn barked for whatever reason. I got up to check her situation but she's doing fine so kumalma rin ako kaagad. After a little while, I checked my phone just to see many missed calls from Joziah. My brows furrowed, wondering if what's happening.

@JordynnL: what's up? what's with the calls?

@joziahp: Nagbukas ka na ba ng ibang socmed? Have you already saw the articles and video?

@JordynnL: not yet. why?

He didn't reply, instead he sent me an article. I scoffed out of disbelief. Napakawalang kwenta ng title ng article. Whoever wrote this must've lost their mind to quickly assume things for clout.

Luna Sandoval was seen exiting Kairo Eugenio's house even though the latter has a girlfriend. Is he cheating? Or did he and his girlfriend broke up?

I clicked it, read the article full of non-sense and saw a video about Luna indeed going out from the house casually. She somehow looked tipsy and her hair is a little bit messy. And that's when different stuff began running through my mind.

Tangina, anong importanteng bagay ba ang ipinunta ni Luna kila Kai?

@joziahp: Hey, you still there?

@joziahp: Okay, calm down, Jordyn. Refrain from thinking such things.

My hands started to shake and I felt my heart beating rapidly. I tried to pull myself together and opened Twitter to see if the article already went viral. Well, I wasn't surprised that it already did.

My phone was bombarded with notifications, mostly from the groupchats I'm in. They're asking me if Kai and I already broke up, why is Luna in Kai's family house and some were saying that Luna and Kai would create a cute couple.

What the fuck. What the hell is happening.

Nilapag ko ang phone ko sa mesa at ihinilamos sa mukha ang parehong kamay ko. Despite the situation, I haven't received any messages from Kairo. He must be busy.. doing I don't know what.

Thoughts running through my mind.. I couldn't keep the emotions to myself anymore. Tears began falling uncontrollably. My vision became blurry and my knees started to get weak.

The moment I fell on the floor, Kaidyn ran towards me. I hugged her and cried my tears out. My chest is heavy and it's getting hard to catch my breath. It's tiring to cry and think about things without the certainty that you get from the person you want to get assurance from.

Just then, my dorm's door opened and I saw Kai breathing heavily, looking at me so concerned. I placed Kaidyn down before standing up to walk towards him.

"Kai, let's break up," I tried to make myself look strong.

"No, babe. Let me explain"

Hinila niya ako para sana yakapin ngunit mas nainis lang ako lalo dahil amoy alak siya. What the fuck is he and Luna on about? Is drinking the important thing na kailangan ispam ni Luna si Kai?

"Tignan mo, galing ka sa bahay niyo at galing din sa inyo si Luna tapos amoy alak ka! I didn't let you go earlier thinking you're gonna do some schoolworks just to drink with her!" I screamed.

I couldn't contain my emotions anymore. Ilang araw ko na rin 'tong iniinda mag-isa! Nakakagalit, nakakaselos, nakakaputangina! Ngayong araw na lang ulit kami nag-kasama, hindi pa nasagad dahil kailangan umuwi ni Kai tapos malalaman ko na nag-inuman lang pala sila ni Luna? Fuck!

"We did talked about our output–"

"Tapos ano? Celebration kaya nag-inom kayo nang dalawa lang kayo? Tangina naman, Kairo!"

"You have to trust me, Jordyn" He reached for my hands.. "Trust me on this, babe"

I bawled my eyes out. I cried so much that I lowered my head to somehow hide that I was hurting. Ang hirap e. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko nakukuha 'yung sakit pero sobrang sakit talaga.

We talked things through, screaming and shouting at each other. We were both crying, not knowing what to do anymore. It's tiring.

Pagod, sakit, nagsama sama na lahat. Ayaw ko tapusin ang kung anong mayroon kami ni Kairo pero kung ganito kami, wala na 'tong pahahantungan. Maybe for now, we need more time apart.

"Kairo, pagod na ako. Pagod na ako sa lahat! Sa relasyon nating ito, nakakadrain!" My knees got weak causing me to fall on the floor, crying.

"Bakit ka napagod? Teka lang, hindi sapat na rason ang pagod na, Jordyn!" he yelled.

Natawa naman ako sa kanya. Siguro nga hindi sapat na napagod ako pero sapat na siguro 'yung mga sakit na naramdaman ko. Simula pa nang malaman kong blockmate niya si Luna. Nasa bahay nila si Luna. Umuwi si Kai para kay Luna. Nag-inom sila ni Luna.

Puro na lang Luna!

E putangina nga ng babae na 'yan e! Alam niyang kami ni Kairo, alam niyang may relasyon kami kaya anong kagaguhan ang ginagawa niya na alam naman niyang masasaktan ako?! Hanggang ngayon ba hindi pa rin siya tapos pahirapan ako?

"Bukas tayo mag usap. Susunduin kita maghanda ka na lang. Walang maghihiwalay dito," he said before kissing me on the forehead and leaving me alone in the dorm.

I can't think straight, I can't think of other things besides the words I've thrown at Kairo. Hindi ko alam pero parang wala akong pinagsisisihan sa mga sinabi ko. All I know is that even after I've said those words and mean it, it won't change the fact that I love Kai.

I cried myself to sleep, thinking about the decision that I will be making tomorrow. I woke up to the sound of my alarm, it was almost 4 pm and I slept a lot. I ate a quick snack and proceeded to take a shower. I wore a simple outfit, black t-shirt and brown pants.

Ilang sandali lang ay dumating rin si Kairo at nagdrive papunta sa kung saan man. The silence was so loud that I had the urge to answer the question he asked me earlier when he got to my dorm.

"I've already thought about the words I've said yesterday. I rethought every phrase I threw at you yesterday but no.. I still haven't changed my mind," I straight-forwardly said.

We later arrived in the Manila Bay. The sun was about to kiss the ocean, the horizon was pretty. We sat on the sand and looked at the magnificent view. It was comforting.

"Give me scars, as much as you want.. Just let me go, Kai"

Tears started to form around my eyes causing my vision to get blurry but it's kind of okay because in this way, I won't be able to fully see the pain in Kai's eyes. He expressed his pain, he wasn't scared to show me that he's hurting and then here's me being cruel because I couldn't do anything to stop him from hurting.

I couldn't do anything because I'm the reason why he's hurting in the first place.

"Why does it seem like it's so easy for you to let us go?" He asked me

Hindi kaagad ako nakasagot.. because it wasn't easy letting us go. Para akong pinapatay nang paulit-ulit kapag naiisip ko ang pagtapos ng relasyon namin. I wasn't and I won't ever be ready to let this relationship go but I need to.

"I don't know.. Maybe because our relationship started from a bet," I lied.

Natahimik kaming dalawa at itinuon ang atensyon sa araw na papalubog na. The sunset was pretty but still, it signifies the end. How ironic that Kai and I are together, watching it.

"The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?" He turned his gaze to me. "I'm only doing this because I love you and I want you to be happy. I want you to have your freedom and here it is."

Bullshit. I'm happy when I'm with you. I'm free when I'm with you. Kaya hindi ko rin maintindihan ang sarili ko kung bakit kailangan kong tapusin kung ano ang meron tayo.

Maybe our stars weren't aligned yet.. Siguro pinangunahan natin ang mga tala.

He kissed me before turning his back against me and leaving me all alone, sitting in front of the setting sun, leaving the Earth with darkness. Only God knows how much I cried, trying to numb the pain I'm feeling.

I went home with a heavy heart. I don't even know how to act properly now, damn it. Hindi ko na alam ang mga bagay na dapat gagawin ko, hindi ko na alam ang mga susunod na mangyayari sa akin.

Natigil lang ang pagka-tulala ko nang mag-ring ang phone ko. My Mom's calling. It was a video call kaya inayos ko pa muna ang sarili ko bago sinagot ang tawag.

"Hey, kumusta, ma?" I smiled.

"I'm fine here. I suddenly thought of calling you because I miss you already," She gave me a gentle smile. "I wonder how you're doing there. Kumusta, anak?"

I wanted to cry. Gusto kong mag-open kay Mama ng nararamdaman ko pero ayaw ko siyang mag-alala. Napakalaking bagay ng pagtawag sa akin ni Mama, lalo na't narinig ko ulit ang boses niya.

"Ma.." I called her, tears were building up in my eyes.

"Yes, anak? What happened to your eyes?" Napakunot ang noo niya at mas inilapit sa mukha niya ang phone para makita lalo ang itsura ko. "Did you cry? Are you about to cry? Anak?"

Umiling ako sa kaniya saka pinunasan ang mga luha na namuo sa mata ko. I took a deep breath before smiling at her.

"Ma, how did you get your heart fixed when Papa left us?" I asked her and she was obviously shocked. "I want to get my heart f-fixed, Ma"

She gave me an apologetic smile and I let my tears out, I sobbed. Hindi ko naman kailangan itago ang nararamdaman ko kay Mama. Out of all people, it's my Mom who knew me the best.

"There isn't a correct way to fix a heart, Jordyn. But it will all start with acceptance then the rest will follow," she advised, smiling. "You'll get through that pain because you are Jordyn Alexis"

Acceptance. It will all start with acceptance... If it's that way, then I have a long way to go.

That night, I couldn't sleep. I looked at the ceiling thinking about the things I've done and wondering if my everyday life would run without Kai. Paminsan minsan ay naluluha ako kapag naaalala ko ang mga palitan namin ng mga salita na nakasakit sa amin.

I broke my heart before. I experienced crying myself to sleep, asking myself what have I done to lose the people I love. I went through the process of sadness for a long time and I thought I'll get used to pain but I was wrong. Mas masakit pa ngayong si Kairo ang nawala sa akin.

My alarm went off and I stood up to prepare myself before going to the campus, walang tulog. I wore a mustard yellow sweater and ankle pants. I tried putting on a light make-up para man lang matakpan ang mugtong mata ko.

I arrived at the campus and went straight to my morning class. I tried my best to avoid the stares of the students that I'm encountering. Wala akong kasama ngayong umaga dahil mamayang afternoon class pa kami magkaklase ni Joziah.

"Pst! You used to be Kairo Eugenio's girlfriend, 'di ba? What happened sa inyo?"

Sinamaan ko ng tingin ang blockmate ko na nakikisawsaw sa buhay ko. Oo na! Ex na nga ako putangina naman, dapat pa ba ulit-ulitin?!

"I'm afraid that it's none of your business," I looked at her from head to toe. "So, fuck off"

Tumayo ako para sana lumipat ng mauupuan nang marinig ko ang binulong niya sa kaibigan niya na kaklase din namin. Gusto ko siyang hambalusin.

"Buti nga nagbreak na. I never liked her for Kai in the very first place anyway"

Napahigpit na lang ako ng kapit sa bag at lumayo sa kanila. Baka mamaya kung ano pa magawa ko sa kaniya e. Sarap niyang ipulupot sa poste! Hay nako!

Our professor arrived shortly and began discussing our new topic about Mass Communication and Marketing. Kahit hindi masyadong maganda ang pakiramdam ko ngayong umaga, kinailangan ko magfocus nang maayos dahil pahirap na nang pahirap ang mga activities namin para sa subject na 'to.

Lunch break arrived and Joziah sent me a message saying na he'll be waiting for me in the cafeteria kaya minadali ko ang kilos ko at dumiretso na papunta sa kaniya.

"Oh, kumain ka," Inilagay niya sa harapan ko ang binili niyang chicken salad pati sandwich nang makaupo ako sa tapat niya. "'Wag mong gutumin sarili mo nang dahil lang sa lungkot"

"Ikaw? Kumain ka na ba?" I asked him at tinanguan naman niya ako.

"Kumusta na kayo ni Eugenio? Have you two already talk things out–"

"We broke up," diretsong sabi ko. "I b-broke up with him"

Halatang halata na natigilan si Joziah at hindi kaagad nakabawi mula sa pagkagulat. I had to snap my fingers in front of his face so he could return back from trance.

"You broke up with.. You what?!" He asked, slowly sinking in his mind the things I've said.

"I had to," I sighed. "Ang hirap din e. Nakakapagod, Joziah"

He looked at me, empathy in his eyes. Inabot niya ang mga kamay ko na nakapatong sa lamesa at saka hinawakan ang mga 'yon, "I've noticed something, Eugenio was the sunrise and you were the sunset. You two both chased a different sky."

My tears betrayed me again, they fell from my eyes to my cheeks and I had to cover my face so that Joziah wouldn't see me crying.

He never once saw me weak. He never saw me cry and I don't want him to see me cry because the moment that it happens, magiging balewala lang rin ang pagiging tapang-tapangan ko sa harap niya.

"I know you have your reasons, Jordyn," He smiled at me. "I hope you'll get over the pain soon"

After we ate lunch, dumiretso kami sa afternoon subject namin. The gaze of some students is still bothering me but not much because I have Joziah. Hindi ko alam na ganito pala kalala ang mapapala ko after ending a relationship with Kai.

I never expected this because I never had any plans on breaking up with him! Yet I did.

Our subject was News Reporting and Editing. I did my best to focus on the lesson but sometimes I can't stop myself from zoning out so Joziah had to tap my arms always for me to get back from trance.

Dismissal came and we walked together on our way out. Napakaraming estudyante sa main gate kaya sa may parking na lang kami dumaan para umikot.

"Saw the article! Pst, ex ni Kairo!" A student sarcastically said.

Napalingon ako sa kaniya at agad na umiwas ng tingin. I saw how Joziah glared at the student before resting his arm around my shoulder.

"Manahimik ka, gago!" He called the student out.

"'Wag mo na patulan. Hayaan mo na lang," I stopped him. "Wala lang 'yan magawa"

We continued walking, his arm still on my shoulder. Malapit na kami sa bungad nang makita ko si Kai na nakatalikod at pasakay na sa sasakyan niya. I wonder how he is and how his day went.

Nang makalabas sa campus, inalis na rin ni Joziah ang braso niya sa balikat ko. He looked around before looking back at me kaya tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. Tila may importanteng sasabihin kaya nakatuon talaga sa kaniya ang atensyon ko.

"Kaya mo naman na siguro umuwi 'no? Malaki ka na ha," paalala niya sakin kaya natawa ako.

So random! Akala ko naman kung anong mayroon, bwiset!

"Uuwi ka na ba? Let's drink later!" I urged, inuuga-uga ang braso niya.

"Tanga! Monday ngayon!" Tinulak niya pa nang marahan ang noo ko.

Sinamaan ko naman siya ng tingin saka inirapan. Loko 'to ah! Masyadong komportable.

"Ano naman? Bilis na!" pagpupumilit ko. "Maawa ka naman sa puso ko!"

He face palmed, probably regretting na nakilala niya pa ako haha! Inayos niya ang pagkakalagay ng bag niya sa balikat bago ako tignan muli.

"Arte mo, tanga!"

Tinawanan ko naman siya. He later on agreed to have a drink with me basta daw uuwi dapat kami nang walang malalang tama so I said okay. At dahil sa pagddrama ko, illibre na niya rin daw ako. Yay!

Umuwi muna kami para magpahinga saglit at makapagbihis ng damit. I fed Kaidyn and played with her. Masakit lang every time pinagtutuonan ko ng pansin si Kaidyn kasi si Kairo nagbigay sa akin e. Si Kairo 'yung fur daddy nito e.

"Simula ngayon, it's always me who you're gonna be with always," I said to Kaidyn.

Parang naiintindihan niya ako dahil tinignan niya ako sa mata saka ako dinilaan sa pisngi. She's been a real comfort for me. I got a lot of happiness from her.

I took a shower then changed into a maroon satin sleeveless top and black leather skirt. Ngayon na lang ulit ako makakainom sa labas after a long long time. I'm excited! Kaya naman muntik na ako manlumo nang makita ang message ni Joziah sa akin.

@joziahp: Pst, uy, tuloy pa ba o matutulog nalang ako

@JordynnL: gago nakadamit na ako, sasabunutan kita!

@joziahp: Labas na tanga, nandito na ako sa harap ng building nyo

Kinuha ko ang purse ko saka dumiretso ng baba. Nakita ko kaagad si Joziah, he's wearing a plain white hoodie jacket together with a pair of black pants. Nakasandal siya sa sasakyan na dala niya. I didn't know he owned a car.

"May sasakyan ka naman pala e!"

"Sino ba nagsabi na wala?" He smirked, lakas talaga mamilosopo!

We rode inside and he started driving. Hindi ko alam kung saan pero nakarating kami sa BGC and when we arrived at the place, saka ko lang nalaman ang pangalan. It was called Bank Bar. The place was hidden.. a hidden gem!

The bar looks so fancy. There were an average number of people inside, casually talking and drinking. I let Joziah order the drinks for us. Konti lang din naman ang nakita kong choices kaya siya na ang bahala pumili.

"Thank you sa pagpayag," I mentioned. "It just felt like I needed this"

He smiled at me then sipped from his glass, "You're welcome. At saka may choice ba ako?"

"Bwiset ka talaga! Sabagay, oo wala kang choice!" I laughed at him.

Biglang sumeryoso ang aura niya saka ngumiti sa akin, concern is visible in his eyes. Nilabanan ko naman ang titig niya saka ko siya tinaasan ng kilay. Weird nito, laging bigla na lang tumititig!

"What is it?" I asked before sipping my drink.

"Kahit ilang bote pa ang order-in mo ngayon, kahit gaano pa ka-mahal, ayos lang. Just promise me that you won't cry alone at night, blaming yourself for following your decision," seryosong sabi niya.

"Alright, I'll try.."

"If you need someone, just call me, okay?" he said. "Gago ako minsan pero kaya kong pakinggan ka at ang mga nararamdaman mo. Pwede mong ilabas sa akin lahat ng nararamdaman mo."

I stopped myself from the urge of crying. Ewan ko ba. Napakababaw ko kapag may mga tao na nagpaparamdam sa akin na nariyan lang sila palagi. Lalo na ngayon. Masyado pang masakit para sa akin ang pag-usapan ang mga bagay na may relasyon sa amin ni Kairo.

We talked about other things to avoid having a sad vibe. He opened up a lot of fun topics to talk about. Nakakagaan ng loob ang ganito. I'm glad I have Joziah as my friend.

Nang maging busy siya sa phone, I took a picture of him, my index finger was visible, pointing at him. I posted it on my IG story with a simple caption.

"Oh, ba't ka nangpipicture? Crush mo ako 'no?" pang-aasar niya.

"Asa!" I rolled my eyes.

We continued talking to each other and drinking. We were laughing about the dumbest things until our stomach hurt. It almost felt like I forgot about the people around us. Pakiramdam ko sakop namin ang buong lugar dahil napakakomportable namin pareho.

"K-Kai, what.. What are you doing here?"

Muntik ko nang mabitawan ang basong hawak ko nang may biglang humawak sa braso ko at nakita si Kairo. His eyes are reflecting a lot of emotions but anger is very evident.

"Let's talk," he said in his authoritative tone.

Hinila niya ako papalayo mula kay Joziah kaya hindi man lang ako nakapagpaalam. Nakarating kami sa isang VIP room. He closed the door before looking at me pero umiwas ako ng tingin.

What the hell is he even doing here?

I felt him walking towards me then my heart started beating so fast. Nang nasa tapat ko na siya, nasalubong ko ang mga mata niya at hindi siya nagdalawang isip na halikan ako.

I closed my eyes as his soft warm lips started to own mine. He held my neck with his hand making me respond to the kiss. I felt his hand dominating my waist before pulling me close to him.

Hindi ko alam kung epekto na ba 'to ng mga ininom ko. Nalilito rin ako kung bakit hindi ko siya tinutulak palayo. I was also questioning myself as to why am I wanting what he's doing to me now.

I pulled away from the kiss and stared into his eyes, "I want you, now."

We did the thing that we're supposed to do to satisfy our craving for each other. I missed this. I missed him and I'm sure that he also missed doing this with me. I don't care if I'll regret doing this tomorrow but all I really care about is that I'm currently being owned by him. By Kairo.

I lost track of time. I woke up in his arms and saw him sleeping. Ayaw ko na umalis sa tabi niya. Ayaw ko na siyang iwan muli. Gusto ko na lang manatili pero hindi pwede.

This will probably be the last time that I'll find myself in his arms.

I pulled myself together and fixed myself before going out of the VIP room. For whatever reason, I found myself crying on my way out. Parang mas nasaktan lang ako na pumayag pa akong magpahila kay Kairo.

I was in the place to forget about him, now, why the hell am I crying on my way out again?

Nang makalabas ako, nakita ko si Joziah. He still didn't go home. It was 11 pm, it was late. When he saw me, he ran towards me and put his sweater around my shoulder.

"Hoy, bakit ka umiiyak?" The first thing he asked. He didn't even asked me kung saan ako galing.

I hugged him and cried on his shoulder. Words are not enough for me to say how much pain I'm feeling. Hindi sapat ang mga simpleng salita at hinding hindi magiging sapat kailanman.

Days passed and I'm trying my best to always be fine. Nasusurvive ko ang araw-araw, salamat sa Diyos. Something still felt missing but I know that I'll get used to it. I can see my progress of accepting what happened so I'm hoping that my heart and I will eventually be okay.

"Sure kang sasamahan mo ako ngayon?" I asked Joziah.

"Oo, bakit? Ma-aawkward ka ba?"

He visited me in my dorm today at saktong magrerecord ako ng panibagong podcast episode. It is about Kairo and letting us go. Pakiramdam ko kailangan kong gawin 'to para makatulong sa mas mabilisang paghilom.

"Nevermind. Just stay here with me," I smiled at him.

I started recording. It was smooth not until I talked about me being a fool because I let him go. Despite that, I remained calm and composed to not cry while recording though sadness can be heard in my voice. But what can I do? Wala rin naman dahil hanggang ngayon nalulungkot pa rin ako.

After I recorded, I put my microphone away and started letting my emotions out. Sana malaking bagay na ang maitulong ng ginawa ko kasabay ang paglaya ng kalungkutan na nararamdaman ko. Being fine is all I want right now. Pagod na akong umiyak at maging malungkot.

I saw Joziah carry Kaidyn, they walked towards me to give me a big warm hug.

"You'll be okay now, Jordyn," he said.