Pagkagising ko ay nag-unat ako bago ligpitin ang aking higaan. Agad akong tumungo sa baba para magsuot ng sapatos. I'm going to take my morning jog before I prepare breakfast for my family. I have to cook for them so that Mom could buy me the car that I want.

Sabihin niyong ginagawa ko 'to para lang sa kotse pero I have been dreaming to get that car.

Mayroon akong debit card na nakapangalan sa akin given by my biological father but my Mom wouldn't let me use the money. She said that I should use it for my college tuition fee, kaya ang hinihiling ko lang kay Mom ay ang kotse.

The start of the semester is tomorrow which means that I only have a day left to convince both of my parents to buy it. Kailangan ko din maging maayos sa kapatid ko kahit sadyang ang sarap niyang asarin, papagalitan na naman ako ni dad.

"Oh saan ka na naman pupunta?" bigla naman ako nagulat nang biglang may humawak sa balikat ko. Nilingon ko yon at speaking of him, nakita ko si dad.

"I'm going to take a jog," I told him and he nodded before giving me a piece of paper showing my biological father's photo.

"Bumalik ka kaagad, bibisitahin natin ama mo." he mentioned and I just looked at him. I was lost.

To be honest, every time we visit him at the cemetery, I always ask myself why did I not meet him?

Even though I felt his warmth when I was a little baby, it's different when I can feel his presence now that I am an adult. I never got to feel the father's love even if my stand up father is here. My Mom actually told me the story about it but not vividly.

May mga nangyari daw noon na sobrang komplikado to the point where my biological father got involved in a car accident. Hindi nila kinwento nang buo pero it was enough to know that my father really loved my Mom so much.

But after my father's death, she told me that daddy Ashler made her feel worthy of being loved again. He made my Mom happy and stayed by her side through the tough times.

Minsan hindi ko rin gets ang pag ibig na yan, you're willing to risk everything just to feel love. Kaya nga hindi ako nag-uubos ng oras dyan. Kung may umamin, edi go.

I won't bother entertaining a woman. Besides, it's just a waste of time. It will kill you sooner than you realize. And that's fucked up. Kaya 'wag na lang pumasok sa relasyon, dagdag stress lang din.

"I'll be quick, I just need to have some cardio exercise," I told him and he nodded before smiling at me. "Do you plan on joining the swimming varsity?" he asked and I just shrugged.

I am very athletic, and I can get girls under me with just one wink but that's beside the point, what I am talking about is joining a varsity. I tried almost every sport in high school, basketball, volleyball, soccer, name it but the one I fell in love with is swimming and I don't even know why.

"Maybe. I'm not yet sure. I still have to know my schedule before I join something." sabi ko and he gave me my water tumbler as he tapped my shoulder to acknowledge my answer.

Nagpaalam na ako sa kanya at nagsimulang tumakbo.

Sa subdivision kami nakatira kaya doon lang ako nag jogging. I am using my airpods so that I can listen to music. I love listening to music as well as podcasts. Call me weird but it's really interesting listening to other people's perspectives or insights about certain shits happening around the fucked up society.

Almost an hour had passed and I did my cool off at the park before going back to our house.

It was already a few minutes past 7 so I prepared breakfast. Dumiretso ako sa kusina at inihanda ang mga gamit at ingredients na gagamitin ko sa pagluluto.

Malapit na magising si Mom at Hiara, yung kapatid ko kay daddy Ashler.

Halos dalawang taon lang ang tanda ko sa kanya pero grabe, mas matured pa ata 'yong babaeng 'yon sa akin. Pinapayagan ni Mommy na magkaroon ng crush at puppy love. As a Kuya, ayaw ko pa para sa kanya na lumandi landi.

Ako nga wala pang naging girlfriend tapos siya halos tatlo na naging fling? Daig pa 'ko ng bata!

I cooked blueberry pancakes and waffles. Dito kasi sa bahay nag-aaway kami lagi kung ano mas masarap eh, pancakes ba or waffles. Kaya ang ginagawa ko niluluto ko na lang lahat, edi problem solved. Tsh!

Nakita kong pababa si Hiara sa hagdan nang nakangiti at halatang may kausap sa telepono.

Nagtama ang mata namin at nakatingin ako nang masama. "Kuya! Bakit ang aga mo naman magising?" halos matumba siya sa kinatatayuan niya nang makita niya ako.

Lagi na lang kasi may tinatago, ayan.

"Who are you talking to?" I asked in a monotone. Hindi naman sa sobrang strikto ko kay Hiara pero babae pa din siya. She should at least have self respect for herself, hindi yung magpapakabaliw siya sa isang lalaki o babae.

Speaking of which, Hiara was never sure of what sexuality or gender she's into. It's like when she meets a boy that's totally her type, she would make a move. But when a girl gets her attention she'll be straightforward about it.

Mom and dad is cool about that, we don't practice discrimination and stereotype bullshit here in this house. And there will never ever be a place here for that.

"Kaibigan ko lang, Kuya." She answered in a straight voice which made me roll my eyes.

Hiara Karel, hindi mo 'ko maloloko.

"Come on Hiara, I'm not stupid. You're clearly talking to some guy or gal, I'm not deaf," I told her and she just giggled before sitting down and taking a pancake.

I heard a guy's voice and I just shrugged before flipping the pancake that I'm still cooking. Narinig ko naman ang yabag ng paa ni Mommy kaya naghanda agad ako.

Good boy face dapat, Kairo.

"Good morning, Mommy!!" I exclaimed as I greeted her. She smiled before going to dad and kissed his cheek. Sabay silang umupo sa hapag kainan.

I turned off the stove and placed the plate full of waffles and pancake on the dining table. Umupo na rin na ako and I started praying before we eat. Si Hiara lang talaga yung di makapaghintay at halos ubos na yung pagkain niya.

Nagkwentuhan kami ng kung ano ano habang kumakain. We talked about the happenings in our lives and laughed at the jokes that were made by Dad. Our family and our house has always been like this. A light ambiance and a very peaceful place for me.

Ilang minuto ay biglang napunta ang topic namin sa course na balak namin kunin ni Hiara. Hindi naman na din ako nagdalawang isip pa sa isasagot, I've always been so sure of my choice.

I'm going to take business management in college so that I can focus on my father's business that sooner or later will be managed by me, Eugenio's Cuisine.

After breakfast ay naligo ako nang mabilisan at nagbihis ng casual attire.

Sa kotse kami ni Mom sasakay, pero sa totoo lang ayaw ko na sumabay sa kanila. They're still treating me like a baby, nagcacarpool pa at kung ano ano to get my attention.

I would just put on my airpods and vibe with the music and shit.

Nakarating kami sa sementeryo at ako ang nagsindi ng kandila. Si Mom ang naglapag nung bulaklak. It was white roses, she told me that it was their thing. When it comes to roses, they always pick white because it means purity; that the love they used to have is pure.

But now Dad Ash loves my Mom and I'm happy for them.

We stayed there for a while and talked about random things. Katulad nalang ng mga memories na meron ang totoong dad ko pati na si ddy Ash. They were best friends. Ride or Die mates.

I've always wanted to meet my dad. I'm sure he's cool at magkakasundo kami lagi. Lintik nga lang kasi napakaimposible ng gusto kong mangyari.

I sighed while looking at his name on his tombstone. Elliot Jax Eugenio.

Naramdaman ko naman ang marahan na paglagay ni Mom ng braso nya sa balikat ko. I looked at her, "You must be thinking that his name was so cool, right?" she asked and I just laughed at her.

"What kind of person was he, Mom?" tanong ko. "He's cooler than what you imagine," sagot nya lang sa akin at ibinalik ang tingin sa lapida. Itiningala ko ang ulo ko at nakita ang payapang kalawakan. He must be happy and free up there, I'm happy for him.

Maya maya lang ay nagdesisyon na kami na bumalik sa sasakyan. Kinuha ko ang cellphone ni Hiara dahil tawa siya nang tawa habang may kausap. Parang timang eh

Binigyan niya ako ng pamatay na tingin. Pakiramdam ko nga pinapatay na nya ako sa imagination nya e. "Kuya, isa. Hindi mo ibibigay?" banta nya sa akin.

"Kairo Ezequiel, ibigay mo ang telepono ng kapatid mo" suway sakin ni Mom pero di ako nakinig, instead I put her phone in my pocket. Bigla naman sumigaw si Hiara kaya tinakpan ko bibig niya.

"Nagsisimula nanaman kayo ah" banggit ni Mom habang may inaasikaso sa bag nya.

"Kai, tigilan mo na si Hiara." Dad said in a monotone. Takot ako kay dad kaya umamo naman ako pero hindi ko pa rin binigay ang cellphone.

"Kuya! Para naman kasing tanga! Akin na!!" sigaw ni Hiara habang hinihila ang braso ko. I heard Mom click her tongue and turned her gaze onto us.

"Hindi ka na namin bibilhan ng kotse ngayon Kairo Ezequiel Eugenio ah?" madiin na sabi ni Mom sa buong pangalan ko. Inayos ko ang pag-upo ko at pinroseso ang binanggit ni Mommy.

Did I hear that right? Bibilhan ako ng kotse ngayon?! YESS!

Madali kong kinuha ang cellphone ni Hiara sa bulsa ko at ibinato sa kanya. Napangiti na lang din ako dahil sa saya. "Tsh, baliw amp," bulong ni Hiara pero hindi ko na siya pinansin pa.

Narinig ko na bahagyang napatawa si Mom and I just looked at dad. He's happy when my Mom is happy and that's why I don't really hate him being my non-biological father. I'm actually glad that he's with us.

Nakarating kami sa Mustang dealership. Ang gaganda ng kotse pero agad na napunta yung paningin ko sa baby na dati ko pa gustong makuha. Ford Mustang. Agad lumiwanag ang tingin ko nang makita ko ito.

Mayroong lumapit sa amin na lalaki na may hawak na papeles. "Kianna Miranza?" tanong nito at tumango naman si Mom. "The car you requested 2 months ago is ready, come and follow me and we'll discuss the papers and you'll take the brand new car home." sabi nito at nagulat ako.

2 months ago pa nirequest ni Mom 'yon? So plano niya talaga na bilhan ako ng kotse kahit sobrang kulit ko last month. Arghhhhh, I love Mommy!! The best!!

It took them 30 minutes to discuss and sign the papers.

Finally after that, my car was already in front of me. Binato sa akin ni Dad yung susi at agad ko naman ito binuksan at pumasok sa loob. I turned on the engine and I was smiling the whole time.

Lumingon ako kay Mom at nakita ko siyang nakangiti habang nakatingin sa akin. Lumabas ako ng kotse at nilapitan siya at binigyan ng isang mahigpit na yakap.

"Thank you, Mom." I thanked her and she just smiled before patting my head. "Anytime, anak ko." She replied and smiled before pushing me away. "Go on, take your new baby out. 'Wag mo lang gagasgasan or ibabangga kasi kung ginawa mo 'yon baka wala ka nang uwian na bahay." banta sa akin ni Mommy at natawa na lang ako.

Nauna akong nagmaneho and damn, this feels so good. Hindi naman na ako umalis pa, dumiretso ako sa bahay at pinark ang kotse ko kung nasaan ang bakanteng space.

Doon nilahad ni Dad yung space kasi alam niyang hindi ako matitiis ni Mommy.

Sa simula pa lang daw spoiled na spoiled na ako to the point where I would just cry and Mom would give me what I want. But when I reached the age where I was thinking practically I never requested anything big except for this car. Oo yung mga cellphone at iba pa naming gadgets ni Hiara ay Apple pero hindi pa rin namin tine-take advantage yon.

We know our limitations, because me and Hiara were raised by wonderful parents.

Kinabukasan ay maaga ako gumising. 8 am kasi yung first class ko at baka makatulugan ko pa ang alarm ko. I took a quick shower and put on black sweatpants and white oversized shirt paired with my daddy Eli's Dior shoes. Kasya na kasi sa akin yung sapatos niya kaya binigay sa akin ni Mom.

"HIARAAA, GUMISING KA NA! 'DI KITA IHAHATID NGAYON DAHIL MALAYO NA ANG PAPASUKAN KO!" sigaw ko galing sa baba at narinig ko naman na nagrespond din naman siya.

I fixed my bag and hair before telling them that I would be taking my leave, "Mom, dad, pasok na ako. I'll come home maybe before dinner. I love you both!"

"Good luck, Kai!!! I love you!" sigaw ni Mommy at nakita ko naman na tumango lang sakin si Dad. I smiled at them and left the house immediately.

Habang nagmamaneho ay binuksan ko ang spotify ko at may nagpop na bagong podcast which already has 27+ audios and I was curious about what topics they are talking about.

Pumindot ako ng isang episode at nakarinig ako ng boses ng babae.

"Hi my Jordies! Today is Monday and I want to let you know to keep your head up. Lalo na sa mga magpapasukan na." sabi nito sa podcast and I was still curious so I did not stop the audio.

"I myself would be moving out of my town to go to the city for me to pursue my course in college. This is pre-recorded so this is not live. By the day I post this, I am now at my college university working my ass off," sambit niya at bigla naman akong natawa.

She's... cool. I guess?

"Anyhow, ang topic natin or the question that was asked by my Jordies is bakit kaya ng isang tao na kumapit sa isang unhealthy relationship? Relationship in general, family, friends, or special someone kahit sinisira na ang mental health niya." nagkaroon muna ng silent pause bago siya tumawa ng nahihiya.

"Uhm, that's a heavy one. Pero para sa akin dipende kasi yan, case to case basis to be honest. They hold on because they think that they can still see the goodness in them. Sa iba naman ay sila ay nasa isang fucked up situation kung saan ikaw ay nasasakal at hindi alam kung ano na ang gagawin mo sa buhay. Some people need help, because they cling to unhealthy relationships because they want to save someone or be manipulative by them so that he or she wouldn't break."

Habang nakikinig ay parang damang dama ko ang topic na pinag-uusapan kahit no girlfriend since birth ako. She has a valid point and I know that people can relate.

"All the things people do for love huh? Even though we're all in a bullshit scenario, it's easy for us to be selfless and care about them more than ourselves. Remember honey, you are important. Focus on your own mental health than fixing their state and fucking up your health. Wag kang pumunta sa point that you will have self-destructing tendencies."

She may be a journalist or going to take BS Communication; because it is kinda close to what her hobby is.

"Get this. My Mom saw my step father cheating on her. The girl my step-father cheated on my Mom pointed a gun at her and of course I was scared that time. My Mom told her do it and she doesn't give a fuck. I was mentally crying kasi akala ko na tuluyan nang mawawala ang parehong mga magulang ko. When the woman did not see any reaction from my Mom, she pointed the gun at herself at sinabing magpapakamatay ako. My Mom still did not give a reaction, instead she told her the same thing. Do it, I don't care. You give up your own fucking life. After telling that, the woman did not continue, instead she cried her eyes out until my bitchy step-father came into the rescue."

Inexplain pa nung babae ang nangyari at ako naman ay parang tutang nakikinig lang. I am so invested into what she is saying because her life is interesting even though she's just talking about a simple scenario.

Natapos ang kanyang pagkukwento at sumunod na tanong na. "Let's move on na, what should I do if I feel tired and hopeless in life?—" biglang naputol ang tunog nang mawalan ako ng load.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Hindi ko man lang natapos yung podcast niya, and more importantly hindi ko nafollow yung podcast!