Eliza

"Mom, what is wrong with you?" I question fiercely, once enough time has passed for Theo to make it up the stairs completely.

"Oh, what have I done now?" She whines.

"He scrubs up well? You think none of us are supposed to notice that you're comparing him to Theo?"

"But he does scrub up well," she repeats, no hint of regret in her tone.

"But you didn't need to compare him to some guy he doesn't even know. Besides, Theo has scrubbed up now."

"Obviously not well enough," she retaliates back, and I instantly roll my eyes at her, and turn back to Cooper.

"So how did this Theo guy even come about?" He asks.

"I saw him on the street one day, when I was on my way to college. I wanted to help him out so I begged mom to let him stay here."

"Wow, Lize. You never fail to impress me," he says, in the same flirty voice I remember all too well.

I find myself doing the child-like smile I remember all too well.

"Well, I'll leave you two to get re-acquainted," my mom sings, as she grabs her bag from the kitchen counter. "I'm heading to the post office, I'll be back soon. Nice seeing you again, Coop."

"You too, miss-"

"Uh-uh," she holds a finger up in the air. "Rosanne," she finishes.

"Rosanne," Cooper repeats with a slight nod.

My mother smiles, and then makes her way to the front door. There is a peaceful silence between Cooper and I, but I know what we are both waiting for.

The door finally closes.

"So..." He begins, but I can tell he has no idea where his sentence will end. We both share a laugh, as I say "as you can see, my mother hasn't changed."

"No, she hasn't."

He looks directly in my eyes, where the spark that once bore into mine no longer exists. Last year I would have melted at his gentle look, but this time around something is different. I look away.

"So how's college?" I ask, hoping his eyes would find another object to fantasise on.

"How any other educational institution should be... Boring." He finishes with a laugh, and I join in. "What about you?"

"Oh, you know. I always have the time of my life in that place." Yet again, we share another laugh, and he fixes his eyes on mine again. This time, I don't look away.

"You look amazing. Well, you always do, but obviously we haven't seen each other in so long and I forgot how beautiful you are."

An untameable smile instantly forms onto my face, complete with my cheeks resembling a red scotch bonnet. "Thank you," I finally find the words to say. "You always look good too."

"I miss you, Eliza," he suddenly reveals, completely disregarding my last words to him. I know what he means, but something inside of me doesn't want to have that conversation, and I know I need to try my hardest to divert it from happening.

"I miss you too, Coop. It's boring not having your friendship," I reply, feeling a pang of guilt at literally forcing him down into the friend-zone.

"Oh, friends is it?" He asks, although I know he doesn't actually expect a reply. "I guess you forgot about the two years we spent being... More than friends." I sense some bitterness in his voice, but that is contrasted by the evident humour he is hoping to achieve.

"Of course I haven't forgotten. But, if we talk about it then..."

"Then what? Don't you ever just think to yourself that we ended things too soon? Gave up too quick?"

"Yeah, at first. We literally just didn't even give it a go," I respond, sudden feelings of nostalgia instilling in me as I remember the invigorating relationship we had. He always made me feel so happy, so worthy. He didn't ever speak to me like I was a nuisance to his life, or give me signals that even a blender would struggle to mix. We were best friends - we actually knew how to communicate with each other; tell each other how we feel; have a conversation that didn't turn into a pointless argument. A sigh erupts from my throat as I realise I just did something that gives me the ability to question my feelings for Theo. I just compared him to my ex boyfriend, and presented my relationship with Cooper in the most angelic light that I actually feel ready to return to it.

"So why don't we give it a go this time?" He questions.

"Cooper. Are you forgetting why we broke up in the first place?"

"Of course not. Different colleges, hours away, long distance blah blah. I think we just needed to get on our feet in our new colleges and focus on ourselves, but I think we're ready now."

"You say that like you've been thinking it for a while."

"Well, I have. That's why I'm here today."

"I thought you came down here to see your mom whilst you're off for Spring Break."

"Yeah, that. And also to see you." He takes my rested hand on the table into his. "I love you, Eliza."

"Cooper..." I start, trying to release my hand from his.

"What? Why are you trying to fight this? I thought you weren't over us too? Is there someone else?"

His other questions all become non-existent to me once I hear the last one. Now would be a good time to tell him about Theo - maybe not that we kissed, but just that I've developed feelings for him. That way he will know that we're completely over. But, my brain begins to become fuzzed with the idea that maybe I don't want us to be over. He's right - we did end things too quickly, and that made it hard for me to move on. Our relationship didn't come to an end through somebody hurting the other, it was a natural break up because we thought we wouldn't survive being hours away from each other, and barely being able to see each other. But maybe we were wrong. Maybe we should have tried harder. And we gave up that opportunity then, but we have the opportunity again now. So why can't we take it? I know that I'm safe with him. I know that he won't hurt me. I know that I don't have to think about how he feels about me, I know how he feels. So what's the problem?

I can only think of one.

My mind becomes a battle of what response I should give to his question - knowing that both replies will encourage different types of consequences.

"No. There's no-one else," I say abruptly, despite the 'yes' being at the literal brink of my mind, and tip of my tongue.

"So... ?"

"It's still going to be long distance though."

"But we will make it work this time. We won't just give up." My hand still remains in his, and he suddenly lets it go, as I see him take a deep gulp. "Unless, you just don't want me," he enquires. But I can what he's doing. The guilt-trip effect.

And it's working.

"What? No, no of course that's not it." I place my hand back on his, defying everything my brain is telling me. "I'm just scared, that's all. But we can give it a go." The last part of my sentence immediately shoves unruly regret in me, as I internally pray to retract everything I just said. But the smile plastered on Cooper's face makes me ascertain that what I said is actually real.

"So I stay here for the week... And I take you on a date, and we have a great time. And then I go back to college but we make an insane amount of effort to make this relationship work," he speaks, his words coming off more like a question than a statement.

"Do you think it will work?" I utter, voicing my turbulent thoughts. I am genuinely intrigued as to whether he thinks a relationship between me and him will actually work. Maybe that's because deep down I know it won't, and I don't know what I'm doing. Part of me wants this security I get with Coop, but the other part of me wants him. Now, it feels like I will never get my deepest desire.

"We won't know unless we try," he responds, leaning in for the one thing I was hoping wouldn't come so soon. But, yet again my actions go against everything my brain is telling me, and we embrace in a incorrupt kiss. The only thing that goes through my mind is that electrifying kiss that couldn't possibly compare to this bland one. Our lips part from each other, and he begins to stand up.

"Right, well now I have to go back to my mom. She's gonna be so happy to hear that we're back together," he smiles.

"Tell her I say hi," I reply, and he nods. He leans in for another kiss, but this time I feel his lips caress my less rosy cheek.

"Tomorrow, I'm taking you on a date," he announces. "I'll text you the details."

I nod, giving him a small smile, before he makes his way to the front door. I hear it shut, and release a deep sigh that I didn't realise I've been holding. I place my head into my palms, and wish intensely for the ground to just swallow me up. What have I gotten myself into? I constantly repeat to myself, though no appropriate answer follows.

My mind goes into overdrive for the rest of the day, and all my thoughts come to the surface of my mind when I help my mom cut some vegetables for dinner. I ponder on how far things between me and Cooper will go, and if I can actually manage to fall back into the grave love I once thought I had for him. I think about Theo, what is he doing? What is he thinking? How would be react to the news about Cooper and I? I even think about Olivia, and wonder if I should tell her about what happened today. I know she would be abundantly happy to hear that the two of us have decided to rekindle the past - she loves him. Everybody loves him. His manners are impeccable; chivalry is still in existence to him, and- I stop myself as I realise I am doing the competing thing again. I try to rid myself of all these thoughts, but it's like the knife I'm using is cutting deep into my brain, and spilling everything in my mind onto the table. And I can't escape it.

Theo comes down for dinner, although I can tell by the look on his face that he would rather be anywhere but here. The damning silence at the table is only accompanied by the sounds of our cutlery cutting into the food. There is the odd small talk started up by my mother, but it is only directed to me. She makes a conscience effort to continuously begin the sentence or question with 'Eliza.' Theo runs off as soon as he takes his last bite, his eyes burning into mine for a quick moment before he goes. A look that had been missing for the whole of dinner. I feel my body crumbling into little pieces, but when I rub my hands against my arms and legs, they still feel intact.

Cooper and I text for the night, until I fall into a deep slumber. Our conversations resemble the old ones we use to have - he pokes fun at the TV show he's watching, and the characters in them, knowing that it will annoy me. I go out of my way to defend them, and compare him to the ones he hates the most. Our conversation is not complete without him informing me of our date tomorrow - in which he instructs me to be utterly casual for. An unwilling smile creeps on my face, and I can only hope we're not doing anything that involves mud, or the woods.

The next day, I find myself calling the one person I know will give me good advice. I can't tell my mother, because that would mean telling her about Theo and I, and that would mean he will be left with no place to stay.

"Is this a call to let me know that I'm welcome back in your house anytime I please?" Olivia's voice booms through the phone.

"I haven't quite got round to talking to my mom about that yet."

"Well, that sounds like you've been busy."

"Oh, I have," I respond, my voice taking a humorous tone, although I don't find anything funny about the current state of my life.

"What have you been so busy doing, since... Yesterday, the last time I spoke to you?"

"Oh, you know. Just kissing Theo, Theo telling me he likes me, seeing Cooper, getting back together with Cooper." I am almost taken aback by the cooling tone of my voice.

"Wait, what?" Olivia's voice repeats throughout the whole of my confession. "What?"

"Crazy life, right?" I say, again trying to poke fun at the situation, when deep down I'm an anxious walking body.

"The beginning. Now, please," she demands. "Ugh, this would have been a really good time to actually be allowed in your house."

"Well, after we spoke yesterday, I went to go see Theo like I said I would. We got into this huge argument - he was upset that I thought it was him, and I was annoyed that he was being confusing as usual. And then he kissed me."

"Did you kiss him back?" She asks, trying to see whether I rejected him yet again.

"Yes, Olivia I kissed him back."

"And then what happened?"

"I asked him what just happened, and he said he likes me."

"And what did you say?"

I pause for a moment, feeling slight embarrassment at the next words to come out of my mouth. "Did you steal my mom's bracelet?"

"What?" Olivia's voice instantly booms down the phone. "You asked him... If he stole your mother's bracelet... After he told you he liked you?"

"Yes, that is correct," I reply nonchalantly, though inside I feel a deep fire in my stomach.

"So you don't like him then?"

"No, I do," I say, but my words come out as a frustrated sigh.

"So why the hell didn't you say it back?"

"Because... I don't know! Because I knew that nothing would come from me saying it. I would just regret it because he would go back to his usual angry, mysterious self. And I didn't want to put myself in that position."

"And you didn't think he would do that if you didn't tell him you like him back? More so, the fact that you responded by asking if he stole your mom's bracelet-"

"Well, you're right. He was angry, and he was making all these nasty comments, and I ended up snapping at him. Like, really snapping."

"What did he say?"

"He called me a high maintenance bitch. And claimed that I like to show off with my money to all my "little" friends," I recall, emphasising on the last two words to signify that they were his words.

"Eliza... What are you doing?" My best friend's words come, completely different to anything I was expecting her to say.

"What?"

"Tell me what happened with Cooper first. I didn't know he was back."

"Yeah, he literally just got here. He's with his family right now but he'll probably text you later. But, anyway... He decided to come down here for Spring Break. And, he said he came down here to see his mom, and me."

"Wow, he doesn't hold back."

"That's not the worst. So, we were talking, and as soon as my mom left he just started staying stuff like I miss you and I love you."

"Did you at least say it back to him?" I can literally hear the hopefulness in her voice, but so she could probably come to the conclusion that I'm not the cold hearted bitch I've seemed to be these past few days.

"Not exactly. I was just so confused, so I started asking all these questions, like how does he know we will work again? He said that he gave up too quickly, and this time we'll just try harder."

"That's true. So that's how you got back together? With him doing all the talking, and you just being there?"

"Liv! I said... Some things. And he told me that he's taking me on a date today."

"Okay, but are we forgetting the part where you're in love with someone else, who also conveniently happens to be the boy you're living with?"

"I'm not in love with him. And there's nothing I can do. I don't want to be with him. I want to be with Cooper."

"Is that why you kissed him, just... Yesterday?"

"Olivia..."

"Eliza..."

"It's not like you even want me to be with him. Why are you questioning me and Coop?"

"No, I don't want you to be with him. But I also don't want you to be with Cooper just because you think rekindling with an old flame is a way of relieving your feelings for Theo."

"He's not just an old flame, Liv. I love him."

"Kinda sounds more like you're trying to convince yourself that than me," she retorts, and I suddenly feel regretful for telling her in the hopes she would give me good advice.

"You're supposed to be my friend, Olivia."

"And I am your friend, that's why I'm telling you that this is wrong. You and Cooper didn't try because you didn't care enough. Yeah, he was a good guy and you guys had a safe relationship, and you could say you were in love, but you know there was something missing. You even told me yourself, you felt relieved to know that you guys would be in different states, barely seeing each other."

"Well, I missed him, alright? And seeing him today just brought back all the feelings I once had for him. And whatever it was that was missing, we can find it this time."

"And what if Theo finds out about the two of you and tells you he wants to be with you?"

"Then I'll tell him it's too late. I want Coop, Liv. He's the one."

There is a pause on the other line, and I ponder whether she is considering hanging up on me. I can tell she's annoyed with my decision to get back together with Cooper, despite the fact that she has no single positive feelings towards Theo. "Okay, Lize. If you're sure that's what you want, then I'll obviously support that."

"Thank you. I knew I could count on you."

"So, when is your date?"

"He's picking me up at two."

"Alright so you need to start getting ready. You've got an hour and a half, do you know what you're wearing?"

"Yeah, you're right. This would actually be a great time for you to be allowed here. I need all the help I can get!"

"Don't worry, just text me pictures of your outfit ideas, and I'll help you pick something."

"Thank you, thank you." I say, "I love you."

"Love you too. Find things and text me."

"Okay bye, Liv."

"Bye, Lize."

I spend the next twenty minutes picking out a number of clothes and shoes, and texting Olivia to help me decide which ones I should wear. We finally decide on a pair of white high waisted tailored trousers, accessorised with a no-sleeved turtleneck black t-shirt, and black wedges. By the time I have gotten dressed, and applied my make-up, it is ten minutes till the time Cooper said he would pick me up at. I decide to make my way downstairs, so I will be ready for him as soon as he opens the door. But, on my way to the staircase, I notice Theo doing the exact same thing.

"Going somewhere?" He asks, though his uninterested tone shows me he doesn't care about my response. I decide to give it to him anyway.

We head down the stairs next to each other, our feet moving in perfect sync with each other. "Yes, on a date," I respond, a patronising smile on my face.

His feet suddenly stay on the same stair for longer than we both anticipated, before he finally decides to move them again. "A date?"

"Yeah. You know the boy you saw yesterday? My ex? We're giving things another shot. And he's taking me out on a date in, three minutes," I boast, as I hold up my watch to my face.

He doesn't say anything for the rest of the stair journey, which I conclude is a good thing. It shows he doesn't care, which makes my decision seem like the perfect one.

He opens the fridge, once we arrive in the kitchen, and brings out a bottle of water.

"You don't want any food?" I ask, struggling to hide my genuine care for him.

"No. So, when did you and that guy decide to get back together?" Oh, so now he's saying something.

"Last night," I reply briefly.

"But why did you two break up?"

"We thought we couldn't handle a long distance relationship, being in colleges in different states and all."

"So what makes you think this time will be any different?"

"Because I love him." I look directly in his eyes as I say that, and I notice a change in them at that moment. They seem to enlarge, but then return back to their original position.

"You didn't love him before?"

"I didn't appreciate him enough before. I do now." I plan for that to be the end of my response, but I struggle to fight the temptation to ask my own bursting question. "You're asking an awful lot of questions. Do you have a problem with Cooper and I?"

He looks down as soon as the question ensues from my mouth, and opens his water bottle. He takes a long sip from it, then pierces his eyes into mine for what feels like the whole of eternity.

After a while of our eyes practically sucking face with each other, they reveal themselves back to our heads, and he finally says the answer that has become my deepest desire to know.

"Nope. Why would I?"