Chapter 24

"I see. So you're planning to attack when your brother's memories are gone," Henrik pronounced slowly before thinking it over again.

"Yes, I plan to take the Death Note out before Misa actually digs for it. In fact, I may need your help knocking her out after she leads me to the Death Note. Of course, with the pages I gave you right now, it is easy for you to take over multiple groups." I smoothed down my shirt before continuing.

"After we find the note, I will obtain the ownership of it, and you guys will have 4 days to take however many pages you can." I glanced up at Henrik who seemed to be in deep thought.

"My dear daughter, you said that the Death Gods can sense if there are people following?" Henrik asked, already including my title into the sentence. He was talking about the timeline where Misa touched the Death Note and that Ryuk could see us following her. Since I didn't know the exact date nor timeline when Misa recovers her memories, we would have to risk knocking her out after she digs out the note.

"Oui, Papa, do you have any way to avoid suspicion?" I titled my head innocently as he grinned.

"A coincidence is that one of my subordinates is currently experimenting on a drug which can cause hallucinations of your choice. If we can use it on Misa Amane, then we wouldn't need to follow her at all." His grin grew enigmatically wider, almost evilly.

I twisted mine to mimic his.

"Then I will trust you to keep her contained within those four days." I nodded with his suggestion as we moved on.

"Ah, but I forgot to warn you that the drug may cause some brain damage to the girl." He opened his hands to explain but I cut him off.

"Who cares? Use it." I shrugged.

Henrik gave me an irresistible smile at my words.

"Anyhow, after those four days, I will relinquish my memories of the Death Note so that the Death God will follow Misa and the original timeline. The moment I lose my memories, touch me with one of the pages of the Note." I eyed everyone in the room tightly.

"No worries, the Death Note will stay within this room, and I will order them to help you regain your memories." Henrik nodded to his members as they chorus with a 'yes.'

It was amazing to see someone order other people around without the Death Note. It was almost tantalizing, forcing me to feel the need for power.

"By the way, do you suppose we should change your alias in our group?" Henrik turned to me before twitching his nose. "Sayu sounds...too Japanese as my daughter."

"What do you deem as a fitting name for me, papa?"

His eyes twinkled.

"Alyona."

"Oh?" My eyebrow quirked up with an amused smile. "May I ask for what reason?"

"Since your brother's name is Light, then we shall form a brighter light than he can ever create. We will become legends."

I licked my lips at the name, repeating it between my folds.

"Alyona," I glanced up winsomely. "Wonderful."

The group that I joined was dangerous.

The blond guy, Felix dropped me off a few blocks away from my house before shutting the door and handing me 10,000 dollars. I smiled gratefully at my finished request before tucking the envelope smoothly into my breast pocket, thinking of the next chance I would see Tsubame and pay off my debt.

Felix murmured politely and stayed outside of his car like my personal bodyguard, watching me until I reached the doorway of my house. I waved farewell as he nodded, driving away the black car before I turned into the house where my mother was sitting in the kitchen.

No doubt about it, the boss was purely ambitious, wanting to rule over the undergrounds and implant spies in the upper region too. He worked well for me, knowing that I was also the ambitious kind. Yet I thought that most mafia groups were created because of their desire to protect their family.

If I hadn't stepped up, Henrik would probably have sent his group out no matter the circumstances. Yet when I asked about his original plan, Henrik did say that he had found a way to minimize his casualties and win. But my way was much cleaner. He was the type to charge head forth in a battle that he knew he was at a disadvantage in but could win, and would most likely sacrifice anyone to get what he wanted.

Just like me.

Except that I only played battles that were more than 80% possible or had a huge rewards factor.

But other than that, he was so similar to me.

I'm not alone.

"Mom?" I called out as she raised her watery eyes, squeezing them away yet failing to keep them from falling out.

"Sayu, oh, Sayu!" She ran up and hugged me, splattering tears all over my clothes. I sneakily glanced at the clock, wondering if I was the one that caused her to go into a full-blown crying session. She continued to sob into my shoulder as I patted her, trying to get her to calm down.

"Shh...mom, what's wrong?" I asked gently, noting down that the time was 9:40 pm. It wasn't that late enough for her to cry out like that.

"Light-" she sniffled.

Okay, so this is about Light.

"-Hasn't come back from school! He's usually never late!" I guided her to the kitchen seat, trying hard not to roll my eyes at the woman.

So you let your daughter who is 3 years younger than him to be out for the entire night yet is worried about the older son who becomes a legal adult tomorrow? Talk about favouritism, not that I mind it though.

Her being overly concerned with her genius son is advantageous to my nightly activities, no matter how much Sayu's gut queased with envy from her words.

"Shh, mom, have you called his phone?" I took a tissue from the table and handed it to her as she blew into it.

"I-I have, but he didn't pick up."

Okay now, big brother, what are you doing?

To be honest I wasn't worried at all. Light always carried a piece of the Death Note with him so it really didn't matter if he was kidnapped or sitting in some random cafe killing criminals.

Sure, the last time he was scolded by mom was the day he picked up the Death Note, arriving an hour late without contacting her. It was abnormal, but he did have the lethal weapon on him.

And I was getting tired.

I haven't slept in two days, the only thing that was sustaining my sanity was caffeine. I wanted nothing else but to fall onto my bed and take a nap. Especially after the intense conversation and planning with Henrik, my mental stamina was drained to rock bottom.

I really didn't want to deal with this.

For a moment there, I wanted to pull out the last piece of Death Note I had in my pocket and just write her name on there with a big, 'shut up!'

My eyelids started to droop.

"Oh Sayu, should we call Soichiro? Maybe the NPA?!" Her voice sobbed out in phrases, making me even more tired from her whining.

Bruh, just let him be.

If he wants to get himself killed, let him get killed.

"Mom, we shouldn't bother dad, not to mention he never picks up his phone anyways." I patted her before forcing my eyes to widen and fill with hypocritical concern.

"Tomorrow is Light's birthday, so you have a busy day. I'll wait for Light to come back, you can take a break and head upstairs to bed." I whispered comforting words but she shook her head.

"I'll wait here! I wouldn't be able to sleep until he comes back, Sayu, can you wait with me?" Her upturned tear-filled eyes pleaded at me as I closed mine.

Woman! Why do you do this to me?!

Just kill her.

The voices in me suggested sneakily.

Can't. Too plain of a death. Not to mention I have her use for later.

Then control her.

Can't, she's emotionally hung up on Light. Who in the world would be able to imagine their own face under her current mentality? Not to mention she wouldn't even try to write her name under her concern.

I felt a snarl rise up my throat before I pushed it down with a smile.

"Mom, how about this, I'll go outside to search for him, and I'll bring my phone. Once I find him, I'll call you and drag him back." I forced out my most helpless smile before she nodded instantly without hesitation.

Wow.

Just wow.

You don't even care that I'm literally going to be risking my purity and life just to find him?

I was only suggesting that to offer my pity and not actual actions!

I inhaled furiously before pushing it back down.

"Okay mom, I'll head out now."

I lifted my tired legs and grabbed a warmer coat to wrap myself in before heading out of the house.

Sometimes, I wonder if Sayu was adopted.

I honestly don't think that it was Light's fault he became what he was at the end.

It was because of his parents.

Overly doting, making him feel that he was a genius and that no one could follow him. It made him feel isolated, bored and thought that he was able to do what normal people couldn't do- become God.

They were severely enduring, which made him play the part of the obedient and sweet son and caused him to suffocate in his very own household. They didn't understand him. He thought no one could.

His father's morals and sense of justice were something that he had to follow in order to please his parents.

It was at this point where I realized that Light was a desperately tragic character.

His parents who drilled their morals and ideals into their son had abandoned him by calling his good intentions evil.

Without even trying to understand Kira's motives, dad had deemed the guy a heartless murderer. His sister never took his side in his viewpoint, instead, encouraged her dad to continue working in the Kira task investigation, forcing Light to pull his own trigger to his dad's life.

His mother, whom he thought would understand him, felt that Kira took away her husband and son, making her hate Kira even more.

Light was alone.

Nobody understood him.

Even in the anime, they described him as a person with a deep hatred for criminals.

But did he really?

He had to know that the only difference between him and the criminals was that they had acted on their wishes while Light hadn't. At least without the Death Note.

He never saw people as people.

He hated them.

Thought they were disgusting hypocrites.

And I did too.

There was no doubt that I sympathized with him fully.

It wasn't my fault that I was forced to murder my parents.

If they had more patience, been more lenient, and maybe showed me that they loved me without all the abuse, I would have never crossed the line.

Had I grown up with better parents that could understand me, I would never have become what I am today.

Had Sayu been loved, she would have never disappeared.

Granted, after actually crossing the law, I had seen a wider world. I felt as if I finally opened my eyes to the grander view of psychology.

I understood how some criminals felt, they felt good at the sight of blood because they couldn't merge properly into society by running off and punching a bag. No one understood them, and it was scary.

Impulses were hard to control, but why were they not taught correctly to control them? Why were we pushed so hard to break our limits and forced to act on our impulses?

But no, we were forced to seek the pleasures of humans. We liked watching them scream because we were urged to feel that way.

Some were born cold yet the world had scorned them for it.

Was it our fault that we were different?

Was it our fault that we did not want to follow the rules?

Was it our fault that we feared society and sought out more dangerous ways to release our minds?

Was it our fault?

No.

We were only branded as criminals because we were abnormal in the eyes of others. We were deemed mental because the majority of humans could not accept the fact of harming others.

We were seen as monsters because society did not want to understand us.

The sky darkened as I walked beneath it with a type of fatigue that I had never felt before.

In order to blend in, we had to hide in lie after lie. In order to be accepted, we acted normal.

But it was irritating.

We found people hilariously hypocritical and foolish.

I found myself at a small park as the echo of nothing but my footsteps were heard as I approached the swings. I sat down, throwing my head back as I wondered when exactly I was allowed to head back.

If I didn't find Light and returned home, mom would be disappointed. But did I care?

No.

But did Sayu care?

Yes.

And preferably, I did not want to mess with an irritated and disappointed Japanese mother.

I probably had to wait for Light to arrive home first, before getting some kind of call from mom saying that he had returned. To be honest, I could just call one of my friends to place a shelter over my head for the night, but it was getting way too late and dangerous to actually be wandering amidst the streets.

Something felt empty inside my chest, like a big void sucking in everything that I had.

Friends...?

Were they even considered my friends?

I shook my head, thinking of the three girls.

I never considered anyone to be a friend.

Friends would only betray you when you really need them.

I gave a dry laugh, my air turning into mist the moment my breath seeped out of my body.

I'd rather stay here and wait it out.

And I did.

I shivered in the dark, hearing all the sounds of the rustling leaves before dangling my legs over the swing. Should I mention that I just came back from school, got whisked away to the mafia, came back, then was pushed outside of my front door?

My school uniform was a skirt.

A skirt.

My feet were now ice cold and numb as I tried stretching out my hands, feeling like there was some kind of elastic thing pulling on them. I trembled before breathing into my palms, trying to warm it. Even the slightest breath helped.

I took out my phone before glancing at the time.

10:40 pm.

Ah shite, am I seriously going to do this?

Grunting, I pushed the swing with my legs, going back and forth before a devastating question popped into my mind.

Mom wouldn't have forgotten me, right?

I mean-if Light came back, she wouldn't have forgotten to call me, right?

I felt my throat grow cold as I jumped off the swing and landed with a heavy thump. Okay, it was not smart to spend a whole night in the cold park. I shook my head before pacing around in the darkness.

Where could Light have gone? The library? A cafe? A bar?!

Calm down Sayu- or should I call myself Alyona now?

I shook my head again before sitting on a cold bench.

No, I'll call myself Alyona once Sayu's parents both die. It wouldn't be good to be mixing them up. Honestly, I liked the name Alyona much more than Sayu. It wasn't because my soul was from an English country, but rather, it represented who I could become.

A brighter light, that could surpass someone who wanted to become God.

I closed my eyes before leaning completely against the bench, feeling the cold seep into my body.

I'm so sleepy.

Did mom abandon me again?

So tired.

I'm so tired of being alone.

I feel like I just want to sleep forever.

I'm so tired of living.

Sink into the abyss and never wake up.

I'm so lonely...

I'm so...tir...ed...

Author's note:

Legit was writing this at 2 am in the night. Sorry if some parts don't make sense.

Also, I am trying to victimize Light so...