L I B E R T Y   K I N G S

"Why?" 

I gulped and my throat painfully intact with my heart. It hurts seeing him cry. Oliver's onyx eyes are full of despair and agony. I felt like I was the most hated man on earth. Parang ako na yata ang pinakamakasalanang tao ngayon but I need to do this. As much as I wanted to be selfish and hold onto his heart forever, I know I can't. 

Mas lalo ko lamang siyang masasaktan kung magpapatuloy kaming dalawa.

Oliver reached for my hand. His shaking and cold hands are holding into mine tightly like he never want to let go. 

"We need to stop this. Alam nating dalawang wala itong patutunguhan."

My heart broke as I look at his tears rolling down from his eyes to his cheeks. He's vulnerable right now, so raw, and weak and it hurts that I'm the reason for it. With my free hand, I swipe his tears and look at him straight.

"We knew it from the start. We knew that our love is a sin."

"How can loving you become a sin, Liberty?"

I could feel my heart ache a little more from what he said. How can our love become a sin? Why does it so difficult to answer? Maybe, there is no answer at all. Paano nga bang naging kasalanan ang magmahal kung ang pagmamahal ay regalo sa 'ting ng Panginoon?

"You love the wrong person, Oliver..." my tear fell as I admitted the only answer I could find. 

I am the wrong one here, matagal ko nang tanggap 'yon. Wala namang kasalanan o pagkukulang si Oliver. He is more than what I need in my life and I'm blessed that I met him. Ako ang mali sa kaniyang buhay. Ako ang hahatak sa kaniya pababa.

I'll be his downfall.

And I don't want that to happen. Just seeing him hurt right now pains me but I know that it will be worth it. Wala nang sisira at mananakit sa kaniya. Hindi na sila magkakaroon ng alitan ni Olivia. Hindi na sila masisira. I'll be saving him from a greater pain than this breakup. I will be also a great ate and daughter for my family. That how it should be. 

Pero ang sakit.

"My heart says you're not. I'm already old, Liberty and my heart has been already tested for a long time. I know who is the woman I love. You are far from being the wrong person."

I could hear the cracking sound in my heart. How can such an amazing man love me so much? How can he when I can't even love myself fully? 

"I-I'll just bring you down." a sob escaped from my shivering lips.

"Then let's both lift each other." his hold tightens, "we can make way, Kitten. Come on..."

I smiled sadly at him and removed his hold to my hands, "perhaps you're right but it will leave scars and I don't want you to have it, Oliver." 

"You don't deserve that."

Oliver cupped my face, his eyes full of tears are looking at me directly—searching for my soul. "I don't care what I deserve, you are more than enough for me." 

"Even if you put lots of scars in my heart it will still beat for you, Liberty."

I cry more. How can he love so selflessly?

"I don't want that, Oliver. That's why I'm breaking up with you." 

As I said those words I could feel my heart sinking deeper and deeper—drowning in never-ending despair. Inalis ko ang kaniyang mga kamay sa 'king mukha at tinalikuran siya. I hated turning my back on him but there is no other way. Kailangan ko siyang talikuran para sa ikabubuti naming dalawa.

The moment I walked away, it felt like I was walking away from my life.

I didn't turn my head again. I just look straightforward as I walk away. Olver didn't stop me and I'm grateful. Alam kong isang pigil niya lang sa 'kin ay bibigay agad ako. Babaliin ko agad ang desisyong aking ginawa at muli siyang kakapitan nang mahigpit kahit hindi tama. Kahit narinig ko ang pagkahol ng also kong si Chanel ay hindi ako tumigil. 

Nang tuluyan na akong nakalabas ay tumingin ako sa langit habang may mapait na ngiti sa 'king labi. At least we are still under the same beautiful sky. I would forever remember Oliver's eyes when I look at the night sky. His name will always be etched in my heart. Walang magbabago roon. Siya lang naman ang lalaking minahal ko nang ganito katindi.

Halos hindi ko na maimulat ang aking mga mata pagkagising ko kinabukasan. Sa condo unit ko ako dumiretsyo kagabi pagkatapos kong makipah-break kay Oliver. I ended up the things where it all started. We are strangers again like how it began. Now, I can say that our beginning is also our ending. 

I grunted as I felt the sting in my eyes. Natawa ako nang makita ko ang aking itsura sa harap ng salamin. My ombre blonde hair looks like a birds nest and my eyes look like it was bitten by a hundred bees. My lips are pale like a vampire sucked all my blood, same goes for my sickly looking face. 

So this what a broken woman looks like.

O, I forgot... I've already broken a long time ago. 

The first man that came into my life broke me in a million ways and he's still doing it. London Kings will always break me. I could still taste the pain from yesterday night. I could still see Oliver's crying eyes and it will forever haunt me. 

My mind is battling with my heart. I'm sure of it, even though I walked away, I cannot deny the fact that my heart is still holding on. Maybe if I didn't hold on to the love I have for Oliver, I'll be insane. My love for him is the only thing that's keeping me alive. 

Iginugol ko ang aking buong araw sa pag-iyak at pagtulala. Bawat gawin ko ay naalala ko si Oliver kahit ang simpleng paghinga ay pumapasok siya sa 'king isipan. I remember how my breath hitch every time our eyes would meet. I remember is warmth when I covered myself with my blanket. I remember him beside me as I lay awake. I remember him.

I miss him so fucking much.

Halos makalimutan ko na rin pati ang pagkain kung hindi pa nagprotesta ang aking tiyan. Dahil siguro sa stress ay parang double ang nakain ko kaysa sa nakasanayan. Hindi lang 'yon dahil naghanap pa ako ng ice cream pagkatapos kong makadalawang plato ng in-order kong letchon manok sa malapit na bilihan. I'm stress eating. 

Habang nanonood ako nang cartoons sa TV ay biglang tumunog ang aking cellphone, at agad akong kinabahan nang makitang si Olivia nag tumatawag. Nilunok ko muna ang ice cream sa 'king bibig at nagpunas sa 'king damit bago sinagot ang tawag.

"G-good afternoon, Oly..."

"Where are you?" agarang nitong tanong sa 'kin.

"Why?"

"Wala ka kaninang breakfast and the guard told me na umalis ka raw na umiiyak kagabi." I could hear the worry in Olivia's voice and I don't want that to turn into hatred. 

"Wala lang 'yon, just a family problem."

"Ano na naman bang ginawa ng tatay mo? Or is it your mom this time?"

I chuckled, "just the usual. Don't worry I'm safe and sound."

"Fine but always remember that I'm here ha?"

"Yes, I know Olivia." I don't know why but I'm getting emotional again, "t-thank you for being a friend to me. I love you."

"My God, I should be touched by I hate how your 'I love you' sounds like a goodbye to me." 

My tear fell when I heard what Olivia said. Ang hapdi na lalo ng aking mga mata dahil sa muling pag-iyak. 

"Silly, how can an 'I love you' sound painful?"

"When a broken person like you said it." 

Our call ended when someone from her office called her. Pagkatapos noon ay natulala na naman ako sa mga makukulay na cartoon character na ipinalalabas. The show is so funny but here I am feeling nothing but sadness and pain. Kahit ang araw sa labas ay mataas ang sikat, nagdadala ito ng energy at kasiyahan but sadly, wala itong talab sa 'kin. 

The next day was still the same gloomy day for me. Walang gana akong pumasok sa 'king restaurant, ni hindi ako lumabas sa 'king opisina. Tambak na ang aking mga gawain pero to ako at nag scroll sa cellphone ng mga old conversation namin. I smile sadly as I read our conversation where I send him a picture of the lingerie that I wanted to buy.

"Daddy, which one is better?"

I send him the picture of a string black lingerie and a red lacy one. I chuckled like a little girl as I hit the send button. I patiently wait for his reply inside the fitting room. Wala pang ilang segundo ay nag-reply siya agad. 

"Are you wearing this right now?"

"Yes, I'm inside the fitting room. Hurry up and pick one."

"You look better without it."

I bit my lips as I felt my face painted red as my blood goes up from what he said! My God! This man is really making me crazy. I look at myself in the mirror. The brassier is cupping ng round full breast pretty nice same as what the strings are doing in my but. I look so erotic like those models in a condom calendar. Ugh, but I'm more classy that them, my body look like those swimsuits model in a luxurious brand. 

"Do you want me to send you some?" I teased him and I laugh when he call me immediately.

I sigh as I keep on missing him. Dalawang araw pa lang at para na akong baliw sa sobrang pagka-miss ko kay Oliver. I can't function well without him in my life. Funny how I was able to leave without him before I've met him. I just met him months ago pero para na akong mamatay kung wala siya sa piling ko.

You brought this to yourself Liberty.

Suck it up!

Wala naman akong planong baliin ang aking naging desiyon. I just let myself mourn for my love for him. The love that I didn't grow further. I wish we could be more but I know I'm asking for something impossible. I didn't know that a tragedy like this could ever be made by ourselves. I broke my own heart and no one is responsible for it but me, only me.

I'm sure even as time goes by, even if all the things fade, even if my memories fade, my love for him will always stay. No matter what. If love can fade then I won't be feeling this pain right now.

Perhaps we are meant to meet but never meant to be.

~TBC~

Sabayan natin ang lamig ng panahon ngayon aking mga kaibigan. HAHAHAHAHA

Anyway, I forgot to tell you guys yesterday na may Christmas gift ako sa inyo. I will be giving 50 pesos load to 2 lucky readers! All you have to do is comment inline anything you want/feel about this story. I will PM you here in Wattpad to ask for your number. This is valid until December 30 only.

Feel free to share your thoughts and keep safe everyone!

Love lots :>>