L I B E R T Y   K I N G S

I felt my head throbbed as I walk away from the devil's lair. The pain in my head is making me feel dizzy. I stop walking and massage my temples to make the pain go away, somehow it lessens the ache. I feel so tired. Damn tired. 

Hangang kailan ba magiging ganito ang buhay ko? Wala na bang pagbabago? I breathed out loudly as I look up at the dark sky. Ang dilim kasing dilim ng aking buhay. 

'This is a family problem and you don't belong here'.

Like a broken record those words keep on repeating in my head, sending daggers in my heart. I continue walking without my mind in me. I let it travel far away from me. Drowning it in anxiety and painful memories. I absent-mindedly leave the mansion and I just keep on walking and walking without a destination.  

'Your brother? Are you sure?'

My heart breaks a little more as I remember the words that my father uttered a while ago. What does he mean by that? Na hindi ko kapatid si Felix? Fuck, ano ba talaga? Kaya ba ganito ang turing niya sa 'kin dahil hindi niya talaga ako anak? E kung hindi naman niya talaga ako anak then why use me? 

I laugh humorless as a thought hit me. I'm not his real child. I'm not his daughter. London Kings was probably forced to give me his name for the sake of his reputation. Ang pangalan lang naman niya ang importante sa kaniya and if I'm an illegitimate child, that means mom cheated on him and that will tarnish his name if everyone knows.

How stupid of me. Bakit ngayon ko lang ito naisip. No, matagal ko nang naisip na baka hindi niya talaga ako anak dahil sa pakikitungo niya, ngayon ko lang nakumpirma. 

I felt my knees getting weak from all the things I was thinking. Ang sakit. My weakened knees made contact with the concrete ground. Wala ang sakit na aking nararamdaman sa 'king puso sa pagtama ng aking tuhod sa simento. 

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks and I shouted silently. I opened my mouth to shout the pain away but no words nor sound came out. The torment that I'm feeling made it difficult for me to breathe. I'm panting while kneeling in the darkness that I'm stuck forever. 

I thought, I already found my light. Perhaps, I just found it but I'm still unable to reach it. Magkaiba nga pala ang nahanap mo lamang kaysa sa naabot mo na. 

My cold hands fell on the ground as I pant heavily from crying and shouting silently. All of my life is full of lies and illusions. I blinded myself with the hope that my father just loves cruelly, shame on me, no love is cruel. I broke too many promises to myself. I always say that I already accepted the truth that my father is like that but I unconsciously expected something more from him. 

My fault.

Expectations truly lead to disappointment.

I have always held on to my faith that maybe I have a purpose in my father's life. I'm not exactly wrong. He knows how to use me well. Just look at what he did. He used me as an instrument. My purpose is to cover-up his legitimate children's mess and what's more disappointing than that? I'll gladly do so. 

Tanga ko. 

Ang tanga-tanga ko pero hindi ko kayang masaktan ang kapatid ko. Felix loves me as a real family should do. And I'm supposed to do what a real sister should. Gano'n naman talaga ang mga ate hindi ba? They protect the younger one's—they take a dangerous path so they could clear it for them. 

I tasted the salty tears as I smile sadly. I'm willing to sacrifice my own happiness but I can't let Oliver go. 

I'm fucking selfish.

Now, I'm doubting if I'm not really my father's daughter. Parehas naman kasi kaming selfish, nakatatawa lamang isipin. I wanted to hold on to Oliver forever but I know I can't do that if I was to be wed to hid niece. Maybe, I can hold to hearts at the same time. I can but I cannot love two at the same time. That would be so selfish of me. Oliver doesn't deserve a half-hearted love. He deserves the world.

And I don't.

He's my world but I don't deserve him.

I kneel on the dark sidewalk of this abys. I'm not crying anymore but the pain is still there. I woke up from my agonizing thoughts when my phone rang. Oblivious to what is happening in the reality I fished out my phone. My eyes hurt from the light it emitted making me close my eyes while sliding the answer button.

Without knowing who it was, I answered the call.

"Hello," a hoarse voice came out.

"Hey, bitch! What's with your voice? Are you doing something nasty?"

"Prim?"

"The one and only." she even laugh like a wicked villain in a movie.

"Long time no talk,"

"Yes. God, I'm in a city of the province I'm in kaya nagka-signal din ako sa wakas!"

"How are you?"

"Not sure what to answer but let's go back to my question a while ago!" she once again laughs in a disturbing way, "Are you doing some nasty things?"

"How do you say so?"

"Er, your voice was so sexy when you answered me."

A chuckle made its way, vibrating my heart warmly. I slowly stand up from my pitiful position and dust off the dirt that stuck on my knees. 

"I'm not, okay? I just have a sore throat from eating too many sweets." I lied. 

"I thought you ate something salty and weird resulting in a sore throat."

"My God, Prim! Cleans your tainted mind. Baka kulang ka lang sa alak."

I heard Prim grunted, "Don't mention it. You'll make me crave, Libs."

"Mabuti at natatawagan kana ngayon. Noong nakaraan pa kami ni Oly sinusubukang tawagan ka e."

"Sadly, ngayon lang ito. Na masyal kasi kami ngayon kaya nagkasignal—" Prim was cut-off by a man's baritone voice before she continue talking.

"Ugh! So irritating. Sorry Liberty but I need to end this call."

"No worries, let's talk again some other time and take care, Prim."

After the call, my mood somehow lightens up kahit kaunti. I'm really blessed for having friends like them. I don't know if they superpowers but when I'm really down, they will magically be there for me. 

When I got home it was already late. Wala ng mga katulong napalakad-lakad sa loob ng mansion. Mga insekto na lamang mula sa labas ang bumabasag sa katahimikang tinataglya ng gabing ito. Without a sound, I went up to my room. I smile bitterly as I look inside the sizeable elegant room that I'm staying in the Valez residence.

I know for a fact that I'm not going to stay here forever. Nakahihiya na ngang makitira rito habang nasa Pinas ako. Since my condo unit is already finished lilipat na ako roon. Even though I don't want to, I need to. 

Patumba kong binaksak ang aking katawan sa higaan nang wala pang ilang minuto ay may kumatok. I lazily rose up and went to the door. My heart did a flip when Oliver's dangerously handsome face greeted me. Just seeing his face made me feel alright. Para bang wala akong probelma sa buhay. 

I wish I could tell him.

But I knew better. 

"Good evening,"

Oliver just looked at me intently. His dark eyes start sucking all my senses making me lose in his eyes. His hands went to my cheeks and his thumb brushed my eyelids.

"Why did you cry?"

"I-I di—"

"Don't lie to me Liberty. I know you."

His eyes softly look at me now. His softness is so beautiful and enticing. Oliver closed the door when I didn't answer him. If he didn't want me to lie better not to say anything. Hindi ko kayang sabihin sa kaniya ng mga nangyayari.

Oliver's arms wrapped around me making me feel damn good. I know that I'm not perfect. I have lots of flaws but when I'm in his arms—I felt damn close to being one. Being alone is not hard for me before I had Oliver in my life. But I decided to be alone than to have him selfishly in my world.

Oliver's my world, but I don't want him to make me his. I don't want him to live in a chaotic world.

"How's your day?" pag-iiba ko ng usapan.

His warm hand caresses my hair, "hmm, still the same. I still miss you when I'm at work."

I pinched his waist and I heard him chuckle, "you and your sinful mouth."

"You like how my sinful mouth works."

I just chuckle at what he said and buried my face on his chest—feeling his warmth. I'm going to miss this so bad. 

So bad that I would probably go crazy.

"Oliver, do you love me?"

I felt his body tensed up. Inilayo ko ang aking ulo sa kaniyang dibdib at tinignan siya nang maigi. I saw different emotions in his eyes but there's one that prevails from all of those. He breathed out quite loudly and put his hands on my shoulders, making a small distance between us. My heart sunk a little from what he did. It hurts but I know I deserve this.

Oliver got something inside his tux and suddenly kneel in front of me. I gasped loudly and my heart starts beating like crazy. Oh my God! Don't tell me — I was cut-off from my thoughts when he said the words that made my world stop. 

"Marry me Liberty Kings and let me show you how much I love you."

I felt the time stops. I was only looking at his black eyes that are shouting nervousness and sincerity at the same time. I could see sweat starts forming on his forehead and his hands shake a little while looking at me. My hands went to my mouth trying to cover the things I wanted to blurt out. All I wanted to know if Oliver loves me but I never expected that he would propose to me.

"I know that this is so sudden. I'm actually looking for the right time to do this but I realized that there is no right time." Oliver gulped, "It's always the right time when you are with the person you love wholeheartedly."

The sapphire blue stone shines brightly as the black velvet box. My eyes start moistening as I look at his eyes and to the ring. My mouth opened but no word came out so I closed it again.

Oliver chuckled nervously and licked his lower lip, "I'm not fond of just saying I love you's, that's why I'm asking you a lifetime to show you how much I love you." 

Hindi ko na kinaya at talagang tumulo na nag mga luha sa 'king mata. I reached for his face and caresses it. I look into his eyes. I hope that one day, he'll look back at what we had and he will remember all the lovely things we did together. 

With shivering lips, I said, "let's break up."

~TBC~

Akala n'yo masaya dahil pasko ngayon? Luh, as kayo, chour HAHAHAHA Wala para maiba naman, sad moments muna tayo rito. 

Merry Christmas once again! 

Feel free to share your thoughts and keep safe everyone!

Love lots :>>