O L I V I A   V A L E Z

I don't know what I should do. My mind was in chaos. I meant, what it's to me if he won't come to my recitals, right? It didn't mean anything to me. Well, it should be. But I'm done playing dumb from my feelings. I knew the comfort I felt when he was with me wasn't simple. That comfortable feeling also involves heartbeat racing and flushing of cheeks. The irritating itch I always felt before turned into a pleasant sensation. The deafening sound I heard before was now in tune and became a beautiful melody. 

If Atlas is in my recitals, I know it will be different. 

But I don't know what to do! He may act like usual now, but I know it wasn't as normal as before. Argh! Why did he even become so cold and distant? I don't have a clue! All I know, after we went to Saint's company, he became like that, like a man who came out of the freezer!

Ginulo ko ang aking buhok sa frustration. Hindi na magiging madali na yayain siyang manood. Isa pa, busy na siya ngayon dahil magsisimula na ang paggawa sa hotel. kailangan siya doon paminsan-minsan dahil need niyang i-supervise kasama ng mga engineers. Bakit ko ba ito pronuproblema? Kasi gusto mo nga siyang nandoon! Gusto mo siya self. 

Oo na! 

Tanggap ko na ngayong may gusto ako sa matandang 'yon. Siguro kaya rin ako naiinis noong una sa kaniya, dahil unconsciously attracted talaga ako sa kaniya, at hindi ko lang maamin sa sarili ko iyon. I never liked a man. I never got interested in boys from our school or my dad's business associates. How ironic, the first man I ever like was my dad's best friend. I could have like boys my age or someone more suitable for me. But the person I like was the person who caught my eye in a magnificent yet vexing way. 

How did I really knew that I like him? Maybe, from those days that he didn't acted like his usual self. I missed him. I missed him badly. So bad that I realized that I like him.

Walang patutunguhan ang pag-o-overthink ko rito. I decided to grab my sketch pad and pencil. I went to our balcony to ease my mind by doing the thing I like. The stars in the night sky twinkle and shine brightly, making the darkness lovable. I sighed and started working with my hands and pencil. 

Today, I decided to draw my dream house. I know that this house will be mine in the future. Sino pa ba magmamana ng mga ari-arian ni dad kung hindi ako. Ako lang naman ang nag-iisa niyang anak, e. Depende na lang kung magdadagdag siya ng anak, but I doubt my dad will. He's so serious with his work. Oliver Valez loves his company than being with a girl. 

Kahit halos lahat ng bagay sa aking hinaharap ay siguardo na. It's not bad to dream for myself. Kahit sa bahay na gusto kong magkaroon sa future ay mapangarap ko man lang. I started drawing the base of my house. I want it to have a third floor but in an underground way. The first two floors will be the only floor that will be visible for any visitors, and it would have a high ceiling. And the last floor will be underground where the master bedroom will be placed. I want it in front of a lake, and the house will be made from glass and woods. 

I was so busy making the floor plan for the ground floor, when someone pulled the chair next to mine and sat there. I was so surprised to see Atlas Mate's serious face looking at me while sitting beside me. I even overdraw a line because of my shock. Then his gaze went from my face to my sketchpad. Medyo kinabahan naman ako sa tatlong dahilan. Isa, dahil isa siyang tanyag na architect at tinitignan niya ang gawa ko na isang novice. pangalawa, dahil ito pa lang muli ang pagkatataong dalawa lang kaming magkasama pagkatapos nangnagyari. Pangatlo, dahil aware at inamin ko na sa aking sarili na gusto ko siya.

"I-I... Uhm, I want it to look homey on the outside but luxurious on the inside." pagpapaliwanag ko kahit wala naman siyang comment.

I felt the weight of Atlas's attention as it settled on me. I swiveled my head to look at him. I saw a spark of admiration lit his gaze. Of course, we are talking about architecture. He loves his work so much. He has a passion for it more than anyone. 

"That's a good idea. Where do you plan on building your mansion?"

"I wanted it near a lake or something."

He smiled and studied my sketch again, "If you are planning to build a mansion made from wood near water, then you must have a wide front yard. Woody materials were accessible to algae, making them easier to break."

I nodded as I mentally took note of the things he said. He gave me a satisfied smile when he saw me attentively listening to anything he was saying. 

He flipped the next page where the mansion's underground floor plan was drawn. His forehead knotted a little making me nervous as fuck. I never thought I would be this tense. I'm always confident in anything I do. Well, except for playing violin because it was so hard. 

"I want to have privacy. That's why I put the master's bedroom on the underground." I said nervously.

"I see, but you put your master's bedroom in the center. And the extra room at the end. Your space will be crumpled, and also your hallway." 

He looked more handsome when he's so passionate. I was concentrating really hard to listen to him, but my eyes can't help themselves from staring at him. Now, I believe that a person shines the most when doing what they are passionate about. Atlas Mate shines the brightest than those stars on the night sky. Not even a single dark cloud could cover his light right now.

I didn't notice how fast minutes melted into hours. Nawala na 'yung kaba at awkwardness na nararamdaman ko bago ako magpunta rito. I was enjoying our time together. Natapos ko ang ang floor plan ko dahil sa tulong niya, and I can't help but imagine that we are planning our house in the future. It may seem silly, but it made me feel giddy. 

So this is what it felt to like someone.

Strange yet like a miracle. 

It was a miracle, wasn't it, to have been able to build such a beautiful emotion out of nothingness?

I kept smiling as I move my pencil. I've never felt this inspired. 'Yung tingin niya kanina na nakapagpakakaba sa akin, ngayon ay na iinspire na ako. Mas lalong naging pulido ang gawa ko. I smiled again—proudly this time, I looked at my whole work. Interior design na lang ang kulang at p'wede na itong ipatayo talaga. 

"Do you want to do the interior design?" Atlas asked.

Nagulat naman ako sa sinabi niya. It's like he read my mind. 

"Yes, but I'm not familiar with it. I never tried making it."

"Lucky for you, you have me." he was sporting his smug but cute smile as he said it.

I raised my brow, "How come?" 

I have the idea that he was also good at interior designing, but I wanted to tease him. Hindi ibig sabihin na gusto ko siya, ay ipahahalata ko na ito sa kaniya. Over my dead body! I don't want him to know that I like him. I don't want anyone to know. Since I'm good at concealing things, I will hide and mask my feelings away. This is my first time, and I don't know what to do. They said if you don't know things, it's better to stay still and think. Never act hastily.

Atlas leaned comfortably on the chair and crossed his arms to his chest. "Because this  handsome man beside you is also good at interior designing." 

I scoffed, "Wow, hindi na naman po nahiyang buhatin ang bangko mo." I put na emphasis on po, and whispered, "Handsome man? Baka old man." but I made sure he would be able to hear it.

"Aba? Little Girl, look at me. Look at me!" 

I looked at him, and saint heaven! My heart pounded so hard that it made my head pound too. Atlas was looking at me so intently like I was the only thing in this universe...like I was the universe. It made me sucked my breath and held it. But I guess when his heavenly blue eyes were looking at me like this, holding my breath will be my initial reaction forever. 

"W-What?" I said weakly.

"Make sure you are looking at me properly."

"I am..." I said absent-mindedly.

He smirked at me like he knew his effect on me—like a magician who knew his tricks well. 

"Look at me in the eye and tell me honestly..." he bit his lips a little and continued, "Do I looked handsome?"

"No, you look gor—" Mabuti na lang at napansin ko ang pagsibol nang nakalolokong ngiti sa labi niya, kung hindi ay masasabi kong gorgeous siya. And that's much worst than saying that he's handsome! You totally got hypnotized by this old man's eyes and gorgeousness! 

I felt the heat crept on my neck, ears, and cheeks. I'm a hundred and one percent that I'm as red as an overripe tomato. Sa sobrang kahihiyan, wala sa isip kong hinablot ang sketch pad at hinampas sa mukha niya. Kahit ako ay nagulat din sa aking ginawa. Ayoko lang namang makita niya na namumula ako at nahihiya ako sa muntikan nang masabi! I ran away before Atlas could react to shock, leaving him behind with a baffled and reddish face.

My hands were covering my heated face as I made my way to my room. When I suddenly bumped into someone. Agad akong napaatras at napaangat ang tingin. My dad's tired and serious face welcomed me. His formal attire was worn, and his eyes were weary. My eyes instantly searched for the wall clock. It says past eleven in the evening, and my dad just got home.

"Welcome home, dad." I walked towards him and kissed him on the cheeks.

He nodded at patted my head. Kinuha ko ang bag na hawak-hawak niya pa. 

"Did you already eat, Dad?"

Dad looked at his watch and sighed," No, would you mind tell the maid to prepare some food for me?"

"Sure,"

"And bring it to my office. I still have paperwork that needs to be finished today."

Sumunod ako kay Dad sa office niya at ibinaba doon ang bag niya, bago bumaba para magpahanda ng pagkain sa katulong. Before I went down sinilip ko muna saglit si Atlas sa balcony, his back was now facing my direction, and there's a cloud of white smoke coming from him. Talagang habit na niya ang pagsisigarilyo. I wonder, how old did he start smoking? Or what pushed him to smoke? O, baka nakiuso lang siya? 

Nang maihanda na ng katulong ang pagkain ni Dad, ay napagpasyahan kong ako na ang maghatid sa kaniya nito. Kialangan ko ring sabihin sa kaniya ang about sa recitals ko. Ito na nag magandang opportunity para sabihin iyon. Nitong mga nakalipas na araw kasi, ay masyadong busy si Dad kaya hindi ako makahanap ng tyempo. Lagi siyang late umuwi o masyadong maaga papasok. Noong nakaraang araw ay nasa business trip siya for three days. 

"Thank you, Darling."

Pagpasasalamat ni dad sa akin pagkatapos kong ibaba ang pagkain sa lamesa rito sa office niya. Kararating niya lang pero eto na naman siya at nakaharap sa laptop niya. Ano ba naman 'yan? Pati ba sa bahay trabaho pa rin? Pero ano nga bang bago? Simula yata magkamalay ako sa mundong ito, never kong nakitang hindi nakaharap sa trabaho si dad. This is normal, and I understand very well why he needed to work hard. But sometimes, I wish that he'll take a break. I hope that he'll enjoy life and not dedicate his life to his work.

"Uhm, Dad?"

He just hummed as an answer without looking at me. 

"I have a recital next week, and I hope you'll be able to attend." I said as I played with my fingers.

"Sure, I'll make time for it," he said, still not looking at me.

I stood there for quite a long time while looking at him. His brows frowned when he finally felt my stare. From looking at his laptop, Dad's eyes went to mind. I nervously pulled my thumb.

"Can I take architecture in college?" I said too fast.

I can feel cold sweat dripping from my forehead down to my neck. My fingers started fidgeting a little too hard, making my skin scrape on my nails. I don't know what had gotten into me. I don't know why I said that. My plan was only to tell him about my recitals. Not this. Not this bullshit I spilled. But was it right to call it bullshit if it was my dream? I know I shouldn't have acted rush,

Stupid mouth. Stupid Olivia.

"What?" Dad said in disbelief.

Instead of saying never mind and peacefully going back to my room and sleep, I pushed the topic more. Wala na, e. Nasabi ko na e 'di ituloy ko na. What a stupid decision of mine.

"I want to become an architect," I said bravely even though my inside was shaking from nervousness.

Dad tipped his head up and closed his eyes tightly. He pinched the bridge of his nose and said, "Olivia, you know that you can't do that, right?"

I know.

But right now, my mind wasn't with me, "Why? This is what I want for my future."

His jaw clenched, and he looked at me with a stern and tired eyes. "What do you mean by why? Can't you see all of this hard work was for you?"

I saw it all. 

Can't I be a little selfish today? I never demanded his time and attention when I felt lonely. I always tried understanding him because I know it's for me, even if it's hard. Ngayon lang ako magiging selfish nang ganito. Bawal ba?

"But, Dad, this is where I'm going. Entrepreneurship is not something I want to do. I want to live the life of my dreams."

"Olivia, please," Dad rubbed his face with the palms of his hands. "Can't you understand me? I also want you to live for your dreams, but all of this is for you, Anak. This is going to be meaningless if you won't have it."

"I understand, but I really want to design buildings and houses. Do floor plans, go on working sites. I want this, Dad, so bad." I said earnestly.

"If you understand, then why push this?"

"But, Dad—"

I got cut off when his phone rang. Dad looked at it and sighed problematically. I don't want to end this conversation just because his phone rang. I want him to know how I want to become an architect. I want him to know how I want my future to be. He was about to answer the call when I tried pressing the subject.

"Dad, understand me."

"Olivia, go to your room now."

"But—"

"I said now!" he shouted irritatingly and answered the call. 

I bowed my head defeatedly and clenched my hand so hard that my knuckles whitened. I could feel the hot tears forming on the corner of my eyes. This was the first time my dad shouted at me. Ito rin naman kasi ang unang beses na nangulit ako nang ganitong katindi sa isang bagay. Hindi naman kasi ito isang simpleng bagay na p'wede kong ipagpaliban na lang. This is about my future. This is an important matter. This is not a whim.

My dad is a patient man. He's kind, and he loves me so much, and I know that. But why can't he understand me? Akala ko ba mahal niya ko? Then why did he shout at me like I wasn't his daughter? Like he doesn't love me?

Did he really love me?

~TBC~

'Bat nagagalit? Chour. If you guys want to visualize the mansion na ginuhit ni Olivia, you can search Lake Tahoe Mansion. Mamili na lang kayo doon dahil doon ko kinuha 'yung idea. Anyway, see you next week!

Please, bear with all the errors. This is a rough draft.

Feel free to share your thoughts, and keep safe, everyone.

Love lots! :>>